another rainy (wednes)day

the gray is starting to affect my mood. and not in a good "i-love-the-rain-it-makes-me-all-sappy-and-creative" kind of way. fuck that. nope, it's making me melancholy and depressed. i need some sunshine, people!

i want sunny days! i want warm! i want a beach! i want to go here! i've been to this beach before; this is kamaole II on the south side of maui in kihei.

*sigh*

i miss hawaii. :(

someday, i'm taking off for somewhere warm and never coming back.

it's been raining for a couple days now. it poured and poured last night - it sounded like the roof was going to blow off our tiny edbq shanty. i love sleeping while it rains. the dreariness today is kind of putting me to sleep. that and a lack of food. i didn't eat breakfast this morning, and i even have breakfast food and options. i just couldn't get my big white butt out of bed early enough to forage through the cabinets.

do you know how early i have to get out of bed to get to job #2? i'm supposed to be here around 0830-ish (although i never get here before 0915), which has me leaving the house at 0500. boys and girls, i didn't get out of bed until 0506 this morning. which doesn't have me arriving at work on time. :(

so this morning on my way to job #2 (which is about 200 miles from home), the roommate called and got snippy with me because his car keys are in my car. dumbass. i'm not the one that left them there, don't get pissy with me. but this occurred after i called and got snippy with him because our electricity was about to be disconnected and i found the bill in my car. wtf? it's no wonder i'm stressed and about to pull my hair out - he's not helping this cause any. boo...

i'm contemplating a serious hair cut. i'm wondering if it's too long. any thoughts, anyone? anyone?

bueller? bueller?

i thought as much. the rain has you all in bed today, doesn't it? i'm jealous...

hook, line and sinker.

i'm not much of a fisherperson. i think it's moderately cruel to catch a fish just for one's personal enjoyment and then toss it back with a new hole in its body. not my cup of tea, really. but just as other people dislike baseball (which is a travesty in of itself) or do not enjoy a good book, i'm not going to bash on the hobbies of others. so in fact this evening i found myself watching people fish when the gran massa wanted to go fishing.

as it turns out, watching people fish is pretty boring. there's not a lot to do except constantly keep out of the way of fishing poles as they're being cast. the river isn't particularly pretty where we were fishing and it's sort of smelly. i did manage to pass the time by concentrating on not falling in the river or in the muck and i did a pretty good job - i didn't even so much as get my shoe wet. yay me. but fishing ended up not getting us anything for dinner (not that i could have brought myself to eat a smelly river fish anyway) and he lost like 25$ in fishing lures, so we went to eat at a new restaurant in town.

baxter called during dinner. just for a few minutes. as previously posted, i'd left a reader's digest version of message 3.0 just a few hours before. that was going to be my last point of contact. if message 3.0 netted no results - well, so be it. a person can only put herself out there, looking stupid, for so long. but as i hoped, the telly rang. a short discussion - he asked all the right questions and showed the proper amount of concern, which was nice of him. oddly, though, i still find myself mildly frustrated and i'm not sure why.

talked to libbeth this morning and recanted the story as to why i'm making life changes. she's always good to talk to - kind of like my mom. she just has a way of making sense to me. i don't talk to her enough.

i don't have enough sense in my life! i need things that make sense!

i had really good hair today. too bad that the only people that got to see it were my doctor and my roommate. and the people down by the river. and the waitress. seriously, this hair was so good, i wanted it to be seen by large groups of people.

tomorrow i'm going to the laundrymat. clean clothes make me happy. the laundrymat does not but it's a necessary evil.

right now, i think i'm going to go eat ice cream and watch espn.

in the dark when there's no one listening...

today on my way to work, i passed a maroon cutlass supreme filled to the brim with senior citizens. (if you're on the up and up with pop culture, you'd have said sanka. do you remember those commercials? i must have watched a lot of television as a child. but anyway.) this car must have had eight old people in it, crazy full. crazy wack funky, it was.

old ladies, old men. all laughing and carrying on. all wearing hats with giant brims and sunglasses and scarves, windows down, living it up like they were teenagers. the rearview mirror was hanging from the windshield at an angle that was impossible to see out of.

i don't know if they were high or if the car was full of carbon monoxide, but it made me smile. well, it made me smile after i swore at them to get the hell out of my way, crazy old fuckers. and then i smiled. because they were obviously quite happy.

if i make it to senior citizen-ship, i want to be that happy. or oblivious. or high. whatever. it was pretty stinkin' cute.

although i don't understand the sunglasses. it was pouring down rain all afternoon. maybe they were blind... ?

work has been crazy. dfw has been blasted with bad weather the last couple of days and that is seriously ganking my chi. ugh. don't they know i just want to go to work and do as little as possible? seriously. stress is not good for my complexion.

monday, the gran massa and i, and possibly baxter, if he concedes to a couple days off from work/getting up at the ass crack of dawn, are driving to canada. why? what's so exciting about canada? nothing. except i've never been out of the country and i'm going to photodocument my trip across the border.

that, and i fully expect to find terrance and philip from south park waiting for me on the other side of the border. cold air, customs agents, and terrance and philip, in that order. i even have a picture of what this event will look like.see? that's me, in the background. it's obviously quite windy in canada, because my hair is all zinged out. and i'm not dressed, i'm not sure why. i guess nude is the new black up there, but don't hold me to it. and since you can see that i'm nude, i'm obviously quite tan, which is a little far from the truth, currently since i'm pretty much clear. maybe that's a picture of some other naked frizzy haired chick named superjanel... hmm. i'll have to look into that.

i guess we're driving up, going to mc donald's or something and driving back. yay for 16 hours in a car. :) it's possible that only one of us will return... hehehe...

i'm kind of tired. i think i'm going to go to bed now.

now PRANCE... work it girl

i had the strangest dream this morning, about a long lost friend. well, she used to be a friend. i'll get into that in a little bit. when i was growing up, my best friend was jeccers. she had an annoying little brother and an even more annoying mother that very few people liked. she had a pillow that i got to sleep on that felt like it was full of jello and a basket in the hallway closet that was full of socks. i'm pretty sure she's the reason i don't wear white socks ever - i was always jealous of her stripes and dots and crazy colors. she had a closet full of clothes like nothing i'd ever seen before and since she apparently stopped growing in the fifth grade (this girl was petite with a capital T; the first T, not the second T) she could wear most of them even as a teenager.

but about this dream. you have to know that i haven't seen her in about six years. and it's my own doing.

i dreamt i was in a wedding. i was shopping for white satin pants (OMG.) which i found at banana republic (so if i'm going to look like a giant dairy cow, i guess i'm going to be a stylish dairy cow). anyway. i get my pants and i drive to centerville. it's a long drive. i drive to a modified version of my parents house and she's there - jeccers. i'm so excited to see her i start to cry. but i don't say anything to her except that if i'm going to be in her wedding she has to do my hair - which, by the way is short and straight and absolutely adorable (gahhh).

the wedding is at night. i can't find any shoes; apparently i didn't bring any. i wear tennis shoes and these mega-expensive, mega-unflattering *white satin pants* (i'm feeling like a member of abba here or something) and i go tell jeccers she has to fix my hair. we're in the basement of this house that is supposedly my parents except it doesn't look anything like my parents and it smells like stale water so i tell her it's from the floods and hurricane katrina and she just nods. (we're in iowa.) she tells me she's missed me and she begins to cry. we hug. i spill something on those god awful pants. i freak out because now i can't wear them and she says its okay. which if you knew jeccers at all, it would not be okay. she also tells me that instead of my current (blue) tennis shoes, i should just go barefoot.

okay.

wedding time. i'm standing up there, all ex-matronly of honour, or something like that and i'm the tallest person in the room. it's an odd feeling. i'm searching for people i know but her family isn't there and while that's no heartbreaker, it's kind of weird. here she comes, also wearing white satin pants. odd. so we're all standing up there and there's no groom. i'm sort of waiting for her jackass of a husband to arrive - maybe this is some rededication of the vows ceremony i've been tricked into attending. but she says no, she dumped that loser years ago.

maybe she got smarter.

instead, here comes this mexican guy and his entourage of like 14 people, all with their no shirts on. this was the most fucked up wedding i've ever been too. i completely expected to hear bone thugs-n-harmony after the matrimonial kiss but it was barry manilow.

and somehow that's okay. and then i woke up.

isn't that weird?

so why aren't i friends with this girl today? well, mostly it has to do with her mom. her mom is a psycho turbo mega bitch and a half. about six years ago they lied to my landlord and convinced him that they were family members so he'd let them into my apartment. for what, i don't remember now. and they left me the nastiest letter. so i told them to fuck off and i haven't spoken to them since.

and what's with the drag queen? well, you'd have to ask her. it was one of those inside jokes. sometimes i do miss her.

my fake plastic love

ugh. i'm not well today. i'm sort of wishing i'd hung on to that common sense last night because i think i was moderately out of control. i'm paying homage to the white porcelain god today for my ignorance yesterday. but it was fun while it lasted. i've been good. i deserve a retard badge every once in a while, right?

so. i'm not one to kiss and tell, and frankly, i couldn't tell you even if i wanted to, but here are the highlights. i got new jacket. i got a stalker. i got free drinks. i got some poor girl beat up. i think i broke up some couple or at the very least got them into a big fight. i danced for hours. cranberry and vodka, cherry bombs and i love pickle juice. i heard the line 'you have beautiful eyes' so many times i could puke. i saw whitney j, i haven't seen her in years and she no longer wants to beat my ass, that's nice. i made up for the new year, in fact i'm covered for the next four or five new years. i heard the cops were there as i was leaving and i'm not sure why but i was smart enough to know that my condition wouldn't earn me any brownie points and bob already said he wasn't bailing me out of jail. nigel and snackmaster bob took some other guy home and i was left to wander the parking lot looking for some guy's car when someone i knew found me and gave me a ride home. nigel was afraid she'd lost me for good, she left me like 14 voicemails in two minutes, and would have to explain that to my mom at work on monday. so how was your weekend? well, i lost your daughter. how was yours? hehehehe.... it was fun. but my head hurts and i prolly shouldn't have had a cheeseburger for lunch today; at least i should have picked off the pickles.

so. today i got my hair colored. it's dark. dark. dark. really. i like it. now i don't look pale and sickly i look pale and dramatic. it's a change. it's just hair. so i'm talking to courtney, the wonderful gal that does my hair, and we're discussing life and whatnot, and she's like, oh dear. and that's not something you want your stylist to say, ever. but she's like, you've got a grey. i freaked. seriously. i made her pull it so i could see it. and there it was, a little curly grey hair. omg. i wanted to ask them to put it in a baggie so i could take it home but she already thinks i'm a weirdo because i never care what she does to my hair, i'm just like, i dunno, make it do something different or make it a different color or whatever. but no, there it was, a grey hair. ugh. i'm getting old. i'm going to be 27 in february you know. yikes.

i have a bruise on my elbow. i don't know how it got there.

i go back to work tomorrow. i hear the rumor mill has been working overtime. ought to be interesting. i wonder when my last day will be. i got the nicest phone call from ua sherry today. she called me from home just to find out what's going on because apparently there are several different versions out and about and to tell me good luck and she's going to miss me. i like sherry - most people are afraid of her or hate her because she's a bitch but i get along with her. i'm going to miss so many people i could cry. this is like the one and only job i've ever really enjoyed, and having said that i don't know if it's the job that i enjoy so much as it's the people that i work with, you know? i mean, most of them. marty jones can fuck off and die a painful public, humilating death and that's okay, and there's a few others that i can live without, but for the most part i really like them all. and most of them have really comfy sofas and don't mind dragging my stupid ass around late at night when i need pancakes and a place to sleep.

table is gone. it really feels like i'm moving. it's a little strange. i'm realy not good at change, i kind of like things routine and normal and steady and this time i don't have anyone to blame this on but me, because i could have easily said no when gran massa champ started planting the seeds in my mind about going back to school. i guess some little part of me thought i could use a serious upheaval because that's what i'm getting. i can't do things small, you know? i have to go all out. i can't go to drake and move to dsm. nope, that's not dramatic enough. i guess that's just how i am. my biggest fear out of this whole thing is failure. that and not knowing. i've never done anything quite like this before. right now, i don't know anyone, i don't know where anything is, i don't know if i have a job, i don't even know if i could find my way home. so what if i get there and i hate it? what if i get really depressed and all i want to do is lie in bed and stare at the ceiling and not leave the house? what if i can't handle school? what if i fail and i have to come back to dsm and everyone will know that i failed? that's what i fear. i'm terrified of this whole thing. but. but. i'm in too far to back out now. and i think that all of this came together as such for a reason. it's beyond my control. besides, i can't live my life being afraid. so i'm done.

i had a couple of liberating moments this weekend. one. i threw away four of the five boxes of bandaids in the bathroom medicine cabinet. i'm not graceful in most uses of the word, but i was never the accident prone idiot in the house. as such, i tossed out about 30$ in bandaids. it felt nice. two. because i couldn't find a sticker for my car that just said the word 'fuck' and because it probably wasn't appropriate to put such a sticker on uugof, i asked roberto to remove the b29 from my back window. i'm not much of a supporter of the b29 anymore. in fact, i chuckled to myself as i watched the godfather piece off the car this weekend and make back about half of what he bought it for if my memory serves me correctly. naw, i don't chuckle. maybe cackle, but not chuckle. i'm not one for chuckling.

okay boys and girls. i'm tired and i have things to do.
love,
superfreakinhungoverjanel

i got to say, today was a good day

i got sleep.
i got cute new jeans. (on sale even!)
i got a place to live. (and i have two bedrooms and two (little) closets.)
i had chicken nachos for lunch. yummy.
i had good hair today.
i sold my dining room table and an assload of longaberger!

i so rock.

pink is the new black.

at least it is this week. i can't make up my mind. i don't think the pink is a permanent decision but i'm in flux currently, not able to make important descisions. we'll see how long it lasts. the pink, i mean.

i love days like today at work. i walked in to find two cancelled dallas flights and every single stl flight cancelled today due to weather in stl. they got like a shit ton of ice. ord was surprisingly together today, a few were late but nothing out of the ordinary for ord. not like it will be tomorrow. and the thing is, i'm still looking forward to tomorrow. gosh, how could that be? oh right. i don't work tomorrow. suckers. hehehehehe.... it was nice here today. freezing fucking cold, but nice. the ice that accumlated outside last night must have melted as soon as the sun came up because it was dry on my way to work, which sucked, because I LEFT EARLY in anticipation of the bad roads. perhaps if i'd get out of bed early enough to watch the news i'd have known this, but oh well. so i got to pleasant hill like 15 minutos before i needed to be there so i stopped and got a chocolate milk because i ♥ chocolate milk.

here's an interesting question. the chocolate milk i buy is nestle quik fat free skim chocolate milk. and so you know how when you buy milk at the store it's only good for like 10 days, 12 days max? the chocolate milk i bought this morning was good until 07jan07. it's not even december yet. how can that be? what's in my chocolate milk that keeps it from rotting like regular milk? does anyone know? i'm curious. maybe it's not really milk. people who don't drink skim milk would argue that it's not milk, it's white water. but i can't drink anything other than skim because it never tastes cold enough. i don't know; i can't explain it. stop giving me that look. but even if its not milk, they've done a good job disguising it as milk. i think it tastes like milk. yummy chocolate milk.

i'm thirsty. but not for chocolate milk. not right now.

other interesting things that occurred today:

• i left work at 1800, which allowed me to come home and watch the office during it regularly televised time slot. this means that come tomorrow morning, i'm not at the mercy of those bastards that run itunes. yay!
• i lost my glasses. i don't know where they are and yes, i have looked, and yes, i have retraced my steps. i know i had them yesterday, and i don't think i left the house until yesterday afternoon and i know i didn't have them in osky, so they have to be here or in my car or somewhere. i did go to the supermarket but i don't think i would have left them there so i'm sort of at a loss. if a lot of my words start coming out wrong, all misspelled and shit, it's not my fault. my eyes are tired and i'm partially fucking blind. no worries. this, however, is not a yay, it's a boo. so this negates the prior yay and now i'm back at zero.
• i came clean to my mom about a situation that's been bothering me for a while now. major freaking yay. and she's still mad at him for being a shitty friend to her and not at all mad at me for being human. on the yay scale, this counts for two. yay! yay!
• my boi from mke found me on yahoo! i can't wait to discuss life with mke boi, i've missed talking to him. it's been a long time since i've heard from him and he doesn't have a myspace so i'm trying to get him to join this century. more on this to come. yay! yay! yay!
• i had a really great hair day today, at least until the wind got at it this afternoon. neither yay or boo, i sort of negated that one myself.
• nigel and i are drinking all weekend. big yay.

tomorrow is 01dec. then it's only 24 days until christmas. i think it's time to make a christmas list. let's start with the impossible things first:

1. a new 2006 pontiac gto. phantom black, please.
2. a sugar daddy to pay off my student loans. no educating foreign kids to get them paid off. just do it for me. all in one lump sum. make the check out to iowa student loan, the money sucking bastards...
   
3. incredibly heavy room-darkening curtains for my bedroom. or just a lot of black plastic bags, really thick ones, and some duct tape. (is it duck tape or duct tape? snackmaster bob calls it date tape. hmmm....)
4. a new desk since my old one got adopted and had to move several counties away.
5. those adidas with the color changing stripes.
6. a year's supply of vitamin water, half the orange kind and half the dragonfruit kind.
7. a tempur-pedic mattress. king size.
8. a trust fund. so i don't have to work and i can lay all day - in the pitch black darkness of my bedroom - on my tempur-pedic mattress when i'm not driving around in my gto wearing my rad new adidias.
9. someone to do my hair for me everyday. i love, love, love when other people do my hair and i don't have to mess with it. it always looks so much nicer.
10. that tattoo for my back. the big one. but drug me up beforehand because that mother's going to hurt wicked bad.
11. some cheese.
12. the name and phone number of someone who wants to buy all my dumbass beanie babies and my dining room table. (takers?)
13. the phone number for that one guy, you know, from that one place? and his undivided attention for say, 138 minutos. :D
    

okay. i'm tired. going to bed now. oh hell, i have the hiccups. gahhhh.

okay. good night. i mean it now.

i'd sell my soul for a playstation III

or i can give you 42$ towards the purchase of a playstation ii. whatever works best for you. just let me know. but you have to provide a couple of game for it, either way. deal? deal.

so last night we saw borat. it was awful. i haven't seen ugly, hairy naked men in that position for awhile, at least not in something rated for general audiences. it makes me shudder just thinking about it. but it was still good. and hilarious. roberto and i were going to see the new will ferrell movie too but the line was too long and the chocolate made my stomach sick. ugh...

score! my mom just bought me a playstation!!! rock the hell on. i rule. now i can play car games and battle games and burn my eyes out of my head playing video games. i am the shit.