21 May 2007

shorts on the highway. k-mart sucks, ray.

this evening as i was driving home it was a little foggy in some spots. have i told you lately how much i enjoy driving in fog? it's like the perfect excuse to hit something, because if it's foggy enough there's no way you could have seen it and you're gonna hit it anyway. fog just adds to the drama. but anyway. tonight i was driving home - in the fog - and i didn't hit anything. but i easily could have. apparently down here in b.f.e., animals have nothing better to do than stand in the middle of the damn road. i'm not talking critters, like opossums - i'm talking animals. deer. beavers. and fucking cows. no joke. i nearly hit a cow this evening on my way home because the amish are stupid and unable to build fences with properly operating gates so the cows just wander where they may. and this one - this one massive cow with white spots and a fucking death wish - wandered into the middle of highway 14 and waited for me.

those amish bitches are trying to kill me, i swear.

as long as i'm talking about my car, let's talk about bird poop and crunchy bugs. i had to wash my car today (and i hate washing my car, it just seems pointless) because the bird the size of a one-car garage shit all over my car. i'm talking poop splatters the size of large pizzas; this must have been a fucking pterodactyl with a 17-foot wing span. you'd think that the dnr would be on top of this kind of shit (literally!) but they're too busy writing reports denying the existence of mountain lions in the area. but as far as this car wash - it took like 27$ and 40 minutes to get the crap off uugof's hood. ugh.

and crunchy bugs can suck my nut, if i had one. i DESPISE crunchy bug season, which unfortunately runs pretty much from the beginning of april to november around here. what is crunchy bug season? it's the time of year when you can't even drive 4.32 miles per hour without hitting a crunchy bug with your car and it smears all over the (most likely just cleaned) windshield and has to be washed off with a toxic mixture of gasoline and peanut butter.

i woke up at 0448 this morning because my phone was ringing. it was a goddamn filipino wanting to talk shoes that i'm selling on ebay. not kidding here. the ass clown pulled my contact information off ebay and called me up. AT A QUARTER TO FIVE IN THE A.M. fuckhead. i'm not in the mood to talk shop at that hour, assmunch. furthermore, don't call me. that's the point of ebay. you don't have to personally face the crazy public. he's currently got two winning bids on two items. woohoo...

after all the canada-bashing i've done, wouldn't it be funny if i dated a canadian? it would almost be as bad as dating someone from madison. i hate madison. grr... those are becoming options though as i realize that baxter from virginia just all around SUCKS. so much for finding out what "that" really was. i guess i'll never know.

as long as we're on the topic of dating, i've been approached by an ex - for dinner, drinks and perhaps extracurricular activities (if you know what i mean, dude) if i were so willing. so far, i haven't been willing. but this cat is tenacious and has advised that he won't stop asking until he at least gets dinner and drinks. my question is this: do people really change enough that this kind of situation wouldn't be uncomfortable? are ex-boyfriends (etc) exes for a reason - because you're incompatible? what are the chances that people change? and is any or all of this even worth bothering with, should i even give it any sort of time/effort/thought?

i do like free food. and free cocktails are the best kind of cocktails...

so my headache went away. it was a combination of caffeine and hot showers and cone dip, i do believe. :) regardless, my head feels better, which is fantasmical because i was ready to poke out my own eyes to make it stop.

i'm not sure how cute i'd be with two pirate patches. "yarrrr...."

naw, i'd still be adorable.

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