canada, here i come...

i'm still at work. boys and girls, it's like, o-dark-thirty and i'd like to be home, in bed, with visions of terrance and philip and tom green in my head, but alas i'm still sitting in ops, waiting on a fucking plane full of 49 pissy people and a not so cute fo that's not worth looking at to even make up for my inconvenience.

the nerve!

so look at my horoscope for monday...

"A conversation could take place today between you and a love partner that makes you both very, very happy, Janelle. The status of your relationship is likely to step up to the next level, and you should both be more than ready. A tip, however: let your partner do most of the talking. At times like this, you're going to want to express everything you feel, but right now, it might be better to listen. "

hmmm...

the furbies have faith, more than i. or maybe they know something i don't, after all they are furbies and they do know. they know everything.

only like, 27 more minutes until the plane gets here. yahoo.

foggy nights and girl scout cookies

because i was up at an unholy hour (for me, anyway), i'm treating myself to a special breakfast of girl scout cookies and apple juice. this is truly the breakfast of champions. my day will be fantasmical because of this, i'm sure. :)

gran massa was driving to dsm this morning after oversleeping and apparently had no one to talk to so he called and woke me up at 0701, which means that he purposely waited until the clock rolled over 0700 so as not to be considered rude. and that's fine, i really don't mind. seeing 0700 is prolly good for me - not on a regular basis, but every now and then.

i think it's funny, because when i'm driving, i do the same thing. i play that game with myself, 'how long can i hold out and not talk to anyone?' and generally it's not very long because i can't stand the sound of silence, i can't bear the sound of nothingness. i require noise all day, every day. even at night. i sleep with a fan on, year round, because i like the air and i like the whirring noise. and my fishtank has been wonderful in that aspect, although every now and then i have that dream where i've peed the bed and i wake up all stressed and worried and in fact i haven't peed the bed, it's just the sound of water gurgling in the fishtank.

last night on my way home it was incredibly foggy, the kind of fog where you can't see anything in front of your headlights and everything just disappears behind you. it's an eerie feeling, driving in conditions like that, but i kind of like it. i feel as though i'm the only person on the road, i'm the only person to ever drive that stretch of road and perhaps it's being created just a few feet at a time, in front of me, as i drive along. in fog like that i lose all sense of direction and everything just feels like a giant straight line - i can't sense hills and valleys, i can't feel lows and highs. it's like a censored version of my drive home, where everything distinguishing has been removed. it's a lonely drive in good weather, but something about fog makes the loneliness seem more urgent, more desperate, more sad.

so i still barrelled along at 75 mph + and dared any law enforcement agent to find me, let alone stop me.

i wish i didn't have to work today. i'd like to be home; roberto is playing in a basketball tournament with people from job #2, including the godfather. i missed this same tournament last year and i'm a little bummed that i'm missing it again. roberto even invited me, which he never does, and that means that he really wanted me to be there. :(

oh wow. i just took a quiz. look at this...

You'll die in a Car Accident.

You are very sociable, talking on your cell when you should be paying attention to the road. Sadly, cell phones will claim yet another life...

'How will you die?' at QuizGalaxy.com

omg. how do they know that?

okay. things to do. i'll be back.

love, superineedanapjanel

i'm looking in on the good life...

i hate hospitals. they reek of illness and death. any happiness found in a hospital is confined to a small corner of a single floor; babies and new life are kept hidden away from the general public. instead visitors are welcomed by the overwhelming stench of end-of-life services and dying flowers, sadness and stale coffee. no one ever leaves a hospital looking happy.

i hate hospitals. did i mention that?

today i drove. i drove from dubuque to iowa city (84 miles). i drove from iowa city to des moines (114 miles). i drove from des moines to pella (46 miles). but all that driving calmed my nerves temporarily. here's what i learned:

• dad: my dad has improved 110 percent from his condition yesterday. he is mobile (somewhat) and while his vision is a little blurry, he can speak and function at an almost normal level. he's eating and drinking on a regular schedule. no more morphine. tests were conducted today and with any luck will be released tomorrow to go home. yay!
• grandma: my grandma is not doing so well. her incision is still bleeding, but not as severely. she looks incredibly pale and small and is not keeping food down; she's not even keeping fluids or meds down. she's fighting an obscure staph infection and is facing a six week regimen of daily intravenous antibiotics. they hope she'll be able to go home by friday but this isn't definite.

so. while nothing is wrong with me right now, you never know when something could happen. so i want to lay out some very basic instructions and information for those that will/would take care of the arrangements and distribution of the few things i actually own.

i'm not being morbid, i'm just being prepared.

okay, arrangements. i don't want to be buried. i want to be cremated. but i don't want to be placed in an urn. big lebowski-style, let me go over the ocean over the lava rock at la perouse bay on the island of maui. i don't want a big flowery funeral. and if anyone gets one of those big ugly flower arrangements with the big ribbon that says, "granddaughter" or "friend" i will hunt them down and haunt them for the rest of their days. i hate that shit.

i have specific music i want played.

• the verve: bittersweet symphony
• green day: good riddance
• moby: porcelain
• death cab for cutie: i will follow you into the dark
• the shins: new slang
• radiohead: fake plastic trees
• smashing pumpkins: in the arms of sleep

i don't want anything weepy; if it cannot be a celebration, i don't want anything at all. i hate formal, i hate pompous, i hate traditional. buck the system and get a fucking keg. i mean it.

as far as divvying up what little i own, i want this specifically followed. there are no exceptions to this. no swapping, no white elephant.

• mom: i want my mom to have my giraffe swatch watch and all my books (except for the one i want alex to have) and my book case.
• craig: i want craig to have all my dvds and cds because he doesn't possess enough random pop culture knowledge as it is. craig can also have all my t-shirts because chances are if it's at all cool it was prolly his to begin with.
  
• jorge: i want jorge to have my computer and ipod, because he doesn't have one and thinks he doesn't need one. if he had one he'd love it.
  
• steph: i want steph to have all my jewelry. steph honestly loves pretty things.
  
• mark: i want mark to have my entertainment center and television. he can keep them or burn them or whatever he wants to do with them. he deserves them for every time he's moved them.
• alex: i have a book called the 'little prince' that i want her to have. i also want her to have my swatches (except for the one with the frog on it, i think her mom should have that one) and my tickle bunnies, because i know she understands how important they are.
  
• brent: i want my roommate to have my cats and my fish and my ugly fishtank and my playstation. but you have to promise to take both kitties, not just the gay one.
  
• misty: i want misty to have my cell phone(s) and my beanie babies. lol.
  
• eddy: i want to leave eddy my car and all my debt because he's not yet fully my ex (at least at the time of this publication... hehehe...)
• everything else... that stuff isn't important. i don't really care. i've named all the important stuff. but i retain the right to alter this document at any time.

i feel better getting this out.

i had the strangest dream last night. i dreamt that the gran massa and schmalex were standing in the kitchen with all the cheese i've purchased lately spread out on the counter, holding knives and eating as fast as they could. i wanted cheese so bad but they wouldn't let me have any. the gran massa was laughing maniacally and schmalex wasn't being mean, she just looked sad. according to this site, cheese symbolizes gains and profits. so the gran massa and my cousin are eating my gains and profits. sonsabitches.

next week is winter break at school. another week when i don't have class. but that means that no one else has class either. yay!

tonight i'm holed up in the dutch village with the blanket that really should be mine. if i get up early enough i might just take it with me but i fear the family backlash i may incur. i don't know if it's worth it because apparently my brother, in addition to having no body fat, also has no blankets.

i'm going to bed.

gnite lovelies.
love, superfreakinoverlypreparedforthewrongthingsjanel

no more weekends at bernie's.

well, i'm one fish down. he wasn't dead but he was on his way. poor bernie. the gran massa spooned him out with a pasta spoon - the remainder of my fish will forever fear spaghetti night in east dbq - and flushed him.

this is the reenactment:

i can only hope that bernie didn't face this creepy-ass grin in his last moments. if i'd have had a trumpet, i'd have played taps. poor lil' fishie. :(

but then i had a turkey sandwich and now i'm better. when i get back from where ever i end up going this week, i'll get another fish for my tank. i only have four and i have a serious dislike for even numbers.

back off.

this is my horoscope (gah!) for today. i say all y'all just need to back off and let the jobs come to the janel... ahh, yes, the jobs will come...

If you have made some strong resolutions lately, most notably concerning your professional life, wait a little bit before putting them into action, Janelle. Your resolutions may have been made when you were in a panic and not when you were feeling particularly wise. Take the time to look over your objectives. Contrary to what people may have been advising, there is no need for you to be in a hurry...

i am NOT a goat, damn it

all my life i have been led to believe by various chinese restaurant placemats that my chinese astrological sign was monkey. i've led my life as a monkey. so tonight i'm all excited to read that i can get my free chinese horoscope (again, that word!). except i enter my birthdate and it comes up that i'm not a monkey but a goat. what the fuck? i am NOT a goat. i have never been a goat and at thirty minus three years and nine days, i will not become a goat now. bitches. so when i read my fortune i felt better - it had a typographical error in it. so there is no credibility to this. and i'm still a monkey. besides, are the chinese furbies so lazy that they can only write a horoscope once a week? what is that? that's dumb. it's not like they're that busy.

i still haven't done any homework. :)

when the moon is in the seventh house...

do you believe in astrology? my horoscope (i can type it, just not say it) has been eerily dead on lately. i'm generally not a huge believer in this stuff, but sometimes it just can't be ignored. like this is what it says for today:

who of us wouldn't love to feel in complete control of our lives? the reality
is, few of us ever feel this way. you did make a conscious decision to take
a certain path. are you pleased with where it is leading you? while it would
be great to be able to point to successes in life and clearly see the decisions
that caused them, life is not always so clear-cut. for the moment you will have
to trust in your subconscious...

yikes. how do they know? easy. horoscopes are obviously written by furbies, the omniscient little creatures of the late 90s. doesn't he look as though he knows my astrological future? we're looking at the grand wizard of all furbies. he's just a token representative; he may or may not actually write the daily horoscopes and he prolly doesn't answer the furby psychic hotline. he's just the president, not a client... :D for february, the furbies are predicting that i'm going to get robbed on the 15th by a sticky fingered family member and i'm supposed to battan down the hatches and hang on to my important stuff. i don't know what that means. is that literal or figurative? i guess if i wake up on 16feb and my shit's gone i'll know i should have listened to the furby. they know.

yesterday was laundry day. we went to the laundromat. it was not that exciting. but now i have clean clothes and i can start my 10-tshirt rotation over again. i was beginning to feel lost without my weezer shirts. i'd never been to a laundromat before; it wasn't as scary as i'd imagined. in fact, i was able to leave my clothes unattended and do other things. yay me. perhaps i'm not as ocd as i thought i was. hehehe...

i am so bored. i want to take a nap. peas out for now, lovelies.

at least i have hair

look. my kitty is making friends. isn't that cute? mason hates all people. but maybe not all people. this is very odd behavior. is the apocolypse upon us?

sink the bad dog

i don't know what kind of dog this is. i don't even know if it's a real dog, i assume that it is. but i want it. i want to name it gregory. or steve. or pookie. :) acutally, i don't want a dog right now. but this dog cracks me up.

so i had a sobe with dinner tonight. i don't recommend sobe with any sort of quizno's sandwich. it goes down weird. but the saying inside the cap was "sink the bad dog." i don't know what it means, technically, but it does sort of relate to my life. sort of.

i stayed late tonight to cover for monique. or the texas ranger. after all the swapping and cs-ing, i'm not sure who i was really working for, but i know it means overtime and overtime is good. yay for me! yay for overtime! this week is also holiday pay, so i'm sort of psyched about that too. anything to help the rent get paid.

so once again, the nice but not date-able guy at worked asked me out. because i'm a sucker for a nice guy, i'm not sure how to turn him down. i tried avoiding the common places but that didn't work. now he's made a point to seek me out, to find me in the depths of baggage hell and try to extract information from me, information regarding when i work and when i don't and when we're going to go to the mongolian restaurant. i'm beginning to think that playing dumb isn't going to work anymore, i might actually have to say something harsh to get him to get the point. i hate being the bad guy.

lawyer retained. i'm supposed to go in next week to discuss our plan of action. hehehehe....

i'm sorry i didn't get an xbox. burger king has games with the king that you can buy for like 3$. i love the king. i love the commercial where the guy wakes up with the king. or the one where the king tries to ramp the bike but crashes. i know, i watch too much tv.

i'm excited about vegas. roberto is dragging me to some show, a comedian or a magician or something. amazing jonathan? i've never heard of him, but roberto says he's good. we'll see. i hear there's a swatch store in vegas, rock on. i'm working overtime. i can buy a swatch. :)

ora sto andando a letto. sono stanco. buona notte. muah!

i love furbys!

i have three of them. one of them is retarded and does not work. one is of unknown status, i've never put batteries in them. the third is possessed and just speaks at random times. i keep him in my bedroom because he freaks out the cat sometimes in the middle of the night. good times. i see them at garage sales and i feel sorry for them so i buy them. its a compulsion, i know, i can't seem to stop. not going to garage sales helps too.

so. what happened today? hmmm. i worked from 1030 to 1900. that's a long shift. i don't think i'd ever bid that shift. i don't like it very much. but hours are hours are dollars and dollars = good.

this is an 81 honda! how dare you! that movie is going to be so dumb but i'm dying to see it. i have the noisiest dishwasher this side of this mississippi. i think i could hear it at the ice cream store. i hope melissa saved the last of the chocolate ice cream for me. they're not going to have chocolate until spring. boo.... so much for going out and drinking with meekin tomorrow. i got suckered into working again because i'm not able to say no. no. no. no. no. "do you want to work tomorrow and the next day and the next day?" "yes." grr. i suck. actually, ask around. that's one thing i don't do. hmmm... what day is today? is this tuesday? my days are running together, i never know what day it is. i always know the date but it doesn't matter because i don't know what day of the week it is. all the days are the same to me, there's no distinction. if it's tuesday, i have less than 72 hours until designated drinking day. rock on.

today my best good pal was at work. not to work, but to meet with the powers that be. this is such a bunch of hullaballoo, it just reeks of inaccuracy and misinformation. it's like the left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing. here, let me testify against you in a court of law after i assist you in writing a statement proclaiming your innocence and your exemplary work record. wtf? make up your minds, damn it. i'd be pissed about the whole thing. making you go through security like a common criminal. i'm surprised they didn't make you a selectee so you got the glove. you think it's a good thing, or at least a fun thing, to come back; you even seem to be looking forward to it. don't get me wrong - i love you. i miss having you around. but i'd tell them all to fuck off and go find a place where you're happy - because it's not here. we all know that. i worry about you. i want good things for you. and we both know this isn't it. i hope my bit of information helps you get what you want, i'm happy to help however i can. just let me know.

this is bothering me. i'm not able to lick my elbow. are you? i have to admit i've tried, several times, and i just don't work that way. can anyone do this? okay. off to find something to do. i'm bored and i still can't sleep. boo...