31 December 2006

this post is brought to you by danny glover. he's too old for this shit.

i had the most interesting conversation with my mom yesterday. i'm still not quite sure what to make of it. she thinks i'm suffering, or soon will be suffering, grace sydrome, as in grace from will & grace. you know, the straight stick in a land of bent sticks, the hetero in a sea of homos. i think that she'd have a valid argument if i were 40 or if i were truly lonely or had been in this situation for years. but none of this situations apply and i don't think she has anything to worry about. i mean come on, in the end, grace met harry connick jr and had a baby, didn't she? it can't be all that bad. :)

it's new years eve. i'm still trying to decide if i'm going to bother with resolutions; i still think it would be more fun to tell other people what to fix. that's sort of more my gig anyway. that might result in more trouble than it's worth, so i might just make a list of things that i know i need to resolve but i'm not going to bother. that way you don't get your hopes up and i don't feel as though i've let anyone down. ya think?

i bought the cutest pair of shoes today. i heart new shoe day, not nearly as much as roberto, but i still heart new shoe day. and not to mention, new shoes for 20$. i freakin rock.

i was going to go drinking tonight. i decided against it. i'm not sure why. the misty party wagon (we haven't proceeded with our golf cart plans just yet, it's a little cold and i bet that thing has no traction in snow and it is snowing, or it was, i'm not sure if it still is currently) was headed out tonight and had big plans. instead, i'm in dsm, sleeping on bug gut's blue sofa, stealing his blue's clue's sweater and i listened to him swear at itunes all night. good times.

i'm going to go watch movies now. i'm tired. and my eyes hurt.

30 December 2006

i need a tranquilizer. a large one. maybe two.

ugh. it's coming up on 2300 and i'm awake. not just awake, but awake from six hours of sleep. i came home from job #2 and went to bed. not the smartest thing i've done but the only thing i could fathom doing. and now i'm not tired enough to go back to sleep but i don't have enough energy to get up and do anything worthwhile so here i am. god, isn't it rough being me?

i was laying here thinking of all the thing i have to do this week - and it seems everytime i turn around the list gets just a lil' bit longer - and i'm getting a tad bit overwhelmed. i don't want to say that i'm regretting the decision that i have made because one, i don't regret it, and two, i don't believe in regrets, but i think i'm coming to terms with the reality that i've created. does that make sense? like, i can think about this in two ways. one is all rosy and fuzzy at the edges and the other is all black and white and fucking scary. because real world here, i'm talking about uprooting my life (again, for the second time in four months) in a matter of about 14 days, give or take, to a town where i know two people, i have no job, no place to live, no school, and no sense of direction. oh, and at least two people already prolly hate me. omfg. i must be retarded. or crazy. is there a difference? it doesn't really matter; i've already committed and the letters of recommendation are on their way. if i don't have an ulcer now i will by 16jan. i can feel it already.

all the stars will smile for you

so last night i drove to dubuque. and last night i drove home. it was an odd set of circumstances, but honestly it's not a bad drive. it takes 2 hours and 32 minutes to get there from the dutch village. i'm tired today, but it's for a good reason. my heart is no longer in my throat and i'll sleep like a baby tonight because there's no party in the kitchen. just so you know, if you ever throw a party in the kitchen while i'm sleeping on the sofa, i'll kick your ass. but there's not too many people i'd drive a total of five hours to spend seven hours with. in fact, i can prolly count them on one hand. but you're one of them. and the idea that you're hurting makes me hurt, because that's the kind of friend you are to me. i hope you know that you can always call me.

unless my phone is on silent. :)

29 December 2006

oye vey

i will never, ever, ever, ever be able to navigate this city. not even in the daylight. once its dark i will be dormant. i will hibernate. i will be a reverse vampire and wait for light. i will be the anti-dracula.

but i digress. the point is that in a matter of about 7 minutes i crossed three state lines (two of which i won the first-across-the-state-line-game twice, oh yeah, that's how i roll) and crossed the river like 16 times. really. freaking crazy. my sense of direction, which is iffy at best when i know where i am, is completely gone right now. i have no idea where i am, except that i'm at willie's house (and i think i'm parked in someone's spot and i'm sorry). but willie's house is about two minutes from an arby's with what must have the slowest drive-thru this side of the appalacians and the gas station next door spells speed with an extra 'e'. it's on the end. i'm not gracing that spelling with a presence here because it looks fucking stupid and i won't have people, the casual superfreakinawesomejanel reader, think that i perhaps misspelled speed the first time and that i really spell speed with a fucking 'e' on the end. i don't. which is why i'm not spelling it that way here. okay fine. you want to see it? speede. wtf? it's the speede shoppe. i don't know if that's supposed to be cute or if it was just a typo but i think it's freaking weird.

there seem to be a lot of housing options here, which is good, for someone that is thinking about moving. housing is important. it's good to have somewhere to put my crap. and my cats. there are neat places and there are places that look ...eh. you know, ...eh. but whatever. as long as no one takes my shit and my cats, i'm cool.

bug guts (you didn't like the previous name, you said it was too wordy... is this better?) drove me by the school. being that it was dark, i got the abbreviated tour, and from a car window, but it was very pretty. it's hard for anything to look nice this time of year as most greenery is faded and brown and leafless (is that a word? i know "speede" is not, i'm not sure about leafless.) but it was still very nice. it just reeks of expensive but once in debt to the guv'ment what's another student loan, i like to say. educate me, uncle sam. i'll pay you back. someday. maybe. unless fiji doesn't support extradition and then you're s.o.l. my man.


oh, it's on like donkey kong...

okay, so maybe nothing has changed and i'm still in a frenzy. i don't know. sometimes i talk too much, so don't be mad at me. i need to start packing. i need to take a shower and go to work. work, work, work. only 8 more hours and then i have days off. ya-freakin-hoo.

things to do this week:
  • go see my gram
  • talk to my landlord
  • buy packing tape
  • sell my table, my entertainment center, and other crap i've accumulated
  • find boxes
  • get a job
  • find a place to live
  • make sure my friend still loves me
  • drink on new years (nigel, are you with me on this one?)
  • make sure school wants me
hmmm. not bad. i'm going to start with taking a shower and going to work. peas out.

i don't have enough crap in my life.

really. bring it on. apparently i can handle it because it just keeps on fucking happening. ugh. i'm under a strict confidentiality agreement at this point so i can't say a lot, but dumbass, i told you to take off that sweater. i'm smart. you should listen to me once in awhile.

ugh. so this does affect my immediate plans, there's no doubt about that. but fuck it. i'm still going. not as soon, prolly, and really that's okay because the idea of having to move in two freaking weeks was scaring the holy hell out of me, truth be told. but i'll still go. now i can do things at my own pace. i just hope things work out for you, because i'll miss you and i worry about you.

yes, grasshopper. the template has changed. bleak. stark. simple. black and white. maybe the way things should be...

you shut up you little potlicker. i'll put you in a microwave.

i don't care if marty jones has 400 bags to unload and a heart attack in the process of unloading them. i will never, ever, ever, ever help that redneck-no-english-speaking-motherfucker with anything.

i feel better now. so. now that that's off my chest, do let us discuss the events of the day.

as usual, i put off the whole leaving for work thing until the very last second because that's what i do - procrastinate, and sugar, i do it well. so i'm going to let the kitties eat their second favorite food because it's not killing them and i spent good money on it and there's starving kitties in africa that would appreciate that food, by golly. but that's not the point of this rant. this particular rant does in fact with the act that i saw at the gas station on my way out of the charming dutch village.

the dutch village is sort of a tourist haven, being all brick and clean and uppity and shit, with all the pastries and antiques and crap. lots of people come here to vacation, which i find bizaare, but maybe when i get old and decrepid and start putting kleenex in my sleeves i'll understand. so today, i'm standing beside my sherman tank of a car, uugof (his mother was a volkswagon), getting gas at the absolute slowest gas pump in marion county (i mean really, i could suck a slurpee through a twizzler and spit it into my gas tank faster, really, it was like a 17-minute process). and i'm standing there and looking around because it's hazardous to reenter your vehicle while fueling and i see this car over in the corner of the parking lot with a crew of blue hairs rolling out. there's like 26 old people in this car, no joke, it's a big old lincoln, baby blue with missouri license plates and it's full of old people. slowly, once they get all the walkers out of the trunk, they all filter into the gas station except for this one old lady, about a deuce, deuce and a half, who is the last one to roll out of the car. (yes, i'm still waiting for the gas thing to click and be done.) and she kinds of stands there and stretches. and then she reaches around and fishes around in her ass for about six minutes and pulls out either what must be like six yards of fabric or a small child, she was in there so long, but i didn't see. it was disgusting. and then this is the gross part. she sniffed her hand. i about threw up. it makes me shudder right now, just thinking about it. ugh.

so. anyway. yup, still wrestling the school/moving thing. i truly think i like the idea. i liked the idea of moving the last time i was thinking about it. and i like the idea of going back to school. so i'm going to do it. i guess it's just a matter of when. so, here's my plan. i'll apply. i'll see if they accept me. if i can start in january, i'll go. if not, i'll move anyway and work until summer. i'm going to do it. que sera, sera.

i need boxes. and tape. and to get out of my lease. hmmm... didn't i just do this? sorry snackmaster bob. i might need help again.

okay. i'm getting bored. want to come over and play gijoes? yeah, i didn't think so. i'm going to go to bed. or at least go read. i'm pooped. i thought a lot today. my brain hurts. peas out. love, superfreakinawesomejanel

28 December 2006

i wanna get the most out of medicare!

luke i am your father
do you watch the weather channel? i watch the weather channel obsessively. sometimes i watch for hours on end, sometimes with the volume muted because if you've seen it once, you're truly good for about 8 hours. but i think they lose perspective. because they think every thing that happens, weather-related, is an event for the ages. but they can't all be storms for the history books, can they? think of how big those books would be. but weather fascinates me. i love radar. i heart doppler. i love the greens and reds and whites and pinks and purples. :)

aaack! so of course, i was dragging my feet on the aforementioned school thing, but now, now things are moving quickly. suddenly the gre doesn't have to be taken until june, which was one of the larger hurdles between me and school. i still have to find three people to write letters of recommendation (and i'll bet my mom can't be one of them). but the biggest obstacles, at least of those left, are moving and money and leases and jobs and cats and lawyers and crap. how nice it must be to be one of those people that can pack two boxes and their clothes and put it all in the car and go. but i'm never going to be one of those people because i am an accumulator of stuff. always have been, always will be. like toys. i have a closet full of toys. i'm not a child - by all standards, legal, medical and whatnot, i'm (supposedly) an adult. but yet i have a closet full of toys. some of them are sentimental. some of them are just inanimate objects i've gotten attached to because i can't stand to throw things away. some of them i'll never give up, like my darth tater which remains one of the coolest things i'll ever own. maybe i'll find a charity i can donate to during my time off next month. that would be good. then think of all the rubbermaid totes i'd have, empty and ready to use... wowie.

my kitties are revolting. for the last two days i've left too late for work to stop at petco and get the kind of food they really like, so they've been eating the food that they sort of like. it's not like they're going hungry but i'm not the most popular person in the house right now. i'm getting snubbed. so i'm going to go to the big city early and buy kitty food.

i'll thump your bass, you little bastard

i'm not pondering life anymore. i want to go back to school. i actually like school, i like going to school, i like complaining about school and worrying about school. i'm good at it. so there. it's decided. as long as things work out like i want them to. there are quite a few things that have to happen (and things that have to be sold because i don't want to herniate my family members by asking them to help me move...again). but there also some doors that i need to close, permanently.

but i also thought you should know that i'm not all roses all the time. i know i'm awesome, i know you know i'm awesome, but i thought i should let you in on a little secret, and this is just between us, otay? sometimes, i just suck. for no real reason, i just get shitty. so i'd apologise in advance except that i don't accept blanket apologies and therefore i don't expect you to either. but i do feel that there are some things that you should be made aware of, that way they don't become dealbreakers down the road. these are just some habits i possess that i've been told can be annoying...

  1. i take off my shoes in really inconsiderate places. like in front of doors, in the middle of rugs, or in the center of hallways with the lights off. it's not on purpose.
  2. sometimes i won't do laundry for a week or two and then i'll do it all at once. sometimes i do laundry everyday, almost compulsively, without warning. sometimes i do it at really odd hours at night.
  3. i will leave bad food in the fridge rather than putting it in the trash if i think it might smell. instead, i'll put in the trash only right before i take the trash outside.
  4. i'm sort of meticulous about the wrong things. like it doesn't bother me to pay my car payment a few days (ahem) late but i'll rip somebody's head off if my bath towels are folded the wrong way.
  5. i shed. a lot. i have a lot of hair. i'm sorry.
  6. i don't like to talk in the morning. i need time.
  7. for some reason, i'm compelled to keep paper shopping bags. and even scarier, i keep them beside the dryer, creating a major fire hazard. i don't need them and i won't use them. but i'll keep them.
  8. sometimes, i won't talk at all and i'll just sit on the sofa and watch movies over and over and over. or sportscenter. don't interrupt this. i'm okay. but i'm not going anywhere. at least not until the next day.
  9. i'm sort of a slob. i hate dusting. i hate mopping. however, i will vacuum, no worries. and dirty wc's gross me out.
  10. i require a lot of space in the bathroom. it has to do with having a lot of hair. don't ask questions.
  11. i like all my cans to face one way in the cabinet and i group them by type and/or meal.
  12. somedays, i refuse to answer the door and possibly the telephone. just because i can.
that covers the important stuff. that i can think of right now.

so my little brother got fired. we worked together, at least we did until yesterday. i guess poor attendance finally caught up with jorge, because no one bought his "my car won't start" phone call on tuesday morning. i guess i got sort of crappy with him when i called him to ask about it, but he was equally shitty with me in return. i'm no perfect attendance queen, ha - not even close. but i'm upset for a couple of reasons. one really has nothing to do with him. my evil spawn of satan supervisor fired him at like 0800 - he prolly wasn't even awake and she knew it. she also waited for a week when his biggest fan and defender wasn't there to help. i hate her. not just for this. for a lot of reasons. she *is* the coming of the beast, when i see her i look for headless horsemen and locusts and shit. gah. but jorge knew that in the probationary period she didn't have to have a reason to pay down the gauntlet. and i honestly liked having him around. i guess i'm upset that he didn't take it just a little more seriously. but it's a little late know. he could prolly get on at comair if he'd just pick up the phone...

three more days and then i don't have to work for many days in a row. rock. that's good because i'm tired. i'm going to bed now.

27 December 2006

i'm back, i'm back... you know you missed me!

yay me, yay me! i don't know how, i don't know why, but i'm back! is it temporary? is it permanent? i don't care! i'm here!

(i started this this morning, pre-rebirth of internet...)

another blog update from the land of the internet-less. would you care for an update in the ongoing saga of superjanel vs. the giant corporate conglomerate iowa telecom? no? too freaking bad. i'm going on five days - five - 5 - FIVE - without internet in my house now. and for those of you that know me, you know that this is killing me. my laptop is an extension of my body; i check my email compulsively. except for this week. so yesterday i get to speak with my post-holiday sobered up level two technician and the first question the dumb bastard asks me is, "is the modem plugged in?" if i weren't so desperately in need of a connection, i would have liked to say 'oh, no, you're right, that's it...this big black plug goes into the wall!' but alas, i did not and instead i played 20 (simple) questions with a level two "highly educated" technician. they're supposed to be sending out an inspector of sorts to look at the modem, because they can't seem to grasp the idea that my power light is always red and has never been green but what the fuck ever. ugh. i hate them, i hate them, i hate them.

what else? i guess i could have blogged from c-town after the xmas festivities but truth be told, i was pooped with a capital O. (the second one. not the first one.) my mom is wonderful. all of those silly little things i say i like throughout the course of a year she mentally files away and surprises me with, i would have never guessed that she remembered some of the stuff i got. it was great. aunt shell and robbie and schmalex and carli and even the infamous connah were still there when i finally made my appearance, so it was nice to hang with the fam and let them see me. carli is adorable, even if she does talk a lot. a whole heck of a lot. over and over and over. i guess i'm a little old school, you know, the school where children should be seen and not heard? but it didn't work so well for me, so i prolly shouldn't judge. if i could have changed anything about the holiday it would have been the fact that i would have like to get just one more thing for my momma, she deserved more than i got her. i know she's happy with what she received, but i just felt a little down about it.

xmas eve and xmas day i worked. it really wasn't too bad. the baggage scene was a little frantic but it made the days go by fast. my best good work friend, bless his heart, gave me a book. at first glance you might think that it's just a harmless little cookbook, decorated with sweet little innocent cookies on the cover, but read a few pages and you'll find that the cookies are a bit more devious. in fact the actual cookie recipe doesn't even come until the very last page. :) all i can say is that i've never seen gingerbread boys (and girls) in such compromising positions and i don't think they come bent in those shapes from the supermarket. in fact, i don't know if i can ever eat a gingerbread cookie again and not blush. but it made me laugh and i loved it. :)

xmas night. after bringing me pie to make my day at work go faster (or just to shut me up, i'm really not sure), my best good work friend invited me to eat his leftovers and watch movies with he and his bf. i've never eaten ribs and i've never spent xmas night watching borderline soft porn with homos. what can i say? i'm branching out.

so. here we are, two days after the big day. it's 0925 and i'm waiting on the inspector to inspect my red light. (hmmm...?) i'm watching the weather channel and contemplating life. i'm in the midst of a big decision, and it's possible that you're all going to think i'm nuts, more than usual, but i need to discuss this.

first, let me give you some background. i have a degree. it's an expensive degree. the cost of my degree is similar to the national debt load of the country of belguim, i imagine. big. large. ginormous. no, really, i'm not kidding. and now that i have my degree and i'm supposed to be all gainfully employed and so on and so forth, i'm supposed to be making payments on my student loans. well, the key phrase to hear out of that sentence is "supposed to" because, as with a few other things that i'm "supposedly" obligated to pay, i'm just not getting it done. now don't get me wrong, it's not that i don't know that i'm supposed to pay these things, it's just that you can't get blood from a turnip, sweet pea. if it's not there, it's not there. what do you do?

so. another thing to know is that i've been considering a major life change. for me, it would be a complete 180 from my pampered life of poptarts and vitamin water. this is something that i've wanted to do for a long time, pre- a lot of things but it never seemed to fit. well, now it sort of seems to fit. except that i'm facing a new opportunity of sorts that i'm sort of interested in and that would assist my situation in a couple of different ways.

i'm talking in circles.

okay. i'm thinking about moving about three hours away and going back to grad school or moving about three continents away and working for a government-funded humanitarian movement.

i like both ideas. going back to school would put my loans back in deferment while i figured out what i wanted to do with my life. it's not as severe as living in the congo and i could still move to africa if i wanted to, if i decided school wasn't the right thing to do or after i graduate (again). however, i'm in the midst of applying with the humanitarian movement and discussing options available to me there. working for such an operation also puts my student loans in deferment, or at least some of them.

i'm just not sure. i'm just pretty sure that the dutch village is not where it's at, at least for this chica. so again, i ask, if anyone wants to buy a big ass dining room table and six chairs - let me know. i've got one for sale. :)

23 December 2006

i'm calmer than you are.

gah. it's still saturday and i'm still at job #2. i've even done a deal and interacted with people and i'm still bored. i'll be happy when christmas is over and commercials will stop featuring happy couples sharing diamonds and cars and meaningful glances and start featuring drunks and parties and liquor. because we all know i'm really, really good at that stuff and not so good at the former. really. christmas is a holiday for couples and those with small children and everyone else can just put on their tacky reindeer sweater, eat some fruitcake, swig some egg nog and shut the hell up because your opinions/needs/wants don't matter. i'm not being mean, i'm only being realistic. now new years, that's a holiday i can get behind. new beginnings, new faces, new people, new places, new drinks, new flavors - i'm all for that. i'm not sure if i'll take the well traveled path and list the things i want to do to change myself for the better this year. resolutions are trite, symbolic but have little follow through. maybe i'll take the road less traveled and list the things i think other people should change. or the things i refuse to change. or the things i'd like to change but simply don't have the energy to do, that way we're not expecting any massive effort on my part yet i can still write an entertaining holiday post. hmmm... maybe not. maybe i'll just write you another drunken love letter and let you call me names and tell me how much i don't mean to you. yeah, i'm not really feeling that one either. i'm still a little burned from the last one, even though i don't think you really read it. anyway. i'm trying to look forward to new years, trying to get past xmas, day by day by day... you know how it goes.

so as i mentioned before, i have all my christmas shopping done except for one, which i'm putting off until the absolute last minute because that's how i roll, roberto. shopping was easier this year, in the sense that when you cut off an arm getting dressed in the morning is somehow easier. i'm not sure when the absolute last minute will actually occur as i'm not sure if i have internet at home still or not. those iowa telecom bastards are dicking me around again, and i hate them with every ounce of my being, you have no idea. anyway. i guess i could bite the proverbial xmas bullet and get it over with.

six minutes and twenty-five seconds later...
now all my xmas shopping is done. i had to call and confirm roberto's email address because i imagine it would be kind of hard to get an email gift card back from some random dude.

yay! i have plans for friday! that's new year's eve-eve-eve, so i can recover on new year's eve-eve and then party again on new year's eve! yay me! okay. so now where's the party? :)

i'm bored

i think i mentioned before i'm at job #2. and i'm sitting at nigel's desk, using nigel's computer and the clock - the clock on her computer - is off by about 12 minutes. every week i'm here, the clock gets further and further off, i think the battery is going bad. soon, it will be dating emails june 13 1997 and it will really be january 6. it's like sitting in a time warp and every time i get up i have a flight of the navigator moment. except twisted sister will still not be cool.

i can't stop yawning.

i'll be back.

i will motivate you, private pyle...

gahhh. my internet at home is down. i don't know why. it worked yesterday morning and last night when i got home, there was nothing. it just blinks to high heaven with nothing to connect to, and it's irritating the holy hell out of me. there's nothing specific i want to do, but the fact that i can't do anything just perturbs me. (isn't that a great word? perturb. it just sort of stutters off your tongue, you can't say it gracefully.)

so. what else is new? last night was chrisgiving (or thanksmas) with momma and the fam. all were there except steph, who had to go hang clothes at target. poor steph. i often think my job sucks but that job would suck at a degree to beat all jobs. dinner was wonderful - mom was making up for the fact that some of us didn't get a real thanksgiving dinner the first time around, not that we really need it. but it was great. i don't get down to c-town very often, i'm not sure why.

i'm at job#2 right now. i overslept this morning after falling asleep early last night and just not setting an alarm at all. dork. i've been sick all week. really, really sick. thursday, roberto had to drive my sick ass to the doctor so i could get a shot. this time, instead of torodol, which sort of works, dr. moron gave me a short of visteril (or something like that). i went from painful headache to fully stoned in about 4.7 seconds, which was completely unexpected but not necessarily unenjoyed... i slept for a full 13 hours, from 1330 to 0140, ate dinner at 0200 on friday morning, and went back to bed for another seven hours. that's messed up. my sleep patterns are all screwy. i missed a crazy amount of work this week, which pretty much ensures that i'm not going anywhere on my vacation the first week of january, which sucks. but i have other things to do. i have a project at job #2 to start and finish. and i need to go visit my gram, she's not well. and i want to visit my dog. so i'll just have to visit kuala lumpur and switzerland and ghana and fargo in march.

yesterday i finished my xmas shopping with a flying trip to the big city. i'm turning more and more antisocial by the day - i hate the obscene shopping mall scene, especially the weekend before christmas. yuck. there were definitely more men than women and the line of husbands/boyfriends/significant others at the coach store made me laugh. i was there for all of seven songs on my ipod, which had to be some sort of record for me. but i got all but one thing i needed, the last thing i need i'll order online and send to roberto's email. isn't that festive of me?

tonight is dinner with father and stepmummy. meatloaf. it's going to be phenomenal. but this will fulfill my holiday obligation and i can then eat chocolate cheesecake with a guilt-free conscious.

peas out.

20 December 2006

what about brett fav...re?

even though i didn't leave the house today - seriously, i didn't even check the mail, didn't unlock the door - i actually got quite a bit done. so much, in fact, that i've grown a new tumor and my head is pounding. but i got my laundry done - yay for clean clothes! i vacuumed - yay for clean floors! i got my shipping done - yay for ebay dollars! i did my paperwook - yay for federal student loan forbearance! the only thing i didn't do was pay bills, but that will take about 14 seconds tomorrow morning. no worries.

so a friend of mine has put me in an interesting predicament. first off, said friend has introduced the significant other into my life and because the significant other is a great person, i like this person. as a friend, as the significant other of my friend, nothing more. but my friend has shared information pertaining to the relationship with the siginificant other, information that is explosive and hurtful. but because i am friend to the friend first and the significant other second, i will of course keep my mouth shut and my eyes closed. but i know it's not right. ohhh, how i long for the days when things weren't quite so complicated. you know, like first grade...?

okay. so maybe i'm overly dramatic.

i'm not dead. not anywhere close. but for the record, i still don't feel ... right. i don't know. i'm a little off kilter this morning, maybe from the shot i got or becausei didn't sleep at all last night. i saw every hour from the minute i crawled into bed to the moment i had to get up to go to the bathroom, prolly because i slept so much yesterday. so today, no matter how tired i am, i'm staying awake. yup, i'm staying home again. i'm prolly going to get fired now. or at least put on a step. what do you do? go to work sick or stay home and get in trouble? i generally don't have any trouble calling in sick except i really love my job so i always feel really guilty when i call in.

there are things i need to do today, which i doubt i get done. i have a lady waiting on a longaberger basket that i need to ship. and i have some paperwork i need to mail. and some bills to pay, laundry, i have laundry to do and floors to vacuum and blah blah blah... crap, it's all crap, and i don't want to do it, any of it. so there.

the president is on tv. he's stuttering and blabbing his way through the open question session. i think a president should have to win an academic decathlon before being sworn in. he should be able to debate his way out of a wet paper bag, he should be able to associate composers and musical pieces, he should be able to bake a fine souffle, he should be able to win a spelling bee. if we'd subjected our current president to an academic decathlon, we wouldn't be listening to him stutter and him and haw right now when i should be watching ellen.

there's got to be something else i can be doing with my time. i'll be back...

19 December 2006

time to say your goodbyes

because i think i'm dying. i'm going on 72 hours with out any really good sleep and my head is pounding. i've never had my head in a vise but i think the feeling is similar. am i having an aneurysm? could it be a tumor? i don't know, i don't care, just make it stop. i went to the doctor, the urgent care clinic here in town. they gave me a shot that's supposed to cure just about everything, some sort of animal tranquilizer or something, but so far, i'm not feeling it. i'm lying in bed, it's as dark as i can make it in here. and i just want to cry.

and how is your day?

17 December 2006

i am the walrus, goo goo g'joob

it's nice when other people cook for you. even if it's just macaroni and cheese. brent, for christmas i'm getting you regular pepper and pork n' beans. i still want you to act surprised.

i usually hate my mondays. my monday is everyone else's sunday, which means that they're all home doing neat things like eating chili and watching football and i'm working. that's one reason i hate my mondays. but they always come around too fast - some weeks i feel like i just had a monday and then it's monday again. it just sort of sucks. but today was a good day. i cleaned up a buttload of claims and did not incur a single code 39 in the process. yay me! i had raspberry poptarts for breakfast, which makes me happy, those are almost my favorite poptarts ever. the bull dyke wore antlers to work, which made me laugh all day. i got to talk to my best good work friend for a long time - that was nice. we don't talk as much as we used to. i made a new friend who swears he's not gay but i know he is.

how much asparagus is too much asparagus? does there ever come a point where one can hold too much of one vegetable? i'm just wondering, because beyond a grocery store, i've never seen so much aspragus in one place. all neatly wrapped in ziploc bags. i just can't fathom that much of one vegetable. i cuss, you cuss, we all cuss for asparagus!

i guess jorge got sick from dinner last night. food poisoning is rampant right now. you can't eat at taco bell because the lettuce will kill you. you can't eat at red robin because the [insert the food you ate here] will kill you. you can't eat at perkins because the chicken tender sandwich sans tomatoes will kill you. poor jorge. it's no fun to be sick. thank god it's hard to screw up pancakes.

i'm wondering if i should go anywhere on my upcoming vacation. i don't have any money, so that sort of limits my options to like, a 7 mile radius. so we can go to leighton! yessss.... i'm sort of being serious here. not about leighton but about the not really having the money to travel in january. but everyone has such fun travel plans um, planned. (i'm really showing my mastery of the english language, aren't i?) the texas ranger wants to go to palm springs and go spa-ing. hard roc sue wants to go to cancun and celebrate a number of different things. and sir brently wants to tie himself to a fence and watch airplanes land and take off in st. maarten. or at least tie me to a fence and watch 747s throw rocks at my head. it's prolly hard to duck when you're tied to a fence. the question that entire scenario leaves me with is, how does one tie himself to a fence? what if you go to this beach alone? if you manage to get yourself tied, how do you untie? do you have a random stranger tie you to the fence? what if this random stranger uses a supafly knot that you don't know how to untie? what if he speaks another language and when you say tie me to the fence he thinks you're asking if you can eat shrimp during lent? what keeps this random stranger from picking your pocket as you stand there? these are the things i wonder about.

well, this and asparagus.

okay, chil'ens. i'm tired. goo goo g'joob.

16 December 2006

jingle bells, batman smells...

i got locked in a gunsafe at menard's tonight. and i finished all my christmas shopping. one night, one shot, done. i freakin' rock. and then, the family all ate at perkins after a long afternoon of shopping and cursing and knocking over old ladies in the mall. good times. :)

15 December 2006

i feel like things are looking up

really, i do. i made a decision this evening. nothing is definite, nothing is even close to being completed. but things are going to change. for once, i'm going to consider someone other than me. i'm not ready to divulge to anyone what i'm thinking, but it's good. and it's a change i need. i'm ready for it. more on this to come...

what a wonderful day

it's sunny, it's going to be warm, and i'm home today - it's my saturday! what shall i do today?

14 December 2006

connect the christmas dots... la la la...

wish? did somebody say wish? i love peewee's playhouse. floory and chairy and reba the mail lady and the christmas special has grace jones and magic johnson and whoopi goldberg. holy cow. this is crazy. grace jones is singing little drummer boy to pee wee herman. wow. there has to be an entire generation of people that are complete ganked up from watching this crap. terrifying. grace jones is already scary but put her in the playhouse... it's like cartoons on acid. wow... omg. cher. and she wants to know what the secret word is. today's secret word is "year." you all know what to do whenever someone says the secret word, right? omg. when will the fun end?

13 December 2006

i was bound for mexico

i saw the stupidist sign today. it said "free complimentary bottled water." ummm.... yeah.

i love csi: miami. i've mentioned this before. it's on right now. there's this giant murdering south american snake that they're chasing. it's grossing me out but i can't stop watching. it's so awful and so icky and i'm drawn to it. ugh.

tomorrow is my friday. thank god. it's been a dreary week, filled with the drama that surrounds our little american clique. divorce (not mine, either) and fights and breakups and anniversaries and subpeonas and christmas decorations. the place is teeming with hullabaloo. sometimes it's just nice to get away, even if it's just for a day or two.

i had the most retarded dream ever last night - so dumb i'm even embarressed to recant it here. it involved a lot of hair. that's all i can say. it was soooo dumb, and i was so glad to wake up to find out that i wasn't covered in hair. whew. :)

walnuts is trying to communicate with me further. i haven't talked to him since saturday, or was it sunday? i don't remember. but he's messaged me every day since then and so far, i haven't responded. i'm not sure why, but i don't trust him this time around. i don't want to get close. but maybe it's not just him, maybe i just don't want to get close to anyone. regardless, i still don't trust him right now.

i'm tired. and i can't bear to watch csi right now, david caruso or not. i think i'm going to go to bed.


12 December 2006

ugh, it's wednesday...again

well, it's my wednesday, anyway. ugh. it's foggy here and raining in ord, which could make for a long day. i have an awful sinus headache but i can't get to the doctor until friday. this would just be a good day to stay in bed all day and do nothing. but i won't.

the cat wouldn't let me sleep this morning; it was just imperative that i get up and feed him, although his new food bowl is supposed to be of the self-serve variety. if they would just eat all the food in the bowl instead of the food in the front of the bowl, more food would emerge from the reservoir tank and voila! no need for me to get up at the crack of dawn to shake the food bowl. but i guess that's no fun for them, so they continue to paw at my face to make sure i get up to nudge the food bowl with my big toe. really, that's all i have to do. it's all they'd have to do . i make sure he watches me do this every morning but so far it's not working. in this relationship, i'm not sure who belongs to whom here.

ok. going to work. yeehaw.

11 December 2006

hello, goodbye...you again?

it's weird the way people come in and out of my life. at a time when someone bows out, someone else reappears. it sort of reminds me of recycling - out with the trash and in with the new. except that i hate taking out the trash and i sort of fear change. but life goes on.

anyway. the comeback of a friend, a long lost friend, walnuts. i sure didn't expect to hear from him, but some how, some way, he always finds me. his timing is impeccable - when i last heard from him, i was actually in a similar situation, emotionally. hmmm. interesting. so instead of embracing this reaffirmed friendship, i'm holding him at arm's length. more on this as it develops...

christmas is just two weeks from today. christmas eve, regardless of when i get off work, i'm going to stay at mom's house. it just feels normal to be there on christmas, even if i do have to get up early and leave for work. plus, my vacation is coming up. three weeks from yesterday and i get a week of vacation. i'm still not sure what i'm going to do. my presence has been requested at job#2 on the saturday of that week and i need to make a trip to see my pookie and my best gram. but i'd also like to get to clt to see libbeth and the new baby. and sue wants to go to cun for a group celebration. and the texas ranger wants to go spa-ing in psp. so we'll see.

i've decided i don't like iceberg lettuce and i'm not going to eat it anymore.

so lately i've been sleeping with my cell phone on silent because my best good work friend finds it funny to call me at the wee hours of the morning and say stupid things, like "good morning sunshine" and "gobble gobble." so now, with my phone on silent, i sleep soundly and peacefully until my real alarm goes off at 0711 (i have a thing against waking up at even, normal times, like 0700 or 0715, etc). so anyway, a few days ago, i'm sleeping away, and little do i know my phone's blowing up at 0400. and it's my best good work friend, again, except this time, he truly needs something - he's sick and wants someone to go with him to the er. i didn't find his messages because i didn't check my phone until later that day, almost 12 hours later. i felt soooo bad, i can't even begin to explain. he's okay, he's got a severe case of food poisoning, which he received from eating at a restaurant in dsm, never mind the fact that he just got back from dkr, which is thousands of miles away where food is generally much more questionable. it's kind of ironic. hehehe... but he learned not to call me at 0400 unless he truly is dying.

this wednesday we (not the royal we, but the we that consists of me and the texas ranger and a few other work compadres) are taking a girl from work out to celebrate the birthday of her sister who passed away about a year ago. she's not dealing well with the death of her sister, which is understandable - the woman was barely 27 and had two children under the age of 6. she had cancer. how awful is that? i agree that all things happen according to a plan that's out of our grasp - all things for a reason - but what on earth could the reason for such a horrible thing be? anyway, my coworker isn't sleeping, she doesn't eat, she cries all the time - i feel for her. so if taking her out and helping her celebrate the life of her sister is a small thing we can do to help, i'm all for it.

i'm going to bed. i'm tired.

09 December 2006

does thy blog offend thy reader?

let me offer a resolution to the aforementioned problem:

stop reading it.
easy isn't it?

08 December 2006

come on boy, she's ready for you.

i read about the most interesting jobs today. they're with raytheon, which as i understand it and i could be wrong is a giant conglomerate company that contracts for the government. but they're in antarctica. wouldn't that be the coolest? no pun intended, sorry. i could be a line cook at the south pole. seriously, that's a job they offer. or i could do corporate communications at the south pole. i'd just have to find some gloves i can type in, because i can't type in my mittens. or my candy cane gloves, i tried that at work and it didn't go so well. i can't even text in my gloves. gah.

roberto and i just made the stupidist trip ever to dsm, it was retarded. it took longer to get there and get back than we actually spent within city limits. dumb. he was going to try to bribe some poor schmuck to sell him some jordans before they actually come out next week and that bright idea failed so fast, neither of us really knew what to do. so we got some starbucks and left. we had mexican in the dutch village tonight. that was good. last night i tried to call pizza hut but they wouldn't answer, which i don't understand because it was within the constraints of their clearly defined "business" hours, but i took it as a sign and instead went to buy groceries, which consisted of about 12 frozen dinners and milk and cat litter. and cheese. i love cheese.

no chocolate milk today. i'm convinced there's something in there that's not good for me, but i don't know what it is.

okay you bastards. how come my crap on ebay isn't selling? go bid. you're helping a good cause (me) do good things (pay my rent). go bid! do it. DO IT.

i got new books today. i've been scraping the bottom of the barrel as far as reading material is concerned (does barrell have two L's, because one doesn't look right but two really don't look right either, god, where is mrs. thompson when i need her? gahhh.), the last book i read was some stupid waste of money about the real lives of sorority girls and it didn't do anything to dispute the already bad opinion that i and most other human beings have about them. omg, that's all one sentence. mrs. thompson would fail me for that.

the misty party wagon may morph into a misty party golf cart, which is hilarious when i think about it. the godfather has a golf cart he may let us use for an evening or two, which would be great except i want to paint it pink and glittery and i don't think he'd like that too much. but really it's completely appropriate when you stop to think that boy and the waiter will prolly be riding around on it all next summer. ohh, that's mean. i shouldn't play that way. but i will. i want to have the "hub" (omg that's funny) put headlights on it and roberto says as long as we have a flag we ought to be fine. but the godfather wants to check out the laws pertaining to driving a golf cart on the streets locally. i told him not to bother, we'll just drive through people's yards.

i cashed in my change jar today, actually it's a fish. i have a giant red glass fish in which i keep all my spare change. well, i did, but today i cashed in the change and now the fish is empty. there was like 160$ in there, which is rock star cool, because NO ONE IS BIDDING ON MY EBAY CRAP.

okay. so a pirate walks in to a bar and he's got the steering wheel for a boat attached to the crotch of his pants. and the bartender says, 'hey man, you've got a boat steering wheel attached to your dick.' and the pirate says, 'aarrrrrrr, it's driving me nuts.'

i'm going to go watch movies and earn badges on pogo. another exciting friday night. gotta love it. peas out, bitches. muah!

07 December 2006

champ i ate your chocolate squirrel. sorry.

okay. i'm no longer busy, so i'm back.

so. today, the nice but undate-able guy at work once again sought me out in my baggage haven to prove what, i don't know, perhaps that he has an infallible sense of direction that brings him in from the cold and into the building. i really don't know why else he keeps showing up, unless my saying 'hello' gives him the right to stalk me. okay. not fair. stalker is a little harsh. he's not stalking me, but he does cause me to think a little bit more carefully about the time of day that i leave. because if i time it just right, i don't have to see him. because i don't want to see him. ugh.

what else? my best good work friend took off the other day on a little mini vacation. to florida? nope. to chicago? nope. to lax? nope. the weirdo took off to senegal. i don't even know where that is. okay, now i do. thanks google. he's been there for about a day and a half or something like that and now he's on his way home. what's the point? why africa? i guess why not but still.

okay. so i had this dream the other night that i was playing basketball with roberto, and for those of you that know me, playing basketball is actually not the weird part of this dream, and i ended up breaking my ankle. cast and crutches and all. so the thing that upset me in this particular dream was the fact that i couldn't get up or down my stairs. i live on the third floor. it was impossible. i was disabled, temporarily, and i was pissed about it. in fact, i was still pissed when i woke up. and then i realized, it wasn't the broken foot that i was upset about or even the cast or the crutches. it was the fact that i live alone and i'm afraid of something like that happening. what would i do? i don't know. but since my foot's not broken i'm not really going to worry about it. but i'm also not going to be playing basketball anytime soon. you're surprised, aren't you?

sixty percent of the time, it works every time.

so obviously, as it's the seventh of december, i've paid my rent. which puts me 16.333 percent through my lease and 16.333 percent closer to getting out of iowa. yay me. i don't know where i'm going, yet, but it's going to be warm and within a 30 minute drive to a large body of water. and i don't mean lake red rock. although it's a nice lake, and goddamnit, it's the biggest manmade lake in iowa, you bastard, it's no pacific ocean.

get out here, panda-jerk.

oh? remember my mentioning a pathetic 90s white rapper? yeah, i couldn't come up with a better nickname for him, i wasn't feeling very creative at the time and right now i don't really care. regardless, he's all they say he is. i kind of like him; i may keep him around for a while.

okay. jazz flute. i have to go. peas out, fellers.

hot glacier on glacier action.

today was so incredibly boring. i only took like two bag claims all day long and i was soooo tired and for no good reason, really. i slept in this morning, which was kind of nice but doesn't even compare to the sleeping in i plan on doing tomorrow. :) tonight i'm staying up late and watching movies and eating popcorn. and tomorrow i'm sleeping in. late. nowhere to be, nothing to do, i'm sleeping in. actually, i do have to be at the post office. i'm selling stuff on ebay again, nothing major just trying to make my car payment.


so again with the chocolate milk? yup. today is 07dec. the milk i drank this morning will expire on 27jan. that's like six weeks from today. so. tonight i went to the supermarket. i bought a gallon of milk. again, still, it's 07dec. the gallon of milk i bought tonight expires 21dec. that's 14 days. wtf? really, someone tell me how the hell that works. because i don't get it. i didn't see formaldehyde listed anywhere in the ingredients. i'm perplexed.

i'm too busy to write right now. bbl.

06 December 2006

today i can't be quiet. maybe tomorrow.

you'd expect me to say something today, wouldn't you? today of all days, today i get nostalgic and thankful, this day, every year. today is my "i'm happy i'm alive" day, no matter how bad things are going. today is an anniversary i wish i didn't have but one that i can't ignore. i'm 12 years happy to be alive, happy to be here, happy to be me.

so. today i'm going to discuss all the reasons i have to be happy, all the things i have to be thankful for. or at least the top 10 things that i'm most thankful for. tomorrow i can discuss things that aren't so great. i may blog again at midnight... hehehehe...

so. here the are the top 10 things i'm thankful for today, in no particular order.

  1. i have a place to live and food to eat. i have the basic comforts in life and then some.
  2. i am so thankful for my family; they love and care for me, support me no matter what.
  3. i have fabulous friends that i would do anything for and they feel the same way about me.
  4. i'm healthy.
  5. i'm intelligent.
  6. i'm thankful for blue skies, green grass, heavy snow, warm blankets and hot summer nights.
  7. i'm thankful for my work, i enjoy it and it allows me to see the world.
  8. i'm thankful for the experiences i've had and the people i've known and loved. those experiences have left me with memories i'll cherish and have molded the person i am today.
  9. i'm thankful for hot showers and bubble baths.
  10. i'm thankful for the future. i have so many options, so many choices, so many things i could do. if my life isn't good, i can change it.
i'm happy. and now i'm getting ready to go to bed. g'nite.

04 December 2006

what's that noise?

back to life, back to reality. back to work and everything that goes along with it. i had a chance to discuss life with the texas ranger, whom i've missed dearly. we're on different shifts now, so we rarely get a chance to chat. it was nice to be back at work and back to a regular schedule. i have a week of vacation in january, right after new years. the texas ranger and i are talking about going to palm springs for a day or two and heading to a spa. i could use a massage.

i'm sitting in my living room, across from vanilla ice. i have to admit... i'm a little intimidated. he's awfully pretty. i just wonder if he's as good as everyone says. i'll have to let you know. he brought strawberries and cream, he can't be that bad. at least he's thoughtful. more on this to come...

03 December 2006

um, yeah.

there should be laws that prohibit people like me from running off at the mouth at midnight after christmas parties. that's all i'm going to say about that.

02 December 2006

i'll kiss you., mr know it all

boys and girls it's 2308, and i've had about 12 grey goose and cranberry. which is funny, be cuyase cranberry is the ninja fruit. HAHAHAHAH. A. i just wanted to send some trl shoutouts to my hube, because i LOVE the hube, and amber, because i LOVE amber. and nigel and snakmaster bob, because i LOVE them too and the waiter, who should totally meet tony, and tony, because he shouyld totally meet the waiter. "hi i'm tony and you're..." yeah, whatever. i love randi, because she won't let me call her by her real name, and i love amber becuase she said she has like 13 alarm clocks and would stil get me home on time, adn i love my 10th grtaden cyhemistry teachyer and her husbanbd, harvey. and i love the godfather, without him i would have no bad ideass about how to pay off my vehiccle.that's itailian. yeah! and i lve the bartender, seven, not the only that's directly related to amber but the cute one in the hat, yeah, you know who you are. and i love missy, because n ot matter how much i've drank, she'll still take me to a safe place. and i have to thank god. and my mom, becuase she she had me convinced it was midbight and its not and i;ll get an extra hour oif sleepm yessssssss. and andyc, he sucks. but i still love him. and roberto. and markus, and this is starting to sound like jayz's speech. so i thkn i should go to bed. but i love you all. no worries. 0720 will roll around and i'll be oh so ready to go to work and flip people off secretly behind the desk because they're all mutherfuckers and i'm smarter than all of them, they just don't know it yet. if i didn't mention you, chances are i don't love you but i;ll introduce you to... well, nevermind. yes. ok. it's bed time. i loveyou hube!!! you're the best! next weekend: you, mee, nigel and tattoos. don't argue. yoy know you're there.

good night all. peas out. superfuckinawesomejanel. :)

some would say i'm morally bankrupt

little do they know, they're half right.
again, i find myself perplexed by the chocolate milk i had for breakfast. today, 02dec, i had a bottle of chocolate milk with a sell by date of 14feb07. wtf? how is that possible? even though it's fat free and supposedly reduced calorie, it must be pumped full of formaldehyde or some similar preservative that keeps it from rotting right through the bottle. i highly doubt that something like this is good for me, yet i know this and i continue to drink the stuff. i'll be 27 when that shit goes bad. holy cannoli.
well, last night i did it again. and this morning, i undid the damage and i've vowed to not do it again. once again, the misty party wagon headed to dsm to get various body parts permanently altered. misty got her ear sticky outy thingy stabbed and decorated and i, once again, had brian at ink addiction put a needle through my nose. this time it freaking hurt. and this morning my nose was all swollen and red and not nice to look at. so i pulled it out and now i'm done. the placement was a little further forward than i would have preferred and i wonder if the fact that this nostril has already been pierced had anything to do with the swelling. so, whatever. i'm done. no more. although brian at ink addiction did do a good job. if i'd have left it alone, it would have looked nice. eventually. with the assistance of a little sea salt and warm water. and a lot of time. and maybe some painkillers.
i'm at job #2. we're making wreaths today. we're taking down the tacky red velvety stuff and replacing it with blue and silver. i feel i should participate in this because i'm not decorating my own home for the holidays this year. there are several reasons for this phenomenon, and it is truly a phenomenon, because i'm generally a christmas freak. one, i love christmas. i love the trees and the stockings and the wrapping paper and the whole nine yards. but, it's all very tempting for a new kitty. and i do think mischa would dismantle any decorations i did put up at home. two, i'm never home. it's silly to decorate and go all out when i'm the only one i'm decorating for and i'm not even there to see it, which is really reason number three as well. so there you go. no christmas tree for me this year. maybe next year.
okay. i'm going to go pretend to work now. ta ta!

01 December 2006

boys are no fun. that means you too.

nigel wanted to know how this works. now she has seen the process and she's all learned in blogs. in fact, she may start one of her own. then we can have dueling blogs. sort of like dueling banjos, but not really. tonight we're going to get drunk and steal christmas lights off the square.

30 November 2006

pink is the new black.

at least it is this week. i can't make up my mind. i don't think the pink is a permanent decision but i'm in flux currently, not able to make important descisions. we'll see how long it lasts. the pink, i mean.

i love days like today at work. i walked in to find two cancelled dallas flights and every single stl flight cancelled today due to weather in stl. they got like a shit ton of ice. ord was surprisingly together today, a few were late but nothing out of the ordinary for ord. not like it will be tomorrow. and the thing is, i'm still looking forward to tomorrow. gosh, how could that be? oh right. i don't work tomorrow. suckers. hehehehehe.... it was nice here today. freezing fucking cold, but nice. the ice that accumlated outside last night must have melted as soon as the sun came up because it was dry on my way to work, which sucked, because I LEFT EARLY in anticipation of the bad roads. perhaps if i'd get out of bed early enough to watch the news i'd have known this, but oh well. so i got to pleasant hill like 15 minutos before i needed to be there so i stopped and got a chocolate milk because i ♥ chocolate milk.

chocolate milk that never expires. YUM.here's an interesting question. the chocolate milk i buy is nestle quik fat free skim chocolate milk. and so you know how when you buy milk at the store it's only good for like 10 days, 12 days max? the chocolate milk i bought this morning was good until 07jan07. it's not even december yet. how can that be? what's in my chocolate milk that keeps it from rotting like regular milk? does anyone know? i'm curious. maybe it's not really milk. people who don't drink skim milk would argue that it's not milk, it's white water. but i can't drink anything other than skim because it never tastes cold enough. i don't know; i can't explain it. stop giving me that look. but even if its not milk, they've done a good job disguising it as milk. i think it tastes like milk. yummy chocolate milk.

i'm thirsty. but not for chocolate milk. not right now.

other interesting things that occurred today:
  • i left work at 1800, which allowed me to come home and watch the office during it regularly televised time slot. this means that come tomorrow morning, i'm not at the mercy of those bastards that run itunes. yay!
  • i lost my glasses. i don't know where they are and yes, i have looked, and yes, i have retraced my steps. i know i had them yesterday, and i don't think i left the house until yesterday afternoon and i know i didn't have them in osky, so they have to be here or in my car or somewhere. i did go to the supermarket but i don't think i would have left them there so i'm sort of at a loss. if a lot of my words start coming out wrong, all misspelled and shit, it's not my fault. my eyes are tired and i'm partially fucking blind. no worries. this, however, is not a yay, it's a boo. so this negates the prior yay and now i'm back at zero.
  • i came clean to my mom about a situation that's been bothering me for a while now. major freaking yay. and she's still mad at him for being a shitty friend to her and not at all mad at me for being human. on the yay scale, this counts for two. yay! yay!
  • my boi from mke found me on yahoo! i can't wait to discuss life with mke boi, i've missed talking to him. it's been a long time since i've heard from him and he doesn't have a myspace so i'm trying to get him to join this century. more on this to come. yay! yay! yay!
  • i had a really great hair day today, at least until the wind got at it this afternoon. neither yay or boo, i sort of negated that one myself.
  • nigel and i are drinking all weekend. big yay.
tomorrow is 01dec. then it's only 24 days until christmas. i think it's time to make a christmas list. let's start with the impossible things first:
  1. a new 2006 pontiac gto. phantom black, please.
  2. a sugar daddy to pay off my student loans. no educating foreign kids to get them paid off. just do it for me. all in one lump sum. make the check out to iowa student loan, the money sucking bastards...
  3. incredibly heavy room-darkening curtains for my bedroom. or just a lot of black plastic bags, really thick ones, and some duct tape. (is it duck tape or duct tape? snackmaster bob calls it date tape. hmmm....)
  4. a new desk since my old one got adopted and had to move several counties away.
  5. those adidas with the color changing stripes.
  6. a year's supply of vitamin water, half the orange kind and half the dragonfruit kind.
  7. a tempur-pedic mattress. king size.
  8. a trust fund. so i don't have to work and i can lay all day - in the pitch black darkness of my bedroom - on my tempur-pedic mattress when i'm not driving around in my gto wearing my rad new adidias.
  9. someone to do my hair for me everyday. i love, love, love when other people do my hair and i don't have to mess with it. it always looks so much nicer.
  10. that tattoo for my back. the big one. but drug me up beforehand because that mother's going to hurt wicked bad.
  11. some cheese.
  12. the name and phone number of someone who wants to buy all my dumbass beanie babies and my dining room table. (takers?)
  13. the phone number for that one guy, you know, from that one place? and his undivided attention for say, 138 minutos. :D
okay. i'm tired. going to bed now. oh hell, i have the hiccups. gahhhh.

okay. good night. i mean it now.

29 November 2006

i hella ♥ dsm

no. really.i snapped at a friend today. i don't think he initiated conversation with the intention of pissing me off but it didn't strike me well and then jumped down his throat and got all shitty real fast. it wasn't nice of me and i'm sorry i did it but i'm not in the mood to apologize just yet. i'm sort of reveling in the quiet that is mine, currently. as "quiet" as it can be around here, with the radio blasting and the tv blaring and the washing machine washing and the dryer drying and the cats hissing... it's actually not very quiet but it's my controlled chaos and mine alone.

besides, he's prolly already in bed, seeing as he has to get up at the absolute ass crack of dawn to go and be all deltamatic. but just in case you read this i am sorry i ripped your head off this afternoon. you didn't deserve it. i'm just being bitchy and crabby and there's really nothing you or anyone else can do to help.

these are my now non-existant vegas dollars.see these dollars? this is the largest jackpot i won while i was in vegas. sad, isn't it? i agree. i am soooo happy to be home, i can't even begin to explain it. vegas is exhausting, mentally, physically and financially. the lights and sounds played havoc on my senses and it took a while to detox from the contstant neon and bells and flashing lights. it felt good to come home; it smells better here than out there. perhaps if i'd gotten out of the city and the hubbub and noise i would have enjoyed the trip more. but instead my little mini-vacation left me all jacked up like somebody who drinks only red bull with a chaser of stacker 2. and i couldn't find any goddamn stacker 2 in nevada. but i didn't look that hard either. i'll bet its out there somewhere.

it's icing outside and the wind is howling. however, one upside to living on the freakin third floor is that my heat is currently off and it's still 66 degrees in here. yay for my neighbors below. crank it baby, i may have to open the windows in celebration of our first winter storm. isn't that neat? actually with my super efficient pella windows, i don't even have to open them in order to feel the cool, 27-degree winter breeze. fuckers don't hold back hardly any of the wind. pella windows suck. that's one thing i will agree with you on, dear reader of mine. how ever, these thin panes of glass do allow me to listen to the dumb bastards attempting to drive on the ice rink that is east 13th street. it's kind of fun. i'm on my third crash sound now...

bring back my hangers!apparently i've never had all my clothes clean at once, like i do right now, for i find that i do not have enough hangers to accomodate my wardrobe. which is strange, because like last week, i had not only enough hangers, but about 30 left over. where were all these alleged dirty clothes? or did someone steal all my extra hangers? come forth, you stingy bastard! and bring back my hangers! my closet is a freaking disaster area. its not a bad sized lil' closet, i just have a lot of clothes in there. and many of them are green. and pink. and red. and black. not a lot of brown, but some. and some blue. not very much orange or yellow or purple, though. i don't look that great in orange or yellow and purple is just not my bag. at. all. blecch. i have to wear blue to work so i try not to wear blue on my days off. but it's just a mess and it makes me crazy. when i first moved in, i had all my clothes arranged by type, color and style. now it's just a fucking pile of crap in the middle of a small room with some shelves and a door that i can close so i don't have to look at it. gahhh.

this saturday is the christmas party! free drinks to be had for all! oh, you say you're not drinking? order one anyway and pass it down, sucka! let no drink go unfinished, no alcohol be wasted, especially not of the free variety. i like free. if it's free, it's me. and then i'm sure the misty party wagon will be making a stop somewhere, somewhere close to my home, i hope, but i'm not going to be picky. this morning i thought i had a dream that she called and told me that she and missy were on their way to ankeny to rescue a cube van. the macguyver-ishthis is the ninja turtle version of the misty party wagon tools they had been given to complete their task consisted of 4 quarts of oil and a tow strap. and then the weird part happened. she advised that she is going out on friday with missy and the boys. aaack! then i realized it wasn't a dream and the entire situation was real, 4 quarts of oil, tow strap and all. i'm a little freaked out by this prospect. i think, and i'm still not sure but i can't think of a good reason why i would have imagined this except that maybe it really happened and i'm trying to imagine it didn't, that i was semi-molested in the back of a car last time that this situation came about. i'm generally smart enough to say no second time around, but it is the misty party wagon and it doesn't sound like bobfold will be around to drag her away and leave me at the mercy of the boys. i don't know. i'm still torn. maybe if i'm given 4 quarts of oil and a tow strap...

28 November 2006

the monkey spanked my banana until it decomposed twice annually.

tomorrow we leave vegas. i'm happy. it's been too long and been too expensive. this town is crazy. but they say you need to experience it once. so i'm done. i could so easily have a gambling problem. thank god i only brought $68.

the amazing johnathan was good. the buffet was not good. i do not like the saraha. next time i want to stay at the venetian.

next time i will bring more money.

like $112.

27 November 2006

i love neon lights.

there's nothing quite like getting drunk with your mom. and your brother. and your stepdad. but i didn't let that hold me back; in fact, it was her fault. she's the one that bought me the gallon size kamikaze mixed with hurricane. she's the one that made me drink it. i felt bad, it was expensive. so i bottoms-upped and they paid the price. everyone at the table wore shrimp legs and crab meat.

vegas is interesting. the lights are neat, the people are freaks. there's always something to do, even 24-hour bowling which i haven't been to yet. i've been to old vegas and to new vegas and i have yet to see elvis, except on slot machines where the fat bastard takes all my nickels and quarters. i've learned the hard way that 5$ machines are not my friends but i do dig the occasional 1$ machine for kicks. in general i prefer quarters. cor-tas. even though a max bet on a four reel machine really is a dollar, i still feel as though i'm being frugal. i came here with the intention of becoming rich and famous and i'm going home as un-rich and un-famous as i was when i arrived, but that's okay. it's been fun. tonight we're going to see the amazing johnathan and his sidekick psychic sandra. i hear it's a good show, even though roberto is the only one i've heard talking about it and he's a little biased; he's the one that bought the tickets.

my internal clock is all fcuked up. i'm sleeping until noon, iowa time and staying up til 0400 vegas time. it's going to be a difficult transition come wednesday morning.

i miss my kitties.

okay. time to go ride the gondola and drive hummers and find penguins in the desert. good day ladies and gents.

25 November 2006

i'm not afraid of anything. what's your problem?

i've cleaned out all the pennies and dimes out of my sofa and out from underneath the seats of my car.

i'm going to come home rich and famous.

wish me luck.

in the arms of sleep

Sleep will not come to this tired body now
Peace will not come to this lonely heart
There are some things Ill live without
But I want you to know that I need you right now
I need you tonite

I steal a kiss from her sleeping shadow moves
cause Ill always miss her wherever she goes
And Ill always need her more than she could ever need me
I need someone to ease my mind
But sometimes a someone is so hard to find

And Ill do anything to keep her here tonite
And Ill say anything to make her feel alright
And Ill be anything to keep her here tonite
cause I want you to stay, with me
I need you tonite

She comes to me like an angel out of time
As I play the part of saint on my knees
There are some things Ill live without
But I want you know that I need you right now

And Ill do anything to keep her here tonite
And Ill say anything to make her feel alright
And Ill be anything to keep her here tonite
cause I want you to stay, with me
I need you tonite

Suffer my desire
Suffer my desire for you
...if i could find someone to sing this to me, i'd love them forever...
...wholly and truly...

24 November 2006

i don't think i can bowl for 24 hours.

while i sit at job #2 i often put my feet up on the paper shredder. it has a three-way switch: on, auto and off. today as i sat with my feet on the paper shredder, my jeans hanging precariously close to the sharp grinding teeth that eat all of my paperwork mistakes, i must have bumped the button from auto to on and the thing started grinding away, shredding my jeans. i guess it looks a little weird, but whatever. it scared the holy hell out of me.
have you seen the industrial trucks that drive around in cities, offering to shred documents and evidence? they probably don't advertise that they shred evidence, but think about it, why else would someone want to get rid of that much paper, so much paper that your typical office max special paper shredder won't cut it? it's because you're preparing to stiff somebody, the common working man and his poor family. don't you people have any souls? but anyway, there's the guy that drives the truck and then in the back there's the dude that just shreds to his little heart's content. shred, shred, shred. but in the midst of shredding, you can read. you can read mundane information and juicy secrets, whatever people want to get rid of. and then you can shred. it's a job that i imagine to be very fulfilling - you get to fill up all those bags and bags of shreds and cross cuts and shreds and confetti - so you can see just how much progress you've made. all the while in the back of a truck. i used to want that job. but i hate paper cuts.

21 November 2006

sink the bad dog

i don't know what kind of dog this is. i don't even know if it's a real dog, i assume that it is. but i want it. i want to name it gregory. or steve. or pookie. :) acutally, i don't want a dog right now. but this dog cracks me up.

so i had a sobe with dinner tonight. i don't recommend sobe with any sort of quizno's sandwich. it goes down weird. but the saying inside the cap was "sink the bad dog." i don't know what it means, technically, but it does sort of relate to my life. sort of.

i stayed late tonight to cover for monique. or the texas ranger. after all the swapping and cs-ing, i'm not sure who i was really working for, but i know it means overtime and overtime is good. yay for me! yay for overtime! this week is also holiday pay, so i'm sort of psyched about that too. anything to help the rent get paid.

so once again, the nice but not date-able guy at worked asked me out. because i'm a sucker for a nice guy, i'm not sure how to turn him down. i tried avoiding the common places but that didn't work. now he's made a point to seek me out, to find me in the depths of baggage hell and try to extract information from me, information regarding when i work and when i don't and when we're going to go to the mongolian restaurant. i'm beginning to think that playing dumb isn't going to work anymore, i might actually have to say something harsh to get him to get the point. i hate being the bad guy.

lawyer retained. i'm supposed to go in next week to discuss our plan of action. hehehehe....

i'm sorry i didn't get an xbox. burger king has games with the king that you can buy for like 3$. i love the king. i love the commercial where the guy wakes up with the king. or the one where the king tries to ramp the bike but crashes. i know, i watch too much tv.

i'm excited about vegas. roberto is dragging me to some show, a comedian or a magician or something. amazing jonathan? i've never heard of him, but roberto says he's good. we'll see. i hear there's a swatch store in vegas, rock on. i'm working overtime. i can buy a swatch. :)

ora sto andando a letto. sono stanco. buona notte. muah!

19 November 2006

i like you man... you're crazy, but i like you

i'm hungry for turkey. but not this turkey. i want my mom to make turkey but this year the family is eating at a restaurant. ick. i've been invited to eat with father and stepmummy, and while i'm sure that any meal created would just be phenomenal, i'm not heading that way. instead i've picked up extra hours at work at double time. i love holiday pay. holiday pay makes me happy. so does turkey, but with double time hours i can buy my own damn turkey. not that i will but i could. it's good to have options.

i'm tired of writing. i'm going to go to bed now. good night.

hey culligan man. can you help with this?

last night i dreamt that tiny little green army men were infliltrating my house through the windows and doors. i called an exterminator who couldn't solve my problem. i could see them - they looked like little people and their faces and bodies moved like they were real soldiers on a mission. i got out the vacuum and tried to suck them up but i kept stepping on them and it hurt so bad, i didn't know what to do. then a bird got into the house and i accidentally sucked up the bird with the vacuum and it made me cry.

then i woke up.

anyone feel like interpreting that one? ya. me neither.

18 November 2006

for the purpose of fucking with him...

if you couldn't tell from the post a couple of posts ago, i got my divorce papers in the mail this week. according to the lawyer he retained, i have 20 days to sign and return this form that basically acknowledges that i'm aware he's filed. that's fine. so now it's my turn to retain an attorney and play dirty.

i want to sign my name as charles manson and send them back.

i wonder if anyone would notice.

frankenstein and pickle juice.

here i sit at job #2.

i'm sick as a dog and full of greasy cheesesticks and pizza. i drank too much last night and i learned, the hard way, not to ever mix orange juice and pickle juice again. ever. the shot was called a sam hill whore or something to that effect and it was yummy. it's a shot of jack followed, very quickly, with a shot of pickle juice. it's good shit. but i'd just finished a fuzzy navel and the combination is enough to make me vomit.

in fact, i did vomit this morning. right after i got my second nose ring ripped out. i don't know if i'm just not meant for facial jewelry or if i'm just a moron, but for the time being i'm done poking holes in my face. i sort of forgot it was there and wiped my face off with a bath towel as i got of the shower and pulled the sucker right out. not even 12 hours old and it's already gone. i suck. (actually i don't.)

but the pain and the blinding headache i already had made me vomit and it was red and i forgot that i drank 75 percent of a pitcher of margaritas and for a brief moment i thought i was dying, that i must have a terrible bleeding ulcer. then it occurred to me that it was just strawberries and i was going to live and the insanity of the entire thought process cracked me up and i laughed so hard i barfed again.

so this morning, the misty party wagon drove my stupid ass back to knoxville so i could get my car, go home, and get un-smelly in order to come to job #2. we talked on the ride up but my voice sounded like phil hartman in the old snl's where he played frankenstein and i can't stop thinking about that skit where tonto, tarzan and frankenstein are singing christmas carols. i looked for that video on youtube and couldn't find it. and i thought youtube had everything. sorely mistaken.

i believe i drunk dialed a couple of people that i wish i hadn't. stuff like that comes back to haunt you. well, maybe not you, but it comes back to haunt me all the damn time.

it's been a quiet day, thank god. today is the day the whippy dip closes for the year, which is sad, but the thought of ice cream makes my stomach churn. it's prolly a good thing i am working today, otherwise i'd be scarfing ice cream and regretting it later.

ya ya. cancun. dolly can be such a flake, don't get me wrong, i love her to pieces, but the plans for cancun were made prior to realizing that she has beauty school finals that week and she can't get away. so we're not going to cancun...right now. i think we'll go in january, which is perfect because i have vacation in january. so instead of cancun, i'm taking the family to vegas, which will be perfectly crazy. in all honesty, we've never had a real family vacation, like where we fly somewhere faraway and do weird family things. this ought to be interesting.

roberto and i went movie marathoning yesterday. we watched stranger than fiction. that really doesn't count as a movie marathon, one movie, does it? hmmmm... but it was good. not what i expected, really, but still good. i forgot my debit card, and not on purpose, i swear. he bought me a novel to help me get through final fantasy 12. it's kicking my arse. the book maps out everything i have to do and everyone i have to fight. i'm going to conquer this game, never mind that it's going to take me 12 years to do it and when i'm done, they'll be releasing playstation XXV and final fantasy 36. it will be mine. oh yes. it will be mine.

i'm tired. i want to go to bed. maybe i'll be back to write more later. maybe not.

16 November 2006

you're a cold motherfucker, aren't you?

you could have at least told me this was coming. it's kind of hateful to let someone get this in the mail, especially since you know how much i love getting mail. i guess it hurts because deep down, i truly thought we had a chance. i thought there might be something left. i guess i was wrong. i guess i was wrong about a lot of things. i cried tonight. i cried over you. i cried over what i thought i had and what i thought i'd lost. but i'm done. i'm not crying for you anymore. i'm not crying for anyone. you don't deserve my tears. no one does. i'm stronger than this. i'm going to be fine.

how about you?

15 November 2006

no more fart noises, please.

my computer just like wacked out. i was trying to type an apostrophe and everytime i'd push the apostrophe key, it would make this weird farting noise. not my computer, but mozilla. this weird little box would flash and it would fart. how fucking weird is that. hmm. well, i restarted and now i can apostrophe to me lil' heart's content. yippee!

so. the news for the day is:

****i'm going to cancun!****

did you notice the apostrophe? no fart noises. rock. but yeah. i decided, fuck it. dolly's onl
y going to be 21 once and i need a break. so i'm going to go to cancun and drink myself stupid on the beach. or wherever the group goes. something about her and sue and a few ua peeps from msn. whatever. give me some sun and some sand and a mai tai and i am soooo ready to go with the flow. i've got my days at work covered and i've got a bunch of shit to sell on ebay to make the money i'll spend while i'm down there. rock the hell on. this will be fun. we'll meet in dfw on the 26th and come home on the 29th. just long enough to get a sunburn and a veneral disease. only kidding. vd does not a good souvenir make.

i told my mom i was going to cun, i thought for sure she'd be upset and tell me my priorities are out of order. in fact, it was quite the opposite. she was telling me i needed to go and i was the one saying it's just not responsible. well fuck responsible. i'll figure something out. i always do. i want to go and i deserve to go. i haven't seen sue or dolly for months and months. and i do love the ocean. the resort is all-inclusive. fun, fun, fun.

so. i have a ton of longaberger stuff to sell on ebay. do you want to buy a basket? i have lots of baskets. and i'm not selling even half of them...yet. baskets and clothes and crap. would you like to buy some crap? i wanted to get stuff listed tonight but it's not going to happen. so instead i'll get all my photos ready and take measurements
for my descriptions and get ready to list tomorrow night. crap... crap for sale...

so there's all these new people at work since nwa got outsourced. and 90 percent of them are retarded. not like officially retarded, but pretty freaking stupid. there are these stickers on the doors that say push to open. because right next to the door there's a green 'exit' button. (no fart noises there either.) you push the green button to get the door to unlock so you can pull it open. but i guess if you're retarded that's hard to comprehend. some chick got stuck on the back side of baggage claim because she was pushing on the door and couldn't get out. and then apparently she had a genius moment because sh
e did eventually reappear. "i don't know why that door says push to open... you have to pull on that door to get out." hmmm... i would think they'd have a minimum iq requirement to work that sort of job but maybe not. do you have a pulse? perfect! you're hired!

the kitties are getting along beautifully. now they lick each other's faces and then bite the holy hell out of each other. it's sweet. no, seriously, they get along okay. they do like to play at ungodly hours, though, like 0300. and 0530. crazy bastards.

i'm infatuated with csi:miami because i'm in love with david caruso. sometimes the entire show has a yellow tint to it; but i wonder if that's not my tv. or maybe miami is so much closer to the equator than iowa that the rays from the sun absorb the color from the surrounding sand and disney world and it reflects as yellow instead of white. maybe not. i don't know.

isn't he cute? i love the way he talks. plus, the old csi have rory cochrane in them. ahhh yes... lucas. yum!

finally, i get to go to a dildo party. finally. heather's having one tomorrow night and i don't have to work late. in fact, i may try to leave a little early to get there on time. i need all the dildo time i can get. :) i've missed all the other ones, so i'm looking forward to going.

nigel and i are going drinking on friday night. rock on. bob's going to some ultimate fighting thing or something, i can't remember. he told me about it last weekend. this saturday is the last day the ice cream store is open until next march. i'm sad. where will i go for ice cream now? paying for it just doesn't seem quite right and i doubt hyvee is just going to let me have ice cream. so we're drinking in honor of the whippy dip closing. and whatever else comes to mind. perhaps i'll call blue eyes to see if he can get a babysitter and some free time... maybe not. i don't know. i haven't talked to him in over a month. i just never called. god, i sound like a dude. that's just not right; there's something wrong with me.

i applied for another job at hdq. another tariff job. i hear that the powers that be are a teenie-weenie bit upset with me because they want to give me more responsibility and i keep trying to get out of the station. jesus, who wouldn't want to get out of there? its fucking depressing. we're all miserable, the bond that ties is that we're all miserable about the same thing. but we're all so spoiled with our travel benefits that no one wants to leave. i'm sure it won't go anywhere, this application i've submitted, but you never know. i'll never get out if i don't try. i could live in dfw. that'd be okay.

okay. csi is on. i'm going for now. ta-ta.