31 January 2007

a preface is necessary

any misspellings - well, let me apologize in advance. i'm typing as slow as i can fathom but i'm not making any guarantees. the tears in my eyes don't allow for kosher proofreading conditions and i'll be the first to admit that i've had too much to drink but it didn't stop me from asking for more.

i miss my life. i miss my house. i miss the husband i thought i had. i miss our inside jokes and our snide comments. i miss the best friend i used to have and the level of comfort i used to have in my own home. i miss being me. because now, i'm a fragment of me, living in a shard of my old life. and some days i can barely stand the reality i've created for myself. the sad thing is that it didn't have to end up this way - this is the outcome of my own instigations. so i have no one else to blame.

but me.

i'm in love with myself, my old way of thinking and the person its allowed me to become. unfortunately, life won't let me be that person. i've been laid off from a job sector i apparently invented - because no one else lives or works in this fantasy land that i've created.

sometimes i just want it all to go away. sometimes i wish i'd succeeded.

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