14 November 2007

wokka wokka wokka

two days in a row! aren't you a bunch of lucky duckies?!

ahh, work. work is swell. i actually like my job (hob). i like my coworkers, with one small exception and she's leaving (again) at the end of the week. actually, i hear that today may be her last day. and that, my friends, is a heartbreaker. because in her absence, i don't know who the office backstabber will be. who will steal my customers? who will snag my appointments while i'm in the bathroom? and where will i get my daily intake of chocolate and caramel if her replacement doesn't keep a candy bowl on her desk?

these are the things that i wonder about.

but no seriously, i have been rocking the casbah (or cash bar or cat box or whatever) at work so far this month. today's kind of slow, but whatever. i worked with my boss at the beginning of the month to set some goals, some actual attainable goals and i'm pretty sure i'm going to make those. that feels pretty good. it's been a while since i've enjoyed a job (hob) this much. or maybe it's just been a while since i've had a job (hob). i'm not sure.

you know what bothers me? cheap toilet paper. and toilet paper put on the roll backwards. that really peeves me. because cheap toilet paper never tears well, especially a new roll. it always shreds and rips and i can never find a good starting point. it's like clear packing tape, when the end is stuck to the roll and you can't find where it starts. omg, that's frustrating. you end up with all these little tape pieces. or toilet paper pieces, since that's what we're really talking about here. if you really want to know, the toilet paper commercials with the bears, where the dance around with two squares and sing about how that's enough for them just pisses me off. because, 1) bears don't use tp, duh 2) bears don't sing or dance, unless we're talking about fozzie bear, wokka wokka, and 3) WHO ONLY USES TWO SQUARES OF TOILET PAPER, GAHH? that's so gross. two squares? i don't have a large ass, not that the size of your ass necessarily predicates how much toilet paper you need to use, but i use way more than two squares. and i am known for having a small, conclave if you will, ass.

moving on.

so my commute has dropped from 85 minutes to 16 minutes. and that rocks my socks. because now i can sleep in. or i can drink chocolate milk in the morning. or do laundry. or watch tv. or sleep in. and with the bee already being there, there's no need for me to be awake at the crack of dawn to make sure he's awake. and that's nice. but i no longer get to honk at nigel and i worry that she's oversleeping and that the rugrats are late for school.

my momma is having surgery next month. not anything easy, not anything outpatient - she's having big scary surgery. and i for one am freaked the fuck out and i know she is too. it's called anterior cervical fusion. they're fusing cadaver bones to degenerating discs in her neck, and the funny part is, she's not even having specific neck pain. but it's part of a neurosurgeon's master plan to save her back and keep her mobile, because the weakness in her legs, arms and bladder is taking over her life. i can't imagine how that feels, especially for such a strong and independent person like my mom. i know how it feels to watch her in such pain and not be able to help, and that's awful. i felt an incredible amount of guilt in moving out and away with her in this condition because i felt like i may have been able to do something while living at home, but now i'm too far away to be of any real help to her. the surgery itself is scary: they go in through the front of the neck, pushing aside semi-important things like the voicebox and arteries and things like that, to get to her spine and vertabrae. her voice may be different when it's all said and done. she'll have a scar. but with any luck, and she's saying it will take some bit of luck, she'll be strong enough to walk. and that's all i want for her. i just want my mom back.

so have i told you i *still* don't have my uugof back yet? nope. he's still a one-eyed raznous, the poor guy. he's missing a headlight, he looks like a pirate. if cars could talk like transformers could talk, mine would say, "yarrgh...." like a pirate. only he'd say it with a german accent because uugof's mother was a volkswagon. as long as he doesn't have a headlight i want him to wear an eye patch so i can be the captain of that ship...

i managed to lose my silverware about a year ago and just recently discovered it. yeah, that sucks my (hypothethical) nut. very not cool, this whole eating with your hands thing. makes cereal a real bitch. apparently when i was moving out of the dutch village of all that is holy, overpriced and stuck in the back of the closet, i left a box in my former abode. (not adobe.) this box was then confiscated by my ex-landlords in a power struggle when my rubber rent check bounced out of their hot little hands and even though i made things right, they still claim they tossed it. bastardos! they ended up tossing my silverware and my saucepans and some good serving bowls. (yesh, i know. i'm a shitty packer. what of it, homeslice?) so the bee and i are eating off of the really nice hyvee plastic stuff for the time being. whatev. not worth wadding my panties over now.

not that i ate cereal last night. last night, the bee and i just sort of foraged. i foraged for a bottle of wine, he foraged for a bag of chips. we both fell asleep happy, i just woke up with a headache. i just get in a mood sometimes for a good bottle of merlot. so i go get one and then i want to drink the whole thing. it doesn't happen often, thank god, because i don't think my head could take it. and when i do it, i have weird ass dreams. bizarre, strange, weird ass things. like that my new landlord got mad that i wanted my screen door fixed so they took away my cell phone and gave me this shitty ass walkman-sized thing to use instead. wtf? i have no idea. anyway. i drank my dinner last night. and it was good.

i'm at work late again tonight. ugh. i'm tired of being here late. i hope the new person works out and isn't creepy and weird like the last new person. here in this department we're getting a reputation for getting people fired. okay, i'm getting a reputation for getting people fired. but i don't care. do your job and we won't have issues. well, do your job and don't comment on my personal life and then we won't have issues. copy that, keester? i thought so...

again, it's taken me all stinkin' day to write this. that sucks. i miss my puter. i have to go to the bathroom. my stomach is upset all the soda i've had to drink today. i'm suffering from adult acne. my friends are calling me a bed wetter because i'm not sure if i want to go out with them this weekend. huh, i guess i'm a little whiny.

and with that, i'm going to sign off and go pretend to find things to do. i have a lot of paper on my desk and that makes me appear to be busy even if i'm not. plus i bet i can spend four minutes in the bathroom washing my hands and then i'm four minutes closer to going home. woot!

peas out.
superireallyhavetopeejanel :)

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