31 May 2007

life jackets for everyone

have you ever had one of those dreams that was so intense, so emotional that you had to force yourself to wake up? i did, this morning. and i slept in, until nearly 10 am, but i was still groggy and upset from this dream.

i dreamt i was with friends, all of which had kids, cute little kids - clean, well behaved, dressed in gap kids and baby gap from head to toe. kids that looked like magazine advertisement children. the type of children that don't really exist (except for the harpster). my friends and i were in a swampy, lagoon-ish looking area of the world that i've never visited personally. we were in a lodge of sorts, surrounded by lakes and rivers and moss and bridges. everywhere we traveled we went by boat, which is nice but kind of freaks me out.

for some god awful reason, boat operating duties were left to me. these are my friends, they should know better than this but i was left to operate watercraft with their children on board. i turned too fast - this was no boat built for speed or accuracy, this was basically a fucking pontoon boat, and it tipped over. one of those exaggerated, titantic-sinking type tips. elongated screams, children in the water, and pure terror. the boat righted itself and i was able to find all the children but one. i searched and searched but no children remained in the water, as far as i could tell. i was heartbroken.

i just can't shake those images.

30 May 2007

the whole truth and nothing but the truth...

i'm at job #only today. the mood is tense. i have been on some serious, serious reports before but nothing quite like this...

oh wait. that doesn't quite apply here.

so i'm working. work is a broad term, loosely applied in this case. because i have done very little today other than ogle the australian eye candy that appeared in the middle of the night and fluff my hair to look cute. (when in doubt, fluff. fluff a lot. it looks cute. those are still words to live by.)

so the other night i was attempting to call my parents. i pick up the phone and speed dial 5, because for the last bajillion years, that's been homebase. however, in a fit of romanticism and insanity, i changed speed dial 5 to speed dial baxter. wtf, i know, right? so la la la, i'm calling away. it rings. and i realize what i've done but it's too late to correct it. so i take the adult road and fucking hang up, like a retard. when will i ever learn?

i'm hungry for fruit. fruit i can eat with a spork.

29 May 2007

TGIF! (only it's monday, and i'm really not that happy about it...)

the world is short a few of these, thanks to me driving the damn speed limit. boo to the iowa state patrol!

i used to know a woman named janet. she was a little strange, a few fries short of a happy meal but a very nice person with a big heart. janet loved animals, and had an odd little concoction in her third floor apartment: a blind dog, a cat with three legs and another cat that had no hair. (and it was supposed to have hair.) but janet also loved butterflies. she was part of a program sponsored by iowa state university that tracked the migration of different types of butterflies. she would spend hours every night counting butterflies outside our apartment complex, making notes in her notebook about the number of butterflies she saw and odd butterfly behavior.

so today, i'm driving to work. it's a beautiful sunny day and i'm driving the speed limit because it's a holiday weekend (and i can't afford another speeding ticket). when you drive the speed limit, you can see the bugs that are going to splat on the front end of your car before they actually hit. i hit a shit ton of butterflies today. i wonder if that will throw off janet's migration statistics? with every one i hit, i felt the need to call her and let her know her count was going to be off...

andy fales is going to kansas city. fuck you eddy. at least i got my camera.

this morning i was watching the news, standing in the kitchen eating poptarts. my favorite newscaster andy fales is leaving. what reason do i now have to watch channel 13 sports? i'm bummed. and i'm especially sad to learn that he's going to kansas city, where eddy is. we did not agree to this and i nearly wanted to call my attorney, but i figured there was little he could do to remedy the situation. what's really upsetting is that i'm never stepping foot in the kansas city city limits ever again, which means that i'll never get to see andy fales again.

he's gone the way of gary amble, my all-time forever favorite weatherman, who also ended up in kansas city. bastards!

gary amble has not aged a day. he has looked like this since i was 12.

so i've figured out what's wrong with roger: he has dropsy. koko didn't even help me with the diagnosis; i solved it on my own. unfortunately, with the stage that roger has evolved to, there is not much that can be done to cure dropsy. which upsets me greatly. looking at his symptoms, i can see that this is what killed my beloved adolph. but roger probably won't make it through the night. roger was the reason i got a fishtank in the first place.

but i still have norman. until the tank of death and doom claims him too and then i'm going to be done with goldfish for a while. like four days.

tomorrow is my older younger brother's birthday (if that makes sense). he's going to be 23. i got him the coolest present ever, he's going to love it. when i remember to do so, i find great gifts. i wonder though at times if i'm experiencing early onset of senility because i'm not able to remember things like i used to. or maybe i'm just too wrapped up in me to notice the people around me. like it just dawned on me that i didn't call my stepmom on mother's day. i know she's not my mom but she keeps my dad from driving me crazy and i should thank her for that from time to time. my grandma's husband's birthday was earlier this month and i didn't do a single thing for that either.

i suck.

i closed at the ice cream store tonight. business actually picked up and we had a good night. i worked with snackmaster bob and a high school kid, just graduated. she's nice, but talkative. the question i pose is this: was i that opinionated and loud at 18? did i think i knew everything all the time? was i never wrong, like this girl? if that's the case, i have become quite dumb in the last 9 years. i guess i could approach it that i've gotten even smarter (as if that's even possible!) because i know now that i really don't know anything.

in 27 days, i will be 10,000 days old. how's that for exciting. i want a cake for that holiday, damn it. a cake that says "happy 10,000-day asshole." i wonder if hy-vee would make that for me?

10,000 candles is a lot of candles. i'm going to need a fan to blow these suckers out.

i expect gifts. it's not everyday that a girl turns 10,000.

i wish there were more glow in the dark stars on my ceiling.

i had the weirdest dreams last night; and lots of them. about people i don't really want to dream about and situations i'd rather not relive. i woke up crying, not wanting to feel any of that again. but even in my dream, the most difficult part was the division of the stuff, the separation of me and him from the items we had accumulated in our togetherness. in my dream i called him by the nickname we had for each other and even in my dream, i received the same blank stare i received in real life. i wonder when that will ever fade away. not related, i also had a dream where i was counting tons and tons of one-dollar bills in my wallet (am i stripper in my dreams? hmmm...) and i found a two-dollar bill in the middle of this stack of ones and it made my day. and then i sold it to my mom.

i have no idea what that means. wtf?

i'm tired. i'm going to bed.

28 May 2007

weebles wobble but only chuck norris can knock them down

i woke up this morning to find a superhero in nigel's living room. i wondered if i was hallucinating - had the night really been that rough? nope. it was her son, dressed head to toe in a robin costume, complete with the eye mask and everything. it was moderately unnerving to find a little boy standing in the living room, not making a sound. but once i moved and he saw that i was awake, i got a 10 minute lesson on the teen titan video game and how the beast boy can morph into anything or anyone, even a dinosaur. that's right. even a dinosaur. i'm sure that information will come in handy one day...

i swear i was still drunk. it was a good night. red bull and vodka, sam hill's whores and i finally met mr. wantland's son! it only took like six months of myspace stalking and a two hour cougar story... but he's tight with the nadas, so maybe i can get a cd out of this? or a tshirt? because i love free tshirts. and i love the nadas. this could be a lucrative relationship.

well, enough liquid bravery and i conquered my fear and made the phone call. i'd like to say that i remember it but that would be a lie. because i remember nary a word. there are downfalls to drunk blogging but at least you wake up the next morning and can say, "dude, i really wrote that, i put that out there and people might read it..." whereas with drunk dialing, you're at the mercy of the person on the other end of the line to tell you what nonsense you spurted for 11 minutes and 35 seconds at 0226 on a saturday night. sometimes you get the full story, sometimes you get the reader's digest condensed version. neither is very good, usually. i'm an exceptionally affectionate and honest drunk; i think that may be a deadly combination.

so my goldfish has a sore. i'm not sure what it's from. it kind of looks like a pimple, but he'd be the only goldfish with back acne if that's really the case. so i have to treat the tank with salt for this condition, which means that i have to add 29-teaspoons of salt (because it's a 29-gallon tank) to the water every day for three days until the salinity reaches 0.3%. it's smelling kind of oceanic in my room now and my skins drying out. and furthermore this does not seem to be helping roger's "condition" any more than salt-free water. these fish will be the death of me, i swear to god.

okay. i'm going to bed now. i'm tired.

26 May 2007

use your diaphragm and sing pretty to me

i'd change my name to delilah in a heartbeat for someone to sing this to me.

"Hey There Delilah"

Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true

Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice it's my disguise
I'm by your side

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me

Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame

Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This ones for you

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me

(Plain White T's)

bawk bawk bawk...

nearly 0100 here, it's 0200 there. i'm home and not sleeping. but i'm not calling either. i'm terrified of rejection. instead i'm going to bed. perhaps things will look different in the morning.

25 May 2007

the truth.

i'm honest in varying degrees with what i say here sometimes, regarding how i feel and what i admit to. those who read what i write know that sometimes you have to read between the lines to see what i'm saying.

this is what i've been trying to say for a long time. someday i'll reach you.

recliners and recurring dreams.

wtf is wrong with me? i've been having this dream for a while now: i'm driving in the fog - a really thick, dense fog - and i can hardly see. the road is an old blacktop road, the edges are rotting away in the weather. and i'm speeding. crazy fast. i can't see 10 feet in front of me nor 10 feet behind me. and lined up on the side of the road are people in recliners. i mean, right on the edge of the road. so close i'm wincing because i think i may hit them.

i have no idea what that means.

today is our coworker's super secret tons of fun ice cream party in honor of her last day because it is a well known fact that ice cream = fun - death, to define the situation mathematically. depending on how you look at things, death is interchangeable with chuck norris. or was it prince? i'm not sure anymore... that whole x + y = z thing is confusing enough but make one of those variables equal to ice cream and i'm all confused.

so i'm off to the dutch village, the land of everything holy, overpriced, overrated, misspelled and stuck in the back of the closet. because i love me some dutch people. with any luck, i'll be rewarded for my hard work by getting to go out with nigel this evening in the raging metropolis 17 miles to my north. but snackmaster bob will prolly put the kebash on that, real quick like. he's sort of a fun hater sometimes.

superjanel OUT.

cheese doesn't go to hell.

working title: i am living, breathing proof that a person can in fact be uber-swell. or janelle does not have testicles.

i'm tired. it's the middle of the night; i've been up for hours talking to newfound friends from faraway places - like vermont. (i'm saying vermont like wayne says 'delaware.' surely you know what i'm talking about...) this guy cracks me up. i laugh and laugh and laugh and i'm the only one in my room. my mom thinks i've finally lost it, i'm sure. but that's okay. this week my real-life friends aren't nearly as entertaining... and they also don't want to talk baseball. and they're not as cute.

i have things to do tomorrow. i need some sleep.

sweet dreams...

24 May 2007

something smells like milk and butter.

i'm off to sling ice cream in place of my younger brother.

...it's a family affair, it's a family affair...

it's going to rain like a mother today so i expect ice cream sales to be below average and then maybe i can leave early. and then i can do laundry because i really do have not any clean clothes and tomorrow i will have to work at the whippy dip naked.

and that's prolly not good for anyone involved.

"why yes i'm nipping out, i'm serving ice cream, you loon!"

toodles. :)

the ratio of people to cake is too big.

i had dinner with nigel, snackmaster bob and the kiddos tonight. i've said it before and i'll say it again, eating with children is the best form of birth control on the planet. i think all single and/or stupid people should be required by law to do it at least once a week. it would cut down on a lot of single parents and unhappy families. and the pope approves of it, so you know it's got to be good.

worked at job #only today. technically, it's not really #only, if you count the whippy dip. but sometimes working at the whippy dip is so much fun it doesn't feel like work.

NOT. (this suit is not black. this suit is black not. this suit is black. ............................................................................................................................... NOT.)

again, i talked to my new friend from vt. talking with this guy is like a short lesson in random topics that really aren't worthy of discussing but for some reason are particularly fascinating when coming from him. is it his delivery? the dead pan sarcasm for which i have such a soft spot? i'm not sure. but the conversation is good. so today's lessons centered around the corporate sanctioning of foursomes at the sugarbush, the
über-cool umlaut and comedian dave atell - he's in fact not dead, as well as various get up one could wear while serving ice cream. thank god we're not talking on the phone; i'd have to take my own damn phone away for going over my minutes.

i ordered the coolest pair of shoes ever today. photos to come when they get here.

i think that's all. i'm going to go watch me some sportscenter now. i'm kind of tired.

23 May 2007

i'm surrounded by assholes.

these things made me laugh today:

  • warning signs that your child may be a goth: parents, if your child is smearing the blood of a christian baby on anything, you probably have more to worry about than little jane or johnny being a goth.

  • pirate laws: were you aware that pirates are not allowed to wear fanny packs? me neither. very enlightening.

we're going to have to go... ludicrous speed!

i had the most bizarre dreams last night. i dreamt that i was going on a trip with my brother and he was driving a red ford fiesta. he decided to leave early and was only giving me a few minutes to pack and dress before we left. i stopped to brush my teeth and found that they had black stripes on them that my toothbrush wouldn't remove. roberto was honking and honking in the driveway and i got out there to put my tiny bag in the back of the car and we remembered that we were taking golf clubs and we'd left them on the side of the road. we had to go back to get them. (obviously, we're not golfers.) and as we drove away the road behind us was being demolished but i couldn't say anything because i wasn't going to show anyone my teeth.

wtf does that mean?

and really, we're not golfers. not even like regular partakers of putt putt.

i'm not going to lie to you: this cone is unstable.

i think it takes an unstable person to admit that they make unstable ice cream cones. but don't tell roberto that...

i've had the best day today. i hung out with my mom all day long. we went to pella and watched roberto and jorge harass markus. we went to dsm and shopped (which if you know my mom, you know that this is a rare occasion and one that needs to be celebrated!); i got an adorable new purse and rockstar hot new sunglasses, which - and i'm not going to lie to you - i look absolutely freaking adorable in. we ate lunch and hit the casino where i lost every penny given to me and every penny i took in, which was not very many pennies - i'm too materialistic to gamble much. i like to bring home crap that i've spent money on, not just throw away my money. although if i had more money, it might be different. but i don't so it's not a concern. and then i bought the most adorable goldfish. his name is norman. photos to come soon; he's sort of a spaz. and then i spent the evening discussing the amish, coal, radio and drinking with a new friend. it was a good day.

i missed the coming of the josh to our humble place of employment today; although nigel took notes for me. she says his teeth are not that great, which is too bad. so the guy's got two strikes against him: bad teeth and he's from wisconsin. doesn't stand a chance. plus, she says he reminds her of reent, so i don't know if that's personality-wise or if he showed up in an awful hunter orange flopping fisherman hat.

and why the fuck do they make fishing hats in hunter orange? it's not like you're shooting the damn fish, although if that were going to happen, it would happen around here. how much of a sport can that be if you're armed with a shotgun in a boat and the fish are right there, underneath you? although, not all fish are as dumb as goldfish and i tend to forget that. i love my goldfish, but they're dumb. remember the movie "50 first dates"? the guy with the 10-second memory span, ten-second tom? that's like a goldfish. "swim, swim, swim, ooh a rock, it's pretty..." and then over and over again. you'd think that would be boring but my goldies look happy.

when they're not all dying and stuff. they don't look so happy when they're dead.

it was a day for random text messages. again, i received an oh-so-romantic proposition. it must be his day off. i love me some pizza, but i had to decline just in principle if nothing else. that's no way to ask me out, damn it! and i sent prolly the bitchiest text message to baxter ever. that boy has my panties wadded, that's for sure. and i'm not even sure why. ugh. but that's okay. i'm moving to vermont. my new friend from vermont is far more conversational and has a better sense of humor. SO THERE. :P (but i saw you checked on what i had to say about you, which makes me laugh.)

i'm working job #only tomorrow. i should go to bed. i'm kind of tired. i'm low on gas and you need a jacket...

21 May 2007

shorts on the highway. k-mart sucks, ray.

this evening as i was driving home it was a little foggy in some spots. have i told you lately how much i enjoy driving in fog? it's like the perfect excuse to hit something, because if it's foggy enough there's no way you could have seen it and you're gonna hit it anyway. fog just adds to the drama. but anyway. tonight i was driving home - in the fog - and i didn't hit anything. but i easily could have. apparently down here in b.f.e., animals have nothing better to do than stand in the middle of the damn road. i'm not talking critters, like opossums - i'm talking animals. deer. beavers. and fucking cows. no joke. i nearly hit a cow this evening on my way home because the amish are stupid and unable to build fences with properly operating gates so the cows just wander where they may. and this one - this one massive cow with white spots and a fucking death wish - wandered into the middle of highway 14 and waited for me.

those amish bitches are trying to kill me, i swear.

as long as i'm talking about my car, let's talk about bird poop and crunchy bugs. i had to wash my car today (and i hate washing my car, it just seems pointless) because the bird the size of a one-car garage shit all over my car. i'm talking poop splatters the size of large pizzas; this must have been a fucking pterodactyl with a 17-foot wing span. you'd think that the dnr would be on top of this kind of shit (literally!) but they're too busy writing reports denying the existence of mountain lions in the area. but as far as this car wash - it took like 27$ and 40 minutes to get the crap off uugof's hood. ugh.

and crunchy bugs can suck my nut, if i had one. i DESPISE crunchy bug season, which unfortunately runs pretty much from the beginning of april to november around here. what is crunchy bug season? it's the time of year when you can't even drive 4.32 miles per hour without hitting a crunchy bug with your car and it smears all over the (most likely just cleaned) windshield and has to be washed off with a toxic mixture of gasoline and peanut butter.

i woke up at 0448 this morning because my phone was ringing. it was a goddamn filipino wanting to talk shoes that i'm selling on ebay. not kidding here. the ass clown pulled my contact information off ebay and called me up. AT A QUARTER TO FIVE IN THE A.M. fuckhead. i'm not in the mood to talk shop at that hour, assmunch. furthermore, don't call me. that's the point of ebay. you don't have to personally face the crazy public. he's currently got two winning bids on two items. woohoo...

after all the canada-bashing i've done, wouldn't it be funny if i dated a canadian? it would almost be as bad as dating someone from madison. i hate madison. grr... those are becoming options though as i realize that baxter from virginia just all around SUCKS. so much for finding out what "that" really was. i guess i'll never know.

as long as we're on the topic of dating, i've been approached by an ex - for dinner, drinks and perhaps extracurricular activities (if you know what i mean, dude) if i were so willing. so far, i haven't been willing. but this cat is tenacious and has advised that he won't stop asking until he at least gets dinner and drinks. my question is this: do people really change enough that this kind of situation wouldn't be uncomfortable? are ex-boyfriends (etc) exes for a reason - because you're incompatible? what are the chances that people change? and is any or all of this even worth bothering with, should i even give it any sort of time/effort/thought?

i do like free food. and free cocktails are the best kind of cocktails...

so my headache went away. it was a combination of caffeine and hot showers and cone dip, i do believe. :) regardless, my head feels better, which is fantasmical because i was ready to poke out my own eyes to make it stop.

i'm not sure how cute i'd be with two pirate patches. "yarrrr...."

naw, i'd still be adorable.

what? they're only fish? no one told me that...

my goldfish will be the death of me. another death, another flush - and now roger is alone in his big pretty tank.

i have the worst headache ever this morning. i don't know if it's this bed or my allergies or a migraine - it's been forming since last thursday and it's full force this morning. ugh. i'm medicating with all sorts of advil and allergy meds except that none of them are working so far. i don't have any migraine meds any more. :(

i'm going to go take a shower and see if that helps.

20 May 2007

what did i do before the internet?

i love my laptop. i love wireless internet. i love yahoo and aim and stumble and myspace. i don't remember what i did before the internet, really. i must have watched a lot of tv. i know i read more books. maybe i spent more time outside, although i doubt it. i'm not sure how i ever answered any questions or found song lyrics or found new friends.

thanks, al gore.

19 May 2007

eh, nevermind.

changed my mind, i have.
staying in, not leaving home.
sleeping is good.

no parties for me.
no drink, no dance, no kiss, none.
a night alone; reflect.

instead i doze off.
dreams of those unknown and new.
that is who i want.

but time will only tell
if that is to be had, and
here i sit and wait.

(bitches, those are haikus. and damn good ones, too.)

superjanel OUT. i have things to do.

it’s synchronicity and raw

going out. fun to be had. drinks to be consumed.

except i'm kind of tired and at the moment, i think i have ice cream in my hair.


(is that a haiku? eh, close enough.)

superjanel OUT.

18 May 2007

i've been patiently waiting, the indicator light is flashing on...

oh friday, sweet beer friday. i took nigel a large cup full of pickle juice and a sandwich that looked like a pound of cocaine, it was wrapped that well. it was a slow day at the ice cream store, what can i say? however, i did learn to make an ice cream cone that is presentable and sellable (is that a word?) so i can't say that the entire day was a loss.

is that the big dipper?

there are glow in the dark stars on my ceiling. one of the brothers put them there (two guesses) after i moved out. they also painted over my school bus yellow wall and made it north carolina tar heel blue (again, two guesses). but i like this room. it's comfy. not too comfy, like i want to stay home forever and pass out suckers at the bank, but comfy for now.

look out below!

i don't like beer, really. i mean, there are a few kinds i find tolerable but i girl them up with lemon or lime. although the other night i noticed quite a few supposedly manly men with fruit in their beer, so maybe that doesn't have the girly connotation it used to. so like i said, i took nigel this giant glass full of pickle juice (with a lone pickle inside, yum). this is because we don't drink beer - our favorite shot is a sam hill's whore: jack and pickle juice. and no place has pickle juice anymore because we've drank it all. and they're upset because their pickles are dry. so now we are forced to provide our own pickle juice. and since the ice cream store has the best pickles in the whole wide world and not too many uses for pickle juice - we are set.

tonight should be fun.

i think i may hear from baxter this weekend. i understand the boy is busy, but come on - weekends only? out of sight, out of mind, my boy. that's how i operate. don't expect me to come-a-runnin' on the weekends if you can't notice me during the week.

if i were blue and made of play-do and wore a fisherman's hat and had big googly eyes, this would look like me
sticking my tongue out at you, baxter.
but instead it kind of looks like a mushroom with a face.

and i think that's all i have to say. for now. i'm going to go drink some pickle juice and look for cute boys. toodles.

i can honestly say i'm not retarded.

at least not when it comes to ice cream cones, anyway.

i'm an ice cream slinging mamma jamma

yeah. so take that bitches.

today, i am going to the ice cream store and i'm not leaving until i can create an ice cream cone that is presentable.

it's going to be a long day, as i carry the recessive and rare 'ice cream cone failure' gene. my ice cream cones tip and teeter and have this ridiculous looking curly thing on the top because i am literally ice cream retarded when it comes to creating ice cream masterpieces. (i have the eating ice cream masterpieces part covered.) i'm not sure if genetics can be overcome but i'm going to try.

if nothing else, it gives me the opportunity to eat ice cream and red hots and cone dip, which by the way is my new favorite sundae.

and then i think nigel and i are going to go drink lots of beer and try to grab boys' butts.

who said i don't have goals?

17 May 2007

let's go kill some birds. i'm psyched.

this post will be boring. i have nothing to say but i want to talk.

so today i talked to the peace corps. i need some vounteer experience in order to be "competitive." my recruiter said that other than that, my application looks good. she wants to schedule an interview, so i need to plan a trip to minneapolis in the next few weeks if i want to talk to her. if nothing else, it will be interesting. she gave me a list of assignments. one is improving my volunteer experience. another is rewriting an essay. the third is getting my references to complete their forms and get them turned in. i'm kind of excited about it. :)

i talked to several good friends today. it was good to get different outlooks and advice. i miss sue from roc. she gets me. she always knows when something is wrong; she's been calling for a while now and i've just been avoiding the conversation. and i talked to the texas ranger, she's going to try to help me out. and i talked to a good friend from work that i've missed. he's a sweetheart. he's moved! i didn't even know! he wants me to come to visit but we were both sad when i remembered that i don't work there anymore. which is too bad, because i've never been on a date in mexico.

i'm kind of tired right now. it's perfect sleeping weather. i'm going to go sleep now.

love, superjanel

i guess this is a plus...?

to my readers with herpes,

i've just read an article i think you should read. because even though you may have herpes (and judging from the article, there may be more of you than we'll ever know), you're not gonna get the bubonic plague!


drink up, peoples. i guess if there were ever an upside to an std, this would be it...?

the superjanel

ps - how funny is it that the guy doing the study has the last name of 'virgin'? he prolly has very little to worry about...

...i'll commit hare krishna!

i can't believe i forgot to tell you this.

so last night nigel and i are sitting at this table with the only other females in the room, because apparently that junior high segregation thing never really goes away, and i'm looking at the woman next to me and i know that i have seen her before.

and then it dawns on me.

i am sitting next to mama fratelli from the goonies.
mama fratelli does not like booty traps. or booby traps. and don't ask her for the spaghetti carbonara, circa 1981.
she does enjoy tongue and apparently "dancing with the stars" because she told me so last night.

i kid you not. she had the hair, the voice, the wrinkles - if i didn't know that the movie was made 22 years ago, i would swear i was sitting next to the actual mama fratelli. i so wanted to ask her how francis and jake were doing and if i could have a glass of water... but i didn't.

but i know where to find her. she owns a bar in st. mary's, west of indianola. and she's a big fan of american idol and gray's anatomy and dancing with the stars. i may just go there to have my picture taken with her. i wonder if she'll sign it mama fratelli...

dude! that is so not cheese on your shirt...

finally! i figured out my wireless internet and i'm writing from the comfort of my own (well, sort of i guess it's my) room.

i'm so smart, i just amaze me.

tonight nigel and i had business. we had things to do and people to see. no, seriously, we went to a work function: finance and insurance people from area dealerships got together to celebrate the fact that wells fargo is mediocre at best at financing our customers. of course, no one said that until after the sales reps ordered rounds of shots and handed out most of the cheesy door prizes. it's a business that is still mostly male: i couldn't tell if they were talking to me because they were sincerely interested in me or if it was because i have boobs. i guess when i'm in a room of moderately cute boys with which i have a verifiable connection i shouldn't complain either way, eh? anyway. we taught nigel how to do a lemon drop shot and i had a red bull and vodka and we headed out. after of course we took pictures of all the cute butts with our camera phones.

yeah, that's why we're hot.

so today was officially my last day at work. now once again, job #2 is really job # only. i'm not sure if it can be considered a mutual thing - i tend to think i was fired. i have to send in my badge and my keys, and blah blah blah. i was feeling bad until i read my horoscope:

"It may be time for you to go back to school to get another degree in your field, or to begin studying a completely new field. One thing is for sure: you are ready for a change. You likely have not been progressing as quickly as you'd like. It's not due to your lack of ability, but may be because of a poor fit with your job environment. A change of environment would do you good, though a change of careers could be even better for you..."
those furbies. they always know... i don't know how they do it, they just do it.

my favorite joke of the week:

what did the zero say to the eight?

(this is funny...)

"nice belt!"

i'm going to go veg out with the weather channel now.

love, superfreakinhappytobeconnectedjanel

16 May 2007

no commercials, no mercy!

i'm short on time, so here are the updates:
  • in an apparent fit of randomness, i got propositioned via text message this afternoon. it made me laugh. that was probably not the response sought by the sender.
  • so far, crazy dog has not eaten my kittehs. my dad put a lock on the door, which is activated from the outside. i can see where this could lead, janel and the kittehs locked in our bedroom. additionally, they've placed their laundry basket outside the door to keep crazy dog from gnawing away the carpet. at first i thought they just wanted me to do the laundry.
  • i got the call from the peace corps. yup, i'm one step closer to living in a mud hut in the depths of africa, showing the locals how to send email and write resumes.
  • i'm still contemplating a dinner invitation. so far, i have not returned the phone call.
  • i broke my mom's computer and her australian clock and we're only on day three.

that about covers it for now. i'll write more in a little bit when i have more time.

love, superjanel

15 May 2007

you want some of this milk, sideburns?

uneventful day. puttered with puter crap, cords and plugs, monitors and modems. where ever i go, i leave a trail of non-working computer equipment. it's so i can find my way back in case i ever get lost.

do you have any idea how weird it is to sleep in the same room you slept in as a teenager? granted, my school bus yellow wall is now north carolina tarheel blue, but it's still my room. the bed's facing a different direction, but it's still very much my room. it's an eerie feeling, especially when i think of all the different things that have happened in that room. holy crizzap. if walls could talk, well that'd be weird. but these walls would say "stop looking at me, swan!"

as long as we're on the long and winding road of things past, i've been speaking with a serious blast from the past. yup, we've talked before, in fact we've talked quite a bit but it's all been online. so he called the other day and left me a vm. i haven't heard that voice in over seven years - it was a little shocking. i may go to dinner, i may not. i believe he's looking for something more and i'm pretty sure i'm not down with that sickness.

no milk will ever be our milk.

speaking of milk. so my mom thinks my diet is a little wack. she says that no person should survive on various types of cheese and cocoa puffs exclusively. so tonight i ate some chicken. perhaps i'll just base my diet on foods and beverages that begin with the letter c: cheese, cocoa puffs, chicken, cola and cocktails.


moving catastrophe #2

i lost a fish last night. again, not lost in the sense that he's hiding and cannot be found - lost in the sense that he died. i'm bummed. otto was one of my favorites. he was a sweet little guy, had a sweet little face and always met me at the tank when i came into the room. :(

if there is an upside, it's getting to watch mischa try to determine what a waterbed is and why it moves when she walks.

have you slept on a waterbed lately? yeah, they're not as comfortable as they were 10 years ago. i'm not sure why; i think it's a sign i'm getting old.

things to do. superjanel OUT.

14 May 2007

moving catastrophe #1

0937: roger gets stuck to the water vac. gahhhh.....

it's going to be a long day.


i should own stock in this company. they make a fortune off me, the slimy bastards.

it's moving day. yippee.

and my space bar is suddenly sticky. wtf is up with that?

ok, things to do. wish me luck.


coming to see me? yeah, you need to bring reinforcement.

holy crap.

so i'm watching the weather channel's "100 biggest moments." (yeah, i'm a meteorological geek. deal.) and guess who's providing commentary?

mo rocca.

yup, the same mo rocca from vh1's "i love the 80s" and "i love the 70s" and "i love the 90s." i guess he loves the 100 biggest weather moments too.

looking for someone to take to a party? mo rocca is your man. he can small talk all night long.

that is one diverse fellow.

13 May 2007

this is a job that doesn't pay well.

i've been watching the a&e show "airline" as i've packed this afternoon. it's just like being at work except there is no ticket stock nor any bag tags and i'm not in an airport and there are no suitcases. so really it's nothing like work except that i'm left with the same feeling that the general public is comprised of nothing but self-serving incompetent ass clowns that make me tired. and for that i feel as though i should be paid for this afternoon's work.
there are lots of these all over my house. except mine are brightly colored and uniformly sized,
because they were on sale at staples. yup. that's how i roll.

almost all of my packing is finished. i'm like 90 percent finished. well, probably 78 percent finished. i know i'm at least 64 percent finished and i'm damn proud of it.

sixty percent of the time it works every time.

never betray the way you've always known it is...

i'm lying in bed. it's 0900 and i'm still in bed. i should be up and coherent; instead i'm still just lying here. i'm not sick. i'm not hungover. i'm just suffering from a lack of motivation this morning. that, and the fact that i'm out of milk kind of has me depressed. (doesn't take much to push me over the edge anymore...)

yesterday didn't go as planned. i had planned on packing all day yesterday and heading home today to spend mother's day with my mom and my gram. instead, yesterday i out getting boxes and planning the fish portion of the move (this is going to be messy) when my mom called to ask me to work at the ice cream store for the evening. quick drive to pella, make some ice cream, and head back, all in one day. the drive is nothing anymore; it's sad that now that i finally have it down to where i could make it in my sleep and i'm moving away.

11 May 2007

my toes, my toes, my toes...

i love the ringer on my phone when baxter calls, it makes me smile. he makes me smile. we've been talking for 4 months and one day now. *sigh*

i'm going to go to bed now, my head full of sweet dreams... :)

i just always wanted to open a door on spies in training.

i'm tired of packing. i'm tired of thinking about moving. i've done all the "responsible" things: turn in the keys to my post office box, rent a moving truck, remove my name from the utilities, shut off the cable/internet as of tuesday, and attempt to renew the tags on my car. i say attempted because the one day i decide to take care of things, their computer system is down (and not just in dbq, it was statewide!) and i got turned away. i wanted to ask the fat woman behind the desk if i could have a signed and notarized note saying that i at least attempted because if i get pulled over for expired tags it will be this weekend, that's just my luck. in addition to the "responsible" things i've done, i've also done some irresponsible things: gave the roommate back his 500$ when he tried to pay me rent, didn't call the landlord, blah, blah, blah.

let's focus on the responsible things, shall we?

but i'm tired of thinking about moving. and i'm tired of talking about moving. i say it's time for some good ol' janel nonsense.

one more thing about moving: since i'm all packed up, i may just head to maryland. they've raised the minimum wage for some people to 11.30$/hour. wtf? i know all sorts of people that don't make anywhere near that, yet make more than minimum wage in iowa. that's crazy talk, right there. so if you can't find me anytime soon, and you've foraged the land of frodo and still can't find me, check in maryland. (i'm saying maryland like wayne from wayne's world says "delaware.")

(i know, that's not the delaware clip, but that's almost funnier than the delaware clip. and thanks for pointing that out.)

i'm watching basketball. i'm not a huge basketball fan but there aren't any good baseball games on. i'm also not tired so i'm just looking for things to do. i almost want to go get boxes (somewhere, i don't know) and keep packing. then it would be done and i wouldn't have to worry about it anymore.

but i'm low on gas and you need a jacket. so i'll be staying home.

shit for sale, shit for sale.

i'm beginning to wonder how feasible it would be to just sell my shit rather than move it again. i know of a couple of people who would much rather see that happen - those that are once again helping me move. really though - it'd be a smoking deal, i'll just sell you the whole kit and caboodle. what do ya think?

ugh. i'm pooped. i've packed all my books and my dvds, and all the little things in my rooms. i need to get to work on my clothes. i wonder where one buys some of those garment boxes? that would be ideal but i'm not going to spend 40$ on a box. the kittehs are stressed; they know what's going on. i'm not 100 percent sure how to move fish but i'm going to give it a shot.

baxter called this afternoon, right in the middle of me calling work and my mom calling me. i hate to say it but hearing from that boy makes me smile. i like him. i'm sure he just called to say hello, but i managed to dump the whole situation on him and he took it like a champ. what a guy. he said he could tell that something has been grating on me for a while now; i didn't realize i was that transparent. it's odd that someone you barely know actually knows you better than you think... or something like that.

i'm hungry. what's for dinner?


it was fun while it lasted.

well, boys and girls, it's over. the superjanel is packing up and heading out. i can no longer deal with the stress, the drama or the bullshit and furthermore, i don't want to. my roommate is a cheat and a liar who wants nothing more than everything you have and when you give that, it's not good enough. and i don't want any part of that anymore. good riddance. sayonara. good luck to you.

so this weekend will be spent packing. you never know just how much shit you have until you actually pack. AND I HATE PACKING. in fact, i hate moving. but this has been a long time coming and i finally got the notice this morning that my instincts were in fact true. i've been ignoring this situation for a long time now and i don't want to have this monkey on my back anymore.

i said some really ugly things in the heat of the argument. i made some remarks that were purposely meant to dig at open wounds and make them bleed just a little bit more. i took that knife and i gave a little extra twist just to make sure it was in there all the way. but i told him i was looking to hurt him - anything to make him hurt as much as he has hurt me. i befriended him, i trusted him and i defended him. and at this moment it feels like there is no bigger hurt than realizing that a person you cared about isn't really the person you thought they were - when you realize that the friendship and trust hasn't really been reciprocated and you've been taken advantage of.

the friendship part has me a little messed up; the moving i can deal with.

that's me. that's where i am, at this very second.

09 May 2007

water? no thank you, fish make love in it.

you have chosen ... wisely.

i've been chosen. well, sort of. i'm interviewing for a position with a progressive lil' company that works nationwide to offer financial liability coverage to bad drivers such as moi...

(that didn't give it away at all, now did it?)

anyway. step two of their 126-step hiring process has been completed. and i among those chosen to complete step three: a phone interview next wednesday afternoon. finally - one i don't have to dress up for!

isn't that sad when the dress code is such a major point of contention for my "job hunt?"

oh well. the roommate asked what the job paid, and it was on my list of questions to ask, except that i got sidetracked staring at my interviewer's arms. he's no matt damon by any means; in fact i think he looks more like a sasquatch. he had the hairiest arms i think i've ever seen on a human being. (i'll tell you who took those lunches. it was that damn sasquatch!)

it was gross. and i think if i am offered the job he will be my supervisor. how do i let another person know that their hairiness gives me the heebie jeebies? hmmm...

oh yeah. IT'S NEW FISH DAY!

welcome, largemouth lilly lemonhead, to the tank of doom. isn't she cute?

i said yesterday that if that adorable little lemon oranda was still at petsmart i'd snap him up and bring him home. well, i did. except now that i see him, i think he is more of a she. and i have named her accordingly: largemouth lilly lemonhead. and she's not as little as i thought she was. in fact, she's way bigger than i thought she was. i didn't know buying fish was like buying furniture - everything looks really small until you bring it home. she's a big ass fish. she totally outweighs roger by at least two pounds. so my tank is now dominated by an alpha-female goldfish with an akc name. sorry roger.

talked to the roommate this afternoon regarding our living situation. he's having a bit of trouble - financially, personally, academically, professionally - i feel kind of sorry for him. it's the same place i was a month ago, only now i know what i have to do to make things work in my life and i'm attempting to make changes. he's under a lot of pressure from his folks to move home and stop being a leech but he said today he's going to try to make it work. so i guess for now we're staying put, although i don't imagine i'll be here forever. i'm not sold on the idea of living in dbq long term. but i am going to broaden my job search. unless my peace corps application is approved (you won't come see me dbq, how's about you come see me in south africa?!) i'm most likely going to have to find a "real" job.

nigel called this afternoon to let me know that our favorite aussie is coming back to town and should be arriving in about a month or so. fabulous. apparently we have a dinner date which is also fabulous. he's not bringing his entourage this summer, which is not fabulous. i got a kick out of miss brooksie and her using her eye socket to open beer bottles routine. (remember that foster's commercial where the chick opens the beer bottle with her teeth? keeper. i think of that every time i see brooksie do that!) everyone else (except for nigel, of course) found her to be a little uncouth and overly talkative. those are prolly the reasons we get along so well. it's okay though. me and miss brooksie, our tastes run a similar gamut and it gets just a little weird at the end of the season when we compare notes.

i don't think i have anything else to say right now. i'm off to read me some blogs.

ode to my bed.

how do i love thee? let me count the ways...

i heart my bed! i missed my bed! i can sleep sideways and upside down and rightside up and my feet never hang over the edge. i can sleep right in the middle or right on the edge, i can ball up the blankets or kick them off entirely...

okay. that's enough. i have too much to do today; can't be getting all weepy and sensitive. but i did sleep pretty well in spite of the kitteh olympics that took place all freakin' night. that's okay. i know they missed me. i do love my bed though, and my 47 pillows. so much that i don't want to get up this morning.

but like i said, much to do today. i'll be back.

08 May 2007

it wouldn't be like me to be timely.

i've been thinking about this passage since the time i heard that vonnegut died. this is one of the most profound things i think i've ever read...
"Billy looked at the clock on the gas stove. He had an hour to kill before the saucer came. He went into the living room, swinging the bottle like a dinner bell, turned on the television. He came slightly unstuck in time, saw the late movie backwards, then forwards again. It was a movie about American bombers in the Second World War and the gallant men who flew them. Seen backwards by Billy, the story went like this:

"American planes, full of holes and wounded men and corpses took off backwards from an airfield in England. Over France a few German fighter planes flew at them backwards, sucked bullets and shell fragments from some of the planes and crewmen. They did the same for wrecked American bombers on the ground, and those planes flew up backwards to join the formation.

"The formation flew backwards over a German city that was in flames. The bombers opened their bomb bay doors, exerted a miraculous magnetism which shrunk the fires, gathered them into cylindrical steel containers, and lifted the containers into the bellies of the planes. The containers were stored neatly in racks. The Germans below had miraculous devices of their own, which were long steel tubes. They used them to suck more fragments from the crewmen and planes. But there were still a few wounded Americans, though, and some of the bombers were in bad repair. Over France, though, German fighters came up again, made everything and everybody as good as new.

"When the bombers got back to their base, the steel cylinders were taken from the racks and shipped back to the United States of America, where factories were operating night and day, dismantling the cylinders, separating the dangerous contents into minerals. Touchingly, it was mainly women who did this work. The minerals were then shipped to specialists in remote areas. It was their business to put them into the ground., to hide them cleverly, so they would never hurt anybody ever again.

"The American fliers turned in their uniforms, became high school kids. And Hitler turned into a baby, Billy Pilgrim supposed. That wasn't in the movie. Billy was extrapolating. Everybody turned into a baby, and all humanity, without exception, conspired biologically to produce two perfect people named Adam and Eve, he supposed.

"Billy saw the war movies backwards then forwards-and then it was time to go out into his backyard to meet the flying saucer. Out he went, his blue and ivory feet crushing the wet salad of the lawn. He stopped, took a swig, of the dead champagne. It was like 7-Up. He would not raise his eyes to the sky, though he knew there was a flying saucer from Tralfamadore up there. He would see it soon enough, inside and out, and he would see, too, where it came from soon enough-soon enough."

- Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse Five

i always have had a thing for arms...

if you ever see me with one of these, please either commit me or get me to the nearest nunnery. i have a feeling that once you go fake boyfriend arm, you never go back...

everytime my phone rings i wish it were you.

i'm home. well, i'm in dbq where all my possessions and my kittehs and my fishies reside. i'm in dbq, where i rent a house and sometimes i even pay for that. i'm in dbq, where i sleep at night in my own bed with my own pillows. but am i home? no. on my way back up here this afternoon, i realized how much i resent this drive. i resent being so far away. my mom asked me if i was happy to be home and i said no, i said i was not looking forward to coming back.

she said that's a little more than a sign.

wouldn't it be great if a person could go back to being eight years old again? when the toughest decisions you had to make concerned which side of the tiger beat poster you were going to hang up - kirk cameron or corey haim? i was good at being eight years old, even though i didn't realize it then.

the kittehs were happy to see me; i missed them. they know how to destroy a house, though. i've never seen so many toys and uprooted plants in less than 900 square feet. heck, i'm not even mad. that's amazing...

i'm kind of sleepy. and i need to make my list of things to do in the morning. so toodles for now.

among other reasons....

lol. yay for doing laundry at my momma's house!

a bathroom epiphany

and not one of the 'i just read this amazing article in sports illustrated' variety either. nope. something dawned on me today while i was brushing my teeth.

i'm right handed and i hold my toothbrush with my right hand; my left hand is basically useless, like arms on a kangaroo or a tyrannosaurus rex or bob dole. no, it's not that bad, but it does have a mind of its own when trying to learn how to play piano.

anyway. i'm standing there, holding my toothbrush in my right hand and i turn on the water with my left hand and once again, just like every other day in my life, i turn on the HOT water. i hate, i despise, i abhor brushing my teeth with hot water but it's just so second nature i don't even notice when i do it.

and this morning i realized why. it's because i'm using my left hand and the faucet for the hot water is closer to my left hand. rather than do an awkward cross body backwards turn for cold water, my left hand just chooses the simpler task of using hot water.

well, i say no more. tomorrow i am going to throw out my back using cold water to brush my teeth. tomorrow i will leave the bathroom with clean teeth and a pulled muscle from the awkward cross body reach that will feel pretty darn unnatural.

it's good to have goals, right?

god, i need something real to write about. this is just freaking sad. :(

i'm leaving my mom's house today and heading back out into the real world where water bills and car payments are due. i'm a little sad but i do miss my kittehs. and my fish. and if that big yellow goldfish is still at petsmart, i am so bringing his little lemonhead home tonight.

and that's about it for now. i'm off to the ice cream store to work, of all things. you bitches best not be ordering ice cream cones. i am the superjanel and i only serve ice cream in dishes.
superjanel + ice cream cones = major disappointment for everyone involved. my ice cream cones make babies cry. and not in a good way.

superjanel OUT.

07 May 2007

yes, i love the crack of your ass.

the roommate and i just had the most serious conversation we've had in about ... 6 days? he's considering moving home. to his parent's house in mli. which leaves me living alone in dbq or moving home to my mom's house.

ahh, the joys of living with someone as unstable as you are...

i'm not sure how i feel about this. i know how my mom and my friends feel. i know how my boss is going to feel - i'm not going to be real popular at work if this is the end result of 2 months spent trying to transfer.

i lie. i know how i feel. i hate the idea of going home. i hate the idea of living with my parents. i hate the idea of failing. i think i would be all too comfortable letting someone else have the responsibility for a while. but at the same time, something has to give. my fallback methods are straining and so is my own sanity. this is affecting every area of my life and it's driving me batshit crazy.

i would miss my roommate, he's a good person and generally a good friend. everyone has their faults but i think those are accentuated when you live with someone and are subject to their behavior each and every day. he would (hopefully say the same thing about me, but i'm not sure.)

maybe i should make a list. a list of things that are keeping me in dbq and a list of reasons why i should move home.

things that are keeping me in dbq
  • my job. my job is in cid and it is approximately 1 hour and 15 minutes away from dbq. from home, it is approximately 3 hours to cid. obviously, dbq is the winner in this situation.
  • my school. i have currently withdrawn from classes for a number of reasons, but i have an open invitation from the curriculum director to re-enroll this fall, next spring or next fall. eventually, i do want to get my master's degree but i think that is better tackled when my life is more settled.
  • my stuff. right now, all my stuff is in dbq. AND I HATE MOVING. not nearly as much as my stepdad hates moving, but pretty fucking close. plus i got a super heavy fish tank that i don't look forward to moving and i don't want roger to die.
  • my house. i like my house. and it's hard to find a place that will take kittehs. :( plus, that whole lease thing could get ugly.
  • my aunt and my cousins recently moved to mli, and dbq is much closer to mli than dsm. is that a sign or am i just looking for reasons to stay where i am and avoid disrupting my life yet again?
  • my roommate. i'll miss him.
  • my post office box is rented until january.

reasons i should move back to dsm

  • my family. i cannot explain how much i miss my family. i'm just happier when i'm down here - i never thought i'd say that.
  • my friends. i have, like, -5 friends in dbq. i miss my dsm area friends. and more are moving back every day.
  • i could probably get my old job back in dsm. if not, there are plenty of other jobs that would make me equally miserable and would pay more than what i'm currently making.
  • financial reasons. no more of this living like i am crap. i could get my shit together and move on. FINALLY.
  • i wonder on a regular basis if i moved to dbq for the wrong reasons - yes, i moved for school and to be with a good friend, dr. cooper, but i also moved to escape my life as it was falling down around me. somehow, it seemed like it would be easier to handle if i were in a completely foreign place surrounded by completely foreign people - i am such an idiot.

so. there you have it. comments, criticisms - i'm looking for it. here is your chance to tell me how you feel. i've laid it all out there. tell me what you think.

superjanel OUT.

i'm speechless. i have no speech.

i have a headache today. i'm kind of ucky-feeling. i don't know if it has to do with the weather or the fact that i have had no caffiene for about two and a half days now. so i'm remedy-ing at least one of those conclusions by drinking a superhuge soda this morning. it's gonna be a good day. soda and fortune cookies for breakfast - i am so awesome.

yesterday i didn't do anything. i slept on nigel's sofa until nearly 1130, which was really nice. her sofa is wonderful for sleeping. saturday night was fun but uneventful. in honor of cinco de mayo i drank nothing but tequila and i learned the proper way to do a tequila shot and not get crazy sick. (thank you, pepper!) decent dj and a good crowd, talked baseball with some guy from ottumwa and then pawned him off on miss actually so he'd leave me alone. met nigel's dreamboat that she wants to set me up with but i'm not so impressed. plus i hear his credit is bad... and i think i have a date for later this month, i'm not sure about that.
all in all, not a bad night. just a little disappointing at the end when i fell asleep to the wizard of oz before the tornado struck kansas. because that's my favorite part of that movie - the black and white part, when everything in the tornado is spinning and dorothy sees that awful miss gulch and then she hits her head and toto is barking... i'm telling you, that's the best part. anyway. i was a little disappointed about that and about something else, but i'm sure i don't have to spell that out for you. at least some of you.
boys confound me. in the simplest sense, i just don't understand. but like i've said before, anything at this point is just a bonus, because i'm putting very little effort into this. no matter how much energy i'd really like to expend on this particular person.

sunday: it rained all day. all freakin' day. from the moment i woke up at 0630 to pee until i went to bed. and i'm not talking about wimpy drizzly shit. i'm talking serious storms, lightning and thunder and the whole nine yards. it was great. now i just wish it'd stop...
dinner with the fam. read a book. got caught up on the sopranos thanks to my momma's tivo. napped all day, was awake most of the night. weird dreams about moving into a fraternity-style coed house where your room was not a room but a cubicle with glass walls and you have to be voted in. wtf is that all about? it included many strange people that i've never met; do you think the strangers in your dreams are actually strangers in real life? are they people you're destined to meet and when you do you get that funny deja-vu i've-met-you-before-somewhere feeling? i get that feeling alot but i tend to remember faces and not names, so maybe that's it. who knows...
i'm off to "work" now. i'm sure i'll be back laters...

06 May 2007

seis de mayo and all is well...

quiet day in c-town. not much going on. saw both brothers. ate some pizza. read a book. napped all afternoon. kind of not tired now. working tomorrow at job #2. figured out the rent dilemma with my landlord. wondering why the roommate is avoiding my phone calls but the quiet is kind of nice. going to go find a new book, watch some sopranos on dvd and eat a donut. i love lazy days.

05 May 2007

things in moderation aren't so bad, i guess.

drinking with nigel is always an event, for one reason or another. but last night was going to be different. we were consuming in moderation, for one. and i had to go home with her and we were not having any slumber parties, for another. and it was still a good time.

in our quest to find living, breathing human people out and about and consuming alcoholic beverages, we found ourselves in c-town. after dark. and driving a car with out-of-county plates. in the raging metropolis that is c-town, that's often reason enough to get your ass ran out of town and i'm technically from here. it doesn't matter. the big girls at the bar scared the holy crizzap out of me and out of nigel, and she's a reformed bad-ass-locker-shover-inner. one drink and we were out the door. but not before i saw a serious blast from the past, who just proved that in small towns like that one, things do not ever change.

ever. thank god i got away.

back to chariton and the canteena to celebate quatro de mayo. talked and talked and talked to my little brother's friend shady, who was convinced i'm only 19 and nearly had the bartender stop serving me because of it. watched a gnarly bar fight (that proudly i was NOT a part of) and then watched the ensuing melee that goes along with someone getting their head cracked open. reent showed up wearing this god awful orange hat (kid never did have any sense of style and i swear back in school he wore that sweater every day.) turned down several offers for "a ride home" (because i'm no fool, i know what that means and kindly stop grabbing my ass, thank you) and instead took up position in the nigel party wagon. after dropping off our token underage college student and our designated driver (HA!) i went home, went to bed and called my boy baxter, who i'm sure is wishing he lived on the west coast as opposed to the east coast so maybe he'd get some sleep.

good times, good times.

today, i'm back at my momma's house. back to the dutch festivus for the rest of us and then margaritas and tacos to be had in honor of my not-mexican heritage.
off to the shower.
superjanel OUT.

04 May 2007

you best check yourself before you wreck yourself.

so the question has arisen as to what really happened in platteville a couple of weeks ago. it's also been questioned as to why i've seemingly taken a vow of silence on the subject.


no, not really. it's just kind of embarrassing and i like to project myself in the best possible light ever at all times. and this story doesn't lend itself to that. but since i'm game enough to share even the most embarrassing photos/videos, here we go.

pull up a chair, chil'ens. i'm going to tell you a story of how not to behave in the city of platteville, wisconsin.

it was a wednesday, if i recall correctly. lol... i'm on my way home from work at the dealership and the roommate and i are discussing the possibility of going to platteville for the evening. it's kind of a funny topic because i'm always the one suggesting drinking in platteville but he's made a new "friend" that has suggested this new bar that serves 10$ fishbowls filled with a yummy blue concoction.

i get home. i him-haw around, trying to decide if i really want to go. okay, i'll go, but i'm not driving. the roommate is all over this, even though currently he is sans legal license. we get in the car and head out. and we are promptly pulled over about 37 seconds after leaving our house. he's quickly issued about 3000$ in tickets (driving while revoked, no proof of financial liability) and again we take off for platteville, but this time i'm behind the wheel.

we should have known to turn around at this point, but we feel we've got reason to get our drink on now. i mean, nothing makes 3000$ in new tickets go away like a serious buzz and the resulting hangover, right?

get to platteville. park the car. find the bar. it's non-smoking and the roommate doesn't have any cash and i am refusing to pay for drinks so he goes to find an atm and i get my first drink on the house because i'm cute and that's how i roll. roommate gets back, looks for new "friend" but can't find him in the midst of the ever-growing crowd of adorable and legal age frat boys coming in. my real reason for wanting to party in platteville is now revealed. i'm not having a good time, i'm trying not to drink a whole lot and we're both avoiding the fishbowls. bartender offers me anything with red bull in it so he doesn't have to throw away this half a can he has left. i love me some red bull and vodka. i drink up and instantly get stupid.

i'm ready to take on the fishbowl. it's blue, it's yummy, it's made mostly of everclear and i drank two that night. plus half the one of the adorable blonde fellow seated next to me... i don't remember what his name is.

this is where things get fuzzy...

roommate is too messed up to drive and knows he shouldn't anyway. it doesn't help that we apparently can't find the car. we decide to walk to the motel and crash. never mind that it's four miles away and i have no sense of balance when i'm not inebriated. excellent decision. i remember falling a couple of times, roommate decides maybe he should call a taxi. in the meantime, we are approached by one of platteville's finest who wonders about our ability to get to where we need to be. i mistake him for our cab driver and ask him to take me to the super 8.

roommate pulls me out of a public intoxication ticket and we continue to walk/stumble. get to a convenience store. this, i guess, i where i decided to put my debit card in the rack of krispy kremes and leave it for someone who wanted a glazed apple cruller. we continue on to the first hotel. i lie down on the bench outside. no availability. roommate pulls me up and we go to the second hotel. they have a couch inside the lobby. i make myself at home while he negotiates with the front desk.

i guess when i started puking up blue juice and pepperjack cheese (my dinner), they started talking about security deposits and the roommate got kind of belligerent. he called his "friend" to come and get us - we can stay at his place.

get in the car, get out of the car, promptly fall on my face, down a hill and into a tree after doing a backwards somersault. I ROCK. i am placed on ugly green sofa where i sleep soundly. (some people call that passing out...)

wake up in a strange room. i've got no phone, no id, no debit card and no car keys (why the drunk girl has the car keys is beyond me anyway.) my first words: "hi. where am i?" i can hear the roommate. i find the bathroom and realize i'm missing all my stuff. i begin to freak out. we must leave now anyway, because the sofa is no longer suitable for sitting.

retrace our steps. back to the hotels, the convenience store, all the places where i decided to fall. no phone, no nothing. my debit card is recovered from the convenience store (and i'm forced to listen to the donut rack story) and the roommate has my id and the car keys.

phone is still mia and this puts me over the edge. i'm seriously hung over, smell like vomit and cheese and there's grass in my hair. this is the epitome of a bad day.

go home. go to phone store get a loaner phone. piece of shit doesn't work. decide to sleep off my hangover. wake up hours later with 27 missed calls and about 15 text messages. my phone has been found and turned in to the platteville pd and they called my mom.

great. yeah, it's pretty much downhill from there.

but i can say that there are lessons learned from this experience:
  1. some frat boys are obviously gay. who knew?
  2. anything served in a fishbowl is best consumed in moderation or shared with someone else. or you could just stay away from anything blue in the first place.
  3. don't wear your favorite sweatshirt out drinking. it will never be the same.
  4. don't bother not telling your mom what's wrong with you. the platteville police department will call and break the news anyway.
  5. if you puke in a hotel lobby, try not to lose your cell phone. going back to the hotel to see if perhaps you left it there gets you some nasty ass looks, like they wanted to cold cock my honky ass.
  6. pretty much, just stay the hell out of platteville. or take a d.d.

and that's it. be safe on this quatro de mayo. i will be...

i don't mesh well with the dewey decimal system. it makes me have to pee.

so. now that i've had my breakfast of champions - java latte, crumbler and enough poffertjes to sink a battleship - i'm off to start my day. and it's going to be a good day. because any day with a breakfast like that is bound to be freakin' amazing and full of acid reflux. i wonder if i have acid reflux. it could be a giant ulcer eating its way through my esophogas. maybe it's a tumor. maybe i'm just a hypochondriac...

my trip to tpa has been temporarily postponed. scheduling inefficiencies are pushing it back a week. so i'm leaving on 14may and getting back 15may. i still have to figure out how to get back to msn to pick up my car, but i'm sure that will work itself all out. as of yet, i do not have a travelling companion but i am soliciting volunteers of the male persuasion, tall, dark hair, dark eyes, from the east coast and name starting with r. or c for chickenshit.

hmmm.... i wonder if i can swear on a public library computer. i guess we'll find out when i hit publish and sirens start wailing and lights flashing and the decency police come looking for me. after all, i am in the dutch village of all that is holy, overpriced, misspelled and stuck in the back of the closet.

let's make this a real test: shit, fuck, damn, hell, bitches.

nothing yet. i may be in the clear. but i am getting some funny looks from my cubicle mates as i sit here giggling to myself at the idiocy of this entire post.

funny, funny poop.

speaking of, being at the library always makes me have to go to the bathroom. i wonder what's up with that.

ANYWAY. since i'm not going to tpa, that means that i can celebrate quatro de mayo and cinco de mayo with nigel. i hear there's a kegger going on at one of the local lakes with some coworkers. we're going to have to figure out which lake, because that will make a difference in the direction we (slowly, damnit!) drive but that could be fun. my mom's down with my drinking as long as it's in one-inch quantities that don't involve a trough or a fish bowl. i say bring it on... in one inch quantities, of course. i'm going to have to find a sombrero for cinco de mayo.

photo coming soon...

this was my mulligan.

i'm not even sure what that means but my mom says i just got mine.

my call to the county attorney paid off. he's dropping my ticket from crazy high license taking to just crazy high. i'll get to retain my license and my sanity. now i just have to work on slowing down. it's not like my car doesn't have cruise or anything, i just like being first.

OH. this was interesting. so last week the roommate decided he's taking off for new zealand at the end of the summer on their working holiday scheme program to bring skilled workers into the country. (what he's skilled in, i don't know - i prolly don't even want to know.) he's all, 'it's very exclusive and difficult to get approved - they only approve so many people per year.'

boys and girls, that sounds like a challenge to me. and i do love me a coup de grace of all dares, the sinister triple-dog-dare type challenge.

now, keep in mind that i have very little intention of actually following through on this. but i tossed my hat in the ring and filled out the application. in doing so, i am now fully aware that he had to have, um, smoothed over the rough edge that has become his recent history (cough, cough, character, cough). so about 16 hours later i got my confirmation of a work visa into new zealand and my welcome email that they can't wait to have me. sweet! (take that, roommate.) so if in a few months you can't find the superjanel and she's not returning phone calls, i'm prolly down under in the land of frodo.

i heard from baxter last night. boy was tripping all over himself, apologizing and sucking up and what not, which is nice to hear, on one level but i've kind of grown accustomed to it, which is sad to say. i advised that yes, i will continue to take his calls but i won't be making any for a time and that it is now up to him to prove that he does in fact want to persue this on a REAL level. we'll see. again, i'm not holding my breath. which is good. i look good in blue but not so good as blue.

and i think that's it. it's cold and rainy and all around crappy today. i'm off to the ice cream store and then to the garage. yay me.

fact: bears eat beets.

bears, beets, battlestar galactica.

i'm in the dutch village of all that is holy, overpriced, misspelled and stuck in the back of the closet. i can feel my cheeks burning from the almighty dutch people judging me and my character. of course, that could just be my sunburn.

yesterday was a bust at the ice cream store. the weather is bananas (b-a-n-a-n-a-s!) but i did get my poffertjes so i feel that tulip time is not a complete and total loss, personally. plus, i found the other poffertje stand so i didn't pay the inflated prices over by the windmill. i so rock.

i stayed with roberto last night. his apartment is adorable! he's a funny guy. he belongs to a local gym and gets up at the crack of dawn to go work out. and he's noisy as crap. he keeps no food other than tuna and creatine and cheerios (which is sounding kind of good at the moment) and has more exercise equipment than furniture. i guess that's a guy thing. whatever. his couch is no longer seafoam green, it's orange, and it's really comfy to sleep on. which is good, because this week i am a transient.

night before last, i was at my mom's. last night i stayed in the dutch village. tonight i will stay with nigel after we celebrate quatro de mayo. yes, i'm celebrating quatro de mayo because on cinco de mayo i have to go to bed early because i have to be up early on seis de mayo to go to the damn aeropuerto in order to get to tampa.

so nigel and i are drinking margaritas and eating burritos a day early because that's how we roll. (you know you're jealous.)

i got a speeding ticket yesterday. a bad one. i actually got pulled over by a d.o.t. officer in one of the fancy blue cars - me and three other people. it sucked. the ticket i received is bad enough that i may lose my driver's license over it so i have placed some calls and i'm doing some research and covering all my bases. yeah, i'm a little nervous about it. but it's nobody's fault but my own.

okay. off to find interesting things to do.


02 May 2007

i get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine.

i'm headed to florida this weekend. flying to tampa and picking up a car for the godfather. may be taking roberto along with me, i'm not sure. i've never been to florida. yay me. :) at least this time i'm not being kenny-ed across the country on amtrak.

01 May 2007

neosporin is the answer to everything.

infected hangnail? neosporin. scrape on the elbow? neosporin. advanced calculus problem, solving for a, b, x and y? neosporin. big ass thing on your ... ass? (that's like the club for redundancy club!) neosporin. fell off your bike because you were picking a serious wedgie and got a scraped up leg in the process? yup. neosporin fixes that too. well, some of that.

i'm back. and i'm so sunburned i hurt.

so yes, i went camping. i'm not a big fan of camping but this wasn't exactly roughing it. the roommate's parents have a motorhome parked in wisconsin. nothing spectacular, especially the location (next to the river, which is nice, but 500 feet from two sets of train tracks and a major highway - hardly tranquil), but better than a tent and an outhouse.

i'm not sure why i was invited. i tend to think it was more for the ride up there than out of friendliness but that could just be bitterness towards the roommate talking right now. he knows i hate just about everything outdoorsy that doesn't involve baseballs but he still asked me to go. so i went.

and it was okay. other than the life jacket incident, nothing too out of the ordinary. because it's a motorhome and because they have nothing better to spend their time or money on, the roommate's parents have added life's little necessities, like directv and a telephone and highspeed internet. wtf? not that i'm complaining but i can't believe that is still called camping. anyway, last night i still got to watch espn and csi, so it was okay. today i laid out in the sunshine and broiled my stupid ass; i was kind of crabby after that. :(

i'm still crabby. who am i kidding?

i'm going home for the weekend for the giant festivus for the rest of us who are NOT dutch and who are proud of that fact. not sure if i'll be assisting at the ice cream store or helping at the dealership. and yes, my weekend is starting on wednesday, fools, you read that correctly. i'm not sure if i'll be accomodated in the dutch village or back home in c-town. i do have plans on saturday night and i am looking forward to that. :)

my blogging friend, the wannabe-texan that lives in oklahoma, had the nicest things to say about me and my hair. but disregard the part about telling me how great OU is. he must still be drunk... :)

i'm going to bed now. i have to be up early. ew...

definitely the highlight...

i'm back boys and girls. short two-day hiatus for a camping trip, of all things. can you believe that?

i'll write more about that later, right now i'm off to go find something to take care of this monster sunburn i've given myself.

but first, you HAVE to see this.

yup, this is me. this is me demonstrating a self-inflating life preserver.

funny stuff...