30 December 2006

i need a tranquilizer. a large one. maybe two.

ugh. it's coming up on 2300 and i'm awake. not just awake, but awake from six hours of sleep. i came home from job #2 and went to bed. not the smartest thing i've done but the only thing i could fathom doing. and now i'm not tired enough to go back to sleep but i don't have enough energy to get up and do anything worthwhile so here i am. god, isn't it rough being me?

i was laying here thinking of all the thing i have to do this week - and it seems everytime i turn around the list gets just a lil' bit longer - and i'm getting a tad bit overwhelmed. i don't want to say that i'm regretting the decision that i have made because one, i don't regret it, and two, i don't believe in regrets, but i think i'm coming to terms with the reality that i've created. does that make sense? like, i can think about this in two ways. one is all rosy and fuzzy at the edges and the other is all black and white and fucking scary. because real world here, i'm talking about uprooting my life (again, for the second time in four months) in a matter of about 14 days, give or take, to a town where i know two people, i have no job, no place to live, no school, and no sense of direction. oh, and at least two people already prolly hate me. omfg. i must be retarded. or crazy. is there a difference? it doesn't really matter; i've already committed and the letters of recommendation are on their way. if i don't have an ulcer now i will by 16jan. i can feel it already.

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