The art of doing nothing.

Three weeks? Three whole weeks, are you kidding me? What the heck have I been doing for three whole weeks that I've been too busy to write? I have no idea. Nothing spectacular, that's for sure. I've lost my motivation for a lot of things, which is weird because I finally feel like the Mini Bee and I are starting to agree on a routine. I'm getting more sleep than I've been able to get in months and yet I'm just exhausted all the time. What's up with that?

As usual, things around here are in a constant state of flux. The only constant thing in life is that things are always changing. The Bee got laid off again this week. Awesome, right? Yeah... The last round only lasted two weeks but it felt like two months and we were ready to kill each other. This time around it's predicted he'll be out of work until spring. Spring! That's two whole seasons away! I'll be 30 before he heads back to work! What are we going to do for six whole months? He's got some ideas, some projects, some side jobs, thankfully, because that's a long time for us to just sit around and stare at each other. But if we don't keep our attitudes in check it's going to be a rough few months.

It's Thursday - usually on Thursdays at this time I can be found standing barefoot in a line of women (and one man) ranging from pleasantly plump to crazy heavy, waiting to weigh in for the week. Instead I'm home this morning. I actually have things to do and the timing of my Chubby Kids meeting just doesn't work with everything else there is to do. Mini Bee is starting to cut teeth and his naps and eating schedule have been all messed up the last few days. I hate dragging him to Chubby Kids when he's not had a morning nap - he just wails and I have to leave early anyway. (It's rare that he's ever really unhappy but when he is, he's definitely not shy about letting you know.) But those are just excuses. Mostly it's the fact that I've fallen so far off the Chubby Kids cart that I refuse to weigh in this week. I have to get back on track. My stomach has been upset lately and I've been having heartburn (which I haven't had since Mini Bee was born) and I know it's because I've been eating like a cow. Like last night, I was up at 12:30 eating Wheat Thins. I've never been a middle of the night eater - I felt really guilty, standing in the kitchen with my hand in a box of crackers, but not guilty enough to stop eating. Ugh. And then when I woke up this morning I was still hungry for breakfast. What the French, toast?

Moo.

Speaking of food, there's a new eater in the house. Mini Bee is big enough that we've added fruits, veggies and cereal to his diet. And he loves it! He seems to enjoy just about everything we've tried but especially likes prunes and sweet potatoes. Kingsley thinks it's pretty cool that Brodie is eating food - he gets the leftovers. And that explains why Kingsley has been farting so much lately. Apparently prunes aren't good for boxer puppies. :)

So tomorrow my oldest little brother is moving to Colorado. For some reason, I didn't think this would effect me as much as it is. Craig came over yesterday to sort out some stuff we have stored for him in the garage and I cried when he left. I'll see him tonight and it's not like I'll never see him again. But he's more than just my brother, he's a good friend. And I'm going to miss him. He's moving because the love of his life just moved out there; I can't think of a better reason for him to go, especially when she's as sweet as she is. They seem to get along exceptionally well - they're great together. And so I wish him the best of luck. :)

But like I said, I have things to do today. Brodie and I are heading to Williamsburg to pick up one of my favorite aunts. He needs to have breakfast, I need to shower, got to go to the post office, have to run by the union hall - so much to do and all before noon, when I need to be in Indianola to eat lunch with my mom. So I'm going to get busy.

no more snooze!

i think this will solve my issue with getting out of bed.

i want this.

give me as little responsibility as possible.

the roommate left today and the house is mine until sunday night. what shall i do in his absence?

absolutely nothing. it will be quiet and it will be wonderful. i'm going to lounge, read my MIT tech review magazines and watch sportscenter. when i'm not working, that is... because i only have two more days of work and then i have 10 days off!

woot!

so what am i doing with my 10 days off? (because i know you really want to know...)

i've got some appointments and a job interview, i want to go see my cousins in the quad cities, i'm working one day at job #2, i'm contemplating a bit of travel (to the east coast! all you easterners best prepare for locusts and fire raining from the sky!) and of course, i'll spend some time loafing.

or i could stay busy and sling ice cream at the ice cream store during the overrated flower fesitvus in the dutch village of all that is holy, overpriced, poorly spelled and hidden in the back of the closet, although the idea of that is far from appealing.

yes, folks. i'm talking about tulip time. what? you've not heard of tulip time? that's ludicrous! (not ludacris but similar.) that's absurd! that's ... actually pretty fuckin' normal if you're not from around here.

do let me enlighten you. tulip time is a three-day festivus in the dutch village of all that is holy, overpriced, poorly spelled and hidden in the back of the closet - otherwise known as pella. i like to call those that live there pella-cans but they like to call themselves dutch. dutch people and tulips and windmills - this is the core of tulip time; it's a big festivus for the rest of us who aren't dutch and don't care to be but we want to watch a big parade and eat mini pancakes for three days straight and let the dutch bastards think we envy them and their wooden shoes and super green lawns.

it's kind of silly, unless you're dutch. they take it so seriously i could be assassinated for having said that.

i'm not particularly wanting to do that next weekend, but it is an option. i could also go to charlotte if libbeth would have me. or maybe i'll stick to my original plans, i'm not sure.

SO. today was a great day. i got my new debit card in the mail, which replaces the one i got a few weeks ago when i lost the original one in a truck. the second one i lost in a convenience store while on a drunken tirade in wisconisin about a week and half ago. it was later recovered in a rack of donuts (which is a story in of itself) but just to be safe i cancelled it. now i'm on my third one, and i plan on either drilling a hole in it and wearing it around my wrist or (b) keeping it in my bra at all times.

but what if i'm not wearing a bra? oh god. then what will i do if i have to get gas? (right now, my mom is thinking wtf would you be doing getting gas and NOT wearing a bra?) so that idea may not work so well. it's too bad i can't just have that magnetic strip just burned into my arm or something, then i could just paypass myself at the convenience store.

now that's an idea...

AND, this is exciting. this happened today. i told you this was going to be a good day!!

I GOT MY DIVORCE PAPERS IN THE MAIL! WOOT! i want to frame the sonsabitches. i'm so happy, it's just fabulous! it's final, it's over, it's done, i'm audi 5000. i called everyone i could think of to let them know - cuz i was having a martha stewart moment: 'it's a good thing.'

and what else happened today? ahh yes... the phone call. i followed grandmaster bob's (formerly snackmaster bob) advice and look what happened? i got the phone call i was wondering about. once again, my fears concerning an ebola outbreak in virginia were quelled. there were no loose and rampant mountain lions in dave matthews country. in fact, there was not so much as a tsunami, earthquake or outbreak of really contagious bubonic plague. (as opposed to the strain of bubonic plague that is not so contagious? hmm...) baxter is just ... tired. a lot. awww...

tired? wtf? tired? i'm tired a lot but bitch, if i say i'm calling you, it's a fucking event. break out the streamers and confetti cuz my bitch ass will be on the damn phone and you better say thank you sir, may i have another.

and that's how i feel about that. i'll let you know if i'm over being pissy when i see if he follows through on his assurance that he'd call tomorrow. but just so you know, i'm not holding my breath...

i have to go watch sportscenter now. i'll be back later.

love,
superfreakinhatingthesoonersjanel :)

another rainy (wednes)day

the gray is starting to affect my mood. and not in a good "i-love-the-rain-it-makes-me-all-sappy-and-creative" kind of way. fuck that. nope, it's making me melancholy and depressed. i need some sunshine, people!

i want sunny days! i want warm! i want a beach! i want to go here! i've been to this beach before; this is kamaole II on the south side of maui in kihei.

*sigh*

i miss hawaii. :(

someday, i'm taking off for somewhere warm and never coming back.

it's been raining for a couple days now. it poured and poured last night - it sounded like the roof was going to blow off our tiny edbq shanty. i love sleeping while it rains. the dreariness today is kind of putting me to sleep. that and a lack of food. i didn't eat breakfast this morning, and i even have breakfast food and options. i just couldn't get my big white butt out of bed early enough to forage through the cabinets.

do you know how early i have to get out of bed to get to job #2? i'm supposed to be here around 0830-ish (although i never get here before 0915), which has me leaving the house at 0500. boys and girls, i didn't get out of bed until 0506 this morning. which doesn't have me arriving at work on time. :(

so this morning on my way to job #2 (which is about 200 miles from home), the roommate called and got snippy with me because his car keys are in my car. dumbass. i'm not the one that left them there, don't get pissy with me. but this occurred after i called and got snippy with him because our electricity was about to be disconnected and i found the bill in my car. wtf? it's no wonder i'm stressed and about to pull my hair out - he's not helping this cause any. boo...

i'm contemplating a serious hair cut. i'm wondering if it's too long. any thoughts, anyone? anyone?

bueller? bueller?

i thought as much. the rain has you all in bed today, doesn't it? i'm jealous...

i always knew i was important.

ask and you shall receive, boys and girls.

no really.

yesterday i was complaining about word verification on my blog. a little more research and i found out this wasn't standard for all blogger users. it's only for those that are suspected of splogging (spam blogging).

how rude is that? i mean, i've published some crap in my day but i'm not spam!

so this evening i find a nice little message from blogger in my inbox.

"Hello, Your blog has been reviewed, verified, and cleared for regular use so that it will no longer appear as potential spam. If you sign out of Blogger and sign back in again, you should be able to post as normal. Thanks for your patience, and we apologize for any inconvenience this has caused.

Sincerely, The Blogger Team"

well isn't that special? i didn't even request that they do this. it just happened. i heart you, blogger. superjanel will be sticking around for a while longer. :)

today was non-productive. it's like because i got up so early and got stuff done yesterday i was not allowed to arise before 1100 or accomplish anything. i went to best buy and got a sd micro card for my phone, that makes me happy. and then i had lunch at jimmy john's and that always makes me happy. i took the roommate to his appointment and then we bought stuff for the new giant fishtank in the living room, which at the moment has a very odd layer of snot floating on the top. but he's not concerned about it and there's no fish in there yet so nothing is dying, it's just kind of gross.

we ended up in prairie du chien this evening. i don't even really know why, just something to do i guess. they have a cabela's there, which i highly recommend for those of you that are into dead and stuffed and mounted animals. there are lots of them there and they're even propped up all lifelike and in attack mode, picking on other dead, stuffed and mounted animals. it's special. i found the tent i want to buy if i ever have a need to buy a tent. (that's not likely to happen but i guess it's good to be prepared.) this tent has cupholders attached to the inside! and a place to put a heater. it's practically a house but it should be for the bargain basement price of 649$. wtf? that's like a months' rent. cabela's, you can suck my nut.

but i bought a crapload of cheese for like 9$. i love cheese. and they have lots of cheese in wisconsin. don't tell anyone i said this, but i kind of like wisconsin. but all you madison-ites can still suck it. :P

didn't get to have the conversation i wanted to have this evening - at least not with the person i wanted to talk to. isn't it funny how the person you don't want to talk to is the one that always calls? it's like they know they're not wanted so they put themselves in front of you as often as possible and either force you to converse or force you to tell them they're not wanted. except i've made it really hard to actually reject this person so i kind of feel bad just not responding at all. and i've stopped feeling guilty about it. i talked to libbeth about this and she pointed out that it's not my responsibility to make other people's relationships work. while i'm not necessarily an innocent bystander (LOL!) i'm also not 100 percent at fault either.

but anyway. tomorrow's another day. and another phone call made/received/ignored...

if you keep talking i'll tell you what you want to hear.

what a weird day. i've been plagued by weird days lately. a zinged out weekend followed by a whacked out monday and tuesday and now wednesday? what on earth could the rest of the week hold?

a couple of things are keeping me from sleeping this evening. my star is in trouble, she's not doing well, her life is completely turned upside down and she's not coping. i'd expect as much from someone in her position at her age, to me it seems normal and maybe only because i've walked in those shoes before. her home life lacks the stability she needs to make any sort of sound decision and the availability of excuses provided by her parents is astounding - why is it that her parent can't be a parent - she can only be a friend? and not even a friend that takes care of you - it's one of those toxic friendships based on jealousy and insecurity. but i'm concerned about her. and my personal experience lends itself to something a little different but i can still relate. i just don't know if she wants me to. i don't know if she wants to hear. i don't want to be a toxic relationship - i don't want to tell her for sympathy, i'm not trying to outdo her and her current situation. i just want her to understand that these feelings, the bleak and cold, the darkness and the loneliness - they pass. they fade. and things get better. she's just got to give it time. that's the only thing that heals those feelings.

i watch situations like this unfold with those around me and i don't think i should have kids. i can't guarantee that i'd be a normal parent. i'm a little too self-involved to be responsible for the welfare of someone else, a little person, someone who would depend on me for life and sustenance.

i mean, some days, i forget to feed the cats...

so last night, after all that i went through yesterday personally, i went to see my lil star in the hospital. i didn't do anything drastic, i was just there to give her an ear, to let her know that i care. that she means the world to me - i mean, for god's sake, i loaned her a tickle bunny. for those of you that know me, you know that there is no other symbol of trust and love that could ever mean more to me. i gave her one of the things in my life that is made of pure happiness - rainbows and sunshine and puppies - and i wanted her to have it, just to know that someone loves her. it's one of the most comforting things in my life and i wanted to share it with her because she means so much to me. i hope she knows that.

and then i reminded her that it was only a loan... but i got her to smile.

i took the gran massa with me last night. he's often misguided but he's nothing if not loyal and last night was no difference. he's a good friend to me. he lets me cry and carry on and be dramatic and stupid and all the while he tries to comfort me as best he knows how. he doesn't always understand but he tries and that's all i can ask. i'm lucky to have him as a friend.

i didn't get to bed until nearly 0700. late dinner, early drinks and bizarre cartoons made for a late, late night.

i didn't accomplish much today. i had a list of things i wanted to do today and it just didn't happen.

i got a disappointing phone call this evening. baxter has to cancel next week's trip. i won't lie, i was a little upset. i found the entire thing a little concerning and i took it a little personally. not necessarily the correct way to take it, but it was my first response. after being coerced into calling him back, i find that i feel much better. although it could completely be his wife and seven children that are keeping me from seeing him this coming week, i have a feeling it's prolly work related and not his fault. i mean, he did sound quite apologetic. unless maybe i'm just a sucker and completely falling for this line of crap. but my gut says otherwise. and so i'm going to go with it. we're going to try to find a weekend that works for both of us... sooner hopefully than later. it's an interesting feeling to be so attracted to someone that technically i've never met - only to know personality-wise makes things interesting to say the least.

and the conversation is always good...

but if the next meeting goes awry, i may begin to think otherwise.

have you ever seen a 4,500$ stuffed animal? gran massa and i went to dinner tonight on his casino points. averaging about 1 point for every 3 dollars played/transacted in the casino, our dinner and my stuffed dog ended up costing about $26,000. it was good and the dog is cute, but when you break down the actual amount of money that essentially changed hands, it's a little sad. but it didn't stop me from gorging on orange roughy and lobster corndogs.

mmm. corndogs. :)

tomorrow i will post photos of my new 4,500$ dog. he's cute. his name is skeez and he requires no baths. woot!

so now i'm going to bed, visions of upcoming vacation in my head. what shall i do with my two days next week? perhaps i'll stay home and be responsible, catch up on work i need to do.

we'll see. gnite.

love,
superfreakindisappointedbutunderstandingjanel

the bang and the clatter

i slept until 1430 today. at first i looked at my kit cat clock and tried to figure out what time it was, but i think the hands are suspiciously close in size and i'm forever trying to read the damn thing, that and it was running about 36 minutes behind when i could read it, so i gave up and just looked for the alarm clock which was not on the bedside table where i thought it should have been. ugh. regardless. 1430. i don't think i've ever slept so late in all my life. and i'm not even medicated. i think i was just run down from being sick and working this weekend, because i never really felt caught up on sleep. but when i got up today, i felt wonderful, let me tell you. won-der-ful.

i didn't get through my list of things to do today. i did get my fish tanks cleaned, which makes me feel like a decent fish parent. my goldfish are happier; their light is on and they can see. plus they're back on regular food and not antibacterial food, which never really turned them on. roger is back to sleeping in the corner next to the filter and i guess fish life is good...? it must be good to be a goldfish, having a three second memory and chasing bubbles out of the mouth of a fake alligator all day. did i tell you that my algae eater died? the gran massa thinks that it starved to death, which makes me feel bad, obviously that's never my intention but with the light off in the tank there's no way to make algae grow and the light's been off for over two weeks now. poor thing. i was never that attached to him, what was his name again? he was kind of gross and he got in otto's way all the time. i don't like anyone that gets in otto's way, otto's my homeboy. homefish? whatev.

but there were other, non-fish related things i wanted to do that i didn't get done. letters to write, paperwork to fax, phone calls to make and laundry to do - omg, the laundry is taking over one end of my bedoom. i thought i lost a cat today but i realized she was just under a giant pile of towels. oh well... tomorrow's another day. although, as i finish writing this, it's already tomorrow and i should be asleep, preparing for the day ahead.

OMG. something just dawned on me and boy, do i feel like a dork. i deserve a kick in the shins for that one. i am such a dumbass sometimes.

how do i get by, day to day? i'm not even sure...

let's go to walmart! i love tater tots!

i hate wal-mart. i hate what it stands for. but right now, i'd go to wal-mart. reason being, it's highly recommended that i not go to wal-mart. or the supermarket. or the post office. or any-fucking-where. i want to go just because i know i'm not supposed to. that and because i'm one of those assholes with an all wheel drive suv that likes to pretend that i own the road in bad weather.

that's a lie. i act like i own the damn road in all weather; it's not a bad weather specific habit.

most people pride themselves on being defensive drivers - being all prepared for whatever happens out there between the solid yellow lines on the highway. not me, man. i am a 100 percent offensive driver. i'm the driver that everyone else is looking out for. and rightfully so. how does one attain double-digit accident status without being an offensive driver?

the thing is, most of those accidents weren't my fault, at least not directly. okay, so like the one with the gravel road and the fence, and the ones where hippie heater and i would rear end each other on purpose, those were sort of my fault. so was that one where i was texting and driving, i guess. but crazy ass people hitting my car on purpose don't count. and that's like... two or three of my accidents. and the rest, i swear, weren't my fault.

WOW. a transformer just blew down the street. lots of light and big noise. (i'm easily impressed, eh?) it sounded like something just blew up; maybe it was somebody's house. crazy whack funky. ...and i'm back. nope, not a house. all the neighborhood seems to be intact. i was just outside (my first time in more than 24 hours) and all the houses seem to be there, which is too bad. i wanted it to be the house of ruffians across the street. damn it! update: it's fucking cold boys and girls.

holy crizzap. i hate writing about weather, but for the love. this is pathetic. the national weather service has a bulletin titled "***LIFE-THREATENING/CRIPPLING WINTER STORM AFFECTING AREA***." no seriously. it's red and yellow and ugly and sort of scary. my mom has a theory that the national weather service is in cahoots with the supermarkets to sell more milk and toilet paper. i don't know if that's true but it's interesting to think about. 'if you put millions and millions of people into a weather related frenzy and cause them to buy us out of creamed corn, we'll give you a nice lil' kickback...' but my boy jim cantore would never do that.

i've watched the weather channel for like 10 hours straight now, with the exception of that four hours i spent sleeping earlier, and the hour and a half i spent on the phone, and the hour i spent texting, and the half an hour i spent in the shower and the 10 minutes i spent looking for the bologna in the fridge. so now, having done the math, that's only like 2 hours and 50 minutes spent watching the weather channel which makes me seem way less freakish. go me.

what else? the upside of the gran massa having company was that boxes were finally unpacked and things were put away. he even put things on the wall - including my wonderful, beautiful christmas stars. it actually looks and feels like a house, even though it doesn't necessarily look or feel like my house. at least it looks like somebody's house as opposed to someone's storage space.

so. is it weird that i'm oddly attracted to harry potter in these pictures? i dig a dude with a treasure trail. he's only 17 but he's an actor so this is not kiddie porn, okay? in some of them, his head looks a little photoshopped but maybe that's just me. hmm...

maybe that's lightning that keeps doing that. and thunder. holy shiznit. that scares the janel. yikes. am i experiencing thundersnow? thundersleet? mama likey those words. i want to be a meteorologist. maybe just date one. one that wears purple shirts and works at the weather channel...

i'm like a fart in a skillet

and i still don't even fully understand what that means. because really, who farts in a skillet?

it's not like i'm lacking for things to do today, i have plenty of things to do today. compound the things i need to do today with the things that i didn't accomplish yesterday - because i didn't accomplish jack yesterday - and my list of things to do is rather long. i'm not going to bore you with it because if i take the time to type it out i'm prolly going to get all depressed and just go back to bed. it's big. (just take my word for it.) i'm just lacking for motivation and i don't know why. i slept til noon because i was up until 0400 because slept most of the day yesterday... i am such a slacker. i'm happy the roommate is gone. if he had gonged at 0704 i would have been pissed. although the cats had me up early, but i was so out of it i was confused by the fact it was dark and i thought maybe i'd slept all day and missed all the daylight and could just stay in bed until monday. nope, it was just 0634 and i just went back to sleep. i am such a dumbass. thank god i go back to work this week.

i can't think of a thing to say

it's because i haven't done a single thing today. i didn't get out bed until noon. i read books. i watched movies - i'm still watching movies. i ordered a pizza. and i'm currently sitting on the sofa, where i've been for at least four hours now, and i am enjoying every second of it. tomorrow, though, i have things to do.

janel's list of things to do on sunday, sunday, sunday...

1. call my best gram
2. wash my car
3. go to lowes and buy a showerhead and light bulbs
4. go to best buy :)
5. scrub the kitchen floor

i put myself on the waiting list for cubs season tickets today. my current position is 32,251. i figure by the time i'm about 75, blind, deaf and fully unable to enjoy baseball in any shape or form, i'll make the top of the list and get my season tickets. yes. :)

hiking is just walking where its okay to pee

ugh. according to msn health, today is the most depressing day of the year. all the more reason to stay in bed where it's warm. it's not that cold in the house, it's just not as warm as my bed. i love my bed. it's big and comfy and soft and covered in blankets and pillows and it's just awesome. i had two really awesome pillows to go with my bed, but one is out on loan. for some reason, i don't think i'll ever see it again. i will collect on that someday.

i miss my job. i'm bored as hell with nothing to do and in a few weeks i'm going to be feeling the repercussions of this small "vacation" when i don't have any dollars to pay rent. (readers, feel free to fill the tip jar. i'll even hand make thank you cards with construction paper and markers.) i never thought i'd miss a job; that's so out of character for me. how bizaare. but true. i actually liked my job, i loved the people i worked with - all except a select few i guess.

i talked to mrs robinson last night. we're still planning a trip to cancun sometime soon. it needs to be sooner rather than later because i'm going to lose my flight benefits here pretty quick when my work paperwork gets all processed. that's one downfall to this leave thing that i'm on. the gran massa champ seems to think that i can just call sue and say 'i want to go to cun for a four day drunken fuck fest' and she'll just approve that. i tend to think otherwise. anyway. mrs robinson is in hpn for tdy and she's drinking up a storm and i'm jealous. it sounds like fun. she says all the pax are botoxed to the hilt and wearing fur and that makes me laugh. botoxed, fur wearing uppity women that look perpetually surprised flying eagle. nice. :D

today is best gram's surgery. i called and talked to her last night. she didn't want to talk about it, she wanted to talk about me instead. i think she was anxious about it but she never really said so. i know she just wants it to be over. the entire clan (and i do mean clan; i think there's like 10 or 12 people at the hospital) is in the waiting room right now. she goes in at noon. i'm going to call momma in a few minutos and check in. i'm nervous for her.

so me and nigel talked this morning. i was having an issue with ... life? she cracks me up. only a truly wonderful friend would offer to drive four hours with a roll of 'date' tape and a stack of pornos. i love her more than words can describe, she's the bestest. she wants to go drunken sledding this weekend. that could be fun. :)

okay. there has to be something more productive i can be doing.

peas out.
love,
superfreakinawesomejanel

historically, this should be an all-nighter

this is school-eve-eve. when i was still in school, and even up into high school, i would stay up all night on school-eve-eve because on school-eve i would be so freakin nervous i wouldn't be able to sleep at all. but staying up all night on school-eve-eve meant that i would not only sleep all night school-eve but i'd generally oversleep on the first day of school and even yawn all day. in high school libbeth and i used to stay up all night and listen to her mom swear and threaten bodily harm. she once made us get up and wax her car in the middle of the night in an effort to shut us up. she was weird. anyway. i was a really uptight child, very nervous, very anxious. i used to cry if i thought i was awake too late because i didn't think i could get through the next day being tired and i was always afraid that i was the only person in the world that was still awake. i used to cry all the time. wtf? i still cry a lot. but now i don't care if i don't get any sleep at night. i just take a pill. and if that doesn't work, i'll just take another. :D but the point of this is that it's school-eve-eve. meaning that tomorrow night is school-eve and that they day after that is school. yikes.

i'm really good at school. but i'm really bad at going to school. attendance in anything has never been my strong point, you know? this is going to sound conceited but i don't really care because this is my fucking blog, but i haven't ever cared about attendance because i know i can pass, score very well, bullshit my way through whatever better than the average person. doesn't that sound awful? yeah, i know. i don't care. you don't like it, don't read it. i don't think i'm better than everyone else, i know i'm better than everyone else. riiight... anyway, i was discussing attendance because that's really my only weakness. i have really good intentions, like i'll get up one day and plan on going somewhere and then i'll get all distracted by whatever (perkins, the today show, messenger, whatever) and not make it anywhere. or i'll make it where ever i'm going but i'll be way late. i'm not a very timely person. but the people that know me are aware of this and love me in spite of it.

i didn't do a single thing this afternoon. it was awesome. i think i napped, because i started watching a movie and i looked up and it wasn't on anymore. i surfed online for awhile and updated my blog and flickr and my myspace. i played with the kitties and drank milk (which really does taste better out of a glass bottle but what's with the 1.50$ deposit?) and ate bread and watched the snow come down. it's snowing a lot. there's some ice down there too. awesome. i went to the little storage unit today and about fell on my head when i got out of the car. i was going to make brownies but that didn't go far because i packed all my pans. so i ate some brownie mix and got a little sick and threw 94 percent of it away. ick. napoleon dynamite was on comedy central and then some semi-cute comedian and then a couple hours of south park... i am so bored but i just can't bring myself to pack right now.

but the next week will be busy:
mondizzay: send that big ass box to ft dodge. pack kitchen stuff. take to storage unit. pack dresser. take to storage unit. go to the big city. make a bank deposit.
tuesdizzay: assemble a crew of saintly family members/friends to assist in packing/moving on wednesdizzay. pack up uugof with clothes and shoes and shit and drive to dbq to my house which i cannot find. pay landlord a deposit which i hope does not bounce. get a key. unpack clothes and shoes and shit. go to school. drive home.
wednesdizzay: get up early. complain about how tired i am. pack heavy things in a truck of make/model yet to be determined. load uugof with kitties and breakables. lead the convoy to dbq. unpack. put sheets on bed. crash.
thursdizzay: [still asleep]
fridizzay: wake up. drink some milk. feed the kitties. take a shower. get a job. homework.
saturdizzay: do i have to work this dizzay? i'm not sure.
sundizzay: family dinner?

ugh. that makes me tired just thinking about it. i'm going to think about going to bed now. g'nite.

you shut up you little potlicker. i'll put you in a microwave.

i don't care if marty jones has 400 bags to unload and a heart attack in the process of unloading them. i will never, ever, ever, ever help that redneck-no-english-speaking-motherfucker with anything.

i feel better now. so. now that that's off my chest, do let us discuss the events of the day.

as usual, i put off the whole leaving for work thing until the very last second because that's what i do - procrastinate, and sugar, i do it well. so i'm going to let the kitties eat their second favorite food because it's not killing them and i spent good money on it and there's starving kitties in africa that would appreciate that food, by golly. but that's not the point of this rant. this particular rant does in fact with the act that i saw at the gas station on my way out of the charming dutch village.

the dutch village is sort of a tourist haven, being all brick and clean and uppity and shit, with all the pastries and antiques and crap. lots of people come here to vacation, which i find bizaare, but maybe when i get old and decrepid and start putting kleenex in my sleeves i'll understand. so today, i'm standing beside my sherman tank of a car, uugof (his mother was a volkswagon), getting gas at the absolute slowest gas pump in marion county (i mean really, i could suck a slurpee through a twizzler and spit it into my gas tank faster, really, it was like a 17-minute process). and i'm standing there and looking around because it's hazardous to reenter your vehicle while fueling and i see this car over in the corner of the parking lot with a crew of blue hairs rolling out. there's like 26 old people in this car, no joke, it's a big old lincoln, baby blue with missouri license plates and it's full of old people. slowly, once they get all the walkers out of the trunk, they all filter into the gas station except for this one old lady, about a deuce, deuce and a half, who is the last one to roll out of the car. (yes, i'm still waiting for the gas thing to click and be done.) and she kinds of stands there and stretches. and then she reaches around and fishes around in her ass for about six minutes and pulls out either what must be like six yards of fabric or a small child, she was in there so long, but i didn't see. it was disgusting. and then this is the gross part. she sniffed her hand. i about threw up. it makes me shudder right now, just thinking about it. ugh.

so. anyway. yup, still wrestling the school/moving thing. i truly think i like the idea. i liked the idea of moving the last time i was thinking about it. and i like the idea of going back to school. so i'm going to do it. i guess it's just a matter of when. so, here's my plan. i'll apply. i'll see if they accept me. if i can start in january, i'll go. if not, i'll move anyway and work until summer. i'm going to do it. que sera, sera.

i need boxes. and tape. and to get out of my lease. hmmm... didn't i just do this? sorry snackmaster bob. i might need help again.

okay. i'm getting bored. want to come over and play gijoes? yeah, i didn't think so. i'm going to go to bed. or at least go read. i'm pooped. i thought a lot today. my brain hurts. peas out. love, superfreakinawesomejanel

oh baby, oh baby

i'm sick. i'm dying. i wish i had someone here to watch over me, bring me water and kleenex and make sure i'm still breathing. someone to tell me i'm beautiful even though i'm sick and icky. oh baby, oh baby, you could be the one i dream about, the one i need.

so i mentioned i purchased a new dvd player, but i failed to mention the circumstances around bringing the dvd player home. it came in a box, obviously. a small cardboard box. a small cardboard box that said 'caution' and 'do not drop' and 'use care in opening', things like that. i know because i read it. i read it as i was walking up the stairs. i read it as i fell, on the box, as i was walking up the stairs. yup. it still works, it works quite well, but the box is all smashed up and shredded. and so is my knee. but i can watch dvds, goddamn it. and that was the entire point. except that now, while i watch dvds i have to ice my knee. but it will pass.

today i have done nothing but loaf. and it's felt good. i did shower. and i did get dressed. in fact, i even went to the ice cream store for lunch and got the mail. and then i came right back here and continued to loaf. i even got the good parking spot outside. rock the hell on. so far, i don't have any goals for tomorrow. perhaps i'll get up, perhaps i'll go to work. i'm undecided.

if i had a monkey i would name him boris.

but i don't have a monkey. i have a cat. and his name is not boris, but sometimes i think if i said it in the right tone of voice he'd still come a-runnin'. here, boris, boris, boris...

it's been a quiet few days. i didn't do a single thing all weekend, which was kind of nice. i'm harboring a small addiction to peanut butter malts, which are dangerous in just about any quantity.

oh! i got a sofa! and a chair! yay me! yay for my mom, she was feeling pretty sorry for me. it's nice and comfy; i've already slept on it twice. it's brown and the chair is blue, and you might be thinking to yourself that i must have lost my mind and in most cases i'd agree with you but this looks nice. the pillows completely pull it together. ask lou. or roberto. roberto and i moved it inside my apartment - third floor and all - which was harder than i thought it was going to be. i thought i was going to suffocate and die in the process but i persevered. and now i have a sofa and a place to watch the office on thursday nights. or friday mornings. and a place to watch foozball on sunday night. and sportscenter everynight. that makes me happy. but whatever.

so i had to go to the doctor on friday and i wasn't thrilled with the outcome. i didn't know doctors prescribed religion, but i keep hearing that finding a religion will do me well. i don't know how i feel about that. i think i only want to go to church if i can sit alone and not have to participate or talk. and if that's the case, i can do that at home. in my pj's. but i don't know. i'm seriously considering it but there's little i won't consider right now. in addition to a prescription for church she also gave me something to help me sleep. because i'm not sleeping. except this makes me sleep really, really deeply, like even more deep than a nyquil induced coma and i feel all groggy and weird when i wake up. i think i'll just stick to nyquil. or benadryl.

my best good work friend got fired. the only allegation was regarding a small amount of "missing" funds from the redheaded stepchild of an airline we inherited against our will. if that's the case, we all need to be fired for "misappropriating" money. the real slap in the face is two fold for him, here. first off, no one seems to be interested in this ongoing drama anymore; few people have asked me what happened and how he's doing. i don't know if they're avoiding me and this subject in particular or if they're avoiding the subject all together. the second kick in the teeth comes in the form of my upgrade, if you will, from parttime to fulltime. i've been given his schedule, days off and all. no longer will i work the measly 1500-1900 shift i bid just a few weeks ago. nope. i've moved up in the world to a 1030-1900 shift, which will have several higher-seniority folks up in arms, as that shift was supposedly spoken for if my friend did not return. ahh well. sucks to be them. :D

roberto and i are venturing to the big city of chicago this week. thursday we're going to ord to visit the field museum because he needs a cultural trip for a paper for school. which is funny because he's planning on flunking out - flunking out as opposed to dropping out so that he doesn't have to begin repayment on his student loans immediately. smart boy. i'm sure that the trip will also include a trip to a shoe store. i love chicago. ooh. i can get a watch. yay me!

i burned my tongue on hot chocolate tonight and my mouth feels all weird, prolly because i don't have any tastebuds left.

i'm doing laundry at 0100. my neighbors must love me.

lucky lucky...you're so lucky

oh, things are looking up. i ended up with my saturday off. nigel is already making plans for my entire day and as long as my buzz keeps up, i may just let her. i'm not sure yet. i'm not entirely sure how that happened, a saturday off, but i'm not complaining. :D the texas ranger is siiiick. she sounds like ass. i got a strange little message from ict mark, he's in vegas for training. sure. why can't i go to vegas for training? i want to go; i've never been. boo.

i'm tired but i can't sleep. my mind is still at work, a million miles a minute: things i didn't get done today that i wanted to do, things i have to do tomorrow that i'm not going to get done, and a slew of random people - some i want to think about and others i don't. but it's all just there and i can't put it to bed, even though i'm in bed and i want to let it all go. i'm considering going full-time at work. i don't make any more money, but it's a guarantee of 40 hours per week. then i could pick up on top of that when i can. i don't really want to, but i think i need to.

the gossip hounds at work are sleeping on the job. there's been no new news on the workfront regarding my best good friend and his predicament. the silence is deafening. and maddening for those that want to be in the know. it's as if there is nothing to know, as if nothing happened - but someone is missing and no one seems to know why. tomorrow may be the day that provides answers, closure, something. finally.

i'm seriously peeved about this vegas thing and his nerve to send me photos and information about his training. how come i'm not in vegas for training? ugh. no fair.

dusty baker getting fired from the cubbies was a page six story in today's usa today sports section. what is the world coming to? i mean yes, we all knew it was coming, but still - page six? rude. it sort of makes me sad, i don't think he got a fair shake this last year, injuries and wimpy pitchers would have made it a rough year for anyone in his position. but i'm not consulted before such decisions are made. i heart baseball. i heart baseball players. and bendy straws... hehehehe....

one great thing i've found about living alone is that i can come home and watch sportscenter in bed until 3a.m. if i so desire, with no one to complain that i'm watching the same show over and over and over. there are many great things: i can leave clothes in the dryer. i can eat cheese and bread and fruit for every meal. i can work all the damn time. i can answer my phone late at night. i can do all of these things without getting dirty looks. it's wonderful.

one thing that sucks about not having tivo: i have to wait for my episodes of the office to come out on itunes, which generally happens the day after, but i don't like the idea of waiting. especially with this jim and pam saga... however, this thursday i think meekin and i have a date, which is a good reason not to watch or be concerned about it. yay for me and meekin! i should take our bottle of bailey's... :D where is ict mark when you need him?

okay. need to watch the yankees highlights.