02 January 2007

joanie loves chachi... but does chachi love joanie?

who knew so much could be accomplished from my sofa? actually, that's a lie. because i didn't sit here all day. and i really didn't accomplish that much. this morning i got up and headed to the big city to buy software because i don't have enough software. and i have too much money. no, not true. my mom doesn't have enough software. so i drove all over dsm, looking for software that is apparently not to be found. i was in wdm, i was in the ghetto. i drove to spankeny. i was in best buy, i was in office max, i went to staples. there is not a single copy of front page to be found in that godforsaken city. and i was frustrated. frustrated and hungry because i have no food at home. my milk has long been spoiled and my bread is moldy and green. and i couldn't find my (professor) dickhead of a brother which means that he wasn't going to eat lunch with me today so i left a (cookie) monsterous sounding message on his (lionel richie) voicemail. it was like four hours later that he called me back to tell me one, he wasn't home and wasn't around, and two, he'd already eaten. ugh. my moustache smells like cabbage. gahhh.

my other brother has a girlfriend. and she's a crackhead. not literally. she's great - really sweet, really cute, but she's a few fries short of a happy meal, right? so she and a friend are discussing why all the flags are flying at half-staff or half-mast or half-cast or whatthehellever it is, i don't know, and she's like, 'it's because the president died.' and her friend was all, 'george bush?' and she's like, 'no, harrison ford, the president.' OMG. my little brother was like, 'yeah, the president, the former fugitive.' cracks me up.

so today i realised how to make the post office a solvent corporation. STAY OPEN ON FEDERAL HOLIDAYS. really. yeah. so a former president is dead and lying in state. sad. but come on. that just means you're going to have double work tomorrow. cuz all that mail is not delivering itself. so is it really worth it? because i went in there to give you business today and you weren't there and while i was in there trying to figure out why you were closed (which by the way took me like 14 minutes because the sign was tiny and i don't watch the news very often), so were like 7 other people. so 8 people, 4 stamps each at like 72 cents a stamp (isn't that what it costs to buy a stamp these days?), every hour all day long at every post office across the nation? yeah, that would have eliminated the national debt, you lousy buggars. you just think you're all special because you're federal employees. yeah, well, you still need to brush your teeth too, you know.

so i'm not telling you what i got done today. will you let me talk already? gosh.

here we go. today, i finally talked to people at school. for a while i was beginning to think that no one really worked there. but apparently i was wrong, they do exist, they're just all big vacation-takers and partiers because they haven't been there since thanksgiving or something like that. :) anyway, i sort of have an appointment on thursday to discuss the master of arts in communication program. i say sort of because we agreed upon early afteroon, meaning after lunch and before three. i don't know what that really means and it upsets my stomach to think about it. i don't like people that won't give me a fucking time. but the man was very precise on the phone, which makes sense because it's a communication program. i hesitate to say that he was curt with me because i left two messages and he flat out told me that i left two messages (like i wasn't aware?) but i wonder if it's because i stuttered on the word 'prospective' in both messages and he wonders if i'm a good communicator. oh i'm good... i'll show you.

and then, i sent off requests for all my transcripts. that is a fucking chore. i always wonder what i've done with the last eight years of my life until i take that trip back in time. that's like a asston of paper. that's my word of the week, by the way. asston. it looks better in caps, but then i feel like i'm yelling it. but it also sounds better in a loud tone of voice, so that's appropriate. ASSTON. there you go. (really, that's like two things i've done today in one paragraph. transcripts and invention of new word. i know, i rock, right?) oh, so get this. bellevue takes like 2-3 weeks to produce a sheet of paper that says i gradumated from their damn school (i gradumated from the eighth grade... twice... LOL!). so i had to pay for express freaking shipping/printing. wtf? so all in all, transcripts cost me like 50$. what a crock. i'm going to start my own school and charge people for paper. bitches.

what else? i talked to the landlords. yikes. they're nice people, so i sort of felt bad for um, you know. see, now this part i sort of feel bad for putting in here, so i think i may hold off on publishing until i'm like out of the county. :D but i'm getting out of my lease, not scot-free, but pretty freaking close. they gave me a checklist of things to clean before i leave. one of them is the base of the toilet. gross. who would leave that for someone else to clean? another is the vegetable bin of the refridgerator. i wonder what kind of stuff people leave in the veggie bin. well, maybe i don't wonder. ewww.

and then today i rented a storage space. my own little storage space with a cute little red door. isn't that special? i have to buy a padlock. i want to buy a really complicated one, with keys and numbers and a taser function if it scans your retinas and you're not me. but i don't think you can buy that at farm and home or waldo world and i am NOT driving back to dsm tonight. or tomorrow. i am tired of dsm. and my ass has permanently molded to the seat of the rendezvous and it sort of hurts. gah. but anyway, it's 10 feet by 15 feet and i can put my sofa and chair and dresser and mirror and boxes and shit in there. and my weed, if i had any, but i don't. i swear, i don't. i just like to say that. i don't even remember what that's from.

so tomorrow. i'm taking the big kitty to the vet and getting copies of all their records. i'm going to start taking shit to the storage facility and locking it up because i can.

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