11 May 2007

it was fun while it lasted.

well, boys and girls, it's over. the superjanel is packing up and heading out. i can no longer deal with the stress, the drama or the bullshit and furthermore, i don't want to. my roommate is a cheat and a liar who wants nothing more than everything you have and when you give that, it's not good enough. and i don't want any part of that anymore. good riddance. sayonara. good luck to you.

so this weekend will be spent packing. you never know just how much shit you have until you actually pack. AND I HATE PACKING. in fact, i hate moving. but this has been a long time coming and i finally got the notice this morning that my instincts were in fact true. i've been ignoring this situation for a long time now and i don't want to have this monkey on my back anymore.

i said some really ugly things in the heat of the argument. i made some remarks that were purposely meant to dig at open wounds and make them bleed just a little bit more. i took that knife and i gave a little extra twist just to make sure it was in there all the way. but i told him i was looking to hurt him - anything to make him hurt as much as he has hurt me. i befriended him, i trusted him and i defended him. and at this moment it feels like there is no bigger hurt than realizing that a person you cared about isn't really the person you thought they were - when you realize that the friendship and trust hasn't really been reciprocated and you've been taken advantage of.

the friendship part has me a little messed up; the moving i can deal with.

that's me. that's where i am, at this very second.

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