27 June 2008

my boys

buddha and kingsley :D
so cute!

and then there were two

we now have two boxer puppies. kingsley and buddha. the bee wanted to name the new puppy buddha, i'm not sure why. i mean, he was raised baptist and when his grandparents call and make him go to church, they go to the baptist church. there is no mention of buddha there. he may not know what it means, he may be saying butter with an accent. i'm not sure. but whatever. we've effectively changed the dog's name from harley to buddha. and the dog doesn't seem to mind.

in fact, the new dog seems to mind very little. he's a very well behaved, well adjusted pup - with almost the exact same markings as kingsley. he's seven months old, several inches taller and weighs about the same - but he's grossly underweight. his ribs, his spine and his hip bones all show and instead of being anxious or sniffing his new home upon arrival - he went straight for his new food bowl and proceeded to eat two entire bowls of food. i wanted to cry. our new baby has been underfed and it looks like no one has cared for him in a while.

in spite of his physical appearance, he is actually quite strong and loves to play with kingsley. and kingsley, when he's not tired, loves having someone to play with. we have probably 200$ in toys in a basket on the floor (including my personal favorite, his rubber chicken "earlvis" ) and they go untouched. they wrestle and box and chew and chase and thump and carry on until they're too exhausted to move. and generally they're pretty good; i've only had to break out my nasty puppy mom voice once. and it scared the holy crap out of them.

which means i get to eat my human food in peace. or at least a little more peace than i was getting last week. which really isn't saying a lot. it just means that there's not a dog in my face as i'm trying to chew.

nope. now there's TWO dogs in my face, lol.

i'd post a picture of the two pups but right now it's just a blur of fawn fur, black masks, floppy lips, white paws and orange collars. maybe they'll fall asleep and i can get them then.

and maybe monkeys will fly out of my butt.
this means that for the next 10 to 12 years, my home will be destroyed. i needn't bother vacuum, dust, pick up doggie toys - i will live in doggie-created rubble. they're lucky they're so stinking cute.

25 June 2008

stop staring at my man arm!

apparently i have excessive arm hair. i didn't realize this until two people in the last week pointed this out. my brother was one, nigel was the other. they both tried to pull tufts from my right arm, telling me that i may be unnaturally hairy and an arm-hair braid probably isn't the most subtle way to flaunt my "man arm."

well hell. must be time to lay off the testosterone lotion. or time to start putting it on both arms, that way i can have arm-hair braids on both arms, because that would definitely be more subtle than just one.

i'm just joking about all of that. (and now i'm going to be known as the girl that makes fun of people that have to take testosterone for whatever reason. gosh. i'm sorry, okay?) but in all seriousness, they did both comment on my arm hair, nigel even going as far to say that i have a "man arm" and now i'm all self conscious about it.
stop trying to look at my arm. i'm not going to show you. quit it.

the bee comes home tonight. woohoo! for real, we actually know he's coming home tonight, he's all packed and doesn't have any more hotel reservations or anything. yay me! yay him! yay pootie! yay puppy to be named! (which hopefully we get to pick up tomorrow afternoon.)

so i cleaned out the fridge this afternoon. that obviously hadn't been done in a while - i found a small lunchmeat revolution, about six pounds of rotten watermelon (which explained that really weird smell) and a lifetime supply of penicillin. i also found a whole wheel of gouda and a two-liter of cherry soda. woohoo!

is your refrigerator running?

i'm going to make swedish meatballs this weekend. YUM. do you know who swedish meatballs make me think of?

oh yes, i'm going there...

chickie in duh baskie! lololol....

so last night i went out with my two brothers and my lil' brother's wonderful girlfriend. they've been together for so long and i love her so much it almost doesn't feel right calling her a girlfriend, but it's a technicality, you know? but i had the best time ever with them. we ate dinner, had drinks, went to a movie and just laughed and laughed and laughed. they are good people, they have good hearts - i'm so proud of them and the people they've become. it's funny, the traits that we all share. i can't remember the last time that the three of us went to a movie - but we all sat down and within seconds of each other, we all put our feet up on the seats in front of us in the exact same manner. it was just uncanny. we all have the same warped sense of humor. and we all have very strong opinions, not necessarily the same opinion but very strong opinions on many different topics. i just really enjoyed the time i got to spend with them all.

oh i have things i *should* be doing. instead i'm sitting on the sofa, thinking about eating a frozen dinner (yum) and watching more of the weather channel (yay).

and no, i still won't show you my arm.

24 June 2008

you're gonna hafta buy a ticket to the gun show...

...if you're gonna hang out with me. because after thursday, i am going to have some severely sculpted arms. i mean, guns. i'm going to be one of those incredibly self-centered people that walks around in tank tops and wife beaters with my ripped arms and muscle-y shoulders hanging out just because i can. and then i'm going to get a tan so orange and so fake i look like a yam.

you're probably asking, "superjanel, why on earth would you want to look like a yam with muscle-y mr. potato head arms?" and i'd say, "why, reader, that's a fantastic question. and the answer to this question is this: we're getting a second pootie! another boxer! another furry face to wake up to in the morning! and walking this, this second yet-to-be-named puppy, along with our current hoss of a doggie, will give me rock solid arms and shoulders because i will have one dog on each arm, each exerting about 400 pounds of puppy pressure."

either that, or i'll have only one arm. or no arms. i could potentially look like the drummer from def leppard. or worse. i could look like a yam with ONE muscle-y mr. potato head arm. i could start a yam band. a one-yam band. a one-yam, one-arm band.

if i were a yam, with one really strong arm, i think this is what i'd look like. maybe. i don't know. but that's some really AWESOME hair.

no, but really, we're getting another dog. a six-month old boxer puppy that is in need of a home - one of our neighbors has to get rid of his puppy before his pregnant wife gets rid of it for him. and as such we have agreed to adopt his puppy before something bad happens to it. and i'm uber excited about it, because i think a brother for kingsley will be a good thing. surprisingly, the bee was all for it - but he hasn't been home for two weeks to see the lil' monster that the pootie can be at times, either. so the idea of two little monsters hasn't crossed his mind. but it'll be fun.

puppies are fun. except for when they're not fun.

speaking of the bee, i hear he may get to come home on thursday, exactly 15 days after he left. when he was leaving, his boss told him to pack clothes for 2-3 days. that's not very much underwear. i feel sorry for him - i mean, the money is good, don't get me wrong, but eventually you get to a point where the money doesn't matter much anymore and you just want to sleep in your own bed, you know? and i can't even begin to tell you how much i miss him. which surprises me more than i ever would have guessed - sorry to say. the first few days were okay - a little time apart isn't such a bad thing, but this has dragged on and on to the point of ridiculousness. and i can't wait to see him.

tv shows on the spanish channels always look more interesting than tv shows in english. senora bellon was right - i shouldn't have flunked spanish in high school. damn it.

22 June 2008

my pootie

he's so stinking cute. and he's so much fun, he just makes my day, everyday.

18 June 2008

just another day on the cubicle farm

the word of the day is androgyny. the reason the word of the day is androgyny is because i work in a place where all the boys look like girls and all the girls look like boys. so when i walk into the (women's) restroom at giant conglomeration bank and it appears that i'm surrounded by men, i get a little freaked out. today, in fact, i was so freaked out that i walked back outside the bathroom to read the sign and make sure the stick figure outside the door was actually wearing a dress. (she was.)

don't believe me? here are some examples of some androgynous employees at giant conglomeration bank...

breasts be damned, this is flaming homo of a man. survey says: not to be found in the women's restroom, no matter how much he wants to be.

facial hair and all, this chick sits just a few rows over from me on the cubicle farm. survey says: no double takes, no shaving jokes in the bathroom if i want to avoid a harassment lawsuit.

for real, this chick has asked me about six times if i have a lighter, fully knowing *I DON'T SMOKE.* survey says: use the other bathroom when she's out and about to avoid being propositioned.

this dude is always running late and always dressing better than just about everyone in the building. survey says: stick figure on his bathroom door is NOT wearing a dress.

this one may actually be a girl. or a guy. it's name is pat. survey says: survey don't know. pat doesn't use the bathroom at work.

we can't figure out how this chick misses the moustache every day, but she does have great hair. survey says: don't pick a fight, she's a super freak.

this chick actually wears leather chaps on casual fridays. (i am so not kidding.) survey says: seen her in the bathroom, it's still a little weird.

oh god i love my job...

17 June 2008

i will not radiate false gayness

i finally bought new underpants last week. (i love new underpants, by the way. and i love the word underpants. but seriously, i would wear new underpants everyday of the week for the rest of my life if i could afford it. however, my lifestyle and my current career do not afford me this luxury.) i bought the cutest underpants - including one pair with rainbows on them, which i just love. but now i'm wearing them, thinking, "hmmm. are underpants with rainbows only for lesbians?" not that i plan on anyone (other than the bee) seeing my rainbow/lesbo underpants. but i don't like the idea of my grundies radiating false gayness. because that is just not cool.

why can't rainbows just be pretty and girly without the lesbian undertones, like they were when i was in 2nd grade? even though there were probably lesbian undertones even when i was in 2nd grade and i just didn't know it.

so i went back to work today and i was pleasantly surprised to find that my jerk-off coworkers actually didn't steal all my kleenex, which was really nice of them. however, they did stick me with the "pee" chair - the chair with a stain on it that looks like you've peed when you get up. not awesome, team. not awesome.

then i got home tonight to find the puppy just howling inside his kennel. our neighbors must just love us. who knows how long he's been carrying on like that? so we went for a really, really long walk to burn off some puppy energy but the only one that got tired is the janel. puppy is still running laps in the living room like a freaking madman.

i can't wait for the bee to get home. he is on doggie duty for like a month. when we talked this afternoon, he asked me to put the phone by the puppy's ear so he could talk to him - and the puppy went crazy. it was pretty sad, actually. until puppy decided that instead of listening to the bee, he'd rather chew on the phone. and now i can't get him to leave it alone. there is nothing that dog won't chew on. he discovered the toilet paper the other night - that was neat fun, especially neat fun to clean up.

oh, puppies are so much fun. :D

i have been chewed up by mosquitoes in the last few days. i have bites numbering in the double digits, which really sucks because i'm really allergic to them - they get all red and swollen and ooky looking. so i've been applying baking soda to them to suck the itchy stuff out, which means that there is baking soda all over the house. which sucks in of itself, but especially since i can't vacuum without the puppy going freaking ballistic. i don't know what it is about the vacuum but he can't deal with it. anytime i open the closet he freaks out. it doesn't even have to be running and he just freaks out. poor puppy.

poor me - i have a long life of dirty carpet ahead of me.

and with that, i'm going to bed. i gots to be at work at 7am, which means i've got to be awake at the ass crack of dawn. and the ass crack of dawn arrives awfully early.


craisins on tuesmonday

since i chose to duck out on yesterday and take the easy way out, today is my monday when it's everyone else's tuesday. which explains my case of the mondays on tuesday. but really, today is better than yesterday so i could say that i have a case of the tuesdays. or the montuesdays. or the tuesmondays. but really what it all boils down to is that i'm really good at being on vacation and i don't want to go back to work.

yeah, i've been having a rough few days. and that's in spite of the fact that i have been on vacation and i haven't really been doing anything. but i think my mind kind of works against itself sometimes and too much down time is a bad thing. because i have been a mental mess lately and yesterday i had to haul my ass into the doctor for a medicinal overhaul and a strong dose of reality. it's the same stuff; nothing new - but i replay it over and over in my head until i'm just physically ill. i have to stop doing that, i know that much - i just don't know how. part of me knows that i made the best decision - that there really wasn't much of a decision to be made - but sometimes i'm really good at convincing myself that i'm a monster for what i've done and i just let that guilt completely take over me. and then i don't know how to handle myself.

it doesn't help that i freaked out in front of the family when asked to hold a baby the other day. i did, i literally freaked out and couldn't do it. i wanted to throw up. i wanted to curl up and die. i had a pain in my heart and a pain in my gut that hurt more than i can explain and i can still feel if i think about it enough. i really don't want to talk about it except to say that the whole thing was embarassing and i hope the baby's mother understands that it's not her and it's not her baby.

it also doesn't help that i've been alone for the last week, just me and the dog. the bee is working on the road and has been gone since thursday morning. his shop has had him in cedar rapids and waterloo, working with a crew of guys that are attempting to save a couple of high dollar buildings from flood waters. water is water, it goes where it wants and since they're not god they can't stop it - it's a futile battle if you ask me. but no one did ask me and because of that i've been sitting home alone, on my vacation, while he works 24 hours a day. i'm not good at being alone. it sort of compounds my other problems, which isn't anyone else's fault - i'm not blaming anyone else - i'm just not good at being by myself. i really miss him.

so maybe it will be good that i go back to work today. i can't believe i said that. i had to hide all my stuff before i left because the jerks that i work with have sticky fingers. i fully expect my kleenex to be gone. however, i should have a really big bag of craisins in my desk drawer which is making me hungry to think about. craisins sound really good right now. but if i'm going to eat craisins, i'm going to have to go to work, which means i'm going to have to take a shower. and that means i've got to get my butt off the 'puter and off the sofa.


14 June 2008

... and we're baaack!

guess where i'm sitting right now? i'm at home, using my newly set up cable internet. hallelujah for mediacom and their short memory. :) not that i'm going to be around to use it - i'm heading over to the parentals for a while.

i just wanted to let you all know that i'm back! woohoo!

11 June 2008

nada. nothing. nil.

667. that's better. it's like tw0-thirds on the way to something, what, i don't know. but something.

i haven't written for a while, as you can see. i don't have internet at home and it's actually kind of nice, except for when i want to know something, like what a dog's body temperature is supposed to be or how far it is from here to rutledge, missouri. these are important things, people! and when the janel needs to know, that means the janel needs to know. but somehow i'm surviving. i like to tell people that i don't have internet at home because having internet at home means that i'm ignoring the bee and the puppy. however, the real reason is that i'm too cheap to pay my outstanding bill with the local telephone company. the former just sounds better though.

but that is about to change. come saturday afternoon, i should have internet at home again. woohoo!

let the blogging commence!

so it's wednesday, another soggy day here. it's rained nearly every day for i don't know how long. it even rains when they say it's not going to rain. i'm kicking myself for not taking shop class more seriously in the 7th grade; i have a feeling some of those tool-wielding skills would be useful when it comes time to build the ark that is going to be necessary here in a few more days. everywhere around me is flooding - they're even monitoring the interstate and the major intersection just south of my house. which leaves me wondering, how in the world will i get to the whippy dip tomorrow if they shut down the interstate?


i'm still employed with giant conglomeration bank, i don't mind it as much as i thought i would. there is some comfort with being a cog in the machine, you know? it makes me crazy to be micro-managed but i do find some consolation in that i really like my supervisor - if i'm going to be micro-managed, it'd better be by someone i can tolerate. so far so good.

i'm on vacation this week. LOL! two months on, one week off... i could get used to this. this was the week that the bee and i were going to go on vacation to tennessee, but the purchase of (and ongoing care for) the puppy as well as gas prices hovering at the 4$ mark have left me at home and him at work this week. oh well. vacation is overrated, right?

so i've been keeping busy by working at the whippy dip. i'd forgotten how much fun it is to sling ice cream all day to hoity toity pella-kins. but i do it because i like hanging out with my brother and the money helps. there's a new crew of ice cream slingers this season, most of them are bible-thumping ultra conservatives (what is it about ice cream that attracts this kind of person?!) and i find that i have to put away my sailor-mouth and sicko sense of humor to keep from offending them. which makes an 8-hour shift that much more entertaining. i have never had so many conversations about nothing in my entire life.

never mind that i'm currently boring you (and me) with my ramblings of absolutely no importance about absolutely nothing.

blah, blah, blah. i'm signing off.

ooh creepy...

the 666th post. i feel like i need to go to church or something.

yeah, i don't think i can work under these conditions.

moving on...