thirsty thursday = liquid lunch

a piece of advice for those of you that might be interested in obtaining a job: business socks just might work. however, if you're going to buy business shoes, buy the right size. business shoes that are too small freaking suck. i didn't buy them on purpose, i'm just retarded and can't read. but don't tell that to my potential future employer. because i think i distinctly remember telling him that i can actually read.

so here's the scoop: the interview went well. the potential employer is originally from iowa (score one for the janel!) and is looking for someone to fill an agent assistant/marketing assistant/sales assistant kind of position. there is all sorts of licensing and training to be completed. but based on the feedback i received and the vibes i picked up on, i feel really positive about the entire experience. i may receive a job offer in a few days. and then i will need to make a decision about moving.

everything happens for a reason, right? everything happens so that something else can happen, doesn't it? god never closes a door without opening another, right? the chapter of my life that has just ended, no matter how sadly or tragically is the beginning of another - and i love the idea of a fresh start. new beginnings doesn't mean not remembering, and i need to keep that in mind. i couldn't sleep last night, i just lied there and cried for what seemed like the longest time. and i thought about calling my mom but i didn't want to wake her up. then i just decided to have a heart to heart with the baby. i even called him by name, which i've never done before. and before long, i wasn't crying anymore and i could sleep. i just felt better. i don't know if that's healthy or even recommended or anything, but it made me feel better.

anyway. that's what's going on. i think we're going to lunch soon. now that i'm done wearing my new pants i can eat again. bring on the white bread and carbs and beer. seriously. i may have beer for lunch. what are you going to do about it?

yeah, that's what i thought. punk. :)

i gotta write this shit down...

what a week. work is awesome. i like it. mostly, i like the hot chocolate machine. i like to mix the hot chocolate about 65/35 with the coffee and then i find i'm on such a caffeine rush i don't need to eat or blink the rest of the day which is fucking AWESOME. my boss is cool and the consultant has even recommended that i stick around and look into merging into management. which i find just hilarious because if you know me at all you know i've spent most of my life ducking responsibility and things that reek of management and seriousness - i like to blame my "fuck authority" attitude on my father but really i just think that the less that people think i'm capable of, the less they expect of me and then the less i really ever have to do. which is like every slacker's mantra, really. i'm no different than any other rain man genius sociopath. except i'm much cuter.

the job is gravy. the coworkers make it interesting. the managers make it challenging. and the finance staff will be the death of me. i don't understand how anything gets done; but i guess it's not for me to figure out. at least not right now. i'll get to the bottom of it eventually.

i went and looked at an apartment today. it's okay. i'm sort of indifferent about it. the location is prime in relation to work, but it's a little more than i wanted to spend and it's not as nice as i'd hoped it might be. i think i may keep looking before i plunk down an outrageous application fee. the only bad thing about apartments in spankeny is that they're full of dmacc students. it's kind of like living with idiot skills attendees. except that i'm no longer the one ducking in the bushes getting covered in poison ivy therefore i don't think i'll be as receptive to the bullshit.

speaking of bullshit, let's discuss this week's drama with the king bee, shall we? and what a week full of drama and bullshit it has been. i haven't seen him since sunday, and i've barely talked to him since then either. however, in our limited conversation, i have garnered the following information:

• my outburst on sunday night was inappropriate. i concur. i apologized for the way i handled it - it wasn't kosher and i would have been pissed too. it wasn't okay and i know that. however - i can only apologize so many times before an apology sounds trite and repetitive and insincere. i don't know if he's looking for an engraved invitation to a whine and cheese fest, but he ain't getting one. i done said i'm sorry, do let us move on...
• he has not necessarily been up front with me about his past living situations. previous conversations had led me to believe that he was nothing but a momma's boy. but as it turns out - and only my asking brought this information to the surface - he has lived with not one, but in fact, two previous girlfriends. i asked about his reputation as the live-in boyfriend; he immediately blamed the gossip circle and those that speak against him. hmmm...
• his main issue with things at the moment is that he is in fact ready to move in together. i find this interesting on many levels because 1) it's never even been discussed between us and 2) i indicated in the very beginning of this that i wasn't really ready for anything "serious" and if this was ever going to be "anything" i wanted to take my time. after a length of time measuring in at just 96 days - i still don't think i'm ready for this. and to be perfectly honest, i don't know if i'll ever be at that step... with... him...

does it make me a bad person for saying that? does it make me a bad person for dating someone that at this point in time i don't think i have a serious lifetime potential with? what if i know that he thinks that there is serious lifetime potential - does that make me a bad person?

tonight we talked; i said that i don't want to put up with this kind of indifference and lack of communication. i truly think that something of this caliber, even if we disagree, should be discussed. i considered breaking up with him but i didn't want to do it. i don't know why. in relation to him, to "this", i find that i have a superiority complex and i don't know where that comes from. what makes me special enough to think that i can have someone and keep my eyes wide open too? i don't know.

i just don't know about a lot of things anymore.

i know there are pros and cons to being single - and in the grand scheme, i'm okay with them. the idea of singledom in a new town is a little depressing but i'd deal. my friends aren't that far away - it's not freaking dbq, it's spankeny. but time will tell if singledom is the answer. i do know one thing that will help - clearing my mind of all things related to mr. mittens. i don't think that's a healthy relationship and i think it's fucking with my head. his obligations aren't going to go away and regardless what he says, there's no way that this is nsa.

having said that, he'll be around this weekend. which makes my head swimmy and my phone ring...

anyway.

so my drive to work is like, mad crazy long. way crazy long. i don't even know how many miles, it's like the car won't even count that high. for the first week, i was doing awesome: out of bed at a great time, showered, ready to go - some days i was in spankeny so early i could go to starbucks and get the coffee of the day. which was awesome because, like i said, who needs to blink? but now i have it all figured out as to what is the latest time i can get out of bed, shower, put on a shirt that requires zero ironing and make it to spankeny with like 17 seconds to spare. which is awesome in another degree, really, to be able to calculate it down to such a science and to not spend the money at starbucks because that will cost me about 17,000$ a year not including the cost to get my teeth whitened.

i've found that when i drive i zone out really bad. i'll completely miss landmarks, towns, passing cars and then i'll end up miles beyond where i think i should be and i'm all, "how the fuck did i get here so fast?"

if i moved, i could get out of bed at like 0830 some days. right on.

part of me still just wants to pack up the car and drive away forever. but i left some good lotion at work so i guess i still have to go in for at least one more day. biznatches...

okay. i've got to find something else to do. i'm supposed to be going out with nigel and chrissy and snackmaster bobby tonight, except everybody is like, having kid issues, except me (thank god, THAT arrived today, WOOT!) and so i'm still here and honest to god, i'm considering just going to bed and saying fuck that shit, bitches, i'm rick james, i'll just go to bed and say piss on you. it's sounding better and better the more i think about it.

if you still feel raw about it, i'll be waiting

i just kicked out the king bee. not permanently, at least i don't think so. i told him i'm not his roommate, his whore or his maid, and i refuse to be treated as such. he said to call him when i feel like talking again. i told him to call me when he realised how shitty he was making me feel.

i guess i'm kind of testy this evening. but i'll bet you my phone doesn't ring. and i know mine won't be dialing out...

gahhh. fucking boys, anyway. i hate them all.

so my "roommates" are on vacation. and that leaves me housesitting and dogsitting. housesitting is awesome, because i can watch my movies on the big tv really loud like i like them. and i can either do the dishes as i dirty them or i can wait until i'm out of glasses and then wash them all. (i'm not waiting. i'm far too anal retentive for a sink full of dirty dishes; ick.)

however, dogsitting is NOT so awesome. the dog hates me. and she's fucking crazy. she wouldn't eat her dinner last night (dinner, by the way, is a specially crafted plate of ham and chicken and cheese - not dog food, as you might imagine.) so she started barking at 0300 this morning because she was hungry/bored/mad that i was sleeping. and she barked nonstop until nearly 1000. what made her stop barking? i went and bought her a freaking roasted chicken, as suggested by my roommate and she ate the whole thing and took a nap. later, as i tried to put her out, she gangbusted the door and went for an unauthorized stroll about the neighborhood. about 20 minutes later she just came home.

i hate this dog. plus, she keeps jumping on my bed which is just pissing me off. grrr....

so. work. let's talk about work, shall we? yup. i'm gainfully employed and i have one of those titles that sounds really important. i'm a business development coordinator. what does that mean? well, obviously, i develop and coordinate business, you big dummy. no, really, it means that the salespeople at the antichrist of car dealerships that i'm now employed by are really not happy to see me every morning. but that's okay, since they're all old and not cute anyway.

at least not at my location. which is probably good. that could be kind of distracting. the phone guy is adorable and he's distracting enough.

anyway. work is good. i like it, so far. my boss is kind of scatterbrained and in the right light (or maybe the wrong light?) she has one hell of a moustache, but she's a back scratcher and she likes me. i'm sort of the "teacher's pet" and i like it that way. my coworkers are decent; at least 66.6 percent of them are. the remaining 33.334 percent is an insecure double bagger asian chick whose previous experience includes getting fired from the dealership/amusement park across the street. most of the time, she's not bad, if you don't look her straight in the face. the rest of the time i just want to club her with a blunt object. but whatever. a job is a job is a job is a job...

i just have to get moved. and that may be happening soon. i may have found a way to get through my financial woes more quickly than i thought. more news on that as it develops.

i'm seriously feeling bad about that whole argument with the king bee and he's probly asleep. i fucking hate boys. all of them. gahh...

so i think my fish is sick. norman, who i think is actually a norma, is looking swollen and is bottom sitting. beginning signs of dropsy, which as i found with roger cannot be cured. but then i fed him and now he's looking fine. perhaps he was swollen as a sign of starvation? i don't know. i can't figure the fuckers out. you feed them; they die. you don't feed them, they still die. they should be more like cats.

but not dogs.

i bet he doesn't feel bad at all. i bet he doesn't even understand why i'm mad. all day long, he did nothing but slept or ate or used my roommates kitchen or bathroom or shower; he was pissy when he had to buy lunch; he would have rather have played psp than talked to me on our way to cville this afternoon - the time actually spent with me, not sleeping or showering or trying to put his hand in my pants or watching telly was basically nonexistent. and i was feeling a little bit used. so i told him so. and he made that pathetic little puppy dog, "i don't get it face" and i held my ground.

and now i feel like a bitch.

i'm going to go watch the yankees beat the red sox and text message someone who at least pretends to care about me.

new job eve

it's new job eve and i'm still awake. it's not the jitters though, it's the clothes. the clothes in the dryer are taking forever to dry and rather than deal with wrinkly clothes in the morning, i'm suffering now. ugh.

plus, i'm getting the cold from hell. which is thanks to the king bee. cold + new job day does not equal awesome.

"hello, i'm the superjanel. what are you saying? huh? you're going to have to speak up. just talk directly into my good ear. the one that isn't plugged with mucus, thank you."

i'm considering wearing long sleeves just so i can tuck kleenex in them.

DON'T EAT MY NAME, BITCHES.

it's officially my last day here at job #2. granted, i've left here before - several times, actually. once last summer when i was just too busy, once in a big teary scene, and one other time, i don't really remember when or why. but this place is kind of like hotel california - you can check in, but you can never leave, you just get sucked back in. this place has its own gravitational pull; it's like the center of its own lil' universe, pulling people in and out at random. but not me, not any longer. it's like the end of an era. the end of a legacy. once and for all (or as long as the new place will have me, whichever is longer) i'm leaving. so after some discussion and some whining they even got me a cake with my name on it.

actually, me and another employee that leaves and comes back on a pretty regular basis. we got our names on a cake. but do you think we got to see the cake with our names on it before the other wolves ravaged the cake?

fuck no. check this shit out.



I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO EAT MY NAME. OMGWTFBBQ???!!1!!111!? but the cake i did get to eat was good. and i do love me some cake.

at my new place of employment, which starts monday, btw, i'm a little stressed out, i had to go fill out all the customary new employee paperwork yesterday morning. and while i was there one of the employees had a stroke. not even an old, wrinkly, stroke-prone employee either. right on. because i tolerate pressure so well...

so king bee and i have been doing better, at least for the last few days until he got kicked out of his parents house. now he doesn't *really* have a place to live. yeah, he's looking for a place to rent, somewhere closer to work, which is not close to me at all. so he's sort of been living at me and my *roommates* house. and that's neat-o... especially because he hasn't gone to work in the last two days and i'm not sure why. instead he's just been lying in my bed, festering like an open wound. it smells like a foot in my room, because sometimes the king bee smells like a foot even though he showers and uses my roommate's soap, lol. i am displeased with this, but i can't just kick a sick homeless boyfriend out on the street, can i? so it's not like i have anything to hide, it's just weird, leaving him there when i'm gone. i think my roommates are going to start charging him rent. or at least charge him for parking.

i want 30 packets of ketchup

when was the last time you watched "who framed roger rabbit?" it was years for me. but i found it on the telly today. i watched, since i had little else to do this afternoon. it was great. it made me think of being 8 years old and eating vanilla pudding while i had the flu and then throwing it all up in the living room. i still think it's funny. or maybe i just haven't grown up much in the last two decades.

i did go up to the garage today and let nigel watch me eat lunch. i would have shared, i swear, but by the time i'd gotten there she'd already eaten. it's kind of depressing, being there, with all the changes going on. i don't like it much; i'm happy that i've basically been eliminated as far as working there - i fear change, especially big, scary change. i can't imagine other people working there, another owner in that office - it just seems wrong. it seems wrong that he's essentially giving up without much of a fight; i expected more fight out of him. this means that my next car will be foreign, as i will have no loyalty to a gm dealer. or rather, no gm dealer will have loyalty to me.

this week is an easy week for me - i only work a couple days. i have some other stuff planned; i hear we're having a sleepover at nigel's on wednesday, or something to that effect. i have my interview with the peace corps this week - thursday i have to drive to minneapolis for that. i'm a little nervous but it'll be fine. this weekend is a kid-free weekend, so hopefully i'll be getting my drink on. the canteena has left me half a dozen myspace comments; they're wondering where i've been.

so i went and had my hair cut yesterday. i love, love, love getting my hair cut. they give these wonderful head and neck massages while they wash your hair. it's fantasmicalous. and my hair looks ... dark. but good. the stylist who cuts my hair is the bestest; i love her to death. we talked, general stuff - "how was school?" (awful. terrible. i hated it.) "how was dubuque?" (awful. terrible. i hated it.) "how've you been?" (eh...) "what happened to your eyebrows?!" (yeah, this scary fat bitch named mimi. that's what happened. and thanks for pointing that out...")

and then she asked: "well, is it too early to ask? are you seeing anyone?"

i sort of stammered for a bit. i wasn't sure how to answer that. yeah, i've seen people. some in more compromising positions that others, some that weren't so bad and others that i don't ever want to see again. it felt really strange to answer that question - i guess i've never really had anyone ask me that, outside of a bar and with different intentions. i guess i'm sort of happy where i am at the moment. it's kind of nice not to have to worry about anyone else's feelings or needs - but there are times when i'm bored, it would be nice to have someone to entertain me.

eh, life goes on.

i'm going to go watch tv now. and i'm sort of hungry. i think there's ice cream in the freezer.