23 January 2007

i'm down to eight functioning toes

isn't that gross? it hurts like a mother. it hurts to walk, to stand, to sit - i'm in pain. so today i go to the hospital. i'm thinking that i can get into like an urgent care type thing. as it turns out, here in dbq, they have "convenient" care, available between the hours of 1600 and 2300. those hours are not convenient for me or my toe. so i went to the emergency room with a stubbed fucking toe. it's going to cost me 700$ when i'm all said and done and the remedy was not a cast, nothing spectacular - they taped the fat bastard to the toe next to it. i didn't even get any pain medication; the doctor wouldn't give it to me. i am not satisified with my first hospital experience in this city. i will not be returning to that hospital. give me drugs! give me something to take my mind off the pain! give me a shot! (not that kind of shot.) something. anything. nope. i got a piece of gauze, a piece of tape and the doc's best wishes and his advice: "try not to stub your toe." he's a goddamn genius, gump. gah.

lets talk about school. school is... is stupid too harsh a word? i have two classes. one with a pompous ass of a prof and another with an instructor that wears high water pants with knee high boots. i don't know what kind of fashion statement that is but i don't agree with it. the classes shouldn't be that challenging; they generally aren't. i'm good at school. i'm generally too good for my own good. the challenge will be going and attending and paying attention and staying awake. but until they let me teach the fucking class i will have this internal argument with the institution of higher education (not necessarily the university of dbq but the idea behind higher education in general).

what else can i rant about? i had a conversation with eddy the other day. it left me with mixed emotions. i cried after i got off the phone with him - i miss him. i miss the conversations we used to have. he was my best friend, or i thought he was my best friend, for a long time. it's hard for me to shut that off and pretend it never existed. i guess some people can do that. i don't know how. i guess i just wonder if this is really how it was all supposed to end up, you know? i wonder if i somehow expedited the inevitable or if i'd just kept quiet things would have been okay someday. i'll never know and it's dumb to waste the time wondering, but the thoughts do cross my mind from time to time. it's just sort of a sad situation for all. so after i cried, and it was an ugly, snotty, red-eyed cry, i picked myself up and went off to school. and then i bought myself i big bottle of grey goose and a jug of cranberry juice and drank myself into oblivion. i wasn't feeling a thing until i stubbed my fucking toe. i realize that a stiff drink isn't the best way to resolve that issue but it was the best one i could come with at the time. and today it doesn't hurt as bad. or maybe i'm just not thinking about it. hmmm...

tomorrow i have things to do. laundry is at the top of my list. i also have to check on my student loans and see if i will have dollars this weekend, that would be nice. i need to get my oil changed; uugof is getting desperate. i'm beginning to get mail at my new address - that's a nice feeling. i love getting mail, it makes me happy.

okay. i don't know if i'm going to go to bed or play ps2, but i'm going to go do something. i'm tired of writing for now.

peas out.

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