28 June 2007

i love me some baseball.

bitches, i am hall of fame bound.

bought a new ps2 game last night - mlb07 the show. couldn't wait to get home and play. (another reason it wouldn't have broken my heart just to have dinner. or no date at all.) yeah, and then i remembered that my ps2 is not currently connected to the television in my room because i do not have the correct cords.


that is now remedied, thanks to roberto and an emergency trip to waldoworld.


me and danny glover, we're too old for this shit...

date. it's a funny word. it's an even funnier event. it was fun, unexpected, but fun. i went to dsm for the original purpose of getting my tattoo but the artist i wanted to do it is booked until 1800 on saturday. he called, said he wanted to see me. i stopped looking at fish at the fish store to meet him on the south side at my favorite authentic mexican restaurant where we had dinner (i hella love chicken nachos) and then we went to a movie. good movie but for the record, knocked up is not a great date movie. eh, i like this guy okay. he drives a ford, which i have moral issues with, but what can i do?

danny glover has had it up to here with dating. fuck it.

the pella public library honks me off. i'm hijacking internet from them and they won't let me check my myspace. wtf? it's public for god's sake. ugh. leave it to pella... they can suck my nut.

i applied for a job that i want. except it's a little bit away and i'm not sure how the logistics of it would work. ironically, other people i know are applying for jobs in the same area. how weird is that?

i spent the afternoon with nigel and the kids yesterday. that was enough to make me freaking crazy. i love her and i adore her kids, but holy crap they were on my last nerve. i don't know how people do it. i don't know how my mom did it. we were assholes when we were growing up; it's a wonder she still has any sanity at all. we're still assholes, just ask her. :) but my time spent with nigel and the kids just reinforced the idea that i am never having children. i don't have the patience. and perhaps that comes with the "kid package", i'm not sure. maybe the kid comes out with a set of instructions on how to download things like patience and selflessness off the internet. maybe there's a cd-rom and installation instructions for how to install a kid into your life. because at this juncture, kids sure aren't fitting into mine. and honestly, that's okay. i'm down with that. some people aren't meant to have kids and i think i'm in that population. i love other people's kids, i love the kids in my family, i just don't want any of my own.

and i get tired of people asking, looking at me like i've grown a second head just because i've managed to make it out of my mid-20s and into my late-20s and not have produced a few pups. in all honesty, i tend to think the world is too crowded as it is. who am i to burden the planet with another mouth to feed? if i were ever to change my mind about the whole "kid" thing, i think i'd adopt. find a kid that someone else didn't want and love it like it was my own - the idea of unloved kids is kind of like unloved cats at the rescue league: it's not their fault and it's just not right. :(

but that's a little heavy for a thursday afternoon at the whippy dip. i'm going to go eat ice cream and watch espn news.

superjanel OUT.

27 June 2007

so many options, so little motivation...

i talked to libbeth for a little while last night before yahoo whacked out and shut down and (still) won't reconnect. wtf? i was just talking and chatting and before long i noticed i was talking and chatting with myself, which is not such a bad thing, really, i'm quite the conversationalist, but i kept asking questions that i couldn't answer and the whole thing became really quite boring and i began to yawn and then i put away my laundry and then the phone rang (again) and then i was like fuck this, i'm going to bed and i did. so, sorry libbeth. it's not my fault. i tried.

it's still 147 bazillion degrees out and i want to go swimming. has anyone seen my bathing suit? yeah, me neither. the last place i saw it was in edbq and i know it got packed but your guess is as good as mine when it comes to where those things got packed. it was in with some candles and mr. potato head, which i believe is as good a spot as any for bathing suits (leave me alone) and i have the candles and i have mr. potato head but i still can't find the damn bathing suits. ugh. my organizational skills are lacking lately, for like the last year and a half. i can't find shit.

anyway. me and nigel discussed swimming today and then 20 minutes ago it just started pouring. it was a tiny little blip on the radar, right over my house, i guess, because it wasn't raining anywhere else. i don't even think it was raining next door. but the dog got freaking soaked and now the house smells like wet doggie. blecch...

i slept in today and i'm bored. my new favorite t-shirt will be delivered today, woohoo! i'm listening for the ups truck with one ear and listening for the phone with the other ear. i talked about going out with meekin tonight since she's moving to acapulco on friday. rough life, eh? she's like, 'maybe i'll just hang out on the beach for the rest of the summer and get to know the local life and slang before i look for work...' her bf's family lives and works down there and her bf moved down there about 6 weeks ago. i asked if he had brothers, and he does, but i doubt roberto and t-bone want to move my entertainment center to mexico...

i've got to find something to do today. maybe i'll go to dsm. maybe i'll get that tattoo i've been wanting. perhaps i'll send off some resume-thingys. maybe i'll go swimming. maybe i'll just sit here and think of all the things i could have done and then at like 2100 i'll be pissed because i didn't do anything and i wasted my only day off this week... nah, i'll find something to do.

superjanel OUT.
i want to go swim.
have you seen my bathing suit?
i can't go naked.

oh wait. nevermind.
it's absolutely pouring.

26 June 2007

i don't even like jelly donuts.

i think my dad gave me food poisoning. i told him happy belated father's day, he gave me e. coli. that's awesome. i'm never going to be late with a card ever again, i swear. next time it may be ebola or some other flesh rotting disease that starts with an "e". i can't think of anymore right now, but i'm sure they exist.

so last night, i had this dream that keanu reeves was at my parents house for dinner. my mom was cooking and i was infatuated with our guest, which i have been since 1988 and "bill and ted's excellent adventure." my mom kept giving him the stink eye and told me that she "knows what this guy is all about and he's no good. don't listen to a word he says; he lies." apparently keanu/ted and my mom aren't kosher. so after dinner we went to the races in osky. we were late getting there and they wouldn't let us in, only keanu/ted. so i had to watch from the outside and i was sitting with andy crawford, who was meowing and marking some sort of score card/betting sheets covered with small pictures of jelly donuts. each donut he colored meant something but he wouldn't tell me what.

i have no idea what any of that means. and i really despise jelly donuts, they're just gross. jelly goes on toast, not in my pastries, damn it.

so tonight nigel and snackmaster bob and the chil'ens came to the raging metropolis that is corydon, where we're quietly progressive and moderately backwards. we had dinner at one of four restaurants (if they can be called that) that specialize in heavily fried food. my stomach is in dismay at the moment. it didn't help that we went to the playground and jumped on the footbridge for an hour; i think i might vomit. it was 943 degrees outside and i was running around like a retard.

i haven't been to that playground in years. the high school shop class built it my freshman year; i was not a part of that, obviously, as i nearly failed shop class in junior high, but i enjoyed the playground for four years after its completion. it was "the" place to go to get injured or make out in the pitch ass dark while drinking mad dog 20/20 and boone's farm strawberry hill. and no one gets injured quite like the janel, let me tell you. i have a permanent lump on the head from trying to climb the spaceship in the dark. at least it wasn't a water tower or a grain silo.... that time.

i leave for charlotte next tuesday, i think. i can't remember. i'm looking forward to going. i'm going to be poor, so i plan on panhandling in the chicago airport on my layover. if you see a well dressed curly haired chick with too much carry on luggage offering to shine shoes in terminal 1 next tuesday morning, that's me. give me a dollar, just because i'm cute and because i can't shine shoes for shit. i don't even know what i'm going to be doing with libbeth and the family. maybe i won't need money. maybe i'll just be holding down her sofa, which is pretty much what i do at home. in which case, dollars are not necessary. but i at least have to have the dollars to buy my mom a magnet in return for watching my kittehs. she's like a kitteh surrogate mom; they love her almost more than they love me.

i haven't flown in ages; not since last november when the fam and i went on our vegas vacation. for some reason, it seems like the only thing they remember from that trip is when mom bought me the six-foot whale dick full of kamikaze and hurricane and then they took me to the buffet where i proceeded to call the workers bitches for not putting out more crab legs. WE WERE THERE FOR FOUR DAYS AND THIS IS ALL ANYONE REMEMBERS. but in my own defense, mom spent like 20$ on that drink. i was obligated to finish it.

i love airplanes. i love the sounds and the feeling and that thing i get in the pit of my stomach at take off. i love, love, love turbulence and saying freaky things to the people around me just so i can watch that look they get on their face, like "does she know something i don't? am i going to die?" i adore airports. i miss my job so much i can't fathom getting another one (or at least that's what i tell myself.) but i do miss our adorable little regional jets. and getting to be a raging lunatic bitch to passengers because that's just what we do when you walk up to our counter. i do miss that. :( but i'm pretty much a transportation junkie, because i love the trains that go by my mom's house at all hours of the day and night. riding the train to connecticut was awesome. and i'm always up for a road trip, even if it's just to the us border.

so the toga party pictures are up and available for public viewing. i was late to work this morning just so i could make sure that there was nothing too incriminating. i was actually pretty tame on saturday, truth be told. but i always like to skim the photographic evidence just to be sure.

the guy i was writing about the last time i wrote (i don't remember when that was) keeps calling. and now he calls me sweetie. yuk. knock that crap off. i'm not your sweetie. and the dj that i thought i was just friends with? yeah, he's not leaving me alone either. i'm going to start turning off my cell phone and start using it for emergencies only.

that's not going to happen. nigel, you can relax. i just enjoy making hollow threats.

laundry calls. i hope my new tshirt gets here before i leave for charlotte. dude! i'm revenue! i can travel in my pj's if i want to - that's awesome. :P

24 June 2007

i don't like when juice wears tights

this weekend was the toga party. i've been looking forward to this for a month, at least. i was going to wear spiderman bed sheets but instead i found a red, swirly fabric on a last minute trip to the fabric store. and skanky toga shoes with four inch heels. i danced for hours and managed not to fall or injure myself - no joke. i consider this a small personal victory; if you know me at all you know i can barely walk without injuring myself in slippas.

check those babies out. i am hot shit.

togas, in all their simplicity, are kind of expensive. but i think that was due to all the accessories: earrings and bracelets and ropes and tassels and crap. and because they look like they're just wrapped up, you'd think they don't take much time or thought. lies. togas are complex and time consuming, unless you want your boobies popping out and making personal appearances. i don't roll that way. so i was safety pinned to the hilt. and in addition to wrapping, there is knotting and twisting and draping. togas are not easy. but they are fun.

but it was a great night; our togas put everyone else's to shame. snackmaster bob was crowned toga king '07. it was awesome. none of my boys were there but i had a spectacular and meaningful conversation with the baseball player i've been trying to get to know for about six months. (he's adorable.) and i got to know everyone's favorite dj a little better as well as my favorite bartender. later i talked kyle into coming to see me after he got done working, mohawk and all. he makes me laugh.

it's been a weird week. i met a guy last weekend; he's okay. he's sort of arrogant and kind of an asshole, at least that's what he wants me to think, but i like him okay (i always seem to pick the ones that don't lack for confidence). we've been out a couple times, met up in town when everyone is out and about. he sort of flits back and forth between here and the big city for work so seeing him is sort of sporadic and on short notice. we've both made it clear that we're not really interested in anything exclusive but he calls all the time, for no other reason than to chat.

had lunch with my dad and stepmummy today. both roberto and jorge were there, along with jorge's gf. i saw my dad more often when he lived 3000 miles away. it was a good time, lunch was good, but my stepmummy isn't much for entertaining, so anytime anything was not up to her "standards" (which only appear when she has company, by the way) she apologized over and over. i finally told her to shut up, everything was fine. she's good for my dad, but she can make me nuts in a very short period of time. she was a little irritated that i didn't want dessert, but ever since the whole pineapple upside down cake episode, i like to turn down her desserts just to be difficult.

my brother's gf had the opportunity to meet gene simmons yesterday at the iowa speedway. she had no idea who he was, she's heard of kiss, kind of, but does not know any of their music. i about peed down my leg when she told me that. she also told me that danica patrick was a huge stuck up bitch. this did not make me pee down my leg.

i'm going to go veg in front of the tv. i wish my dvd player worked up here; i've been craving some spaceballs action lately. oh well. i'm operating on three hours of sleep and i wouldn't make it all the way through it anyway. gnite. :)

21 June 2007

honey, you need a drink.

i didn't stay overnight with my aunt. i'm feeling pretty crappy - my throat is sore and my neck really hurts, so i came home so i could sleep in my bed with my pillows and my blankets. (it's not really my bed, it's just the bed i've been sleeping in since i've been here. my bed is 42 miles away in a storage facility - one of two storage facilities i have filled with crap. i miss my bed.) i'm not feeling any better. i think i have meningitis. no, not really. i just saw a commercial for that the other day. it's a cold. and my neck hurts for several reasons but it's getting better.

this morning my alarm started alarming and i couldn't find my phone to turn it off. i could hear it, it was close, but i couldn't find it. so i listened to it "ding dong...ding dong...ding dong" for a good five minutes before it stopped. but that's okay. big kitty decided to have a hairball attack at the same time so i had to push him off the bed mid-heave so he wouldn't yak on me. and then i had to move stuff off the floor so he wouldn't yak on my stuff. and then i sort of felt bad for kicking him off the bed while he was sick, so i had to make sure that he was okay. but as i was sitting on the floor i found my phone and the cat didn't yak, it was just a false alarm, so all is well in the janel-dom. and thanks for your concern.

yesterday i drove to galesburg to take my cousin home. well, technically, a little beyond galesburg, but who's keeping track? i felt bad taking her home, i kind of felt a little pawned off, like no one else wanted to take responsibility for making sure she got home and no one else wanted to be the bad guy that took her away from her boyfriend. so now when she thinks about the trip ending and how much she misses him, she's going to think of me being the one that drove her away. awesome. i've been where she is, it just sucks. but when your family moves away, what can you do? she's only 16 and still in high school so she doesn't have very many options. but she's convinced that this is the "one" even though this is the only one she's ever had and ever known. but she can't be told otherwise at this point so i just leave it alone.

the trip over wasn't bad; she was quiet but i understood. i tried to keep her entertained with my usual retarded antics and anecdotes. we stopped in galesburg for a 5$ psychic reading, which turned into a 20$ palm reading. have you ever had your palm read? i hadn't either. it was this young bosnian chick named lilliana wearing a totally ghetto teal chanel tank top and a super long denim skirt that was unbuttoned enough that her hoohaa was hanging out. we sat at the table in her dining room that was painted whorehouse red and this yappy little dog named button or jasper or something would not shut up. not quite the psychic setting i'd imagined, but whatever.

don't write me off as one of those people that believes in this kind of thing. i'm not... really. but i wanted to see if she would offer specifics or just generalizations. she gave me a little bit of both. she said that i would not die tragically but i will die between the ages of 85 and 91. she said that my social life is hectic and that i should be more careful in trusting people, because someone is talking nice to my face and talking bad behind my back. she said i'm missing someone, someone who is no longer in my life, but that the spirit of this person is watching me and guiding me. she mentioned that i will find a new position or get a raise or promotion in my job (ha) within two to three weeks and that i need to stop being so negative about my life, it's holding me back. and she said i will marry and have two, possibly three, children and that my current living arrangements, while not ideal, will improve within a couple months. OH! and she said that the longterm overseas travel that i've been interested in will work out, as long as i'm patient, which is something else that she says i need to work on.

interesting, eh? i don't hold much stock in it, but it was fun. so mom, you can rest easier: my psychic says i'm going to get a real job and move out soon. :) but i did interrogate several people yesterday to find out if they were the ones that were talking bad about me. nigel says it's not her, and nick says it's not him, but i knew that already because he has nothing nice to say to my face. :P that was about as far as i got with my interrogations before i got bored. like i give a shit what people are saying about me?

i should go. i have other things to say but i have to go to the whippy dip and sling some ice cream. yess...

19 June 2007

will somebody answer the phone?

i'm tired of listening to it ring. my phone rings a lot. i mean, seriously - a lot. i don't answer the calls that i don't know. and even when some people i know call, i don't answer. i really, truly dislike talking on the phone... with most people. i'm a much better communicator in person or via text message. and i don't text like a 12 year old either. i can spell.

i just can't capitalize.

no work for me today. well, no work at the whippy dip. i spent the afternoon at job #2 (which isn't even my job anymore and certainly not job #2 because technically there isn't a job #1 or even a job #only) taking pictures for ebay and answering the phones, making spreadsheets and just causing trouble. it's been a pretty good day.

i have sad news for you. well, it was sad for me, anyway. roger, my all-time favorite goldfish and my first ever goldfish and the entire reason i bought that godforsaken tank and all the shit that goes with it - well, roger died on sunday. roger had dropsy and i couldn't cure it. and it's not for a lack of trying, let me assure you. i spent more money on medicine and treatments and salt and filters and airstones for that fish - and he still ended up dying on me. now i am left only with norman, who sort of has a fu manchu moustache thing going. he's cute but he's no roger. if and when i decide to purchase a new fish it will be named fluffy because the idea of a fish named fluffy just cracks me up.

so this last weekend i dropped my phone in a cup of captain morgan and dr. pepper. now it shuts itself off if i set it down too hard and some of my ringtones are corrupted. and it even sort of smells like dr. pepper. i've cleaned it out; i've taken it apart and let it dry (as much as dr. pepper ever dries); i'm considering reporting this damage to my cell phone insurance company for a new one. they're going to be all, "didn't we just replace a phone for you?" and i'll be all, "you have no idea how often i lose things. talk to my bank: i've lost 5 debit cards in 3 months." and that will be the end of that.

yeah, that debit card thing is not a joke. i don't do well with debit cards, licenses or cell phones. maybe i should wear a fanny pack where ever i go...

ooh, that would be hot.

18 June 2007

where is my mind?

i overslept this morning. not terribly, but late enough to make me rush to get out of the house on time. and then i had to get gas. and it was raining. it was just enough to make me want to go back to bed and start over. i've been in that state of mind all day but now that i'm finally home and able to sleep my mind is just going crazy.

i'm taking my younger cousin back home on wednesday; she lives just outside of the quad cities in illinois. i haven't seen my aunt in a while and i've never seen their new house, so i'm looking forward to the visit. the trip there will be difficult, only because while my cousin and i are alarmingly similar in mindsets and behavior, we actually have very little to talk about. she's consumed with thoughts of the boyfriend she's left behind in her recent move and i find that i get frustrated with the way she treats her family and people around her. does that mean i'm thinking like an adult? hmm...

i had a good weekend. interesting. new people, old people, new drinks, and a 40-pound cement mushroom riding in the backseat of my car. i don't know what we're going to do with that just yet. unlike last week, this week will be a quiet week: no drinking until saturday. i'm going to give my liver a well-deserved rest, even though i was invited out for drinks this evening. you have to wonder who drinks on a monday (excluding the majority of the population of the city of dubuque) and what kind of sad existence they must have... and just for the record, our bender started on a tuesday of last week, thank you very much. it's a different class of person that starts drinking on a tuesday...

it was so incredibly slow at the whippy dip tonight i finished a whole book. and i'm becoming a vegetarian because of it. have you ever read "fast food nation"? it's a good read, a little left-wing biased, but an interesting look at the way fast food has shaped america (and americans). if you're prone to queasiness, stay away from the chapters on slaughterhouses. i'm never eating meat again. yes, i'm serious. do you remember "the jungle" by upton sinclair? written around the turn of the 20th century about the goings-on of the chicago meatpacking industry, it was enough to turn my stomach so much that i couldn't finish it. "fast food nation" was almost as bad. one person isn't enough to make a difference but at least i won't die of ecoli or mad cow disease.

pleasant thoughts for sleepytime. eh, whatever. gnite.

it's late.

and i'm tired. i have lots of thoughts but no energy to put them into words. i'm bruised but in good spirits. and i'm going to go to bed. more in the morning.

16 June 2007

bitches be runnin' wild, man

i hate three wise men. i hate them more than i can describe. but i got home, license, debit card and 17$ lip gloss in tow so i can't say it was a bad night.

more to come later, i have a headache and i need to take a shower.

15 June 2007

the blender is lonely.

friday night. i should already be on my way to nigel's but i'm running a bit behind. i feel good about the apology i offered today; you never know if the person on the receiving end feels as nice as you do, since obviously you've done something to offend. but that was something that i'd been thinking about pretty much since it happened. it's not fair to pass judgement nor to abandon someone in a time of vulnerability. i'd done both. i won't be surprised if my offering isn't accepted wholeheartedly, but it feels better to know i at least attempted.

tonight... well i'm not sure what's going on tonight. we're supposed to go to a softball game and then it's sort of open. our saturday plans sort of fell through because nobody wants to get the golden school girl in any sort of trouble and that plan was just asking for trouble. we're exploring alternate options though and we should be back on track shortly, albeit most likely at the gay bar with the one really drunk annoying (straight) chick but whatever. unless tractor comes through, but i hear he lacks for follow through.

it's hotter than holy crizzap today. we sold some ice cream but in weather like this eating it just about makes you sick. or at least it about makes me sick. but it didn't stop me from eating it - but i'm not feeling the greatest.

i hear the blender is lonely with over 24 hours of non-use. i believe we'll remedy the situation this evening. yum...

because everything is not about me...

making amends. i am.

14 June 2007

don't ped on the sofa

if you like pina coladas, and getting caught in the rain... but no one would sing with me!

oh my goodness. last night was the slumber party and it was the bestest ever. pizza, margaritas, pina coladas, lemon drop shots, lawn ornaments, jack d., and talladega nights. the bestest. we didn't watch the movies we rented, but they looked nice sitting on the dining room table. and we bought fancy glasses at the pamider and whipped up some of the yummiest, frothiest pina coladas you've ever seen. it was fantabulous.

the pool part of the evening was sort of a bust - although i got to tour the inside of the good doctor's house and i have loved that house for years. drinking commenced at 1830, and i have photographic evidence of that. it only got better from there... we took a walk down 7th street where we encountered an angry russian with a yard sign that made nigel "ped" her pants, everyone tried on nigel's wedding dress after i got stuck in it, the mushroom, and harassing snackmaster bob via text message. we're stupid, i know, but it was a wonderful time. it kept nigel from missing her kiddos too much and shona from being scared of the dark. and it kept me from being bored, because a bored janel is a dangerous janel...

nigel drank well into the night, and i tried to accompany her but couldn't keep up. it ended up working to my advantage - i had company. reent - er, kyle made an appearance after work and gave nigel his awful orange fishing hat, which she wore for hours. i'm not 100 percent sold on any type of relationship, friends or otherwise, with kyle. he has commitments with which i'm not comfortable but i also feel it's not my responsibility to work on other people's relationships. i guess i like him in a "friend" kind of way; i don't know where i stand and i really don't care. but as long as we're both satisfied with what's happening then it's okay, right? i just hope nigel is not correct; i don't need those kind of hangups.

i was up until 0500 this morning and i'm operating on about 3.5 hours of sleep. i'm a little sleepy tonight but also a little wired; not really wanting to do anything but not wanting to do nothing. my weekend sounds like fun; we're continuing our 5-day bender tomorrow and saturday with special plans for saturday, thanks to that one girl that goes to inu, you know the school with the purple and gold? dumbass...

generally, this kind of behavior would raise eyebrows among family members but i think that the fam is just happy i didn't go to my peace corps interview today. have no fear, i'm rescheduling for next month. :)

i also made plans for the 4th of july - i'm heading to charlotte to veg with libbeth and the kids, and ryan, if he's well. i haven't seen her in years. i feel like i should diet. but i won't. i'm leaving the 3rd and coming back on the 8th; last flight in to dsm on united which is cancelled about 50 percent of the time - i ought to get a free trip out of this or something. i love revenue travel.

i have laundry in the washer, i should take care of that so i can snooze.

13 June 2007

tequila on tuesdays is a wonderful thing

slept at nigel's last night; i've missed her sofa. today we're having a pool party; i'm taking my blender. that blender is fucking awesome. snackmaster bob is suffering from blender envy - he wants to use it to grind tree stumps in the yard. that thing could make gravel out of boulders. anyway, off to the good doctor's house to swim in the pool. not much of a swimmer but i can fake with the best of them and i'm great at laying out and soaking up the sun. then we're having a bbq and then i believe we're off to the bar. i plan on confronting someone today; his actions were completely uncalled for and i plan to call him out and let him know. i'll let you know how that goes...

12 June 2007

my wednesday plans

i've a new blender,
still in the box, good to go -
it's in my backseat.

let's make fruity drinks
and eat some quesadillas.
wednesday is good.

i'll bring the berries.
you buy more tortillas, please,
so bob will back off.

stop and start early.
for i have an interview
thursday afternoon

that requires me
to drive for nearly six hours
to minnesota.

11 June 2007

i want 30 packets of ketchup

when was the last time you watched "who framed roger rabbit?" it was years for me. but i found it on the telly today. i watched, since i had little else to do this afternoon. it was great. it made me think of being 8 years old and eating vanilla pudding while i had the flu and then throwing it all up in the living room. i still think it's funny. or maybe i just haven't grown up much in the last two decades.

i did go up to the garage today and let nigel watch me eat lunch. i would have shared, i swear, but by the time i'd gotten there she'd already eaten. it's kind of depressing, being there, with all the changes going on. i don't like it much; i'm happy that i've basically been eliminated as far as working there - i fear change, especially big, scary change. i can't imagine other people working there, another owner in that office - it just seems wrong. it seems wrong that he's essentially giving up without much of a fight; i expected more fight out of him. this means that my next car will be foreign, as i will have no loyalty to a gm dealer. or rather, no gm dealer will have loyalty to me.

this week is an easy week for me - i only work a couple days. i have some other stuff planned; i hear we're having a sleepover at nigel's on wednesday, or something to that effect. i have my interview with the peace corps this week - thursday i have to drive to minneapolis for that. i'm a little nervous but it'll be fine. this weekend is a kid-free weekend, so hopefully i'll be getting my drink on. the canteena has left me half a dozen myspace comments; they're wondering where i've been.

so i went and had my hair cut yesterday. i love, love, love getting my hair cut. they give these wonderful head and neck massages while they wash your hair. it's fantasmicalous. and my hair looks ... dark. but good. the stylist who cuts my hair is the bestest; i love her to death. we talked, general stuff - "how was school?" (awful. terrible. i hated it.) "how was dubuque?" (awful. terrible. i hated it.) "how've you been?" (eh...) "what happened to your eyebrows?!" (yeah, this scary fat bitch named mimi. that's what happened. and thanks for pointing that out...")

and then she asked: "well, is it too early to ask? are you seeing anyone?"

i sort of stammered for a bit. i wasn't sure how to answer that. yeah, i've seen people. some in more compromising positions that others, some that weren't so bad and others that i don't ever want to see again. it felt really strange to answer that question - i guess i've never really had anyone ask me that, outside of a bar and with different intentions. i guess i'm sort of happy where i am at the moment. it's kind of nice not to have to worry about anyone else's feelings or needs - but there are times when i'm bored, it would be nice to have someone to entertain me.

eh, life goes on.

i'm going to go watch tv now. and i'm sort of hungry. i think there's ice cream in the freezer.

it's a dinosaur garden

screw that whole jurassic park mosquito in the amber idea. nigel's growing dinosaurs in her back yard.

ooh, ooh, pick me!

so yesterday i was at the super-fantastico-gigantor mall. errands. i actually didn't buy a single thing for myself, if you can believe it. no, i lie. i had an iced mocha. i'm a liar. sorry. anyway. i'm at the mall. i've completed my errands. i'm in the parking lot, looking for my car, which always stresses me out because i purposely park next to trees in the parking lot and then when i get out i realize that all the trees look exactly the same. remember that scene in edward scissorhands where the neighborhood is shown, and all the houses and cars look alike? yeah, at the super-fantastico-gigantor mall they have trees that would fit into this neighborhood because they all look exactly the same and this keeps me from finding my car in a timely matter. that and there are 53 bazillion cars that look just like mine and they're all at the fucking mall at the same fucking time. so. i look and look and look for my car. as i'm searching, one of wdm's finest turns a 180 and pulls up behind this suv and out climbs the most adorable police officer i have ever seen. i walked by the "accident" about three times, and not really just to look at him, i was looking for my fucking car. but if they're looking like that in wdm, i want to get pulled over.

and that is the point of this story.

just in case you were wondering, yes, i found my car. and yes, it was parked next to a tree.

stay away from my bum, you bum lookers!

i got this in my email the other day: "Uranus is positioned for summer surprises..."

how do they know anything about my butt?

10 June 2007

what do you mean bumpers aren't for bumping?

i hate wal-mart. have i mentioned that lately? yes. i dislike wal-mart and all that it stands for. however, as i'm currently not insured, i can appreciate their 4$ prescriptions. me and all the other low class, uninsured, bargain hunters of the world. yahoo for the 4$ list!

so yesterday i had to make a stop at the wallyworld. i'm instantly enraged with the entire shopping at wal-mart experience, because something that should take 15 minutes anywhere else turns into an hour long excursion at wal-mart, complete with maps and safari guides because nothing is kept where it should be. par for the course, my trip takes a fucking hour and 15 minutes. i'm frustrated, i'm irritated, i'm discombobuated - and i'm getting behind the wheel of my car.

head back to the whippy dip. turning right at the intersection of main and washington on the square in pella. chick in front of me makes like she's going to turn right. she pulls forward, i pull forward, she slams on her brakes, i ass end her.


i can't help it that uugof just wants to attack 1992 jeep cherokees with rusty bumpers. he's aggressive. grrr...

my poor uugof. his front end is more messed up than her already-rusted out bumper, he's looking a little lopsided and like he's got goldfish popeye. we have to call the cops, she has to call her husband, and all the while, i just want to get back to work (i can't believe that i just said that).

i get cited not for failure to maintain control, thank god, but for expired registration, which i was fully aware was expired so i accept the citation.

but this got me to thinking about car accidents. i've been in a few of these in my day. in fact, i got to thinking about the kind and quantity of these accidents, and the list is a little longer than i first thought...

my first accident occurred at the age of 15. yes, i was unlicensed. however, i had parental consent because it was my mom that sent me to town to get a newspaper. we lived on a gravel road and i was driving at a high rate of speed, and i'm sure you can constuct the rest of the accidnent. driving too fast on gravel puts the janel in the ditch, out of the ditch and into a big metal gate in a field.


i didn't even go to town to get the paper, i just started crying and turned around and went home.

that was the first of many. others included my friends' cars, my parents' cars, snowstorms, curbs, a nasty girl named shelby, a stoned idiot named gabe, a girl on a cell phone traveling at a high rate of speed, cell phones, deer, and fleur drive in des moines. including all the times that other people have just randomly hit my car, we're talking about 16 "accidents."

can you believe i still have a license?

me either.

and to top matters off, i hit a bunny rabbit on my way home last night.


i'm considering just giving up the car for a while.

anyone want to give me a ride?

08 June 2007

no more snooze!

i think this will solve my issue with getting out of bed.

i want this.

this made me giggle. a lot.

a wonderful friend of mine gave me this little gem...

i laugh every time i read it, even though i know it's wrong.

what is essential is invisible to the eye.

isn't it funny how the things that are of major importance to one person can be of no importance to another?

today i received a letter from a former employee. can you believe that the janel was ever a boss? yup, i was the boss for a few months. until the company and the employees and my boss made me want to pull out my fucking hair and shoot someone several times in the face. luckily, for my hair and for those around me, i quit before that ever really became an issue.

anyway, the point of this story is a letter i received today. apparently, this former employee is in some sort of recovery treatment for some sort of issue. the letter is scattered and hard to follow, which is similar to the work he produced while he worked for me, but the gist of the letter is this: this employee was fearful of me, my opinion and the way the enterprise i was head of at the time operated.

side note: when i was the boss, i was 23. the employee was pushing 40.

which leads me to this question: am i that much of a bitch? am i really someone to be afraid of? i don't see myself that way at all. i mean, i know i can be a bitch but i don't think i'm that way all the time - am i? the way i remember that particular time period, i was surrounded by incompetents and maybe two people who actually knew what the fuck was (supposed to be) going on. the employee, the letter writer, was an incompetent. and i'm sure that i was pretty rude - i did have certain expectations for my employees. but i don't think that i was ever scary or gave anyone reason to fear me.

the letter goes on to explain his situation and his (demented) reasoning for his actions, which if i remember correctly, led to him ditching the job in the midst of a major project. he was obviously quite affected by his time with our company; i really had to think to remember who he was.

which just proves the point that the same event can be life changing for someone and a drop in the bucket for someone else.

07 June 2007

let's just go walking in the rain

lazy day. i'm writing this from bed. i haven't even made an attempt to get up or get around this morning. it's a wonderfully lazy day, because it's cloudy and windy and i think it's going to rain. in fact, we're in a severe weather watch for tornadoes and such.

how exciting. maybe i'll buy some galoshes. i've always wanted some galoshes... but i'd probably buy incredibly cute galoshes (like the j.crew wellies with the whales on them - oh how i want those!) and then i wouldn't want to wear them in the rain for fear of getting them muddy and dirty, which is the point of wearing them, i understand, but i'm sort of funny that way. then i'd be wearing them on sunny days and rainless days and people would wonder all sorts of funny things about me, more than they already do and i'd be known as "the girl who wears galoshes on perfectly sunny, 90-degree days" and my feet would be sweaty and ucky and you know what? i'm just going to leave the whole idea of galoshes behind. i'm obviously not ready for such a commitment.

but i'm not going to wear my new shoes in the rain.

speaking of new shoes, did i ever show you my new shoes? oh, they're lovely. do have a gander.

aren't they just spectacular? the janel does not wear these in the mud. or the rain. or in any fucking rose gardens, you hear me? people who do not respect the new, clean shoes are not friends of mine. ugh!

today i'm going to the big city. i have a few errands to run, some shopping to do. i wanted to get my haircut, but i'm going to have to hold off on that until sunday, when my favorite hair person in the whole wide world can work me into her busy schedule. i may come back with long, dark, wonderfully curly hair. or i might just buzz it all off, a la america's favorite wackjob britney spears.

what do you think?

but i do hope it rains. i like driving in the rain. (i'm an excellent driver. just ask the iowa state patrol and the department of transportation. i get written commendations on my driving all the time!) and the rain will take care of my absolutely filthy car, because i think car washes are a waste of money. unless it's that car wash in pleasant hill, the aromatherapy one. that one makes me happy about the fact that i just spent 12$ on a drive-thru car wash because it smells like oranges and bubble gum.

you know, j.crew does have the best flip flops in the world. and i do have exceptionally adorable toes complete with cherry crush nail polish... hmm. perhaps i'll go to west big city and find new flip flops. i heart flip flops.

but flip flops plus rain equal janel on her arse in the parking lot.

maybe not such a good idea...

alright. i'm off. toodles, dolls! :)

06 June 2007

otherwise it's just malfeasance for malfeasance's sake

i have homework. i have a buttload of paperwork to do for my interview next week, as well as an essay to rewrite. have you ever tried to write an essay in 250 words or less? it's freaking impossible, especially for someone as windy as i am. i don't even remember why i have to make the rewrite - something about my 250 words doesn't really fit the topic nor answer the question. picky bastards.

plus they want copies of all my transcripts and my resume and my birth certificate and my most recent bloodwork and my blood type and a dna workup and the rights to my first born male child. i have a lot to do.
this isn't my fingerprint. i just wanted to point that out.

plus i have to get fingerprinted next week. that's exciting. like real ink fingerprints and i don't even have to commit a crime or go to jail. how cool is that? when i got hired by the airline i got fingerprinted, but it was all electronic and there wasn't any ink. so when i'm driving back from minneapolis next week, i'm going to have ink on my fingers like a real criminal.


my best real non-myspace friend in the whole wide world, libbeth, used to say that she was superior because she had an a+ blood type. i have o+. but i say that i'm not any less superior, i'm just not as picky. :) and more people like me. so there. i donated blood once but i passed out so i haven't gone back to do it again. but i did get two cookies for my effort. and an extra cup of juice.

i have no idea what i'm talking about. i'm going to go find something more entertaining to do.

superjanel OUT.

the word of the day...

because i can't pass this up...

sesquipedalian: (n) the act or practice of using large words when smaller words will do.

screw word of the day, this is the word of my life.

do i look like a pirate to you?

i think my mom is trying to tell me something. i came home tonight to find the channel set to a random dateline-esque show chronicling some hapless lassie who'd been lopped into pieces by a man she'd met on the internet.

hmmm.... you'd think if she wanted to tell me to stop watching random dateline-esque shows she'd just come out and say it.

i had the most enlightening conversation with my soon-to-be-ex-boss's daughter today. the daughter is five.
superjanel: how are you today [boss's daughter]?
boss's daughter: i'm good. i have a boyfriend.
sj: you do? you're only five. i don't even have a boyfriend.
bd: but i know who your boyfriend used to be.
[she actually does know him and used to have a crush on him. poor girl.]
sj: you're only five. how do you know that?
bd: because he used to be my boyfriend too. but i broke up with him.
sj: you're only five. i don't think he can be your boyfriend. so why'd you break up with him?
bd: [insert really dramatic sigh here] he's too old for me. and i haven't seen him forever.
sj: yeah, he was too old for me too. you can have him.
bd: i don't want him. i have another boyfriend now.
sj: you're only five. holy crap, i don't even have another boyfriend yet.
bd: [laughs hysterically. apparently the fact that she's moved on and i haven't is really funny.]
yet another reason i'm not having kids anytime soon. they're all big meanie smart asses.

my new threadless shirts came today. well, some of them. i love me a $10 shirt sale, especially at threadless. they're the bestest. at least they were until i dropped taco on my new yellow one at dinner. i am such a slob.

i have an interview scheduled with the peace corps next week. i have to drive to minneapolis. i'm trying to recruit someone to go with me and keep me company on my drive - any takers? i'm an excellent driver... :)

05 June 2007

i'm on a pilgramage to see a moose

oh how i love the whippy dip...

i thought today was going to be a day off. not so much. jorge has a back injury (old football injury? no, dork fell out of a truck a few years ago.) and he has aggravated this injury at his real job, leaving him unable to work his second job. that's where i come in. so today i'm going to cover for jorge.

no worries. it just means i don't have to scavenge for lunch later on. plus, i'm working with t-bone and roberto, so it can't be all bad.

i've created this 100-song playlist on my ipod. i thought this would be a good thing - my ipod will randomly choose songs to play at will and i won't be stuck listening to the same artist over and over. pshaw. my ipod has apparently lost its randomness and is just playing what it wants to hear, again and again. so in spite of the fact that there are 96 other songs to listen to, i'm listening to the same four songs by the killers over and over. wtf is that all about?

song of the week: ooh la by the kooks

it's a lovely tune. and i'd get to listen to it if my ipod weren't cracking out this week.

okay, off to put clothes in the dryer (cuz we can't work at the whippy dip nekkid) and take a shower (cuz we can't work at the whippy dip smelly).


03 June 2007

isn't a six hour nap just called sleeping?

i wonder if i'll be able to sleep this evening. i took a six hour nap this afternoon but the application of the word nap just seems unnecessary. i think that's just called sleeping. in which case i may be fucked for obtaining any sleep tonight.


my sleep patterns have been screwy since i didn't get home until 0430 on friday night. or saturday morning, depending on whether you're a glass half full/half empty sort of folk. friday night was fun - new crowd, new place. nigel and i went to the big city in order to have my beautiful piercer boy biff put a new hole in my nose. since i don't really have a job, or at least one with facial jewelry stipulations, i figured there was no time like the present. we had dinner at the olive garden and had planned on going back to the raging metropolis of c-town for a crappy band at our favorite bar.

plans changed: snackmaster bob's brother called and asked us to go with him and some friends out to the big city's premiere gay nightclub, if you believe the advertising fairies. okay, we're up for that. we turn around (several times), meet up with the brother and his crew and head out. drinks are expensive but nigel manages to make money on her first one and after that, they're on a girl we're hanging with because if her girlfriend finds out she has money, she'll be busted. (i don't really know why or what that means but i'll let her buy me a drink.) it's latino night: the music is awesome, with the exception of avril lavigne in espanola which just pisses me off, there are dozens of half-naked mexicans and more straight couples than i'd imagined. and contrary to recent popular belief, i did not find myself a girlfriend. or a boyfriend. i just want to clear that up.

somehow i ended up not drinking, if you can imagine such a thing. it was too hot and i was just not in the mood. but this ended up working out for the piss-drunk hairdresser who was not able to walk across the street nor drive her car. i watched people pee in the street and fall out of vehicles and back at our "homebase" on the east side i watched an interesting product display which included a ceiling fan and a manilla envelope, both with negative results. after that, it was just time to go. the night could not have gotten any funnier or weirder.

but i just want to take this moment to apologize to anyone that i have been belligerant with, yelled at, puked on, cried on, or refused to go home with at the designated time. because now that i've been the DD, those people fucking suck. however, will that stop me from drinking? no. but i just wanted to toss that out there.

so tonight was the next-to-last episode of the sopranos. and i'm not going to spoil it for you, i don't play that way, but holy crapola, can you believe this? i don't want it to end, i'm sad, i love tony soprano. i'm almost afraid to watch the last episode.
perhaps you've seen entourage? then you know who this guy is. he's my future significant other.

after the sopranos there is this neat little show, perhaps you've heard of it? entourage? yeah, i'm seinfelding my way into this one as well, meaning that i'm catching on way after it's cool. but i don't care. because i'm in love with adrian grenier. i only dig facial hair on a few people, but adrian grenier is one of them. he and mr. wantland's son. :D

okay. i'm going to go watch tv and zone out and try to sleep. smooches to you!

cold, shiny, hard plastic... i know, right?

i wrote like a crazy person in the month of may. and for some reason i can't seem to find my groove in june, or at least so far. one opinion on this is that i'm away from the drama and therefore i'm calmer and my life is calmer. i think that's probably partially true. my current "roommates" are certainly more calm than my last one. (roberto, that is funny.) but life has not slowed down much - at least not as of yet.

last friday afternoon i went to targhetto (target on the south side). i had a few wares to purchase and was standing in line waiting to check out. there was a kid in front of me - he looked to be about 10 years old. the targhetto employee was about 160 years old with a smoker's cough to rival jack palance and a face to match. the kid tossed up a box of condoms for her to ring up, very nonchalantly, like he was a pro at this (or that, whatever). i thought she was going to have a stroke. her face turned purple and she started stuttering and sputtering - she was so unnernved she didn't even offer him his god-given right to 10 percent savings by signing up for a targhetto card. i about cracked up. i don't generally condone preteens having sex but you had to kind of admire the unabashed way he took care of his business. i know adults that aren't able to behave that way.

jack palance: he craps bigger than you. and don't you forget it.

and then on the way out, i saw that he and his friends were blowing them up and throwing them at girls - really perverted balloons.

last friday i also met a "friend" (friend in the sense that i'd known this person for about 12 minutes prior to having lunch together) for coffee slash lunch. it was a complete and total bust and i'll tell you why: it doesn't matter how you describe yourself, people are going to percieve you as they want to. think about it: is anyone really who they say they are? i think that most people describe themselves in the most positive light, emphasizing their positives and downplaying their negatives, but that's only the way you *think* you are. upon meeting a new person, regardless of how wonderful they think they may be, you're left with your own perception which may or may not take into consideration the qualities they think are their fine points.

for example, my lunch with igor on friday. he obviously thought he was something special, a sensitive soul, an artist, a music aficionado, blah, blah, blah. but do i use any of those qualities when describing the same person? ha. hardly. he failed to mention beady, scary eyes and googley goldfish lips and a pair of really bad shoes.

which leads me to another question: am i that superficial?

eh, yes and no. yes, because obviously, i'm a little hung up in the looks department. but it's not hardly fair to call that being superficial because the way a person looks and presents him or herself is the first thing you see, the first thing you notice. people can't help but be superficial, to a degree. but i can also say no, because i'm tired of artsy, sensitive people - people who are offended by my opinions and bluntness aren't people i want to spend time with.

i also do not have time for those that have a "realistic" plan for world domination.


the casualties of a break-up

it's been my experience that when two people break up it means that they don't want a whole lot to do with each other anymore. they're tired of the company, the drama, the bullshit - everything that goes along with being a couple. so they divide their belongings and start new lives in new places, surrounded by new people and things, in the hopes that their lives will mend themselves and they'll begin to feel normal again.

but it's just not those two people that are affected - even though it's only the couple that is breaking up. family, friends, pets, coworkers - those are the casualties of a break-up. even though the former couple moves and starts anew, those that used to be around the former couple are sort of left in limbo. friendships falter - were they more friends of one person than the other? families suffer - parents feel like they've lost a child and children feel like they've lost another set of parents. the number of people you thought cared about you is suddenly halved because their loyalties lie with someone else.

and i don't blame them. for me to walk up to my ex's parents and expect a welcome wagon is completely irrational. i don't think they'd be rude, but i wouldn't get the warm reception i got when we were still together. and i doubt his brother would acknowledge my existence. but he surely expects the same reaction from my family.

the grey area lies in former friendships. was i friends with someone because of my ex or was i really friends with them? what about couples? what about people who spent time with the both of us? what about people who only knew me because of him, but i grew close to some of those people? what's the rule on those kinds of casualties? can i remain friends with those people, or are they "off-limits"?

these aren't the kinds of things decided in a decree.

i'll admit, in the end i was a crappy friend. i broke promises and pretty much made myself look like a real jerk. and i'm sorry.

but i miss a lot of people that i used to know in my "former life." people i spent time with, people i talked to, people that i was related to. it's hard when someone leaves your life by choice and even harder when they take their friends and family with them. you don't get updates or new photos or emails. you're out of the loop and there's really not a lot you can do about it.

but i do miss a lot of people. especially the harpster.