TGIF! (only it's monday, and i'm really not that happy about it...)

the world is short a few of these, thanks to me driving the damn speed limit. boo to the iowa state patrol!

i used to know a woman named janet. she was a little strange, a few fries short of a happy meal but a very nice person with a big heart. janet loved animals, and had an odd little concoction in her third floor apartment: a blind dog, a cat with three legs and another cat that had no hair. (and it was supposed to have hair.) but janet also loved butterflies. she was part of a program sponsored by iowa state university that tracked the migration of different types of butterflies. she would spend hours every night counting butterflies outside our apartment complex, making notes in her notebook about the number of butterflies she saw and odd butterfly behavior.

so today, i'm driving to work. it's a beautiful sunny day and i'm driving the speed limit because it's a holiday weekend (and i can't afford another speeding ticket). when you drive the speed limit, you can see the bugs that are going to splat on the front end of your car before they actually hit. i hit a shit ton of butterflies today. i wonder if that will throw off janet's migration statistics? with every one i hit, i felt the need to call her and let her know her count was going to be off...

andy fales is going to kansas city. fuck you eddy. at least i got my camera.

this morning i was watching the news, standing in the kitchen eating poptarts. my favorite newscaster andy fales is leaving. what reason do i now have to watch channel 13 sports? i'm bummed. and i'm especially sad to learn that he's going to kansas city, where eddy is. we did not agree to this and i nearly wanted to call my attorney, but i figured there was little he could do to remedy the situation. what's really upsetting is that i'm never stepping foot in the kansas city city limits ever again, which means that i'll never get to see andy fales again.

he's gone the way of gary amble, my all-time forever favorite weatherman, who also ended up in kansas city. bastards!

gary amble has not aged a day. he has looked like this since i was 12.

so i've figured out what's wrong with roger: he has dropsy. koko didn't even help me with the diagnosis; i solved it on my own. unfortunately, with the stage that roger has evolved to, there is not much that can be done to cure dropsy. which upsets me greatly. looking at his symptoms, i can see that this is what killed my beloved adolph. but roger probably won't make it through the night. roger was the reason i got a fishtank in the first place.

but i still have norman. until the tank of death and doom claims him too and then i'm going to be done with goldfish for a while. like four days.

tomorrow is my older younger brother's birthday (if that makes sense). he's going to be 23. i got him the coolest present ever, he's going to love it. when i remember to do so, i find great gifts. i wonder though at times if i'm experiencing early onset of senility because i'm not able to remember things like i used to. or maybe i'm just too wrapped up in me to notice the people around me. like it just dawned on me that i didn't call my stepmom on mother's day. i know she's not my mom but she keeps my dad from driving me crazy and i should thank her for that from time to time. my grandma's husband's birthday was earlier this month and i didn't do a single thing for that either.

i suck.

i closed at the ice cream store tonight. business actually picked up and we had a good night. i worked with snackmaster bob and a high school kid, just graduated. she's nice, but talkative. the question i pose is this: was i that opinionated and loud at 18? did i think i knew everything all the time? was i never wrong, like this girl? if that's the case, i have become quite dumb in the last 9 years. i guess i could approach it that i've gotten even smarter (as if that's even possible!) because i know now that i really don't know anything.

in 27 days, i will be 10,000 days old. how's that for exciting. i want a cake for that holiday, damn it. a cake that says "happy 10,000-day asshole." i wonder if hy-vee would make that for me?

10,000 candles is a lot of candles. i'm going to need a fan to blow these suckers out.

i expect gifts. it's not everyday that a girl turns 10,000.

i wish there were more glow in the dark stars on my ceiling.

i had the weirdest dreams last night; and lots of them. about people i don't really want to dream about and situations i'd rather not relive. i woke up crying, not wanting to feel any of that again. but even in my dream, the most difficult part was the division of the stuff, the separation of me and him from the items we had accumulated in our togetherness. in my dream i called him by the nickname we had for each other and even in my dream, i received the same blank stare i received in real life. i wonder when that will ever fade away. not related, i also had a dream where i was counting tons and tons of one-dollar bills in my wallet (am i stripper in my dreams? hmmm...) and i found a two-dollar bill in the middle of this stack of ones and it made my day. and then i sold it to my mom.

i have no idea what that means. wtf?

i'm tired. i'm going to bed.