i'm scared out of my mind. things are falling into place better than i could have imagined and i'm scared out of my mind. i don't know if it just sort of hit me that i'm moving three hours out my comfort zone, away from what i know and like and love and hate and into the unknown or what's going on, but i had a small breakdown on the way home and while i'm not completely conflicted i have a small ball of stress in my stomach. it could just be that tortilla i ate, i guess. perhaps flour does not digest well. what a time for me to find out i am gluten intolerant. holy hell.
today was good. i'm a student. (they like me, they really like me!) it's essentially a two year program if you want to do it right and starting in january as oppoosed to may or september allows for a semester of fluff (me? fuck up? never.) which isn't always a bad thing. in terms of dollars, the education is inexpensive. school doesn't worry me, i can handle the school. i can always handle the school. (and there's no math. so i say take your statistics and shove them in your ass, dr. j. oh yeah. i threw that book away yesterday. and it felt goooooood....) i even have classes and i almost have financial aid. and we all know how good i am at financial aid.
two years until i get another degree, and then fiji, here i come...
then the rest of the day was spent looking at apartments and townhouses and places to live. roommate has now requested to be called grand master champion of the world; i'm not sure why, i don't recall the story behind it except that it was funny. i do believe i'll abbreviate that as gmc or gran massa champ, i think i like that better.
so me and the gran massa champ cruised the city looking for a place to live. it was a lot like goldlilocks trying out the bears beds and shit. except we didn't find the one that fit perfect - there was never a baby bear bed, you know?
'this one is too sanitary.'
'this one is too 'welcome to my bed' and has no closets.'
'i don't think we can fit a sofa up those stairs.'
'i fucking hate track lighting and the neighbors pray to a skinny wrestler who sits on the couch.'
there was one we both sort of liked but didn't want to like and i'm not sure why we didn't want to like it. it was sort of out in bfe and the neighborhood wasn't bad, but i think that there is a large child gang that runs rampant. in fact, i think we just missed some poor band geek getting his ass beat but i wasn't going to jump out of the car and save him because i think the gang leader could have kicked my ass too. so if we do end up living there i'm going to carry a baseball bat to the mailbox and i'm going to keep a realistic looking b.b. gun next to the bed so i can shoot the little dickheads if they come too close to my shit. gran massa champ said he has a shotgun but i don't think that will make us very popular in the neighborhood. besides, how can we pay the rent if we're spending all our money on bail?
housing is the only hold up at this point. and that's prolly what's stressing me out. i think if i had a place i knew i were going, i'd feel better. right now, everything else i need to do is in limbo. it's all sort of dependent on that one thing and i hate when that happens.
so. i guess i can cross a couple of big things off my list of things to do. like school. that was sort of a big one. and i may have a job. that was sort of a big one. that should make mom feel better, knowing that 33 1/3 percent of her offspring *may* be employed. i talked to my dad last night, told him i was moving and that if he wanted to help he could be my financial sponsor, kinda like nascar? he could give me a logo and i'd wear it if he wanted or put it on the side of uugof or whatever. he told me he bought me an ipod for christmas.
i didn't have the heart to tell him i sold it already.
i'm tired. perhaps the housing situation won't look so bleak in the morning. gran massa champ and i are pow-wowwing in the morning. i'll let you know.