hal linden is just a prima donna

that's just for you, libbeth. i don't even remember who hal linden is.

i cried when i left charlotte today. i miss my friend. i miss the closeness we used to have and it makes me sad that our lives have gone in such different directions. i love north carolina; i love the area and the people and the accent makes me laugh. perhaps when i get my life on track i'll look into jobs in the area. but it doesn't make any sense to subject me or my kittehs to another major upheaval anytime soon. i need to get some things sorted out.

so i'm sitting in chicago. and on the way in we came in from the north, giving me a full view of downtown chicago and navy pier; the ferris wheel was all lit up and the downtown is gorgeous. the hancock center has its red, white and blue stripe along the observatory - it's just amazing to see. and the whole thing just makes my heart sort of ache for the times that eddy and i spent here. we both loved chicago: the baseball games and bubba gump, the pier and the shops, and all the hotels and taxis. one thing we both enjoyed was traveling. now we just enjoy traveling separately, going different directions. (that's sort of metaphorical as well as seriously literal.) and for the record, i don't miss *him* - i just miss some of the things we did as a couple even though it seemed like we stopped being a couple long before we actually split up. but whatever.

anyway. so i'm seated in 8a on my way to ord. the passengers in 8b abd 8c proceeded to make out the entire way here; it was gross because she was about 14 and seriously retarded (like seriously, she was retarded) and he was old and should have known better than to make out with a retarded 14-year-old. yuk.

jesus. wtf is that damn ding-dong noise? i'm going to start punching babies if someone doesn't turn that shit off.

so i've applied for a job with another airline. this position would take me all over the place; i wouldn't be stationed in dsm. i don't want to work for an airline if i have to work in dsm. i've also found a job in clt that i'm interested in and may apply for. something has to be done; i have to get back on track. as much as i enjoy living in my high school bedroom and staring up at the extremely creepy marines poster that jorge hung in my old room, i think it's time to figure out something to do with my life. living at home with the folks isn't going to cut it. although my dad has offered me a place to live if things with mom "don't work out." what the fuck? i'm not married to her; what is there to "work out?" i think i'm pretty sure he 's insane, but in a sometimes entertaining sort of way, like a kid that never grew up and now he's being forced to act like an adult. it's only working for him sometimes. what a bizarro thing to say to your kid.

so i woke up this morning COVERED in bruises. and the more i move, the more bruises appear. i believe the cause of this is white water rafting, although libbeth's son tried to stab me with various pieces of cutlery over the course of my trip. i could blame it on him, but he's so stinking cute i just can't bring myself to do it. i have bruises on my legs and butt, and on my thumb (that one hurts ba-ad).

guess what i found in nc? ziti. like real ziti, not penne, not large elbow macaroni - real ziti. so i bought four boxes. and then i remembered that i bought three pairs of shoes and that i don't have my own kitchen, so getting the ziti home became a non-issue. i left it in a bag and asked libbeth to mail it to me. no rush; i'll have to paypal the postage to her or something because i forgot to give it to her before i left. or maybe i'll just send her the recipe and they can make my wonderful baked ziti. because it's the best fucking ziti ever.

king bee is coming to get me tonight. he'll pick me up in dsm, drive me to chariton to get my car and then drive back to dsm for work. an hour to get to dsm, an hour to chariton, and another hour back. and he has to be in dsm for work at 0600 tomorrow morning. i told him he didn't have to do it - i could find somebody else to bring me home, someone who didn't have to work tomorrow but he was insistent. what do you tell someone who's more interested in you than you are in them? he's told me he's talked to his parents about me, he's talked to his friends about me, and he's invited me to go camping with his family next weekend. i've told my mom his first name and that he sometimes lives in indianola when he's not at home in chariton. do you see what i mean? i'm not sure what to do about that...

anyway. i'm going to go find a bathroom and make sure i'm sitting at the right gate.

loves and kisses, superimissmybestfriendjanel

this is not gate b4

fuck you, united airlines. this is why i hate traveling united. i hate united. they freaking suck. thank god i happened to check my flight status online while i wasted two hours in the damn airport: they changed my gate and made no announcement. and i listen for announcements. so now i'm down in the circular cell that is gate b21 and there is no air movement and the family seating across from me smells weird. :P

my bags had better make it. bastardos!

(i can see all these shiny american md80s and it's making me sad. i miss my job.)

i'm happy to see you, i'll be happier if it's a minus sign...

i'm at the airport. i love airports. i love watching people travel. sometimes the airport is better than the state fair - but not very often. the absolute best people watching is at the state fair, and generally close to the beer tent or the stock car races. and then you can watch all the east side dsm'ers (proudly wearing their "eastside" t-shirts) congregate, get drunk and hit on the carnival rats when the midway shuts down for the night. it's even more fun to ride the skytram and spit on them and watch them look up and swear.

not that i would ever do that...

so anyway. i'm at the airport. and i'm watching people. and don't get me wrong, i'm hardly a fashionista in my jeans and slippas, but i've seen many a fashion faux pas. some people leave me wondering who in the hell let them out of the house dressed that way and others leave me wondering who let them out of the house without their helmets. it's an entertaining way to pass the time.

king bee took me to the airport this morning. it was cute. he's sort of a negative person - do i attract those sorts of people? i know that i'm hardly rainbows and puppies all the time but i don't think i'm as much of a negative nellie as i used to be. in fact, i'm so un-negative that even the things that should bother me don't. my point of view in life is a complete 180 from where it was two years ago, and while some could say that it's a bad thing i don't necessarily agree... all the time anyway. i do need to get a few things on track, and i'm aware that i need to work on those. i just needed a little bit of time and some motivation.

anyway. i was saying that it was nice of him to take me to the airport. he's cute and gruff (especially in the morning) and he drives too fast (and that's saying a lot coming from me). but when other people aren't around he's kind of a nice guy. just don't tell anyone i said so, i was supposed to keep it a secret.

his ears must have been ringing - he just called to see how i'm doing. :)

okay. getting ready to board. talk laters.

buzzing around your hive...

i'm supposed to be sleeping. hahaha... the night before i go somewhere is kind of like school eve. have i ever told you about school eve? i was a neurotic little kid, and surprisingly, neurotic little kids will grow up to be neurotic little adults. but when i was a kid, i would get so worked up about the first day of school that the night before i would just lay there and watch the numbers flip over on my clock. and then it would get to be so late and i still couldn't sleep that i would just lie there and cry and stress because i wasn't sleeping. this happened all my life. well, until i got to know libbeth. and found out that she suffered from something quite similar, if you can believe it. so our plan was that on school eve eve we would stay up all night long and then we wouldn't have any trouble sleeping on school eve and we would wake well rested and refreshed on the morning of the first day of school. wtf was the point of this, anyway? oh, right. travel eve is much like school eve, except that i don't worry about the sleep, i can sleep just about anywhere. now i worry about oversleeping. because i'm really fucking good at that. so i have to set alarm after alarm just to make sure i'm awake. and even then, i'm generally running late.

but tomorrow, i can't be running late. that one guy, whom i've decided to call king bee for reasons that i'm choosing not to share with you, is taking me to the airport. cute, isn't it? yeah. king bee will take me to the aeropuerto on his way to work, which means that if i'm late then he's late and he's in trouble. so i can't be late. it was nice of him to offer, it certainly wasn't expected. i just hope he remembers to come get me on sunday night...

imagine this flying at the hood of your car. only bigger. and faster. this could have poked my eye out.

so today i'm driving home from the garage and i'm getting into the raging metropolis that is corydon and i'm following this red ford taurus, right? i can clearly see, because i'm sort of a tailgater, that there's a frizzy haired lady driving and there's at least 12 brats in the back seat that she keeps half-ass swatting with her right hand as she drives. (this cracks me up because my dad used to do that, too.) anyway. she's driving and they're bouncing around in the backseat. this one kid picks up a hairbrush and starts to brush this lady's hair as she's driving, which doesn't make her happy but certainly needs to be done. the lady grabs the brush and chucks it out the window. where does it land? on the hood of uugof. can you believe that? this giant pink goody hairbrush bounced off my hood and into the road. i laughed so hard i nearly peed my pants.

i should go to bed. does anyone want to call me in the morning and make sure i'm awake?

i sold buicks in the bathroom yesterday. yuk.

ahhh, the feel of new ink. i love it. i always forget how much it hurts in the beginning - the outline almost always makes me cry. but the gentle pressure of the coloring makes it all better. if they'd stop asking if i was alright i'd probly go to sleep.

aya: west african symbol of one who has endured adversity in life. fucking sweet.

that one guy - i'm going to have to come up with a name for him, calling him that one guy isn't going to work anymore. what can i call him? asshole seems a little harsh, and besides, that's my pet name for libbeth. dickhead also seems a little rough and that's what i call roberto anyway... i'm not sure what to call him. generally, i'll only give you a blog name if i think you're going to be someone of importance in my life. the last couple names i doled out turned out to belong to pieces of shit.

i may have to think about this... i've seen him three times in the last week, and a couple in the week prior. he's already asked to see me before i leave and when i get back. for someone who referred to "this" as "nothing" it sure seems to have the substance of "something", at the very least. i'm not really okay with that, but what do you say? i like him well enough, he's entertaining. did i tell you he's a little younger than i? not like high school young, but young. he's about five years younger than i. i know, right? wtf?

anyway, i'll get to a name for him sooner or later. i'm not coming up with anything terribly creative at the moment and you know i won't settle for second rate, especially second rate blog names.

anyway. i was telling you about my new tattoo. that one guy wanted to go with, which sort of surprised me, he's not really into body art as a form of self expression. he sat and talked to the artist, ryan anderson at sacred skin on sw 9th - i highly recommend him, and then we went to dinner. i love breakfast for dinner. i refused to go out last night on the grounds that i needed to live my giver (ha!) a rest because i think nate tried to kill me the night before with his custom-made concoction, the dirty grizz (ingredients unknown). so i went to nigel's and watched iron chef and showed her the new ink and then went home and went to bed. i was seriously lacking for sleep; like seven hours in two days. the janel does not function well on little sleep.

i leave for charlotte in a couple of days. i've talked to libbeth a few times the last couple of days. it's amazing that even though i haven't seen her in years we can still talk like we're 17 and only 6 miles apart. she still cracks me up. i met her on my first day of school in the raging metropolis that is corydon, she had pink hair and i wore green chuck taylors. she brought me airplane peanuts and a friendship was forged. she's the best: incredibly beautiful and intimidatingly smart - and she's always there for me when i need her. i can call her out of the blue after two years and we fall back into conversation like we'd just talked the day before. i'm so excited to see her, even if we do just sit on her sofa and i help her clean. :) the last time i saw her she was pregnant with her little boy; he's three now and she's had another one, chloe, that i'm super excited to meet. i love other people's kids.

i'm at the whippy dip. i should probly look as though i'm working. more laters...

i get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine.

i'm headed to florida this weekend. flying to tampa and picking up a car for the godfather. may be taking roberto along with me, i'm not sure. i've never been to florida. yay me. :) at least this time i'm not being kenny-ed across the country on amtrak.

give me as little responsibility as possible.

the roommate left today and the house is mine until sunday night. what shall i do in his absence?

absolutely nothing. it will be quiet and it will be wonderful. i'm going to lounge, read my MIT tech review magazines and watch sportscenter. when i'm not working, that is... because i only have two more days of work and then i have 10 days off!

woot!

so what am i doing with my 10 days off? (because i know you really want to know...)

i've got some appointments and a job interview, i want to go see my cousins in the quad cities, i'm working one day at job #2, i'm contemplating a bit of travel (to the east coast! all you easterners best prepare for locusts and fire raining from the sky!) and of course, i'll spend some time loafing.

or i could stay busy and sling ice cream at the ice cream store during the overrated flower fesitvus in the dutch village of all that is holy, overpriced, poorly spelled and hidden in the back of the closet, although the idea of that is far from appealing.

yes, folks. i'm talking about tulip time. what? you've not heard of tulip time? that's ludicrous! (not ludacris but similar.) that's absurd! that's ... actually pretty fuckin' normal if you're not from around here.

do let me enlighten you. tulip time is a three-day festivus in the dutch village of all that is holy, overpriced, poorly spelled and hidden in the back of the closet - otherwise known as pella. i like to call those that live there pella-cans but they like to call themselves dutch. dutch people and tulips and windmills - this is the core of tulip time; it's a big festivus for the rest of us who aren't dutch and don't care to be but we want to watch a big parade and eat mini pancakes for three days straight and let the dutch bastards think we envy them and their wooden shoes and super green lawns.

it's kind of silly, unless you're dutch. they take it so seriously i could be assassinated for having said that.

i'm not particularly wanting to do that next weekend, but it is an option. i could also go to charlotte if libbeth would have me. or maybe i'll stick to my original plans, i'm not sure.

SO. today was a great day. i got my new debit card in the mail, which replaces the one i got a few weeks ago when i lost the original one in a truck. the second one i lost in a convenience store while on a drunken tirade in wisconisin about a week and half ago. it was later recovered in a rack of donuts (which is a story in of itself) but just to be safe i cancelled it. now i'm on my third one, and i plan on either drilling a hole in it and wearing it around my wrist or (b) keeping it in my bra at all times.

but what if i'm not wearing a bra? oh god. then what will i do if i have to get gas? (right now, my mom is thinking wtf would you be doing getting gas and NOT wearing a bra?) so that idea may not work so well. it's too bad i can't just have that magnetic strip just burned into my arm or something, then i could just paypass myself at the convenience store.

now that's an idea...

AND, this is exciting. this happened today. i told you this was going to be a good day!!

I GOT MY DIVORCE PAPERS IN THE MAIL! WOOT! i want to frame the sonsabitches. i'm so happy, it's just fabulous! it's final, it's over, it's done, i'm audi 5000. i called everyone i could think of to let them know - cuz i was having a martha stewart moment: 'it's a good thing.'

and what else happened today? ahh yes... the phone call. i followed grandmaster bob's (formerly snackmaster bob) advice and look what happened? i got the phone call i was wondering about. once again, my fears concerning an ebola outbreak in virginia were quelled. there were no loose and rampant mountain lions in dave matthews country. in fact, there was not so much as a tsunami, earthquake or outbreak of really contagious bubonic plague. (as opposed to the strain of bubonic plague that is not so contagious? hmm...) baxter is just ... tired. a lot. awww...

tired? wtf? tired? i'm tired a lot but bitch, if i say i'm calling you, it's a fucking event. break out the streamers and confetti cuz my bitch ass will be on the damn phone and you better say thank you sir, may i have another.

and that's how i feel about that. i'll let you know if i'm over being pissy when i see if he follows through on his assurance that he'd call tomorrow. but just so you know, i'm not holding my breath...

i have to go watch sportscenter now. i'll be back later.

love,
superfreakinhatingthesoonersjanel :)

i always knew i was important.

ask and you shall receive, boys and girls.

no really.

yesterday i was complaining about word verification on my blog. a little more research and i found out this wasn't standard for all blogger users. it's only for those that are suspected of splogging (spam blogging).

how rude is that? i mean, i've published some crap in my day but i'm not spam!

so this evening i find a nice little message from blogger in my inbox.

"Hello, Your blog has been reviewed, verified, and cleared for regular use so that it will no longer appear as potential spam. If you sign out of Blogger and sign back in again, you should be able to post as normal. Thanks for your patience, and we apologize for any inconvenience this has caused.

Sincerely, The Blogger Team"

well isn't that special? i didn't even request that they do this. it just happened. i heart you, blogger. superjanel will be sticking around for a while longer. :)

today was non-productive. it's like because i got up so early and got stuff done yesterday i was not allowed to arise before 1100 or accomplish anything. i went to best buy and got a sd micro card for my phone, that makes me happy. and then i had lunch at jimmy john's and that always makes me happy. i took the roommate to his appointment and then we bought stuff for the new giant fishtank in the living room, which at the moment has a very odd layer of snot floating on the top. but he's not concerned about it and there's no fish in there yet so nothing is dying, it's just kind of gross.

we ended up in prairie du chien this evening. i don't even really know why, just something to do i guess. they have a cabela's there, which i highly recommend for those of you that are into dead and stuffed and mounted animals. there are lots of them there and they're even propped up all lifelike and in attack mode, picking on other dead, stuffed and mounted animals. it's special. i found the tent i want to buy if i ever have a need to buy a tent. (that's not likely to happen but i guess it's good to be prepared.) this tent has cupholders attached to the inside! and a place to put a heater. it's practically a house but it should be for the bargain basement price of 649$. wtf? that's like a months' rent. cabela's, you can suck my nut.

but i bought a crapload of cheese for like 9$. i love cheese. and they have lots of cheese in wisconsin. don't tell anyone i said this, but i kind of like wisconsin. but all you madison-ites can still suck it. :P

didn't get to have the conversation i wanted to have this evening - at least not with the person i wanted to talk to. isn't it funny how the person you don't want to talk to is the one that always calls? it's like they know they're not wanted so they put themselves in front of you as often as possible and either force you to converse or force you to tell them they're not wanted. except i've made it really hard to actually reject this person so i kind of feel bad just not responding at all. and i've stopped feeling guilty about it. i talked to libbeth about this and she pointed out that it's not my responsibility to make other people's relationships work. while i'm not necessarily an innocent bystander (LOL!) i'm also not 100 percent at fault either.

but anyway. tomorrow's another day. and another phone call made/received/ignored...

does drinking dr. pepper make you a doctor? i don't think so!

there is no food in the house and i am hungry. don't go thinking i'm a hog because the food is gone, either - i'm not the one who ate it all. nope. the gran massa ate all the food in the house. all of it. gone. empty. no more. nada. this morning, i was like, okay, i'm out of milk so i'll have one of those granola bars i stuck in the way far back of the cabinet. nope. those are gone too. bastard ate my granola bars! ugh. so tonight i eat cheese. it's either cheese or ucky leftover taco pizza.

maybe i'll start fasting, i'm not sure.

so i'm sort of happy about the fact that this trip to ric didn't pan out this week. lil star is being released from the hospital and she wants me to be there to see her. if i'd been in ric i wouldn't have been able to go - not that i would have ever made to ric, they're getting like feet of rain and floods and hail and locusts and headless horsemen. yup, it's apocolypsing on the east coast, didn't you hear? and would you like to know why? it has nothing to do with sinners - it's because i had a trip planned and god didn't get the memo that i wasn't really going in time to call the whole thing off. sorry east coast. next time i'll try to go somewhere else or at least keep my plans to myself until the very last minute. otherwise you're likely to fall off the edge of the country and become your own little nation because there will prolly be a giant earthquake or something equally awful, like the nationals will win a world series or something.

and that's no gouda.

but this is gouda. i wish i had some gouda. and some apples. and some bread. and some milk. holy crap i'm hungry.

okay, fellow bloggers - i'm curious. is this word verification crap that blogger is putting me through pissing off anyone else or am i the only one? because i'm seriously honked about it and i'm considering giving blogger the official janel heave-ho. i guess i understand the whole concept of word verification but this is what upsets me: they're not words and i can never read them. like right now, the word verification word is "jhundfs." yeah, i'm smart. i know THAT'S NOT A WORD. wtf? and to top it all off, i can never read those stupid things anyway. so it takes me like seven tries just to get my post actually posted. gahhh. stupid blogger. how does that import thing work over at wordpress, anyway? anyone care to tell me? i'm taking it under consideration.

so. boys are also honking me off this evening. and not in a good way, if there even is a good way to be honked. i guess it's possible that with all the apocolypsing out there on the coast that baxter got flooded out of his home or eaten by a giant locust or galloped over by a headless horseman. but i'm putting my money on the idea that his phone just stopped dialing out, for whatever reason. now i know what you're thinking - superjanel, we've been through this before and phones work both ways - like a two way street, you know, it goes both ways? well, not today it doesn't. and tomorrow it won't either. i was the last one to make the effort. now it's his turn.

game on.

so tomorrow i have to get up at the ass crack of dawn so i can go do laundry so i'm not driving naked to go see family. that's just not cool. i've been naked in enough vehicles lately to last me for awhile.

but anyway. i'm going to go gnaw on the entertainment center to take the edge off my appetite before i go to bed.

if you keep talking i'll tell you what you want to hear.

what a weird day. i've been plagued by weird days lately. a zinged out weekend followed by a whacked out monday and tuesday and now wednesday? what on earth could the rest of the week hold?

a couple of things are keeping me from sleeping this evening. my star is in trouble, she's not doing well, her life is completely turned upside down and she's not coping. i'd expect as much from someone in her position at her age, to me it seems normal and maybe only because i've walked in those shoes before. her home life lacks the stability she needs to make any sort of sound decision and the availability of excuses provided by her parents is astounding - why is it that her parent can't be a parent - she can only be a friend? and not even a friend that takes care of you - it's one of those toxic friendships based on jealousy and insecurity. but i'm concerned about her. and my personal experience lends itself to something a little different but i can still relate. i just don't know if she wants me to. i don't know if she wants to hear. i don't want to be a toxic relationship - i don't want to tell her for sympathy, i'm not trying to outdo her and her current situation. i just want her to understand that these feelings, the bleak and cold, the darkness and the loneliness - they pass. they fade. and things get better. she's just got to give it time. that's the only thing that heals those feelings.

i watch situations like this unfold with those around me and i don't think i should have kids. i can't guarantee that i'd be a normal parent. i'm a little too self-involved to be responsible for the welfare of someone else, a little person, someone who would depend on me for life and sustenance.

i mean, some days, i forget to feed the cats...

so last night, after all that i went through yesterday personally, i went to see my lil star in the hospital. i didn't do anything drastic, i was just there to give her an ear, to let her know that i care. that she means the world to me - i mean, for god's sake, i loaned her a tickle bunny. for those of you that know me, you know that there is no other symbol of trust and love that could ever mean more to me. i gave her one of the things in my life that is made of pure happiness - rainbows and sunshine and puppies - and i wanted her to have it, just to know that someone loves her. it's one of the most comforting things in my life and i wanted to share it with her because she means so much to me. i hope she knows that.

and then i reminded her that it was only a loan... but i got her to smile.

i took the gran massa with me last night. he's often misguided but he's nothing if not loyal and last night was no difference. he's a good friend to me. he lets me cry and carry on and be dramatic and stupid and all the while he tries to comfort me as best he knows how. he doesn't always understand but he tries and that's all i can ask. i'm lucky to have him as a friend.

i didn't get to bed until nearly 0700. late dinner, early drinks and bizarre cartoons made for a late, late night.

i didn't accomplish much today. i had a list of things i wanted to do today and it just didn't happen.

i got a disappointing phone call this evening. baxter has to cancel next week's trip. i won't lie, i was a little upset. i found the entire thing a little concerning and i took it a little personally. not necessarily the correct way to take it, but it was my first response. after being coerced into calling him back, i find that i feel much better. although it could completely be his wife and seven children that are keeping me from seeing him this coming week, i have a feeling it's prolly work related and not his fault. i mean, he did sound quite apologetic. unless maybe i'm just a sucker and completely falling for this line of crap. but my gut says otherwise. and so i'm going to go with it. we're going to try to find a weekend that works for both of us... sooner hopefully than later. it's an interesting feeling to be so attracted to someone that technically i've never met - only to know personality-wise makes things interesting to say the least.

and the conversation is always good...

but if the next meeting goes awry, i may begin to think otherwise.

have you ever seen a 4,500$ stuffed animal? gran massa and i went to dinner tonight on his casino points. averaging about 1 point for every 3 dollars played/transacted in the casino, our dinner and my stuffed dog ended up costing about $26,000. it was good and the dog is cute, but when you break down the actual amount of money that essentially changed hands, it's a little sad. but it didn't stop me from gorging on orange roughy and lobster corndogs.

mmm. corndogs. :)

tomorrow i will post photos of my new 4,500$ dog. he's cute. his name is skeez and he requires no baths. woot!

so now i'm going to bed, visions of upcoming vacation in my head. what shall i do with my two days next week? perhaps i'll stay home and be responsible, catch up on work i need to do.

we'll see. gnite.

love,
superfreakindisappointedbutunderstandingjanel

as promised, here they are...

next week, we're going to mexico!

all right blogging world... are you ready for this? be warned, it's lengthy. but it's worth reading.

***

my first trip out of the country... an hour by hour, play by play analysis of the fantasmical adventures of the gran massa and the superjanel...

day one: hour one

we took a six hour delay, coded to cough syrup and ord. don't eat at blimpies. it's not good car food. the cows are big but they're not buffalo. my bank sucks and i don't know juanita and eduardo - they're not my children.

day one: hour two

second stop at the kickapoo kwik stop. in the bathroom, the tampon machine is chained and padlocked to the wall. no joke. i heard a grown man say the word n****r in a public place (and we're only in wisconsin!) and my atm card FINALLY works! i've decided what i'm getting the gran massa for his birthday - i'm going to take out a billboard that will advertise the following: BRENT - AVAILABLE - SINGLE, GAY & LOOKING - 555.555.5555. he's not pleased with this idea. (but yet he said i could advertise his phone number... what's up with that?)

day one: hour three

in the grand state of wisconsin, there is a city named cataract. it's not just an eye disease. also in wisconsin, all roads lead to madison. it's hell. all sorts signs pointing to madison, yet there are no signs IN madison. i still hate madison. we entered trempealeu-pepe-le-peeu county - pronounced "fuck that", according to the all-knowing gran massa of everything, who "is not a judge" (rewind) "is not a judge." lots of contruction. boo. it's brr here. i toungued a trucker and he liked it. there's a barn where you can buy any or all of the following: cheese, artwork, antiques, lattes and liquor and that's AWESOME.

day one: hour four

i really want a map; i can't access the one in brent's head. but i do know i want to stop at exit 52 and i want access to the money - we're going to the adult superstore, baby! okay. so i learned the hard way why i shouldn't keep my phone in my pocket - i just made a completely random phone call from the potty and left gran massa a 6 minute voice mail. you can hear me flushing. omg. maps! yay! and coloring books and crayons! double yay! except kari (who was wearing a bandaid on her nose from covering a nose piercing) tried to suck me into the conveyor belt - she scared me! gran massa wants to steal babies from random folk at walmart and keep them for a lil' while, just to see if people notice. i told him i think that's a little weird and that if that's really true, he should conspire with my mom. it's officially more brr now. and i cried over homeless people and brent said that they didn't need money they just needed razors. apparently that karma thing is starting tomorrow...

day one: hour five

not much to report here. lots of janis joplin, lots of therapy. i'm sending you a bill. or you can take it off my rent.

day one: hour six

word of the day: totagatic. it's similar to deltamatic and used to described totally ignorant and ganked up things in wisconsin. i'll give you an example: the city of madison is totagatic and i fucking hate it. in solon springs you can get liqoured up and buy sports equipment, i'm not sure if those two activities should be completed at the same time but i hope they have a first aid kit. we almost ran over a deer head. just the head. ew. and we might run out of petrol. that's AWESOME. gran massa is making me feel bad for not calling baxter - it's kind of late and he's been kinda sleepy and not very talkative lately. maybe i'll call. up here they have signs for reindeer in the road. i need to reformat my internal hard drive, i could be a god damn doctor. format drive j:? yes. so i made the call. and i talked to sheena, she still sounds hot. we're in superior, wisconsin. well, well - big head much? what the fuck are you so superior to, except maybe madison. have i mentioned how much i hate madison? my camera isn't working. and brent's is on crack, holy crizzap. there are billion cows here and milk costs a freakin' fortune. "live deeper, love bigger, leave wider..." it's gran massa's new slogan, and thank god it's dark, that's all i have to say.

day one: hour seven

baxter called, i adore that ringtone. :) plans have been made and my horoscope came true. how rockstar is that? time for granny's onion (ring) boobs and gran massa's friend pat rice, who makes kiddie car bombs for pre-adolescents and advises against actually ordering a car bomb while in ireland, apparently the outcome is different than that while in the states.

day one: hour eight

more granny's onion boobs and i played with the food. more pat rice. florida won the ncaa tourney and my bracket was officially fucked (but that's been going on for a while now). i was having flashbacks to the 2006 ncaa tourney and chocolate martinis and ord and ramp training... LOL. i heart joakim noah. we're exercising tomorrow but only for four minutes. granny's onion rings have my guts in dismay. and it's fucking cold.

day one: hour nine

it's dark. and it doesn't look much like east dubuque. minnesotans are racist bastards, much like wisconsinites (unless you're from madison, and then you're just dumb), they have a river called paleface and another one called whiteface. nice. brent's not tired but his ass is. i think we should find a bar. midnight: we are officially in bum fuck egypt. brent's phone has no service, mine has five bars. woot! the deer are friendly here. they wave their little hoofs and say "hi" while standing so close to the damn road they ought to be in the damn car.

day one: hour ten

vermillion motel, cook, mn. off to the cook muni, which is the local term for bar. brent's hot for the guy in the white shirt but he stands no chance because i'm the only one with tits for miles. (that and i'm not on meth.) six drinks and four shots for a grand total of 22$. rock on. and the bartender goes to knoxville every summer AND he's not a race fan. he makes a great drink called a southern hospitality (red bull, watermelon schnapps, and so co... you've got to try it) AND he knows what a sam hill's whore is! woot! we get invited to an afterparty. we're both quite buzzed, but it sounds like fun. we're there.

day one: hour eleven

afterparty at rachel's. she's a recovering meth addict and the way we find this out is by watching her play her tivo-ed news reports for us, as well as her "don't do meth" commercials where she looks like a cracked-out meth head. she's interesting. she has vodka somewhere in the house but i can't find it. mikey and white shirt boy are entertaining but the gran massa is ready to go after one cheap beer. so much for the afterparty. it's time to go back to the motel. we should have walked.

day one: hour twelve

(at this point, i have no idea what hour it really is.) motel. bed. sleep sounds good. brent can't remember the name of the guy in the white shirt and thus has started referring to him as "fuck me hard." i've made a mental note not to touch the gran massa's bedding in the a.m. while getting up to turn off the light in the room, i went to get into bed and missed it entirely, landing on the floor after bouncing off the corner. this makes me laugh for a long, long time. gnite...

day two: hour 19

daylight. awake. phone ringing. we're in a room paneled from floor to ceiling in knotty pine, not naughty as in bad, but knotty. however the idea of naughty, naughty pine makes us giggle. then we're sort of weirded out when we realize that we have the same toothbrush. how bizarro is that? in minnesota, they have spiders that don't die, even if you flush them down the drain with scalding hot water for a long, long time. they just crawl back up. we've been given a coupon for a free breakfast, consisting of coffee, milk or soda BUT NO JUICE, under any circumstances, no matter what, ever, even if i'm dying and the only cure is juice. suffer, bitch. no juice for you.

day two: hour 20

mcdonald's in cook is hiring. but they only want happy people. so neither of us can apply. our breakfast order consisted of the following: two sausage biscuits (mine), one steak and egg bagel (his), three milks (two white and one chocolate - all mine) and one bottle of water (his). do you think i ate a lot? take into consideration that the gran massa ate 1.5 creme filled chocolate covered long johns and can of soda ten minutes prior. i look like i'm on a damn diet. plus i needed some grease to soak up the beer. i'm not good at beer. i'm driving and we're not mad, we're just in the city of cusson and we have nothing much to write aboot.

day two: hour 21

we're in coochie county and i kissed a giant ass fish. brent has vowed to flirt with the customs agent in the hopes to get a body cavity search because he's not getting much lovin' these days. in hind sight, this may have been a poor decision. a revelation has occurred in the 01 gold alero: we're not as smart as we thought we were and i quickly prove this when i once again run my head into the ceiling of the car. this is like the third time i've done this over the course of the trip so far and i may be mildly concussed. it all started when i decided i wanted to take snow to home to send to baxter. international falls. is this how we get to canada? i have to give the lady 6$ before she'll answer me, which i think is a rip off but they call it a toll bridge.

day two: hour 22

this hour is spent in the canadian customs office. we already cleared customs, but we voluntarily went in because i wanted a stamp in my virgin passport. so we voluntarily hand over our documents to a very angry looking and unpolite canandian gun toting fuckhead customs officer, who takes his time thumbing through the gran massa's last two years of travel history. again, we answer their questions and watch as he takes the passports to someone else for stamps. we have to answer questions again. and then we're ordered to sit. forever. then brent gets called back into an office where's he's chained to a desk and flogged by a large man in leather pants... no, not really. they ran a background check on him and found his owi, which apparently is a big deal in canada. big deal enough they don't allow owi offenders to enter. or leave. i guess they could have kept him if he'd committed the crime there. but since he has one, they (politely, i'm sure) asked him if he'd like to voluntarily leave the country. as the other option was deportation, he opted for the former and was promptly issued a neat-o piece of paper that said "brent garbett is not allowed in canada. ever. again. ya you betcha. love, canada. now get the hell out." or something to that effect. but i did get my passport stamp. next stop, us border patrol.
they're way nicer. they laughed about him getting rejected by canada and said it's like being rejected by an ugly boyfriend you never really liked in the fist place... at this point, we are officially no longer friends with canada and i say fuck that bacon. this concludes the janel's journey onto foreign soil, except the fun keeps going...

day two: hour 23

back down the road and we're officially cusson (the city, that is) at canada. gran massa doesn't want to talk about it but my point of view is that it could have been worse, like he could have been rejected by canada and the us and then he would have to live on that bridge in one of the blue buildings that he claims is prolly full of isrealis. i have to give the canadians credit; must keep the pakistanis in a separate building because it's pretty quiet up there, the little that i saw of it. it's snowing like a mother. i'm still driving for fear of being followed by the canadian mounted police. really good burgers; my tummy is in dismay. again. in the car on the way to buy magnets i watched him kick his own ass with the passenger seat of his car. classic brent. you should have been there. if his jaw's all swollen tomorrow, it wasn't a bar fight, it was his own damn fault.

day two: hour 24

brent is thowing a hissy fit. i'm not sure why. we've figured out a way to make money in minnesota: we're going to buy a plow and attach it to the front of the alero and drive really fast down the road and i'm going to roll down the window and throw sand because these assholes don't know how to plow. grr. and that's not grand rapids. roads in town = okay. roads out of town = okay so far. gran massa is not making scared faces or noises. 1514: goodbye cook.

day two: hour 25

gran massa has discovered a new way to blow... his nose that is. sort of like a farmer's blow but with a twizzler. use your imagination. it happened too quickly for me to get a picture. in minnesota they worship heavy equipment. they just don't use it because the road sucks. still. i was angry and sort of snapped because the gran massa is quite melancholy. brent discovered the way to make a woman happy, even though that's sort of useless knowledge for him. it involves not making the wife angry in the bedroom and popcorn shrimp from long john silvers everywhere, if you know what i mean, dude.

day two: hour 26

i'm in a tizzy over the cubbies being sold and mark cuban as a prospective buyer. we recapped the last 26 hours and cracked ourselves up because that's how we roll. drove through the raging metropolis that is twig, mn... twigs are not just small sticks, apparently. but there are no berries in sight. it's really snowing now and i've decided that i want to dictate things for the gran massa to write down; he takes that to mean that i want a dick-ta phone - he apparently thinks i want a penis shaped phone, even though i don't like penises anywhere near my ears. i defined the meteorlogical term of blizzard in the hopes of getting brent to understand that not all snow equals a blizzard and i got him to admit that we are not driving in a blizzard.

day two: hour 27

in duluth they know how to plow. we followed three plows in a synchronized swimming routine for several miles. it was great. brent was all zinged out, thinking he was hearing shakira and as it turned out, she was along for the ride (on his old cell phone which shouldn't have been working. how bizaare). as an apology for being snarky, i bought him a present from a high-class machine in the bathroom as we left duluth. neither of us knew what it was and i was a little afraid to find out. turns out it was a genuine imitation spanish fly. funny stuff. i twizzler slapped that bitch for screaming like a little girl as we went down a cliff. we couldn't find the four minute gym. or the pleasure palace. :( no super work outs, no new toys.

day two: hour 28

captain's log (neener, neener, neener): we've got scared faces and noises. the roads suck. it's our luck to travel to canada and through minnesota on the only day this year they've had snow. we ROCK.

day two: hour 29

it's sleeting, which is rock star cool. my mom called to remind me how dumb this entire idea was. cars in the ditch... and another one. i accused the gran massa of being dramatic. he emphatically and dramatically denied such allegations and wondered why on earth i would ever say such things, as he threw both hands in the air and made that super melodramatic face like no one loves him and someone just ran over his dog. exactly.

day two: hour 30

i've heard the same two songs for two days straight now and if i ever hear natasha bedfuckingfield again i'm going to start kicking babies. meanwhile, the superfly gran massa just continues to shake his ass to the same two songs. how is that possible? i'd ask this outloud, but the answer is probably long and dramatic. mother nature is a jerk. the gran massa is driving and everytime we get passed by anything - a semi, a car, a goddamn horse and buggy - his knuckles go white and he starts whimpering. south of spooner (not spooning, get your mind out of the gutter!) the snow stopped. thank god. the wisconsin deer are not as polite as the minnesota deer, but they're prolly from madison where everyone is an asshole. i accused brent of being argumentative; his response? "NO I'M NOT!" i love it.

day two: hour 31

is that a beat? i think i hear a beat...

day two: hour 32

i've officially been ordered out of the car, and i'm not talking fast food style. nope, i was ordered out of the car in a stop, drop and roll, bitch, fashion and even got called kunt with a "k". RUDE. brent's macking on some dude from tol whom he wants to carry his baby via text message, it's the new and improved version of safe sex.

and you're now officially up to date. everything written from this point forward is written as it happens...

2039: i'm wondering if i should call baxter. we're pondering the sanity of this trip. it cost a little more than we expected and the results were not as splendiferous as they should have been. he almost got deported and i only got two magnets. however, we did meet a bunch of really nice meth heads in a cute little town, i got to swear at madison-ites which is my new favorite hobby and neither of us have showered yet today, which if you consider it, are the makings of a great vacation.

brent's top five highlights of trip to canada:

• seeing pat rice
• being back up north
• the cook muni
• hearing janel fall out of the bed (tha-thump, tha-thump)
• being allowed back into the usa

janel's top five highlights of trip to canada:

• falling off the bed in the middle of the night
• phone call from baxter
• i'm not a passport virgin!
• hearing the us border patrol make fun of brent about getting the body cavity search
• cook muni and the afterparty

janel's top five lowlights of trip to canada:

• inconsistent cell phone service and brent's damn beep-beeping cell phone
• my fucking bank sucks
• getting to canada and seeing only the inside of the customs office
• knowing that getting to see only the inside of the customs office is technically my fault :(
• i don't have that accent!

brent's top five lowlights of trip to canada:

• lots and lots of white (snow). he doesn't think white is the new pink.
• gas prices.
• blimpies. not a good way to start a trip.
• us border patrol making fun of him possibly being anally probed.
• gas from granny's onion boobs.

2103: brent just made the most annoying sound in the world because he has five cell phone bars and i only have two. he just broke up with his text message baby carrying internet boyfriend, but the make up text sex will be great, if toledo timmy ever writes back.

2205: i talked to baxter. so sweet, i know he’s tired and has to get up early but he had time for my crazy ass “my roommate got rejected by nine million canadians” story. he asked why i didn't call him when i was drunk. oh honey. you think you know me, but you have no idea. a drunk superjanel with a phone in her hand is a dangerous, dangerous thing.

brent’s driving all over the road like a crazy ass crack whore, i don’t really know what that means but it can’t be good. we’re in leon, and i’m not talking france, there’s a town in wisconsin called leon. and they have a muni. i’m going to start saying muni instead of bar, it’s kind of cute.

2208: the gran massa didn’t break up with his baby daddy from tol. they’re just on a break because baby daddy was up past his curfew and had to go to bed and brent’s cell phone has no service. woot! but I do! woot!

2214: we’re still not home yet, i don’t think we’ll ever get home.

this is especially true because i got us lost on the detour. we ended up 15 miles north of the road we needed to be on, and while it was curvy and fun, i had to pee and he was pissy that we were lost. but now we're home. no fish have died and the cats are okay. all is well in the house of vehemence.

next week... MEXICO!

photos to come tomorrow. :)

canada, here i come...

i'm still at work. boys and girls, it's like, o-dark-thirty and i'd like to be home, in bed, with visions of terrance and philip and tom green in my head, but alas i'm still sitting in ops, waiting on a fucking plane full of 49 pissy people and a not so cute fo that's not worth looking at to even make up for my inconvenience.

the nerve!

so look at my horoscope for monday...

"A conversation could take place today between you and a love partner that makes you both very, very happy, Janelle. The status of your relationship is likely to step up to the next level, and you should both be more than ready. A tip, however: let your partner do most of the talking. At times like this, you're going to want to express everything you feel, but right now, it might be better to listen. "

hmmm...

the furbies have faith, more than i. or maybe they know something i don't, after all they are furbies and they do know. they know everything.

only like, 27 more minutes until the plane gets here. yahoo.

comparitive research and all the reasons i'm a genius

so i did some research on canada in the dark vs. east dubuque in the dark.

look at this.
this is east dubuque in the dark. if you look really hard, you can barely make out our house and my ugoff. if i hadn't broken off that piece of the reflector on the back of him yesterday by backing into the garage door, you could probably see him better. see? it gets really dark here.

now let's look at canada in the dark.


see? there's a moose, and terrance and philip and tom green and his parent's naked lady car... but at the same time, it looks very much like east dubuque.

which is why i need to see canada DURING THE DAMN DAY.

thank you for reading.

i've got nothing to do today but smile...

holy crap, batman. it's april. where did march go? it should come back, because i spaced off getting my tags renewed and now i'm officially driving on expired tags. now i have to drive like a normal person, at normal person speeds and pray that i don't get pulled over and if i do i have to play female and dumb. wtf?

so today, because i'm unable to get my lazy ass out of bed at a decent time and get ready for work, i was running around like crazy trying to get out the door on time. it didn't happen. so when i got in the car and hit the button for the garage door, i apparently didn't give it enough time to fully open. because i put ugoff in reverse and promptly ran right into door.

i am so cool.

yup. it made quite a clamor, which kind of made me laugh. the door continued up, i continued out, and i got out to assess the damage. my poor ugoff is short a few parts - i tend to think they're mostly cosmetic - which i found in the driveway. i even put one of them back on, that's how much i rock. and i played with the door and made sure that it goes up and down.

and it does. it kind of shimmies a little bit, but it's fine. so i got back in the car and threw it in reverse, because this whole driveway-cleaning-garage-door-assessing-ugoff-reassembling ordeal took about 10 minutes and i was already late from watching the weather channel because i heart the words thunderhead and low level moisture (shut up, i don't even want to hear it) - anyway, i threw it in reverse and backed my little buick ass right out of the driveway and into the path of an edbq police officer, who was patrolling the neighborhood for rampant ruffians, hopefully the ones who stole the shit out of the garage, the little bastards.

omg. i think that's all one sentence.

he slammed on his brakes, i slammed on my brakes. i got the finger wag and he flashed the cherries, so if the neighbors didn't already know that i'm retarded from watching me run into the garage door, they now know i'm an idiot from watching me almost hit a cop.

and all this happened before work even started.

oh. em. gee.

and think, my day only gets better from here.

i get to work and it's like, tornado-ing outside. it was great. so me and my compadres, the ones i like, anyway, all pile into an empty (metal) bag cart to watch the storm. wind, lightning, thunder - it was great. until we got blasted with a 70 mph wind gust that lifted all the leftover sand from last winter into the air. until today, i'd never experienced a sand storm. but it sucks. it sucks a lot. in fact, i'm still picking sand out of my freaking scalp. and then the sideways rain. and then the lightning so close it made all our hair stand on end and we sort of realized that we were sitting in a metal bag cart, and rubber wheels or not, we trucked our stupid butts indoors.

and left three planes full of people to sit. because we're not going to work flights with lightning in the area. it was great. two flights were supposed to be there, the third was an okc diversion, trying to get to ord. and the captain was a bitch ass bitch. and if i hear the phrase, 'i don't want to end up on the cover of usa today' anytime in the near future i'm going to freak out and punch a goddman baby, you hear me?

so our tornado-producing storms moved east, and sat in ord for hours which delayed our last fight and i got home at 0300. no april fools, sistas. that's the god's honest truth.

i love my job.

so. i'm feeling a little better now, getting that out.

now for the fun stuff.

baxter's voicemail cracks me up. the chick that gives me options (which is a rant in of itself, options on voicemail. i just want to leave a message. shut the hell up) i have named sheena. and she sounds hot. i talk to sheena a lot, almost as much as i talk to baxter, really...

i doubt he'll be accompanying me and the gran massa to the visit our neighbors to the north. i think he feels more responsibility towards his work/life than i do and therefore doesn't call in sick to do fun things. and that's cool. i've not known too many people like that, but i've heard they exist... they're a rare breed.

now me? i call in sick every chance i get. ooh, is that a twinge of a headache? yeah, um, mike, i'm not feeling so well. oops, i stubbed my toe. yeah, um, mike... except that this gm has a serious hard-on for perfect attendance. little does he know that i have never had perfect attendance anywhere, anytime. so he and his perfect attendance can suck my nut.

...if i had one.

but it'd sure be fun to have baxter along for the ride...

canada: that's like only 29 hours away. we better get there when it's light outside and i can see shit. if i get there and it's dark and looks like here when it's all dark, i'm going to be upset. because i can stay home and experience dark, damn it. this had better be exciting. i want to see something canadian. i don't know what. maybe tom green. isn't he canadian?

yessss.......

okay. i'm going to bed now. i have to work tomorrow. it's my friday! yahoo!

oh, if you're interested, i found the mango. it wasn't smooshy. and some socks, that i don't think were mine, that was a little weird.

in the dark when there's no one listening...

today on my way to work, i passed a maroon cutlass supreme filled to the brim with senior citizens. (if you're on the up and up with pop culture, you'd have said sanka. do you remember those commercials? i must have watched a lot of television as a child. but anyway.) this car must have had eight old people in it, crazy full. crazy wack funky, it was.

old ladies, old men. all laughing and carrying on. all wearing hats with giant brims and sunglasses and scarves, windows down, living it up like they were teenagers. the rearview mirror was hanging from the windshield at an angle that was impossible to see out of.

i don't know if they were high or if the car was full of carbon monoxide, but it made me smile. well, it made me smile after i swore at them to get the hell out of my way, crazy old fuckers. and then i smiled. because they were obviously quite happy.

if i make it to senior citizen-ship, i want to be that happy. or oblivious. or high. whatever. it was pretty stinkin' cute.

although i don't understand the sunglasses. it was pouring down rain all afternoon. maybe they were blind... ?

work has been crazy. dfw has been blasted with bad weather the last couple of days and that is seriously ganking my chi. ugh. don't they know i just want to go to work and do as little as possible? seriously. stress is not good for my complexion.

monday, the gran massa and i, and possibly baxter, if he concedes to a couple days off from work/getting up at the ass crack of dawn, are driving to canada. why? what's so exciting about canada? nothing. except i've never been out of the country and i'm going to photodocument my trip across the border.

that, and i fully expect to find terrance and philip from south park waiting for me on the other side of the border. cold air, customs agents, and terrance and philip, in that order. i even have a picture of what this event will look like.see? that's me, in the background. it's obviously quite windy in canada, because my hair is all zinged out. and i'm not dressed, i'm not sure why. i guess nude is the new black up there, but don't hold me to it. and since you can see that i'm nude, i'm obviously quite tan, which is a little far from the truth, currently since i'm pretty much clear. maybe that's a picture of some other naked frizzy haired chick named superjanel... hmm. i'll have to look into that.

i guess we're driving up, going to mc donald's or something and driving back. yay for 16 hours in a car. :) it's possible that only one of us will return... hehehe...

i'm kind of tired. i think i'm going to go to bed now.

you gave me too much room so i filled it up with chairs...

it was amazing today. it was a little on the windy side, but it was gorgeous. the kind of day where you don't really want to work, and you'd rather spend the day outside, not really doing anything, just enjoying the sunshine and the blue sky and the warmth.

i don't work ramp. and i even went outside today.

it was that nice.

and the sunset was great.

i couldn't focus on work. my mind was other places today. i don't know why. i didn't sleep very well last night; it was that restless kind of sleep where you're just seconds away from waking up all night long. do you know what i'm talking about? but i don't think that had anything to do with my lack of concentration today. sometimes i seriously think i suffer from attention deficit disorder.... and then other times i think i'm just a hypochondriac. :)

so today i think i got the first obligatory phone call. yeah, i'm not digging that. call because you want to, not because you know i want you to. there's a big difference there and i can sense it. i'm beginning to wonder if this little trip is such a good idea. ever since the topic was brought up, conversation has basically ceased. hmmm... conincidence? prolly not. so i guess if i ever get (or make) another non-obligatory phone call, this will have to be discussed. because i'm not making a trip under such ... conditions.

the thing is, i do this every time. i hold back, i pretend i'm not interested. and then when i finally decide it's okay to be interested and it's okay to be me, i've missed the window of opportunity.

que sera, sera, eh?

meh.

the doll is making plans. again. as she's finished with beauty school, i don't know what her excuse for not going will end up being this time. we're talking cun or sju late in april - sunshine and beaches and tropical drinks, all inclusive. this time, i'll sell my left kidney for such a trip. i've been so good lately, i deserve it. i'm already wondering where my slippas are...

and lent will be over... (you're not even catholic! i can hear nigel already...)

oh, tomorrow is my saturday, how i love my 'saturdays'. and i have things to do! people to see! i'm kind of excited! it's a mini road trip, it's not canada or anything, but it's out of town and that's always nice. and it's not even out of town to go to work, that's even better. :) i'm going to go see my aunt and my cousins. and i have to register my car in this god forsaken state and get a new license. which means i have to find my passport and my social security card and another form of id. and i have stuff to mail and i want to get a haircut, but that's prolly for another day because i can't bear the thought of cheating on my lovely courtney at bella...

i fear change. and i used to be so organised. what the hell happened to me?

i'm making friends at work and i find that i enjoy the company of one coworker immensely. i just wish i could change his name... if we're ever going to hang out outside of work, i'm going to have to call him by something else. that name just isn't going to cut it...

tonight on my way home i rediscovered the band belly. do you remember them? early 90s, kind of indie, alt-country-pop. i loved it then, i loved it now. some things never change.

it's okay, really.

i didn't want to go anywhere this week. c'mon. keep fucking snowing. i really wanted to stay home all week and not visit anyone.

I LOVE SNOW. BRING IT ON.

(reverse psychology is an awesome tool, i don't know if you guys have heard of it, but basically you can make someone think the opposite of what you believe, and that tricks them into doing something stupid. works like a charm.)

michael scott in '08.

word.

X1/2... no hpn today, kiddos.

fucking snow. i hate winter. actually, i don't hate winter. i just hate winter when it gets in the way of the things that i want to do. like see my friends. it was all set up that i was heading out first thing monday morning to go to hpn to see sue and dolly. well, not anymore. the snow is creating a major headache for moi and sue's regional manager is staying right down the hall from her and the entire tdy crew has been warned not to allow freeloaders (such as me, but not specifically named) in their rooms. rude! so she wants to test the water before she gets the party reputation, which honestly i'm sort of surprised she doesn't already have. has my sue undergone a serious attitude adjustment? are the days of danger and trouble long gone?

so tuesday is the plan now, but if it gets anymore complex and resorts to sneaking me in and out of a hotel, i may just say fuck it and head to charlotte where i can have my own room and not have to share a bed with a woman who snores like a dying water buffalo. we'll just have to see.

in the meantime, this is just further proof that i should have done my homework. because now i have to go to school tomorrow night.

piss.

hiking is just walking where its okay to pee

ugh. according to msn health, today is the most depressing day of the year. all the more reason to stay in bed where it's warm. it's not that cold in the house, it's just not as warm as my bed. i love my bed. it's big and comfy and soft and covered in blankets and pillows and it's just awesome. i had two really awesome pillows to go with my bed, but one is out on loan. for some reason, i don't think i'll ever see it again. i will collect on that someday.

i miss my job. i'm bored as hell with nothing to do and in a few weeks i'm going to be feeling the repercussions of this small "vacation" when i don't have any dollars to pay rent. (readers, feel free to fill the tip jar. i'll even hand make thank you cards with construction paper and markers.) i never thought i'd miss a job; that's so out of character for me. how bizaare. but true. i actually liked my job, i loved the people i worked with - all except a select few i guess.

i talked to mrs robinson last night. we're still planning a trip to cancun sometime soon. it needs to be sooner rather than later because i'm going to lose my flight benefits here pretty quick when my work paperwork gets all processed. that's one downfall to this leave thing that i'm on. the gran massa champ seems to think that i can just call sue and say 'i want to go to cun for a four day drunken fuck fest' and she'll just approve that. i tend to think otherwise. anyway. mrs robinson is in hpn for tdy and she's drinking up a storm and i'm jealous. it sounds like fun. she says all the pax are botoxed to the hilt and wearing fur and that makes me laugh. botoxed, fur wearing uppity women that look perpetually surprised flying eagle. nice. :D

today is best gram's surgery. i called and talked to her last night. she didn't want to talk about it, she wanted to talk about me instead. i think she was anxious about it but she never really said so. i know she just wants it to be over. the entire clan (and i do mean clan; i think there's like 10 or 12 people at the hospital) is in the waiting room right now. she goes in at noon. i'm going to call momma in a few minutos and check in. i'm nervous for her.

so me and nigel talked this morning. i was having an issue with ... life? she cracks me up. only a truly wonderful friend would offer to drive four hours with a roll of 'date' tape and a stack of pornos. i love her more than words can describe, she's the bestest. she wants to go drunken sledding this weekend. that could be fun. :)

okay. there has to be something more productive i can be doing.

peas out.
love,
superfreakinawesomejanel