02 September 2007

i am AWESOME. i just wanted to remind you.

in honor of labor day, i'm hereby refusing to do anything that resembles labor. until tuesday. that means i have about 50 hours to relish in my absolute laziness and it will be awesome because i only do things that are awesome.

so my high school-esque summer vacation is coming to an end, which is appropriate, as fall is upon us - the chil'ens are back in school and the wooly worms are on the highway - and i'm going back to WORK a week from mondizzay. i know - wtf, right? little freaked out, but looking forward to it. i'll like it more when i don't live so far away.

did you know that the earlier you see wooly worms on the highway the longer and colder your winter is supposed to be? yeah, that's only sort of awesome. i wonder where my winter coats are.

this is a tortoise. this bitch will fuck up your car. or he will make a mighty fine stew, or so i hear.

so one of my summer quests has been saving small turtles from the perils of crossing the highway and facing traffic. if i see a small turtle, i'll generally stop and pick him up and deliver him to the safe side of the highway he seems to which he seems to be traveling, because around here the sick fucks will pick them up and stew them or sell them for the meat - can you believe that? ugh. so anyway. yesterday i was driving to work and i was already late ( i believe my text message read something to the effect of "low fuel. hay truck. blue hairs. locusts. atomic bomb. few min late.") but there was this like 70 pound TORTOISE crossing the road, i swear to god. and i so wanted to save him but there was no way i was going to be able to (gracefully) be able to pick him up and dodge the traffic at the same time, because this was no country bumpkin back road, this was highway 14 and this was sure to cause a commotion: retard girl saves sea turtle beached in chariton marsh and then i'd be found out for not having a license and then i'd really be fucked. i happened to be on the phone with nigel at the time i passed this adorable beast, and i told her of my dilemma, and she commented that there was no way to save such a massive animal from the highway without herniating myself. agreed, but i have a blanket in the back of the car - i could throw it over him and just kick him across the highway, it's got to be better than getting run over by a car.

i am such a humanitarian.

also on my way to work, there is a boot on the side of the road. just one boot. who throws out just one boot. it's not a nice boot, but still - why would you toss just one boot out the window? you're still stuck with just one decent boot to wear and that leaves you in a pickle. perhaps it was a heat of the argument toss - like, 'i'm so mad at you i'm going to throw your boot out the window.' i've never been mad enough to throw a boot but i once threw someone's entire mcdonald's value meal out the window before he had time to even eat it. then i just sat there and ate mine and giggled.

i am such a bitch sometimes.

like this week. i've kind of been a bitch this week. and not for any particular reason, apparently i'm just a bitch just because i can be. my friends tell me it's my god given right as a woman to be bitchy when the mood strikes but it's really not any fun. and i've really only been bitchy to one person and it's really not fair. he's not reading this, he's never going to read this, sometimes i wonder if he can read, so this isn't going to make any difference but i just wanted to mention it.

you see? and there i go again. being a pissface just for the sake of being a pissface. wtf?

i think one of my legs is longer than the other.

i'm going to visit the farm family today. i made fucking 50 pounds worth of ziti in my new lasagna pan, that's sort of exciting. i was all psyched just to leave the pan with them because i thought it only cost me like 6$ but as it turns out it cost like 14$ and i am not leaving a 14$ pan with them, heck no. i will bring that shit back even if i have to sit there until next thursday. my god, that will suck a nut.

i should be getting ready to go. i don't really want to go. but this is like the obligatory visit that gets them off my back for awhile. because if i don't have time now (when i really do have time, i just don't have motivation or energy), what will it be like when i really don't have time (because i honest to god DO NOT HAVE TIME)? so yeah. this isn't going to kill me. it's just going to hurt a lot. es muy mal.

i want to see superbad. and the bourne ulitmatum. and balls of fury. i need a movie marathon day. i need a haircut. i need to go to the bathroom.

shit. i'd better get going. superjanel OUT.

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