wokka wokka wokka

two days in a row! aren't you a bunch of lucky duckies?!

ahh, work. work is swell. i actually like my job (hob). i like my coworkers, with one small exception and she's leaving (again) at the end of the week. actually, i hear that today may be her last day. and that, my friends, is a heartbreaker. because in her absence, i don't know who the office backstabber will be. who will steal my customers? who will snag my appointments while i'm in the bathroom? and where will i get my daily intake of chocolate and caramel if her replacement doesn't keep a candy bowl on her desk?

these are the things that i wonder about.

but no seriously, i have been rocking the casbah (or cash bar or cat box or whatever) at work so far this month. today's kind of slow, but whatever. i worked with my boss at the beginning of the month to set some goals, some actual attainable goals and i'm pretty sure i'm going to make those. that feels pretty good. it's been a while since i've enjoyed a job (hob) this much. or maybe it's just been a while since i've had a job (hob). i'm not sure.

you know what bothers me? cheap toilet paper. and toilet paper put on the roll backwards. that really peeves me. because cheap toilet paper never tears well, especially a new roll. it always shreds and rips and i can never find a good starting point. it's like clear packing tape, when the end is stuck to the roll and you can't find where it starts. omg, that's frustrating. you end up with all these little tape pieces. or toilet paper pieces, since that's what we're really talking about here. if you really want to know, the toilet paper commercials with the bears, where the dance around with two squares and sing about how that's enough for them just pisses me off. because, 1) bears don't use tp, duh 2) bears don't sing or dance, unless we're talking about fozzie bear, wokka wokka, and 3) WHO ONLY USES TWO SQUARES OF TOILET PAPER, GAHH? that's so gross. two squares? i don't have a large ass, not that the size of your ass necessarily predicates how much toilet paper you need to use, but i use way more than two squares. and i am known for having a small, conclave if you will, ass.

moving on.

so my commute has dropped from 85 minutes to 16 minutes. and that rocks my socks. because now i can sleep in. or i can drink chocolate milk in the morning. or do laundry. or watch tv. or sleep in. and with the bee already being there, there's no need for me to be awake at the crack of dawn to make sure he's awake. and that's nice. but i no longer get to honk at nigel and i worry that she's oversleeping and that the rugrats are late for school.

my momma is having surgery next month. not anything easy, not anything outpatient - she's having big scary surgery. and i for one am freaked the fuck out and i know she is too. it's called anterior cervical fusion. they're fusing cadaver bones to degenerating discs in her neck, and the funny part is, she's not even having specific neck pain. but it's part of a neurosurgeon's master plan to save her back and keep her mobile, because the weakness in her legs, arms and bladder is taking over her life. i can't imagine how that feels, especially for such a strong and independent person like my mom. i know how it feels to watch her in such pain and not be able to help, and that's awful. i felt an incredible amount of guilt in moving out and away with her in this condition because i felt like i may have been able to do something while living at home, but now i'm too far away to be of any real help to her. the surgery itself is scary: they go in through the front of the neck, pushing aside semi-important things like the voicebox and arteries and things like that, to get to her spine and vertabrae. her voice may be different when it's all said and done. she'll have a scar. but with any luck, and she's saying it will take some bit of luck, she'll be strong enough to walk. and that's all i want for her. i just want my mom back.

so have i told you i *still* don't have my uugof back yet? nope. he's still a one-eyed raznous, the poor guy. he's missing a headlight, he looks like a pirate. if cars could talk like transformers could talk, mine would say, "yarrgh...." like a pirate. only he'd say it with a german accent because uugof's mother was a volkswagon. as long as he doesn't have a headlight i want him to wear an eye patch so i can be the captain of that ship...

i managed to lose my silverware about a year ago and just recently discovered it. yeah, that sucks my (hypothethical) nut. very not cool, this whole eating with your hands thing. makes cereal a real bitch. apparently when i was moving out of the dutch village of all that is holy, overpriced and stuck in the back of the closet, i left a box in my former abode. (not adobe.) this box was then confiscated by my ex-landlords in a power struggle when my rubber rent check bounced out of their hot little hands and even though i made things right, they still claim they tossed it. bastardos! they ended up tossing my silverware and my saucepans and some good serving bowls. (yesh, i know. i'm a shitty packer. what of it, homeslice?) so the bee and i are eating off of the really nice hyvee plastic stuff for the time being. whatev. not worth wadding my panties over now.

not that i ate cereal last night. last night, the bee and i just sort of foraged. i foraged for a bottle of wine, he foraged for a bag of chips. we both fell asleep happy, i just woke up with a headache. i just get in a mood sometimes for a good bottle of merlot. so i go get one and then i want to drink the whole thing. it doesn't happen often, thank god, because i don't think my head could take it. and when i do it, i have weird ass dreams. bizarre, strange, weird ass things. like that my new landlord got mad that i wanted my screen door fixed so they took away my cell phone and gave me this shitty ass walkman-sized thing to use instead. wtf? i have no idea. anyway. i drank my dinner last night. and it was good.

i'm at work late again tonight. ugh. i'm tired of being here late. i hope the new person works out and isn't creepy and weird like the last new person. here in this department we're getting a reputation for getting people fired. okay, i'm getting a reputation for getting people fired. but i don't care. do your job and we won't have issues. well, do your job and don't comment on my personal life and then we won't have issues. copy that, keester? i thought so...

again, it's taken me all stinkin' day to write this. that sucks. i miss my puter. i have to go to the bathroom. my stomach is upset all the soda i've had to drink today. i'm suffering from adult acne. my friends are calling me a bed wetter because i'm not sure if i want to go out with them this weekend. huh, i guess i'm a little whiny.

and with that, i'm going to sign off and go pretend to find things to do. i have a lot of paper on my desk and that makes me appear to be busy even if i'm not. plus i bet i can spend four minutes in the bathroom washing my hands and then i'm four minutes closer to going home. woot!

peas out.
superireallyhavetopeejanel :)

admit it - you missed me

sorry boys and girls. i've been absent from the blogging world for quite a while. things have been mad crazy busy. plus, my computer like imploded on itself and that makes blogging a little bit difficult. i mean, i could blog 160 characters at a time via text message from my cell phone but we all know that since i tend to text and drive, texting and blogging and driving isn't going to end well for anyone. especially when you add in the fact that i'm still driving someone else's car because mine *still* isn't fixed - well, obviously, blogging took a seat on the back burner for a while.

i don't know when my computer will be fixed. apparently all that time without antivirus software sort of bit me in the ass. i know, me with no antivirus software - i can't believe it either. but it was either that or give up some random weekend of drinking that probably ended poorly sometime between last july and last tuesday and when have i ever passed up the chance for a little extra drama? exactly. so my computer guru pal is reformatting my hard drive, erasing two years of pictures, music and crap. at least i can say it wasn't porn. at least i hope it wasn't the porn.

(that was a joke, mom. i don't look at porn on my own computer. i do that at work. no, now i'm really kidding. i can't even check my myspace at work, are you kidding?)

so. what's new with you? not much? yeah? huh. yeah, well, it's been kind of crazy around here. you know, hitting deer, wrecking cars, moving, losing my silverware, rocking out at my job, getting somewhere with the bee - it's been a productive couple of weeks.

my new apartment, oops, i mean our new apartment is adorable. small, yes. maybe is cozy is a better word, because it is definitely cozy. but i like it. and i think the bee likes it. initially there was some discussion/argument as to whether or not it was *my* apartment or *our* apartment, considering it's just my name on the lease and i was the only one that saw it before moving in. but i'm not known for my patience and he wasn't moving at a speed that i was comfortable with (aka ludicrous speed) so i took matters into my own hands. and so here we are. worst case scenario, he hates it, i live there for six months and then we find a place we both like. but it's not going to be on the south side where i'm surrounded by non-english speaking trailer trash.

whoa. hold up. i'm not saying that all south siders don't speak english. i'm not saying that all south siders are trailer trash. nor am i saying that all non-english speakers are trailer trash. what i am saying is that there is a large population of all three on the south side of the metro (ha.) and i refuse to live among them. that's just me being a snob.

anyway. can i finish?

yeah. so. i'm finished. the apartment is adorable. everything is unpacked. and all is good in the little domestic world that we've created. cute, isn't it? :D

but i have to tell you, i felt weird leaving home. again. it's not as bad as it was the first time around. i think when i left home the first time around i cried every night for about a month. not that i've spent any time crying. but it just feels weird. because i thought for sure that moving home was going to be a huge mistake. and actually, it turned out to be kind of nice. it wasn't the all out war that i thought it may be with my mom, because, and let's face it, living together hasn't always been our strong suit. but we persevered and now it's just kind of weird not having her around.

but anyway. more to come tomorrow. i'm at work and it's taken me ALL FREAKING DAY to get this far. seriously. this is what i'm going to have to do until i get my 'puter back - rob my employer of janel time so that i can update you with my silly little insignificant life. do you see what you people are doing to me? i'm a rule breaker. breakin' the law, breakin' the law...

anyway. toodles and noodles. i'm off here in 13 minutes.

love,
the superfreakinjustmovedAGAINandnowi'mdoneforatleastsixmonthsjanel :)

the sheer intelligence is stunning.

so i'm sitting across the desk, watching my brother go over his retirement plan. well, it's the iowa lottery's version of a retirement plan - it's a crossword puzzle scratch ticket. and we're talking, generic stuff. and i'm watching him scratch off letters. and one of the words doesn't look like a word.

"what's copire?" i say.

"i think that's co-pier," he replies.

quiet. he continues to scratch off letters.

"oh wait," he says. "that says copier."

oh yes. we are THAT smart.

i've turned off the alarm but the clock still ticks...

every time i think maybe (someday) kids wouldn't be so bad, i get a glaring sign that i am sorely mistaken. every single time. and that's okay. i'm not taking it personally anymore. it's just not meant to be.

last night i had a dream (me and the good dr. king, right? look where it got him...) that i was in charge of caring for a classroom of kids, during snack time. and i had this tray of gigantic cookies, iced with beautiful red and blue frosting - they looked wonderful. and there were enough cookies for all these kids and for me and i was so excited. (what can i say, i went to bed hungry.) but as i was getting all these kids ready for snacktime, and myself too, i noticed all these things around me that i enjoyed: a stack of my favorite t-shirts and a bottle of grey goose on the counter. and i suddenly got really sad, because i realized if i sat down to snack time with the kids, i wasn't going to fit into my favorite t-shirts any more and i wasn't going to have any place to wear them and i wasn't going to have any more grey goose-induced fun.

i could picture my life, covered in red and blue icing, full of kids, and it wasn't good.

so i didn't have any cookies. and i didn't participate in snacktime. i put on my coat and i left (which coincidentally led into another dream, this one having to do with space travel and the whole space-time continuum, which i believe has nothing to do with my whole child-bearing issue, but maybe, whatever, i don't know.)

so yeah. no kids for the superjanel. not anytime soon, anyway.

she believes in shooting stars

i was up early this morning - early that technically it's morning but it's darker than it's been all night. the bee is working overtime and i don't like to stay at his house when he's not there. so i went home. but the stars were incredibly bright, it was amazing. and i stepped off his porch and right in my line of sight was the little dipper, smack in the center of the southern sky. i usually have a hard time finding the small spoon but like i said, it was so bright, it was just amazing. and on my way home i saw not one, but two shooting stars. i love that, it's like it's a special event that occurs only for me. and then i wonder if anyone else was quick enough to see it, although at nearly 0500 you have to bet that most everyone else is sleeping. so i made my wishes and went home and went back to bed. but i didn't sleep nearly as well as i had before i left the bee's house. :(

so i've been asked: what the fuck is a swamp deer? do let me tell you. first off, you have to know that the great (mis)state of iowa really has two populations: one, obviously is human. this is the population that is polled for census records every ten years, pays property taxes and speeding ticket fines (sometimes) and takes the trash cans to the curbs on tuesday mornings. the second population is that of white-tailed deer and these probably out number the first population, both in number, size, and in many southern counties, sheer intelligence levels. if you're not familiar with the white-tailed deer, they are known for their big ass antlers, cute little white tails, and their japanese kamikaze attitudes towards automobiles. these are not bambis: they are fur-covered motherfuckers and they eat cars like yours and mine for breakfast, biz-natches.

oh yes.

but i digress. swamp deer are cousins of the white tailed deer. they live in lucas county, near pin oak marsh, which as i know it was just overflow from the chariton river that never went away from the big ass floods in 1993 and 1997. i could be wrong but i don't really care if i am; don't bother to correct me, it's my fucking story. ANYWAY.

swamp deer. they're directly related to elk, moose, buffalo and the now extinct mastadon and brontosaurus. they are that fucking big. and they like to hide in the ditches along the highway at mad crazy hours of the morning when it's still dark and you're half asleep, starting your commute to work, and then they like to fucking RAM the side of your car, just for fun, just to make sure you're awake. "oh, good morning, didn't see you there..."

hitting a swamp deer is similar to running your car into a giant boulder - the sound is one and the same. they are huge creatures, covered in swamp moss, making them impossible to see in the dark or in the daylight and they come at your vehicle at 4,812 miles per hour with no intention of stopping, just tearing shit up and making you wish you'd worn your brown pants to work. and after they have royally destroyed your shit and fucked up your day, they scamper off, back to their herd of swamp deer friends and lie in waiting for their next victim.

they are assholes. every last one of them. and so when i saw my poor uugof's eyeball lying on the side of the highway, i stopped to look. just broken glass and plastic - no hair, no blood, no dead fucking swamp deer. which just pisses me off. because for all the trouble this is causing for me, i want a dead fucking deer.

actually, it's causing very little trouble for me at all. life is continuing on as normal, except that my poor uugof is *again* sitting at the body shop and the estimate is over 5,000$ in repairs. holy shiznit. i am certainly getting my money's worth out of my insurance company this year. but if there is a brightside, i do get a new bumper! woot!

okay. so the yankees are out of the playoffs (again). and joe torre is NOT coming back next year (WTF?!!). i blame all of this on the cleveland indians. tonight is game seven of the alcs and if dice-k does not come through with a win, i am going to take matters into my own hands. i don't really know what that means. it prolly means i'm going to throw a little temper tantrum like i did after the yankees lost, that was so fucking adorable of me. :P

okay. i'm hungry. and bored. i'm going to go watch transformers again.

curse of the swamp deer

my poor uugof. he's fucking cursed, i swear. and i'll bet the fucking deer isn't even dead. not even injured. for all this shit, i want a dead fucking deer.

gah...

damn, it feels good to be a gangsta

in spite of the fact that the bee is nearly suicidal over the fact that they (they being "the man") can take his hunting licenses this fall in conjunction with his DUI, i'm having a splendid week. i got the apartment (it has a washer and dryer AND a fireplace AND a skylight in the kitchen!) and i'm moving 10nov. woot! i've figured out a way to dig myself out of the financial black hole i've managed to put myself into, and it doesn't involve selling any body parts on the black market. woot! and i think i'm getting the asian hag fired. woot woot!

work is going well. tomorrow we get out blackberries. i always wanted a blackberry. (note to self: do not take to bar.) and now i'll have one. i rule.

i'm looking forward to moving. this apartment is adorable. i don't know where i'll put my monster of an entertainment center. part of me wants to let my brother and dad just take it out in a field and kick the holy shit out of it, office space-style. (damn it feels good to be a gangsta.) my big kitteh is going to miss my mom, though. they're all, like, besties and stuff. it's kind of cute. i think he loves her because she's stable and i'm not. that's okay. i'm not offended. i have mischa - we're both retarded and we get along just fine.

the bee may end up living with me; i'm not sure. it was my idea, if you can fathom such a thing. i just like it when he's around. i don't know; don't ask me to explain.

i'm going to bed now. i'm tired. and i'm low on gas and you need a jacket.

i imagine it makes a nice thud.

every time i see an orange construction cone i have to fight back a serious urge to run it over with my car.

i don't mean to ignore you

it seems a weekly update is the best i can do lately. the week is so busy, all i do is drive and work and fight with the bee and cry over the yankees - i don't have time to get to my blog. besides that, this was the week that i chose to take my three day sabbatical from the web as part of my 101/1001. that obviously doesn't include web time at work, as that would probly get me fired. so i sort of altered it to include fun things like ebay, gmail, myspace and my blog. also things like the news, the weather channel and woot. i thought i was going to die until friday night, it was friggin' awful.

anyway. so here's the janel's week in review...

sunday night: yankees win. i again fall in love with johnny damon as he hits a home run, changing the momentum of the game with the indians. such a beautiful man. *sigh* the bee stays the night. it's a good night.

monday night: yankees lose but i do get to see the farns pitch and even a losing game is even a game worth watching. oh, the farns. i adore kyle farnsworth, like more than cheesecake and most of my shoes and a lot of things. he's a wonderful thing. but the yankees lose and i want to cry. the bee stays the night. it's a semi good night. would have been better if the yankees didn't suck so much.

tuesday: i'm off at noon on tuesday and i spend most of my afternoon looking at an apartment and falling in love with it. then i write my wannabe landlord a bad check so she'll hold it. i want it so bad it makes my stomach hurt. it's in johnston, which is just a 15- minute drive from work in spankeny. i take home the application and decide to think it over. talk it over with my moms and decide if its meant to be, it shall be.

wednesday: sleep in. work until seven. stop at the bee's house for a few minutes after work. go home and go to bed.

thursday: happy birthday little brother. :) take apartment application to wannabe landlord. give her another bad check in the hopes that she's not banking them anytime soon. dinner with the bee ends poorly, which is sad because we were at buzzard billy's and under the umpteen coats of lacquer on the table there are trading cards from the first season of SNL. he sits with his elbow on a trading card of john belushi in his bee suit and the irony about kills me. we end up having another public, but quiet melee, ending with a mutual(?) break up on the court ave bridge, only to make up several hours later on the phone. this shit is giving me an ulcer.

friday: dinner with the fam. the bee does not attend, out of spite? i'm not sure. i have to work in the morning, so i head home. no bee.

saturday: work. home. laundry. veg. bee calls, he's working late and then he's got to go to a bday party. do i want to go? not really, and i say so. he's pissy, i'm pissy, we're back in bickering mode. blah, blah, blah. i hang up. he calls about 12 hours later. he's about half drunk and apologetic. again, same ol' weekend routine. he wants to come down. i tell him he's been drinking, it's a bad idea. no worries, he says. he's fine. 15 minutes later, he calls, he's just a few minutes away. we're talking. he says, come downstairs, there's a car behind me, i think it's a cop.

before i can get downstairs, there are cherries illuminating every window on the north side of the house. it was so not cool - i watched my boyfriend get arrested in my own fucking driveway for DUI. they hauled him off, cuffs and all, and then released him this morning. motherfuckers. i hate them all.

i felt so bad, i couldn't do anything. it wasn't my fault. i didn't ask him to come down and i even said if you've been drinking, don't do it, but i still felt bad. so now there's all this to deal with. i told him i'd help how ever i could.

my mom's so cool though; i can wake her up in the middle of the night to tell her that the bee got arrested in the driveway and she wakes right up to commiserate with me. she rocks. she made me feel better, as much as she could. i didn't sleep much last night, i couldn't, knowing he was there. and the wayne county jail isn't like a fucking prison, it's not like the polk county drunk tank, it could have been much worse. he was safe, he wasn't injured, just a little humbled. but i realized that despite all the issues we have and all the reasons i shouldn't, i do in fact care for this guy.

so there you have it. one crappy week leads into one crappy weekend and i'm left wondering what the fuck can happen next. i'm going to head up and go see him in a few minutes. his family is going to tear him apart when he gets home; i'm going to try and diffuse a potentially nasty situation.

wish me luck.

have i told you lately...

...how much i love you, johnny damon?

*sigh*

dualing banjos, dualing personalities

have i ever told you how tired i get of drama? i swear, i instigate very little of it. maybe some of it. maybe it's the people i choose to hang out with. i don't know. but it's giving me a fucking ulcer and it's got to stop.

king bee and i had plans last night, as concrete as they ever are, which is not saying much because i'm honestly not one for making plans. nigel got sick, snackmaster bob got pissy and they went home. i ended up hanging out with some other pals and my arrival at our meeting point was late, i'll admit - but when am i ever NOT late? but the scene was horrific inside and it only got worse outside. i was so embarrassed by the way he acted and by the things he said, i just left. i was going to go home. i wasn't going to say anything more, i wasn't going to say anything at all because i knew if i started i wasn't going to be able to stop. but he called and told me to fuck off, he's done with me and my bullshit. and then he hung up.

i didn't call him back.

instead i called mr. mittens. and drove south of town to a place i've been avoiding since i've been in this hellhole of a town. i knew it was a bad decision; i knew the whole thing was wrong. it was so wrong i sat outside in my car and discussed with myself the poor decision i was making. but i still went inside. and mr. mittens was there. and so were some others that i haven't seen in years.

it's strange how time doesn't really age some people - it's like they'll look the same until the end of time. maybe that's my memory playing with me, i'm not sure. but they're still the same people, living the same lives with the same goals they had 10 years ago. and perhaps its my own dissatisfaction with my own life, but i couldn't help but think that some of it was just sad. their own personal expectations aside, these people were and are capable of much more. but it's like they get sucked into this trap, this area, and they're here. and i'm spouting off here, because i can't say for sure that this wasn't their life goal, their life expectation. but it's just shocking to find the personality and intelligence (hard to discern at 0130 on a saturday night, i know, but i know these people) in this location, living these lives. but i shouldn't judge, should i?

mr. mittens tried to talk to me. he wanted to talk to me but i really wanted nothing of it. i just wanted to be away from the constant argument that becomes my relationship with the bee on most days that end in "y". and i said that i just don't want anything at the moment. i want my space and i need some time. because i really don't know what i'm doing. and as far as mr. mittens, that's all i know. i have no confirmation on his home life. i don't even want to talk about it. i don't want to know.

king bee started calling in the middle of the night last night. i told him where i was, where i'd been. i didn't have to tell him who i was with. his apologies were trite and while i think he's sorry for what he said and how he treated me, i don't think he understands why i'm upset. we talked several times in the middle of the night. he wanted me to come to his family dinner this afternoon; i had mixed emotions about it but finally declined the invitation because it dawned on me where the drama stems from: there are two sides to the bee. i get one side when it's just the two of us, alone, chilling, doing our thing. i get another side when he's touched any sort of alcohol or he's in public. and that's not right.

i am who i am, what i am, everyday. there's little flux in my personality from day to day, albeit it's fair to say that random is a accurate adjective. i'm the same person at home that i am when i'm out. my friends don't have a lot of impact on my personality - in fact, i make it a point to try not to let my friends opinions influence me too greatly. i don't want to be that kind of person - i like who i am and what i do and i'm nowhere near perfect. i'll own that statement.

but i want to be with someone who is the same way - i don't want to have to wonder who i'm going to see or talk to or be with and then adjust my actions accordingly. it's not fair to me. it's really not even fair to him, if you think about it.

but i don't know that i can make him understand that. i don't know if it's worth the time to continue trying. i can't wrap my mind around it at the moment; it's making my head hurt. do you know, is the application process for the nunnery complicated? can i just show up and get my habit? send me your address, i'll send you some pottery.

signing off.

love and kisses,
superjanel

did you know?

• treatment effects are flammable.
• cute assholes in high school only get cuter and slimier with age.
• telling a girlfriend to "get bent" is not a good way to get laid.
• being cute is a good way to get free drinks.
• just because you had ear surgery doesn't mean you can hear any better, apparently.
• some people will never change.
• some places will never change.
• but the faces change.
• i still have no idea what i'm doing.
• and blogging and drinking still equals a big no-no.
• i really don't want to go to his family dinner tomorrow.
• in fact, i'm not sure that after being told to "get bent" that i want much to do with him.
• at the moment, i'm kind of nauseous.
• my phone dials people at random. like libbeth. i swear, i'm not prank calling you.
• my god, those high school assholes just get cuter with age. OMG.
• i need to go to bed and sleep this off.
• i love free drinks.
• have i ever told you that.
• i have to get out of this town. it's killing me. and my judgment.
• DUDE.
• i got kick ass tickets to see dane cook in november. and that is so fucking awesome i don't know what to do about it.
• and that one sentence just totally fucked my momentum.
• jc.
• i wish i could just go out and get shitty drunk and not have to worry about HIM for once.
• sometimes i wish there weren't a him at all.
• and sometimes i love him.
• yeah, i meant that.
• is meant really a word?
• it's not asking me to spell check that.
• aren't bullet points awesome?
• i should go to bed.
• i'm telling you, he's fucking HOT now.
• jc.
• okay.
• bed.
• no more blogging.
• i do heart bullet points.
• so i went to the bar tonight with like 66$.
• and i came home with 59$. and that's awesome.
• if it's free, it's for me.
• i had crab for dinner.
• i stabbed myself in the thumb with the crab thingy.
• i'm completely rambling now.
• DUDE. HE WAS HOT.
• okay.
• gnite.
• love,
  
• the
• super
• janel
• i
  
• love
• bullet
• points
• i'm done now. i swear.
• one more. it's not going to kill you.
  
• now i'm really done.
• vodka cranberry. YUM.
  
• gnite. :)
  

from behind enemy lines...

i just want to see if the alarms and sirens go off if i post this...

hers my nome dr. now go practice your spelling.

ugh. sunday night again? where did my weekend go? really, i should be going to bed. i have to be up at the ASS CRACK of dawn tomorrow. no really. the ASS CRACK. i have like three alarms and a wake up call request in just to make sure that my lazy ass gets out of bed in the morning. i don't know what the issue is - i just can't seem to do it. and then i stand in the shower for like 45 minutes - i don't know why. i don't know if i'm sleeping or what, but when i wake up, the whole upper half of the house is foggy and the bar of soap is gone.

so things seem to be going well - work is great, family is great, money is eh, friends are great and then the bf just like fucking freaks out on a weekly fucking basis and i have no idea what to do about it. in all my life, i've never seen anyone act the way he acts. you know how there are times when you want your significant other to show some emotion, to not act like a zombie, to show that they care and that you mean something? ladies, really, quit your complaining. because when they do show emotion, act like (immature) people, show that they care and that you mean something to them, you'll honestly be wishing that he'd just go back to watching football, putting dirty clothes in the hamper and holding the remote control like he fucking owns it.

really. i honestly think that i'd rather do his laundry than resort to the junior high fucking bullshit that came about on friday evening. ugh. rather than relive all the gory details, let me just tell you this: jealousy is all the fun you *think* someone has had (isn't that a great quote?). he doesn't trust me, and maybe with some good reason but not the reasons he has in mind, he doesn't respect my decisions (at least not the ones made in his absence) and there was no one he wouldn't have taken it out on if i, and several others, hadn't stopped him. i've spent a good portion of my weekend apologizing to those people for his behavior; he doesn't remember much of it. but i don't get it. i've never known anyone to be so jealous and really over nothing - or at least what i see as very insignificant. he apologized. i told him i can't deal with that and i won't deal with that. we'll see. in the midst of all that, i hear from mr. mittens himself that he's leaving his wife. which is all i've ever wanted him to say for the last six months. except now i'm not with him; i'm with king bee. and doesn't that just figure?

so my mind is just a mess. the bee and i had a great week, it was awesome. i hung out with he and his family a couple of nights, he came down to see me a couple of nights - it really seemed like progress, like we were finally getting comfortable with one another. and then we have this massive ... setback? outburst? event? and here i am. i don't want to have to babysit my bf. but that's certainly what it felt like saturday morning at 0200. the rest of the weekend was great; but we hung out here, didn't go out hardly at all and avoided the entire friend scene. is that what its going to take?

but that's enough about that. let's talk about something else.

so i think i'm going through a johnny cash phase. all my clothes for work seem to be black. wtf? i'm feeling a little goth, like maybe i should paint my fingernails black and stop washing my hair. what do you think?

speaking of work, my boss wants to give the two of us that don't work on the weekends a blackberry to answer email leads. me and a blackberry on friday and saturday nights. i was telling nigel about this and didn't think much of it until she pointed out that i am one heck of a drunk texter. oh yeah... "yeah, show me your nipples and i'll sell you this car..."

so the other day i was at nigel's house, she was making me dinner. and i was talking to her 9-year-old daughter about these custom made dolls that you can buy that look just like you. they are so dead on, it's like freaky. and they're so expensive, they must be extracting dna from the paperwork you send in. but they won't make scars or cleft chins or anything like that. well i thought it said you couldn't have a doll with a cleft palette, which sort of makes sense, who wants an ugly fucking doll like that? but nigel's daughter didn't know what a cleft palette was, she'd never heard of a harelip - so i had to explain it. by drawing a diagram. where's libbeth when you need her?

i'm getting sick. another bladder infection. this pisses me off.

oh. so i bought and downloaded the new kanye cd. it's the bestest ever. i legally downloaded it because my mom doesn't like people knocking on the door, ever, so i don't think lars from metallica would be a good houseguest.

"yarrrr.... i'm lars.... and you're fucking music pirate."

i need to go to bed. i'm tired.

obama and my momma

can you believe it's not even noon, i'm not even out of bed, and i already have advice to share with you? that's because i'm a goddamn genius, gump.

i had the weirdest fucking dream EVER last night. do let me expand...

setting: family vacation, me and the fam and some people i don't even know at this weird little shop in an expensive little touristy town. brothers and i are shopping for touristy things when i find the coolest pair of off-white snake skin print leather pants. (HEY. it's my damn dream, you shut the hell up.) they're my size, they fit perfect, they're priced accordingly and as such i MUST have them.

we're perusing the goods when i find myself face to face with the wife of presidential candidate barack obama, michelle. how exciting. i think i may vote for your husband, i say. oh, thanks, she says. why don't you tell him?

and there he is. i'm holding off-white leather pants and discussing the upcoming presidential election with barack obama. weird. he invites us to dinner. well isn't that just the bees knees?

i run out to the van (yes, we're driving the herd around in a *van*) to share the news - we're having dinner with obama and my momma. except there are a lot of people chasing me and i don't know why. the saleslady, the dudes in black suits with the sunglasses - i have no idea wtf is going on except maybe this is like the pre-dinner warm up to make sure we're all hungry and no food goes to waste.

nope. i'm still holding the pants, which i haven't paid for. i get dragged back into the store, i pay for the pants. my momma won't go to dinner with obama (she thinks he is the signal of the coming of the apocolypse) but i do.

and that man can put down some shots.

so. the moral of the story is: pay for any goods you may be holding before you attempt to eat dinner with a presidential candidate. getting tackled by the secret service is NO FUN. even in your sleep.

the end.

i gotta write this shit down...

what a week. work is awesome. i like it. mostly, i like the hot chocolate machine. i like to mix the hot chocolate about 65/35 with the coffee and then i find i'm on such a caffeine rush i don't need to eat or blink the rest of the day which is fucking AWESOME. my boss is cool and the consultant has even recommended that i stick around and look into merging into management. which i find just hilarious because if you know me at all you know i've spent most of my life ducking responsibility and things that reek of management and seriousness - i like to blame my "fuck authority" attitude on my father but really i just think that the less that people think i'm capable of, the less they expect of me and then the less i really ever have to do. which is like every slacker's mantra, really. i'm no different than any other rain man genius sociopath. except i'm much cuter.

the job is gravy. the coworkers make it interesting. the managers make it challenging. and the finance staff will be the death of me. i don't understand how anything gets done; but i guess it's not for me to figure out. at least not right now. i'll get to the bottom of it eventually.

i went and looked at an apartment today. it's okay. i'm sort of indifferent about it. the location is prime in relation to work, but it's a little more than i wanted to spend and it's not as nice as i'd hoped it might be. i think i may keep looking before i plunk down an outrageous application fee. the only bad thing about apartments in spankeny is that they're full of dmacc students. it's kind of like living with idiot skills attendees. except that i'm no longer the one ducking in the bushes getting covered in poison ivy therefore i don't think i'll be as receptive to the bullshit.

speaking of bullshit, let's discuss this week's drama with the king bee, shall we? and what a week full of drama and bullshit it has been. i haven't seen him since sunday, and i've barely talked to him since then either. however, in our limited conversation, i have garnered the following information:

• my outburst on sunday night was inappropriate. i concur. i apologized for the way i handled it - it wasn't kosher and i would have been pissed too. it wasn't okay and i know that. however - i can only apologize so many times before an apology sounds trite and repetitive and insincere. i don't know if he's looking for an engraved invitation to a whine and cheese fest, but he ain't getting one. i done said i'm sorry, do let us move on...
• he has not necessarily been up front with me about his past living situations. previous conversations had led me to believe that he was nothing but a momma's boy. but as it turns out - and only my asking brought this information to the surface - he has lived with not one, but in fact, two previous girlfriends. i asked about his reputation as the live-in boyfriend; he immediately blamed the gossip circle and those that speak against him. hmmm...
• his main issue with things at the moment is that he is in fact ready to move in together. i find this interesting on many levels because 1) it's never even been discussed between us and 2) i indicated in the very beginning of this that i wasn't really ready for anything "serious" and if this was ever going to be "anything" i wanted to take my time. after a length of time measuring in at just 96 days - i still don't think i'm ready for this. and to be perfectly honest, i don't know if i'll ever be at that step... with... him...

does it make me a bad person for saying that? does it make me a bad person for dating someone that at this point in time i don't think i have a serious lifetime potential with? what if i know that he thinks that there is serious lifetime potential - does that make me a bad person?

tonight we talked; i said that i don't want to put up with this kind of indifference and lack of communication. i truly think that something of this caliber, even if we disagree, should be discussed. i considered breaking up with him but i didn't want to do it. i don't know why. in relation to him, to "this", i find that i have a superiority complex and i don't know where that comes from. what makes me special enough to think that i can have someone and keep my eyes wide open too? i don't know.

i just don't know about a lot of things anymore.

i know there are pros and cons to being single - and in the grand scheme, i'm okay with them. the idea of singledom in a new town is a little depressing but i'd deal. my friends aren't that far away - it's not freaking dbq, it's spankeny. but time will tell if singledom is the answer. i do know one thing that will help - clearing my mind of all things related to mr. mittens. i don't think that's a healthy relationship and i think it's fucking with my head. his obligations aren't going to go away and regardless what he says, there's no way that this is nsa.

having said that, he'll be around this weekend. which makes my head swimmy and my phone ring...

anyway.

so my drive to work is like, mad crazy long. way crazy long. i don't even know how many miles, it's like the car won't even count that high. for the first week, i was doing awesome: out of bed at a great time, showered, ready to go - some days i was in spankeny so early i could go to starbucks and get the coffee of the day. which was awesome because, like i said, who needs to blink? but now i have it all figured out as to what is the latest time i can get out of bed, shower, put on a shirt that requires zero ironing and make it to spankeny with like 17 seconds to spare. which is awesome in another degree, really, to be able to calculate it down to such a science and to not spend the money at starbucks because that will cost me about 17,000$ a year not including the cost to get my teeth whitened.

i've found that when i drive i zone out really bad. i'll completely miss landmarks, towns, passing cars and then i'll end up miles beyond where i think i should be and i'm all, "how the fuck did i get here so fast?"

if i moved, i could get out of bed at like 0830 some days. right on.

part of me still just wants to pack up the car and drive away forever. but i left some good lotion at work so i guess i still have to go in for at least one more day. biznatches...

okay. i've got to find something else to do. i'm supposed to be going out with nigel and chrissy and snackmaster bobby tonight, except everybody is like, having kid issues, except me (thank god, THAT arrived today, WOOT!) and so i'm still here and honest to god, i'm considering just going to bed and saying fuck that shit, bitches, i'm rick james, i'll just go to bed and say piss on you. it's sounding better and better the more i think about it.

i just want to be buzzed

its beer friday. thank god. i need to get my drink on.

i have no idea what to do

Is the cup half empty?
Or is the cup half full?
Does the sun rise at dawn?
Or does the earth just spin along?
Or is it all perspective?
On how we see the world?
How many countless life forms
Are on a little ball that twirls?

Are we intrinsically separate beings?
Or could we possibly be parts of the same thing?
Water feeds the plants and
The sunshine make them grow
So how can anyone be an island on their own?

Does life life make me happy?
Or does it bring me down?
Do I have what I need?
Or do I just want what's around?
Am am I I seeing truth?
Or do I just see wool?
Well is the cup cup half half empty?
Or is the cup half full?

--20 Questions, Beastie Boys

here pelican, pelican, pelican...

random thoughts. it's hard to construct a sentence on a monday.

it's a lot of responsibility to be someone's everything.

i'm 27 and i don't own a suit. does that make me less of a person? i have to have my picture taken for work tomorrow and it's been recommended that i wear a dark jacket and a white shirt. i don't own a dark jacket that doesn't have adidas stripes down the sleeves. that and it's supposed to be like 90 degrees tomorrow so i think i'll tell them where they can stick their recommendation.

in their ass.

so king bee. i think i probly overreacted in handling the situation, but i can't shake the visions of domestic-ism that were beginning to appear. i don't want a live-in boyfriend, i don't want to share a house or an apartment, i don't want our laundry to mingle, i don't want him to be comfortable using my remote control or leaving my house at dawn or any of those things. i don't want to feel obligated to any of those things. i don't like the fact that he leaves clothes and soap at my house - doesn't ask, just assumes that it's okay. it probly would be okay if he didn't just do it, you know? i like the guy, i generally enjoy the time we spend together - but the level of seriousness is troublesome. and it's hard to backtrack...

anyway. my phone rang at 0545 this morning; he made sure i was awake because he knows i'm not much of a morning person. i called and left him a message. he called this evening: he doesn't really understand what happened yesterday, he's not going to be around much this week. i don't know. maybe we need to discuss expectations.

but i'll probly have to define expectations before we can discuss them.

and there i go again, being a snotty bitch. wtf is my problem?

so i think i ordered a ppv movie except i can't remember what channel its on and i can't seem to find it being recorded on the dvr so i'm not sure what's going on there. so for the moment i'm watching scarface because i like the part where the dude gets hacked in the shower. ahh, the good old days when you could pack a chainsaw in your suitcase and clear customs with it...

i didn't text message anyone last night after i blogged. i felt guilty enough about the text messaging i did in the afternoon...

i did get some sleep last night. crazy dog left me alone. i wonder if she doesn't like king bee. animals can be perceptive. and then they can just be crazy so who knows.

this movie makes me tense. there has got to be something better on tv... i'm out.

if you still feel raw about it, i'll be waiting

i just kicked out the king bee. not permanently, at least i don't think so. i told him i'm not his roommate, his whore or his maid, and i refuse to be treated as such. he said to call him when i feel like talking again. i told him to call me when he realised how shitty he was making me feel.

i guess i'm kind of testy this evening. but i'll bet you my phone doesn't ring. and i know mine won't be dialing out...

gahhh. fucking boys, anyway. i hate them all.

so my "roommates" are on vacation. and that leaves me housesitting and dogsitting. housesitting is awesome, because i can watch my movies on the big tv really loud like i like them. and i can either do the dishes as i dirty them or i can wait until i'm out of glasses and then wash them all. (i'm not waiting. i'm far too anal retentive for a sink full of dirty dishes; ick.)

however, dogsitting is NOT so awesome. the dog hates me. and she's fucking crazy. she wouldn't eat her dinner last night (dinner, by the way, is a specially crafted plate of ham and chicken and cheese - not dog food, as you might imagine.) so she started barking at 0300 this morning because she was hungry/bored/mad that i was sleeping. and she barked nonstop until nearly 1000. what made her stop barking? i went and bought her a freaking roasted chicken, as suggested by my roommate and she ate the whole thing and took a nap. later, as i tried to put her out, she gangbusted the door and went for an unauthorized stroll about the neighborhood. about 20 minutes later she just came home.

i hate this dog. plus, she keeps jumping on my bed which is just pissing me off. grrr....

so. work. let's talk about work, shall we? yup. i'm gainfully employed and i have one of those titles that sounds really important. i'm a business development coordinator. what does that mean? well, obviously, i develop and coordinate business, you big dummy. no, really, it means that the salespeople at the antichrist of car dealerships that i'm now employed by are really not happy to see me every morning. but that's okay, since they're all old and not cute anyway.

at least not at my location. which is probably good. that could be kind of distracting. the phone guy is adorable and he's distracting enough.

anyway. work is good. i like it, so far. my boss is kind of scatterbrained and in the right light (or maybe the wrong light?) she has one hell of a moustache, but she's a back scratcher and she likes me. i'm sort of the "teacher's pet" and i like it that way. my coworkers are decent; at least 66.6 percent of them are. the remaining 33.334 percent is an insecure double bagger asian chick whose previous experience includes getting fired from the dealership/amusement park across the street. most of the time, she's not bad, if you don't look her straight in the face. the rest of the time i just want to club her with a blunt object. but whatever. a job is a job is a job is a job...

i just have to get moved. and that may be happening soon. i may have found a way to get through my financial woes more quickly than i thought. more news on that as it develops.

i'm seriously feeling bad about that whole argument with the king bee and he's probly asleep. i fucking hate boys. all of them. gahh...

so i think my fish is sick. norman, who i think is actually a norma, is looking swollen and is bottom sitting. beginning signs of dropsy, which as i found with roger cannot be cured. but then i fed him and now he's looking fine. perhaps he was swollen as a sign of starvation? i don't know. i can't figure the fuckers out. you feed them; they die. you don't feed them, they still die. they should be more like cats.

but not dogs.

i bet he doesn't feel bad at all. i bet he doesn't even understand why i'm mad. all day long, he did nothing but slept or ate or used my roommates kitchen or bathroom or shower; he was pissy when he had to buy lunch; he would have rather have played psp than talked to me on our way to cville this afternoon - the time actually spent with me, not sleeping or showering or trying to put his hand in my pants or watching telly was basically nonexistent. and i was feeling a little bit used. so i told him so. and he made that pathetic little puppy dog, "i don't get it face" and i held my ground.

and now i feel like a bitch.

i'm going to go watch the yankees beat the red sox and text message someone who at least pretends to care about me.

new job eve

it's new job eve and i'm still awake. it's not the jitters though, it's the clothes. the clothes in the dryer are taking forever to dry and rather than deal with wrinkly clothes in the morning, i'm suffering now. ugh.

plus, i'm getting the cold from hell. which is thanks to the king bee. cold + new job day does not equal awesome.

"hello, i'm the superjanel. what are you saying? huh? you're going to have to speak up. just talk directly into my good ear. the one that isn't plugged with mucus, thank you."

i'm considering wearing long sleeves just so i can tuck kleenex in them.

DON'T EAT MY NAME, BITCHES.

it's officially my last day here at job #2. granted, i've left here before - several times, actually. once last summer when i was just too busy, once in a big teary scene, and one other time, i don't really remember when or why. but this place is kind of like hotel california - you can check in, but you can never leave, you just get sucked back in. this place has its own gravitational pull; it's like the center of its own lil' universe, pulling people in and out at random. but not me, not any longer. it's like the end of an era. the end of a legacy. once and for all (or as long as the new place will have me, whichever is longer) i'm leaving. so after some discussion and some whining they even got me a cake with my name on it.

actually, me and another employee that leaves and comes back on a pretty regular basis. we got our names on a cake. but do you think we got to see the cake with our names on it before the other wolves ravaged the cake?

fuck no. check this shit out.



I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO EAT MY NAME. OMGWTFBBQ???!!1!!111!? but the cake i did get to eat was good. and i do love me some cake.

at my new place of employment, which starts monday, btw, i'm a little stressed out, i had to go fill out all the customary new employee paperwork yesterday morning. and while i was there one of the employees had a stroke. not even an old, wrinkly, stroke-prone employee either. right on. because i tolerate pressure so well...

so king bee and i have been doing better, at least for the last few days until he got kicked out of his parents house. now he doesn't *really* have a place to live. yeah, he's looking for a place to rent, somewhere closer to work, which is not close to me at all. so he's sort of been living at me and my *roommates* house. and that's neat-o... especially because he hasn't gone to work in the last two days and i'm not sure why. instead he's just been lying in my bed, festering like an open wound. it smells like a foot in my room, because sometimes the king bee smells like a foot even though he showers and uses my roommate's soap, lol. i am displeased with this, but i can't just kick a sick homeless boyfriend out on the street, can i? so it's not like i have anything to hide, it's just weird, leaving him there when i'm gone. i think my roommates are going to start charging him rent. or at least charge him for parking.

if you're a boy, YOU CAN'T LAUGH

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

save the whales. harpoon a fat chick.

so last night i asked the king bee to bring me a glass of water. (yes, the king bee. we seem to be doing better but that's for a later conversation.) so he goes outside to get his work clothes for the morning and comes back upstairs and runs a glass of water from the tap in the bathroom.

you're prolly thinking, aw, that's nice. he took her a glass of water. i didn't even freak out on him all rosie perez-style a la "white men can't jump," even though that would be fun. but that's not the point. the point is the water came from the bathroom. from the bathroom, what's the big deal? it's just that i would never think to do that, and i can even tell you why. it all started when i was a kid. did you know that neurotic little kids grow up to be neurotic little adults? oh yes...

so when i was a kid, i believed all sorts of random things. i don't know where most of them came from; who knows where thoughts come from - they just appear, right? so when i was a kid, i used to think that you couldn't drink water from the tap in the bathroom because it might be dirty toilet water - and you especially could not drink water from the tap in the bathroom while the toilet was flushing because then you were guaranteed to get dirty toilet water. i also used to think that if i drank water (but obviously NOT water from the sink in the bathroom) as i was peeing, i would be able to pee forever, thus eliminating the need to do such things as brush my teeth or go to school.

remember the tablets that the schools used to send home with you, that you chewed up and they showed where all the plaque on your teeth was - sort of a reminder to your parents that you ate too much candy and you needed to go to the damn dentist? i was always terrified that my teeth would forever be stained red.

i was also convinced for a time that there was a bear living across the street from my house. he would come out during the day sometimes but mostly at night while i was trying to sleep. he only wanted to eat my toes - he was a bear with a foot fetish, i guess.

but i also used to think that purple shoes hurt your feet (thanks, dad), your feet were the best way to stop a bicycle (thanks, dad), the fastest way to clean your room was to shove it all under your bed (thanks, dad), and the best way to save whales was to harpoon fat chicks (again, thanks, dad).

yeah. so anyway. king bee handed me this glass of water, this glass of water i'd listened to him run just 10 feet away in the bathroom sink. i was grateful for the water, don't get me wrong. but i'm sure he thought i was on crack when i asked if the toilet was running when he turned on the faucet.

so i explained that this is just one of my many small yet adorable neuroses and he cracked up, explaining that it is impossible, since he is a big know it all plumber steamfitter union guy. psh. whatev. I KNOW.

so i'm going to quit talking now that i've shared just how neurotic i really am. yeah. um. bye.

let's slow things down to 60 minutes an hour...

blah, blah, blahbity, blah, blah, blah...

that pretty much covers lunch with the farm family. a lot of talk and i don't remember 90 percent of it. no, i guess it wasn't that bad, once you filter out all the crap and bull and blah, blah, blah... my dinner was awesome for being mediocre. they thought it was great, which they would, since they've never had it before, so even in its blatant mediocrity at best, they were still raving about its awesomeness. i thought it sucked, so i left all the leftovers there for them to enjoy. and then they get to wash the pan.

my mom thinks i'm hard on him. i think that any man that left his children to live 3,000 miles away while they're still in their developmental years is a crackpot and a man that moves back 10 years later expecting to slide back into the same relationships with his kids is an even bigger crackpot.

but it's not worth getting my panties wadded for. it was lunch and nothing more.

so i've been watching a lot of tv lately, what with my stints at the whippity dippity and all. and i have a serious issue with america's next top model. not an issue with it; an issue with watching too much of it. because its been running marathon style on mtv like everyday for the last i don't know how long, i have watched just about every season. but i can't seem to catch any of the episodes where they crown the top models. i can tell you who is NOT a top model but that's not nearly as fun. do you watch mtv? have you seen the commercials they show on mtv? they're all about texting and i'm all for texting and such, i text all the time. but there is currently a sweepstakes that can be entered via text where you have to answer one question: what is the capital of the united states? is it a) miami or b) washington d.c.? um, wtf? are people really that stupid? i know that watching a lot of america's next top model is fucking mind numbing but come on - is it that bad?

and speaking of texting, what is up with drunk texting lately? and why am i not a part of it? why is everyone else having all the fun and i am not? this is no fun. i woke up to a buttload of text messages this morning; i came back out to the car this afternoon to find a buttload more. where the fuck are these people and why am i not invited to this giant party? i'm a little insulted. lol... but i guess the texts are fun.

so i've heard that there is one heck of an opportunity coming up this weekend - one that i hope pans out. it's even on my 101/1,001 under fun things. woohoo! i'll know more about it this week.

i'm tired. i'm out. actually i'm going to go watch back to the future II. it's the shiznizzle.

peas out.

i am AWESOME. i just wanted to remind you.

in honor of labor day, i'm hereby refusing to do anything that resembles labor. until tuesday. that means i have about 50 hours to relish in my absolute laziness and it will be awesome because i only do things that are awesome.

so my high school-esque summer vacation is coming to an end, which is appropriate, as fall is upon us - the chil'ens are back in school and the wooly worms are on the highway - and i'm going back to WORK a week from mondizzay. i know - wtf, right? little freaked out, but looking forward to it. i'll like it more when i don't live so far away.

did you know that the earlier you see wooly worms on the highway the longer and colder your winter is supposed to be? yeah, that's only sort of awesome. i wonder where my winter coats are.

this is a tortoise. this bitch will fuck up your car. or he will make a mighty fine stew, or so i hear.

so one of my summer quests has been saving small turtles from the perils of crossing the highway and facing traffic. if i see a small turtle, i'll generally stop and pick him up and deliver him to the safe side of the highway he seems to which he seems to be traveling, because around here the sick fucks will pick them up and stew them or sell them for the meat - can you believe that? ugh. so anyway. yesterday i was driving to work and i was already late ( i believe my text message read something to the effect of "low fuel. hay truck. blue hairs. locusts. atomic bomb. few min late.") but there was this like 70 pound TORTOISE crossing the road, i swear to god. and i so wanted to save him but there was no way i was going to be able to (gracefully) be able to pick him up and dodge the traffic at the same time, because this was no country bumpkin back road, this was highway 14 and this was sure to cause a commotion: retard girl saves sea turtle beached in chariton marsh and then i'd be found out for not having a license and then i'd really be fucked. i happened to be on the phone with nigel at the time i passed this adorable beast, and i told her of my dilemma, and she commented that there was no way to save such a massive animal from the highway without herniating myself. agreed, but i have a blanket in the back of the car - i could throw it over him and just kick him across the highway, it's got to be better than getting run over by a car.

i am such a humanitarian.

also on my way to work, there is a boot on the side of the road. just one boot. who throws out just one boot. it's not a nice boot, but still - why would you toss just one boot out the window? you're still stuck with just one decent boot to wear and that leaves you in a pickle. perhaps it was a heat of the argument toss - like, 'i'm so mad at you i'm going to throw your boot out the window.' i've never been mad enough to throw a boot but i once threw someone's entire mcdonald's value meal out the window before he had time to even eat it. then i just sat there and ate mine and giggled.

i am such a bitch sometimes.

like this week. i've kind of been a bitch this week. and not for any particular reason, apparently i'm just a bitch just because i can be. my friends tell me it's my god given right as a woman to be bitchy when the mood strikes but it's really not any fun. and i've really only been bitchy to one person and it's really not fair. he's not reading this, he's never going to read this, sometimes i wonder if he can read, so this isn't going to make any difference but i just wanted to mention it.

you see? and there i go again. being a pissface just for the sake of being a pissface. wtf?

i think one of my legs is longer than the other.

i'm going to visit the farm family today. i made fucking 50 pounds worth of ziti in my new lasagna pan, that's sort of exciting. i was all psyched just to leave the pan with them because i thought it only cost me like 6$ but as it turns out it cost like 14$ and i am not leaving a 14$ pan with them, heck no. i will bring that shit back even if i have to sit there until next thursday. my god, that will suck a nut.

i should be getting ready to go. i don't really want to go. but this is like the obligatory visit that gets them off my back for awhile. because if i don't have time now (when i really do have time, i just don't have motivation or energy), what will it be like when i really don't have time (because i honest to god DO NOT HAVE TIME)? so yeah. this isn't going to kill me. it's just going to hurt a lot. es muy mal.

i want to see superbad. and the bourne ulitmatum. and balls of fury. i need a movie marathon day. i need a haircut. i need to go to the bathroom.

shit. i'd better get going. superjanel OUT.

i wish i could move like michael jackson

i am in love with this song...

it must have been the shoes

because those red shoes are freaking adorable baby.

i gots the job. i mean, the hob.

are we still talking with a soft "j"?

aw, fuck it. i gots me a job or a hob or un trabajo or wtf ever. i'm employed, as of 10 sept! woohoo!

but our shenanigans are cheeky and fun!

i just spent the better part of 17 minutes trying to log in to blogger to write this post.

the average person would not spend seven minutes, let alone 17 minutes, trying to log in to any site, but the superjanel is nothing if not tenacious and today is no exception.

and today i am tenacious and today i am bored, because i am still lying in bed and it's nearly 1300 and i'm still in my pj's and i have nothing to do today and i am celebrating that fact - woohoo! - by writing this post, but that almost didn't happen because on the 18th minute of attempting to login i was going to give up and go start drinking because it is saturday, better known as heavy drinking day, but i just ate breakfast not that long ago and i'm not sure how well tequila sunrises sit on top of life cereal and skim milk.

reading that sentence makes me tired. i'd go back to bed, i'm so exhausted, but t-bone is vacuuming and there's no sleeping through that mack truck of a vacuum. holy crap.

my god, it's hard being me...

so. when was the last time i wrote? it's been like four or five days. i don't know what my major malfunction is, private pyle. i used to write like seven posts a day; i'll be lucky if i hit 15 posts this month.

so i had a job interview this week; on monday. and i rocked that shit. i'm not going to lie to you, i get all nerved up about that kind of stuff and then when i get in there i am a freaking rock star. because if there is anything that the janel is good at it's 1) bullshitting and 2) talking about the janel. don't get me wrong, i didn't completely pull the interview out of my ass; in fact, this was one of the best interviews i've had in a long time because for once, i'm completely qualified for this job and, here's the shocker, i'm interested in it. i want this job. i think i'd be good at it. are we talking long term, career potential? eh, who knows. i don't like to think long term about anything - jobs, relationships, leases, car loans, movie rentals, blah, blah, blah... but i do think i'd be good at this. so this interview went well enough that i've been invited back for round two on monday. which has me completely stressing out because i don't think i have anything to wear! ugh... i'm going to have to work on that.

look what i found this week: mr. potato head as opitmash prime. is that not the cutest thing ever? it was between him and the nintendo wii and my checkbook liked him a whole lot better so now he sits on the shelf next to darth tater and spidey spud. i loves me some mr. potato heads. i have all these potato head parts that came from disneyworld, not that i've ever been to disneyworld, but some friends went a couple of few years ago and brought back a load of parts for me. they're adorable. the parts, not the friends. well, the friends used to be cute but i didn't get them in the big "d", if you know what i mean. which is sad, because i really liked them. just like i didn't get the eye doctor or the dentist or the right to go to a sprint car race without feeling like a dirty pirate hooker. but whatevs. life goes on, right? right. anyway.

so i have a myspace account. i'm a self-proclaimed myspace addict. i comment (rarely), i update my page (frequently), i add bands and friends (sometimes) and post bulletins (way too often). but you know what pisses me off about myspace? religious people who try to push their religion off on me. don't post your "only three percent..." bulletins to try and goad me into feeling guilty about MY supposed lack of religion. just because you're feeling atrocious about your godless life doesn't mean that i'm feeling particularly bad about mine, be it godless or not. and this isn't really just a myspace issue - this is a whole life issue. people trying to push their religion on me, by way of intimidating bumper stickers or billboards or personalities - i really don't think that was the way it was meant to be done, you know? so all you hymn-singing, bible-thumping, verse-reciting whack jobs can just settle the fuck down. my not posting a myspace bulletin does not effect the relationship i have with god. it's cool. simmer.

i saw a t-shirt that says "god loves me and my tattoos"- i want it.

it's a beautiful saturday, it's not raining, it's nearly two o' clock in the afternoon and i'm sort of still in bed. i know. but it's not like i have anything else to do today. i sort of want to wash my car. and i need to tend to the kittehs. my new fish is doing well, despite the fact that my mom thinks he looks like a drag queen. i don't know many queens named karl, but wtf.

i'm not sure what to do with my day. or my night. nigel wants to go drinking and i'm all for that; the king bee wants to come down and sleep in my bed because he's working seven days a week, 12-hour shifts. any time we spend together lately is really just him sleeping and me watching tv. whatever, that's fine. but can't we do that on a weeknight when there may be something decent on tv and there's not a dj at the canteena and my friends aren't out getting stupid and calling me at all hours of the night? then i don't have to listen to you ask who it is every time my phone rings, because that question gets really old and i get tired of that look on your face...

anyway...

so lately i've noticed that a lot of people are driving around with these memorial-type stickers on their cars, celebrating the lives of people who have died tragically or too young or what have you. i think that's weird. like babies. i've seen vinyl for babies, "in loving memory of my angel baby, [insert name here]" - don't you think that's just bizarre? i mean yes, dead babies are sad, they are tragic, it's not their fault - but babies, alive or dead, have no idea what a car is and why on earth would anyone want a freaking sticker on the back of theirs for a dead baby? that's just weird. for teenagers, i guess makes a little more sense, if any of it makes sense, because teenagers like stickers and they like cars and they're in their cars all the damn time, that's fine. one of the weirdest ones i saw was for an old person, "in loving memory of my grandma, {name}, 1800-2007". okay - now we're pushing it. because i think that's like a cheap ass lame-o version of an "i love my grandma" tattoo, you know? it's like telling the world that you have no class and no money, so instead of memorializing your beloved grandma on your bicep, you're going to do it on the back window of your beater ford taurus - now isn't that grand? that's gonna make grandma proud, woohoo! people are so stupid.

a friend of mine is trying to get me a killer deal on a psp. because i don't have enough expensive electronic gadgets, yo. the psp, skins, usb, games, a case - all for one low, low price that i'm not posting here because my moms reads here and she already thinks i'm retarded. i'm not retawded; i'm just special. :)

if i get this hob i'm going to have to move. (stop dancing, parentals. stop it right now. you're scaring the kittehs.) i hate moving. moving hates me. my crap is scattered all over southeast iowa and while that's nobody's fault but my own i still find it highly irritating. gahhhh.

okay. i have got to go find something to do now.

hugs and kisses, superjanel OUT.

i'll tell you who it was, it was that damned sasquatch.

ugh. i remember now why i was not disappointed by missing the state fair last year. because if you've gone once, you're good for at least a decade. seriously. if you go about once every ten or 12 or 26 years, you're covered. rarely is there anything new or exciting enough to merit an annual visit, and while the harry potter carved of butter was neat-o burrito it was not worth that much time, energy or sweat in uncomfortable places. and there was a lot of sweat in uncomfortable places and we even went on one of the "nice" days. so wtf?

yeah, i don't know.

so my last post makes me sound like 1) i condone lying in my relationships and 2) i am a liar myself. do let me clarify. i don't believe that either is otay; i just know that 1) it happens and 2) i've done it to keep the peace. i'm not proud of it, it's not the highlight of my relationship "career" but i highly doubt i'm the only one that's suffered a pacification process, you know? and as far as condoning lying from others - yeah, well, NO. it's right up there with all the other stupid things that people can do to me that i won't put up with (abuse, ignorance, driving a ford). no, i found the situation funny because he just kept digging the hole and he seemed so shocked by the whole thing. the look on his face was classic, it was great. that's what was funny. being lied to was not funny; that made me want to rip his head off and spit in his throat hole, that's how well i tolerate a liar. but since that would be messy and we were in public, i'll just make fun of him for it for a few more months and then continue to bring it up in petty arguments and such.

just kidding. sort of.

so i worked today. no seriously, i was at work and i did stuff. go me. and tomorrow i have a job interview. the job i haven't wanted to talk about for fear of jinxing it? yeah, that job. woot.

so my besty friend libbeth is preggers. woohoo! yay for babies that aren't mine and that are hers and ryan's because they are freaking adorable! i'm taking time off (from a job i don't have yet, i wonder how that works?) when the baby is born in april. not that i'll hold it or anything, i don't really like kids until they're about 6 months old and i can't do a lot of damage, but i'll hang out with casen and maddie and play wii and make faces at chloe because i miss those kids like there's no tomorrow. don't get me wrong, i miss libbeth and ryan, but the kids are awesome.

king bee bought me a goldfish on saturday. i named him karl, he kind of reminds me of karl marx. i keep wanting to yell at him that maybe if he'd told me there were delicious Triscuit crackers i could have enjoyed them too... but i think that's a different karl.

o'doyle rules.

i used up a favor for that?

back on like day three of this "relationship", king bee asked me to go to the iowa speedway with him for some indy car event. not having been before, i arranged to get the day off and accepted. the next morning, he calls - the weather was looking "iffy" and he wasn't sure if it was going to be held at all, so we didn't go.

i knew something was up that day; in fact, i said as much to him and to nigel that i knew i'd been ditched. whatever. i'd moved on.

so yesterday we're at lunch. over pizza he mentions how much he'd like to see the indy 500 someday. not really for the racing, but for the female drivers. he thinks he's being cute. you don't have to go to indy for that, i say, you could have seen that in newton, meaning back on day three, when we could have gone to the indy event.

i did, he says. and then he realizes what he's said. i mean, shawn sent me pictures from his phone because he was there, he's stammering, trying to dig himself out of the hole he has just tossed himself into headfirst.

and then he knows he's stuck. i turned the knob on the door, but he motherfucking roundhouse kicked that thing open chuck norris style and tore it into pencil size pieces. dude cracked me up; because we all know if you're going to lie and ditch someone you sure as hell don't slip up and talk about it. in fact, if you're going to lie at all, which i don't condone, but let's face it, it does happen from time to time - if you're going to lie, you keep that shit straight.

and now he knows that i forget very little.

i'm still laughing about this. it's funny shit.

dude thought he was in so much trouble he offered to buy me a wii. i wouldn't let him. then he offered to go half-sies with me on the wii and i still turned him down.

just cracks me up.

iceberg right ahead

finally. rain. it's not a brazillion and 73 degrees outside today; it's only a brazillion and four. actually, any talk of the weather by the superjanel is pure speculation at this point, as she hasn't made it outside because appears to be raining. but it doesn't look as hot as it did yesterday, and that makes perfect sense, doesn't it?


so yesterday i saw this commercial for a special edition, 3-disc set of the movie titanic. woohoo. but the thing that cracked me up - beyond the flashback to a dark movie theatre full of sobbing women and snoring men - was the fact that they advertised an alternate ending. how can titanic have an alternate ending? we all know what happens - the fucking boat fucking sinks. alternate ending my ass; james cameron is trying to rewrite history by introducing an alternate ending universe and i say pshaw. don't fall for it - even in the alternate ending universe, the titanic still sinks, jack still dies and rose is a sobbing piece of crap. blah, blah, blah...


i ate lunch with my moms and my best grams and her husband yesterday afternoon. i always think that stuff like that is a good idea until we get mid-main event and then i find myself just praying to god that i don't end up like my grandma when i'm old. to the untrained eye, she's a harmless little (and i do mean little, she is freaking tiny!) lady, but wow, she is like mayor of guilt trip city. i'm terrified to get old, but my psychic says i'm going to live to be anywhere from 85 to 91 so i don't think i have any choice.


damn it.


i'm bored. what am i going to do today? i have to work at the whippity dippity tonight, six to close. let's examine that. drive 75 minutes, work 180 minutes, drive 75 minutes. i spend nearly as much time in the damn car as i do in the damn whippity dippity! but this isn't t-bone's fault; i took this shift from a gal at work because she took a few hours for me. but it still seems silly. i have a feeling that another employee is going to call in, ahem, "sick" this evening, so i know my help will be needed. and i'm working with roberto and that's always fun.


king bee was here last night. we watched the cubs lose a completely ridiculous game against the reds; we ate dinner at the local ling ling restaurant; we had a good time. guy makes me happy.


did i tell you that i had the opportunity to buy a nintendo wii last week? yup, i did. i went to the mider with nigel and the bobinator and there it was, this glowing light over the piddly little "electronics" department, if it can be called that. it was like the angels were singing on high and a heavenly light was shining right down on the box. i just stood there and held it, caressing the smooth cardboard until the picture started to wear off and nigel had to pull me away. it was so sad, leaving it there, it was calling my name, it wanted to go home with me. but the more i think about playing wii in my tiny little bedroom, the more i think it's prolly not a good idea. in fact, it's like a surefire way to injure myself and break a fishtank. and then i'd really be pissed. but i'd be pissed and the owner of a wii, so i'm sure those two things would balance each other out and life would go on and i'd still be in a wii-possessing-state-of-bliss. but, alas, i did not buy. nigel was able to pry the package from my hands and dragged me from the mider and talked some sense into me. i have to admit that i haven't been back for fear of writing a rubber check and running away to baja, me and my wii...


i'm applying to grad school at drake in dsm. i want my master's. simmer down, momma, i'm still getting a job (somewhere) and moving is still on my list of things to do. but i want to go back to school. just not in dbq. blecch.


i have got to find something to do today. days of our lives is on the telly and my brain is rotting out of my head. there's got to be something more educational. where's reading rainbow and levar burton when a bitch needs 'em? GOSH.


superjanel OUT.

where'd you get the pink 50s grandma?

i never, ever want to get old. because, apparently, when you get old, its okay to completely contradict yourself just seconds after making a statement.

"but i never said..."

or maybe that's a reason to want to get old, i'm not sure.

it sounded like a jail break

i woke up madder than crap this morning. it sounded like the kittehs were trying to break out of the bedroom by twisting the doorknob over and over. there's an old, rickety, noisy doorknob on the door of my room; and the kittehs couldn't get it open if they wanted to but they could make some noise if they tried. i yelled several times before i realised that it was not the kittehs, it was the massive equipment outside my window digging up the street below. sorry kittehs...

i'm bored today. a girl can only watch so much sportscenter before rotting of pococurantism. (ooh, new word...) i have no idea what i'm going to do today; but i've got to get out of this house or i'm going to injure someone.

king bee came down and hung out last night, for about 45 minutes before he zonked out. good to know i'm so entertaining. he spent that 45 minutes browsing houses his realtor sent him via email and cursing my computer, which is fine when i do it but i take offense when others swear at it. all these houses are either in melcher or in the hood of the greater dsm area, and i told him that i refuse to be seen with a melchercano or hang out in the hood due to the likelihood of bodily harm.

wow, i'm crappy today. wtf? i'm going to go find something to do.

whoops :(

wow, i am such a heel. i forget a lot of things on a regular basis, i often wonder if i don't have one of those obsessive compulsive disorders going on when i'm trying to leave the house and i wonder about 16 times if i shut my bedroom door. anyway. yesterday was my lil' cousin's third birthday and i completely forgot. how do you apologize to a three-year-old? it's not like i can call and offer some lame excuse to her on the phone.

actually, if there were ever a person to try to offer a lame excuse to, it may be a three-year-old. think about that... "lil' cousin, i'm so sorry i missed your birthday; i was, um, stuck in an elevator near the, um, 116th floor of a building in dsm, yeah, and i didn't know if i was going to make it..." to which she may respond, "I GOT BARNEY DVDS!" which would sort of take me off the hook...

wow, i suck. :(

i can't be with you; i'm spiderman.

settle down, i'm fine. i'm still around, i'm still here. i'm doing swell, actually, and thanks for asking. i wonder if there is a correlation between being happy and not having anything to write about? because while things aren't perfect at the moment, i'm happy. things are good.

i was supposed to work at the whippity dippity last night; open to close. i felt a little weird all morning - my guts were in dismay, and not even the kind of dismay brought about by a night of drinking - and i got to work and started to open up, and i couldn't take the smell of anything. i was sick as a dog. so i got someone to cover for me and headed home. and today i am starving. there is nothing i won't eat today. well, maybe some things. like fish and peas. ooohky...

i've got a job prospect. one that i'm seriously interested in and kind of excited about. i don't want to talk about it too much for fear that i'll jinx it. it's a bit of a drive from my present location, but that will change with time. i don't want to rush into anything regarding a place to live - i want it to be a place i like, a place i want to be, a place that is *me* - you know? other people may have other ideas for me, though. it's interesting how history repeats itself. i guess the real test is how i respond, the choices i make, right?

kenickie and i are awesome. for two people that have nothing in common we get along amazingly well. we went to the front row challenge last week; i had a good time even though i couldn't tell you who won if my life depended on it. nigel and the bobinator didn't make it, so it was just me and kenickie and his cousin, along with aunties karen and sandy and the regular crew. i didn't get any chicken, which was moderately upsetting but i'm moving on, going forward. life is not always about chicken. kenickie wanted to go to the saturday night show, but it didn't work out and my heart wasn't exactly broken over it, you know?

i can't think of anything else to talk about at the moment. i gots some stuff to do.

peas out.
love, superjanel

asterisks are for pussies.

i fucking hate barry bonds.

i just wanted to make you aware of that fact.

cross my heart, i'm not on drugs

my dreams are getting weirder and weirder. and i'm not [currently] on any hallucinogenics. last night i dreamt that my parents were angry with me because they were sleeping on an air mattress in the breezeway. i don't know what this had to do with me, necessarily, but there was definitely hostility in the air. i felt guilty when i woke up and i hadn't even done anything wrong.



i'm proud of my 101/1001. i think that will be fun to complete. i'm going to set up a running tabulation on my sidebar so i don't lose track of time or goals. by posting it on my blog, i've already completed one. woot!

i'm at job #2 today. worked at the whippity dippity yesterday for hours and hours on end, it seemed. all the people i enjoy working with are leaving for school, so it's going to be the basic crew come the end of the month. we were slow as crap last night; i let one employee go early (on a friday night - wtf?!) and we closed up shop basically right on the button. but it's fair week and nationals week and all sorts of fun stuff; just nothing too close to the whippity dippity.

i got the sweetest card in the mail yesterday from libbeth; i loved it. i love mail. well, good mail. mail like that from gmac kind of sucks my nut. i miss her and her little family and her doggies. they're so cute. the family is cute. well, the doggies are cute too.



have you ever noticed how much the burger king and the quaker oatmeal guy look alike? it's kind of scary. check this out...

scary isn't it? those dudes are brothers; they've gotta be.

omg. there's got to be something more productive i can do with my time.

101 things in 1001 days

have you heard of this before? (read about the details and rules here; i've very little patience for rules and details, you know me...) i've seen it around a bit, and i've been working on a list of 101 goals to accomplish in 1,001 days. it's harder than it looks; i've been working on this for a bit now.

1,001 days from tomorrow, friday, 03 august 2007, is friday, 30 april 2010.

ready or not, here are the janel's 101 goals...

1. [life changes] move out of mom's house. completed 10nov07
2. consolidate crap down to one storage unit. no storage unit at all would be even better.
completed 10nov07
3. file bankruptcy. completed 18dec07
4. get a job. completed 27aug07
5. then get a job that i like and want and quit that crappy job. also completed 27aug07, as of 10nov07 i've decided i really like my job
6. overcome my fear of large bodies of water by spending time in a lake, in an ocean or on a boat at least five times [3/5 completed]
7. tell someone i love them and mean it. completed 03sept07
8. discuss catholic conversion with a priest.
9. pay my tickets/fines/tags. completed 17aug07
10. get my license back. completed 04oct07
11. [health and beauty] use up all the expensive beauty products i currently have and then replace them with less expensive and more green products. completed 21oct07
12. transition to a fresh food only diet.
13. lose 30 pounds.
14. finish my tattoo series.
15. treat myself to a pedicure four times. [1/4 times]
16. find out if i'm a candidate for laser eye surgery.
17. take a yoga class. and take it seriously.
18. run a 5k - and finish.
19. stop drinking soda.
20. stop chewing my bottom lip.
21. stop chewing my fingernails.
22. whiten my teeth.
23. [money] begin to repair my credit.
24. begin paying on my student loans on a monthly basis.
25. stop bouncing checks.
26. open a savings account and keep dollars in there.
27. get a safe deposit box.
28. trade in my car for something more green. this sort of happened when i got rid of the uugof this spring. close enough.
29. set a monthly budget. stick to it at least four times. [4/4 completed] that's as done as it's ever going to get!
30. give $20 to a homeless person or a stranger in need. completed october 2008
31. clean out my closet - if it hasn't been worn in over one year, donate it or sell it on ebay. completed august 2008
32. [friends/family] get to know my friends' kids by spending time with them on a monthly basis or as much as i can.
33. send personal christmas cards with handwritten notes to friends and family.
34. remember birthdays and anniversaries by sending cards (not online) for an entire year.
35. send someone i care about flowers for no special reason. completed 17oct07
36. road trip with my brother(s). we flew but it still counts. completed october 9, 2008
37. spend a weekend with my grandma. she's not going to be around forever.
38. take the kittehs in for regular kitteh check ups. completed by my momma 21dec07
39. take my mom to lunch on a regular basis.
40. make amends with an ex-friend. completed feb 2008
41. write five letters to elizabeth. [0/5 completed]
42. [education/enrichment] immerse myself in kung fu movies. completed 30sep07
43. read at least a book a week for a month. completed 20nov07
44. attend a church service.
45. join the library.
completed dec 2007
46. join a book club and participate.
47. learn to kayak (in north carolina, preferably).
48. learn to play the piano.
49. do not go online for three consecutive days. completed 12oct07
50. learn to speak spanish.
51. learn to drive a stick shift.
52. make an emergency winter kit for my car and don't eat the granola bars when i'm stuck in traffic.
53. grow a plant from a seed and don't let the cats eat it.
54. learn the names and locations of the major constellations in the summer. completed august 2008
55. learn to whistle.
56. catalog my books
57. write a book. it doesn't have to be publishable or even good.
58. sell a story.
59. setup a saltwater fishtank.
60. close my myspace account. (sort of) completed dec 2007
61. close my facebook account. completed 05sept07
62. learn to snorkel.
63. read the bible.
64. paint a painting.
65. take the gre.
66. register to vote. completed 04oct07 then vote. completed 14oct08
67. support a political candidate in the 2008 election. GO OBAMA! completed september 2008
68. become a "friend of" a museum or art gallery.
69. [fun stuff] [insert your own innuendo here :)]
70. see a midnight showing of rocky horror picture show.
71. get my tongue pierced.
72. try with every ounce of my being to be a contestant on the price is right or wheel of fortune.
73. send a secret to postsecret.
74. buy an outfit at a thrift store and wear it.
75. buy a mac laptop when my dell bites the dust :(
76. spend all day in bed when i'm not ill. completed summer 2008
77. go camping. in a tent. completed september 2008
78. hot lap a sprint car.
79. attend baseball games at three basball stadiums that i've never been to before. [0/3 completed]
80. be in a parade
81. try a baltimore zoo.
82. purchase 10 more swatch watches. [0/10 completed]
83. attend two music festivals. [0/2 completed]
84. host a party.
85. sing karaoke. sober.
86. own enough underwear that i don't have to do laundry for a month. completed 28dec07
87. go bungee jumping.
88. go skydiving.
89. dress in costume for halloween.
90. take a picture every day for a month and post them on my blog.
91. have a garage sale. completed june 2008
92. [travel] travel to greece.
93. see the grand canyon.
94. visit new orleans.
95. vacation in banff.
96. [volunteer] reapply for the peace corps after gaining volunteer experience.
97. donate blood five times [0/5 times completed].
98. volunteer at least five times, for at least one hour each [0/5 completed]
99. [misc] make it to 2,000 blog entries.
100. post this list on the internet and make it public knowledge.completed 02aug07
101. in 1,001 days, write 101 new goals.

what do you think?

i ain't gonna work for no soul sucking jerk

day two of living in a license free zone and i've never had more bonehead ideas of things to do and places to go in my entire life. this is god's way of punishing me for driving too fast. god and the department of transportation; who knew they were in cahoots? i don't really want to go far, i just want things like pizza. and to make a bank deposit. and to go to walmart. stuff like that. last night i drove to king bee's house to watch cinematic adventures and my mom had me so freaked out i drove seven miles per hour the entire way home. seven. i could get pulled over for driving so far below the speed limit - and wouldn't that be a perfect ending to the lead-foot-janel-speed-racer story?

truth be told, as long as i'm not speeding, i'm not in serious fear of being pulled over. as long as i'm not texting and driving, i ought to be fine. something tells me that i knew how to avoid this entire fiasco in the first place. perhaps i do thrive on drama? me? never...

so today i'm sitting at home, doing absolutely NOTHING and most days this would just rock my socks except today i'm at home doing absolutely nothing because that's what the department of transportation will allow me to do and i'm watching television. in mass quantities. grease is on tv, and i love that movie. it's especially making me laugh because nigel calls the king bee kenickie, and that name is just funny anyway.

guess what i did yesterday? i applied for jobs. (you must say "hobs", remember? soft "j" this week.) i applied for "hobs" with giant conglomerate soul-sucking companies that want nothing more than warm bodies in cubicles doing drone work; remember that song by beck - "soul suckin jerk?" that's going to be me...

"i got a job making money for the man/throwing chicken in a bucket with a soda pop can/puke green uniform on my back/i had to set it on fire in a vat of chicken fat..."

but first i have to get a "hob" before i can throw down and set shit on fire, yo. so i'm working on it. but i do look cute in green...