she believes in shooting stars

i was up early this morning - early that technically it's morning but it's darker than it's been all night. the bee is working overtime and i don't like to stay at his house when he's not there. so i went home. but the stars were incredibly bright, it was amazing. and i stepped off his porch and right in my line of sight was the little dipper, smack in the center of the southern sky. i usually have a hard time finding the small spoon but like i said, it was so bright, it was just amazing. and on my way home i saw not one, but two shooting stars. i love that, it's like it's a special event that occurs only for me. and then i wonder if anyone else was quick enough to see it, although at nearly 0500 you have to bet that most everyone else is sleeping. so i made my wishes and went home and went back to bed. but i didn't sleep nearly as well as i had before i left the bee's house. :(

so i've been asked: what the fuck is a swamp deer? do let me tell you. first off, you have to know that the great (mis)state of iowa really has two populations: one, obviously is human. this is the population that is polled for census records every ten years, pays property taxes and speeding ticket fines (sometimes) and takes the trash cans to the curbs on tuesday mornings. the second population is that of white-tailed deer and these probably out number the first population, both in number, size, and in many southern counties, sheer intelligence levels. if you're not familiar with the white-tailed deer, they are known for their big ass antlers, cute little white tails, and their japanese kamikaze attitudes towards automobiles. these are not bambis: they are fur-covered motherfuckers and they eat cars like yours and mine for breakfast, biz-natches.

oh yes.

but i digress. swamp deer are cousins of the white tailed deer. they live in lucas county, near pin oak marsh, which as i know it was just overflow from the chariton river that never went away from the big ass floods in 1993 and 1997. i could be wrong but i don't really care if i am; don't bother to correct me, it's my fucking story. ANYWAY.

swamp deer. they're directly related to elk, moose, buffalo and the now extinct mastadon and brontosaurus. they are that fucking big. and they like to hide in the ditches along the highway at mad crazy hours of the morning when it's still dark and you're half asleep, starting your commute to work, and then they like to fucking RAM the side of your car, just for fun, just to make sure you're awake. "oh, good morning, didn't see you there..."

hitting a swamp deer is similar to running your car into a giant boulder - the sound is one and the same. they are huge creatures, covered in swamp moss, making them impossible to see in the dark or in the daylight and they come at your vehicle at 4,812 miles per hour with no intention of stopping, just tearing shit up and making you wish you'd worn your brown pants to work. and after they have royally destroyed your shit and fucked up your day, they scamper off, back to their herd of swamp deer friends and lie in waiting for their next victim.

they are assholes. every last one of them. and so when i saw my poor uugof's eyeball lying on the side of the highway, i stopped to look. just broken glass and plastic - no hair, no blood, no dead fucking swamp deer. which just pisses me off. because for all the trouble this is causing for me, i want a dead fucking deer.

actually, it's causing very little trouble for me at all. life is continuing on as normal, except that my poor uugof is *again* sitting at the body shop and the estimate is over 5,000$ in repairs. holy shiznit. i am certainly getting my money's worth out of my insurance company this year. but if there is a brightside, i do get a new bumper! woot!

okay. so the yankees are out of the playoffs (again). and joe torre is NOT coming back next year (WTF?!!). i blame all of this on the cleveland indians. tonight is game seven of the alcs and if dice-k does not come through with a win, i am going to take matters into my own hands. i don't really know what that means. it prolly means i'm going to throw a little temper tantrum like i did after the yankees lost, that was so fucking adorable of me. :P

okay. i'm hungry. and bored. i'm going to go watch transformers again.

if you still feel raw about it, i'll be waiting

i just kicked out the king bee. not permanently, at least i don't think so. i told him i'm not his roommate, his whore or his maid, and i refuse to be treated as such. he said to call him when i feel like talking again. i told him to call me when he realised how shitty he was making me feel.

i guess i'm kind of testy this evening. but i'll bet you my phone doesn't ring. and i know mine won't be dialing out...

gahhh. fucking boys, anyway. i hate them all.

so my "roommates" are on vacation. and that leaves me housesitting and dogsitting. housesitting is awesome, because i can watch my movies on the big tv really loud like i like them. and i can either do the dishes as i dirty them or i can wait until i'm out of glasses and then wash them all. (i'm not waiting. i'm far too anal retentive for a sink full of dirty dishes; ick.)

however, dogsitting is NOT so awesome. the dog hates me. and she's fucking crazy. she wouldn't eat her dinner last night (dinner, by the way, is a specially crafted plate of ham and chicken and cheese - not dog food, as you might imagine.) so she started barking at 0300 this morning because she was hungry/bored/mad that i was sleeping. and she barked nonstop until nearly 1000. what made her stop barking? i went and bought her a freaking roasted chicken, as suggested by my roommate and she ate the whole thing and took a nap. later, as i tried to put her out, she gangbusted the door and went for an unauthorized stroll about the neighborhood. about 20 minutes later she just came home.

i hate this dog. plus, she keeps jumping on my bed which is just pissing me off. grrr....

so. work. let's talk about work, shall we? yup. i'm gainfully employed and i have one of those titles that sounds really important. i'm a business development coordinator. what does that mean? well, obviously, i develop and coordinate business, you big dummy. no, really, it means that the salespeople at the antichrist of car dealerships that i'm now employed by are really not happy to see me every morning. but that's okay, since they're all old and not cute anyway.

at least not at my location. which is probably good. that could be kind of distracting. the phone guy is adorable and he's distracting enough.

anyway. work is good. i like it, so far. my boss is kind of scatterbrained and in the right light (or maybe the wrong light?) she has one hell of a moustache, but she's a back scratcher and she likes me. i'm sort of the "teacher's pet" and i like it that way. my coworkers are decent; at least 66.6 percent of them are. the remaining 33.334 percent is an insecure double bagger asian chick whose previous experience includes getting fired from the dealership/amusement park across the street. most of the time, she's not bad, if you don't look her straight in the face. the rest of the time i just want to club her with a blunt object. but whatever. a job is a job is a job is a job...

i just have to get moved. and that may be happening soon. i may have found a way to get through my financial woes more quickly than i thought. more news on that as it develops.

i'm seriously feeling bad about that whole argument with the king bee and he's probly asleep. i fucking hate boys. all of them. gahh...

so i think my fish is sick. norman, who i think is actually a norma, is looking swollen and is bottom sitting. beginning signs of dropsy, which as i found with roger cannot be cured. but then i fed him and now he's looking fine. perhaps he was swollen as a sign of starvation? i don't know. i can't figure the fuckers out. you feed them; they die. you don't feed them, they still die. they should be more like cats.

but not dogs.

i bet he doesn't feel bad at all. i bet he doesn't even understand why i'm mad. all day long, he did nothing but slept or ate or used my roommates kitchen or bathroom or shower; he was pissy when he had to buy lunch; he would have rather have played psp than talked to me on our way to cville this afternoon - the time actually spent with me, not sleeping or showering or trying to put his hand in my pants or watching telly was basically nonexistent. and i was feeling a little bit used. so i told him so. and he made that pathetic little puppy dog, "i don't get it face" and i held my ground.

and now i feel like a bitch.

i'm going to go watch the yankees beat the red sox and text message someone who at least pretends to care about me.

enough is enough.

so i've reached the point where salvaging my image is more important than the way i feel. i'm done trying to reach you. it's your turn to try and reach me.

but just to spite you, i might just start cheering for the indians.

there's always 2008...

sadly, i think we all knew this was coming. not that we were counting on this arm to get us to the world series anyway, but it's just another reason we're looking forward to next year.

cubs in '08!

what time is it? it's cold in here.

i'm home. there's a storm coming this way and i have the window open. it's a little chilly but with my blankets it feels perfect. i sleep really well when its cold in my room.

when i left for home today, i felt a little sad. and scared. it was comfortable, being home. it wouldn't be the end of the world but i think it would be a big step back for me. i can make it here. i don't have a lot of choice anymore. but i don't want to be one of those kids, you know?

i'm going to be fine.

tomorrow is monday. i don't work tomorrow. i have a few things to do (pay my parking ticket, do some laundry) but not much. i need to look for a new job. a job i can hold in conjunction with my current job or a job that will take the place of my current job, i'm not sure. but a new job. that would be good.

but right now i'm kind of tired. and i want to watch the rest of the yankees game.

does drinking dr. pepper make you a doctor? i don't think so!

there is no food in the house and i am hungry. don't go thinking i'm a hog because the food is gone, either - i'm not the one who ate it all. nope. the gran massa ate all the food in the house. all of it. gone. empty. no more. nada. this morning, i was like, okay, i'm out of milk so i'll have one of those granola bars i stuck in the way far back of the cabinet. nope. those are gone too. bastard ate my granola bars! ugh. so tonight i eat cheese. it's either cheese or ucky leftover taco pizza.

maybe i'll start fasting, i'm not sure.

so i'm sort of happy about the fact that this trip to ric didn't pan out this week. lil star is being released from the hospital and she wants me to be there to see her. if i'd been in ric i wouldn't have been able to go - not that i would have ever made to ric, they're getting like feet of rain and floods and hail and locusts and headless horsemen. yup, it's apocolypsing on the east coast, didn't you hear? and would you like to know why? it has nothing to do with sinners - it's because i had a trip planned and god didn't get the memo that i wasn't really going in time to call the whole thing off. sorry east coast. next time i'll try to go somewhere else or at least keep my plans to myself until the very last minute. otherwise you're likely to fall off the edge of the country and become your own little nation because there will prolly be a giant earthquake or something equally awful, like the nationals will win a world series or something.

and that's no gouda.

but this is gouda. i wish i had some gouda. and some apples. and some bread. and some milk. holy crap i'm hungry.

okay, fellow bloggers - i'm curious. is this word verification crap that blogger is putting me through pissing off anyone else or am i the only one? because i'm seriously honked about it and i'm considering giving blogger the official janel heave-ho. i guess i understand the whole concept of word verification but this is what upsets me: they're not words and i can never read them. like right now, the word verification word is "jhundfs." yeah, i'm smart. i know THAT'S NOT A WORD. wtf? and to top it all off, i can never read those stupid things anyway. so it takes me like seven tries just to get my post actually posted. gahhh. stupid blogger. how does that import thing work over at wordpress, anyway? anyone care to tell me? i'm taking it under consideration.

so. boys are also honking me off this evening. and not in a good way, if there even is a good way to be honked. i guess it's possible that with all the apocolypsing out there on the coast that baxter got flooded out of his home or eaten by a giant locust or galloped over by a headless horseman. but i'm putting my money on the idea that his phone just stopped dialing out, for whatever reason. now i know what you're thinking - superjanel, we've been through this before and phones work both ways - like a two way street, you know, it goes both ways? well, not today it doesn't. and tomorrow it won't either. i was the last one to make the effort. now it's his turn.

game on.

so tomorrow i have to get up at the ass crack of dawn so i can go do laundry so i'm not driving naked to go see family. that's just not cool. i've been naked in enough vehicles lately to last me for awhile.

but anyway. i'm going to go gnaw on the entertainment center to take the edge off my appetite before i go to bed.

i'm not wearing any pants. film at 11.

i didn't go. i prolly would have had a good time but i just didn't want to. the one coworker i just don't trust was going and the other coworker that i just don't trust myself with was going and my conscience tells me it just wouldn't have ended well.

but there's always next weekend.

instead, i came home and talked on the phone and took a bubble bath and watched baseball tonight. cubs won. yankees are currently tied. i love baseball. my fantasy baseball team sucks, though.

it was a nice and quiet evening. but now i can't sleep. i kind of want to play ps2 but i don't want to venture into the roommate's room.

why did i set up my playstation in there?

oh well. i'm going to go read a book and see if i can't fall asleep.

yankees won. :)

i need a small loan.

i love this horoscope:

The Chicago Cubs are up for sale. You should put in an offer to buy them. You’ll be able to see baseball games at Wrigley Field whenever you want to ... or you could be one of those heathens who wants to tear down Wrigley Field. Either way, free baseball! Come on, just because the price tag is $600 million shouldn’t make you turn away.

my roommate is trying to kill me...

i've had a good couple of days.

yesterday i went to the qc (not to be confused with the oc) and spent time with the fam, being a friend to my lil cuz. i remember being a confused 16-year-old, but i don't remember my driver's ed teacher being so hot.

his name is joel. OMG. i've put in a request for private driving lessons...

but i had a good time. we shopped, we browsed, we swapped belly button rings in the parking lot, we ate at the ihop, we shared boy stories and war stories - she's amazing.

i just wish she knew it.

today was fun. gran massa and i went mushroom hunting. that lasted for all of about 17 minutes and then he got frustrated because he's never found a mushroom (or at least never found a mushroom and not stepped on it). so then we went mountain climbing.

i'm not kidding. we went climbing up the side of a damn mountain.

in dbq.

up like thousands of feet and then across the side of a miniature freakin' grand canyon and then down the side of a canyon. this bitch was not happy about this at all, especially when the "trail" ended like 7 feet from the driver's side of my car.

i truly think he was trying to kill me. because more than once i looked down and about hyperventilated myself off the side of a mountain. holy crizzap, boys and girls. superjanel does not do well with heights. unless it's in airplanes or helicopters or other contained objects. like tall buildings. anyway. that picture? that's the grand massa showing me how to get down the side of a mountain. yeah, um, i don't do so well on mountains.

you know, if he wants the damn fishtanks that bad, he should just ask. it's a whole lot cleaner than taking me up a damn mountain and watching my stupid ass fall off.

ugh.

i never should have written a will.

so much for lent. i gave that up this evening. i wish there were perfect baseball-playing driver's ed teaching boys and roller rinks in dbq. unfortunately, all the boys are gay or taken and the roller rinks close at supper time. such is my life. so i took up again and finished this morning. it feels good. i'm back to myself and back to normal... ?... yeah, i'm not sure. :)

i talk too much when i'm drunk. i wish people listened less. thank god i didn't drink and dial.

i should go to bed. i have nightmares of mountain climbing and dreams of baseball players with fantasmical shoulders to tend to.

hope your night is as superb as mine has been...

love,
superfreakinnotsogreatatlentjanel

♥ hurry up april! ♥

this is what's so great about baseball season: kyle farnsworth. look at those arms.

*sigh*

it's a fine line between stupid and crazy

there are few calm days here. with the introduction of the gong into the household, one can only assume that there will be fewer days of calm and more days of mass calamity as the gran massa champ has made a pact (with whom, i'm not sure) to bang the gong each morning at 0704, providing that the temperature inside the house is above freezing. i didn't get up until about 0930 this morning, so it must have been pretty cold.

now a logical person would ask, who brought home a gong and why? and generally, i would say, you're correct, that *is* a logical question and thanks for asking. but here, in the house with rubber walls, there are no logical questions and truly, you should know better than to ask. but i'll answer. yesterday was gran massa's birthday. he's officially entered the land of the upper-twenties and there's no turning back. beyond that, he's kind of having a shitty week, month, what have you and i felt the need to attempt to cheer him up. so when the brothers and i went to target to look for a yard gnome i actually left with a house gong instead.

it is the coolest thing ever. it's one of those things you almost want to buy for yourself but feel stupid doing so, so instead you buy it for someone else that you spend a lot of time with so you can use it too. :) i know, i rock, right? right on.

yesterday i had belated bday lunch with roberto and jorge. i miss them. i'm not that far away but we all have lives to lead and that makes it hard. they totally make me laugh. i had such a good time. we ate lunch and played bongos and gongs and discussed how no one really needs five pounds of valentine candy but no one really wants to turn it away and looked at shoes. we all have an unhealthy shoe addiction; apparently it's genetic.

today i got the results of my fantasy baseball draft. it wasn't bad. i have some tweaks to make but overall i'm pretty pleased. i cannot wait for the beginning of baseball season - it's like it officially marks the beginning of spring and warm days, green grass and allergies, hot dogs and beer. even if it is 20 degrees and snowing at wrigley field. we're only 42 days out, kiddos. that's wonderful.

work. i start work next friday in cid. i have a job. yay me. yay for dollars. because right now, i don't have any. and you know what i'm most excited about? it's not the actual work or travel benefits or interaction with people or anything like that. nope. my boss is fucking hot. OMG. and that one thing that i was sort of worried about, that one thing, with that one guy from that one time? yeah. no worries. not a concern. i so rock.

what else? today i had to take the gran massa champ to the hospital because his toes were numb and white and ice cold. he thought maybe he was having a stroke until the lady at the admissions desk at the er told him how much an er visit cost and then he realised what a stroke really felt like. cuz after that he apparently got well enough to walk out and recover in the car on the way to lunch as he swore about the cost of healthcare and the lack of compassion given by those in the healthcare industry. it would have been kind of funny except his toes were really gross looking. i pulled one of dr. friedgood's tricks and got out the pin and stuck him in the toe. it wasn't nearly as fun as i thought it might be.

ummm... oh yeah. i'm on a drinking sabbatical. i'm pretty sure it's only temporary, until i get a good invitation. but it sounds good.

i think that's it for now. i'm going to go watch the office and check the radar. it's snowing again (surprise fucking surprise) - it only snows when i have somewhere to be in the morning, you know it? ugh.

happy thoughts. 42 days 'til baseball season. spring training. kyle farnsworth. oh my... :D

the new object of my affections...

this is daisuke matsuzaka, the new right-handed pitcher for the red sox. two words: yum-my. i want to *know* him. i mean, he's no kyle farnsworth, but still... :D

only 51 days. hell yes.

but this makes me feel warm and fuzzy.

i want this job.

only 54 days, baby. rock.

pitchers♥ and catchers report to spring training in nine days.

we're only 61 days out boys and girlies

only 61 days until opening day. i don't care how - i am going to be at wrigley field on april 9 when the cubbies play their home opener against houston. i don't care if i have to become a vixen of the night, selling my self on street corners; i don't care if i have to harvest my eggs; i don't care if i have to sell a kidney; i don't care -- you get the point. i will be there. and quite possibly, i will find a way to be in cvg on april 2 for their first game. (gran massa champ, i'll stop calling you cartman and making references to your growing arse and world of warcraft if you'll help me out with this...) anyway. only 61 days. i can buy tickets on 23feb. oh yeah.

today was school. and do i feel learned. apparently my pompous prof and i read completely different chapters for this week's class - shit, we read completely different books. because i don't know where he got what he got out of the reading, but all i got was a serious nasty headache. so tonight i just followed along and highlighted what he outlined as the major points in the chapters because i seem to have missed every single one of them. ugh. i hate this class. i hate this man. at least my classmates seemed to have a lil' more personality this week. or maybe i was just awake this week. or maybe i was just concentrating on something other than getting drunk. it's hard to say.

work. i've thought about getting a job, which ought to count for something but unfortunately does not when it comes to paying rent and pacifying my mother and my roommate. so today i was doing what i usually do: watch sportscenter and eat apples until about noon when my current gm called to see why i hadn't submitted my paperwork for my leave of absence yet. and honestly, it's on my list of things to do, along with about a bajillion things that i eventually intend to do, such as alphabatize my sock drawer and attain world peace. so she asked me mail it in, along with my badges and my keys. and i said okay and hung up the phone and then i about cried because i don't want to send in my badge. i like my badge. i like my job. i love my job. i'm incredibly sad that i don't get to go to work anymore. so i logged on to jetnet and was just dicking around when i saw that cid has an opening for a ft agent - that's what i am. that's my job and it's only an hour away. so i called cid's gm and discussed this and he's going to call my gm and discuss this and she's going to think i've lost my fucking mind but honestly i've changed my mind and there is nothing for me here in dbq with eagle (right now, anyway) and i can't bear the thought of getting a 'real' job and i don't really feel like trying so i think this is a good decision. (that is the run-on sentence from hell.) we'll see what happens, i guess. i've heard good things about the gm in cid and the kid that i made a complete fool out of myself with at ramp training is no longer listed on their seniority list, so i'm prolly safe. :) i hope.

what else? oh. this was not nice. gran massa champ (who, if he does not assist me in getting to cvg on 02apr for reds/cubs action will be referred to as cartman) told me that i'm arrogant. do you think i'm arrogant? i don't think i'm arrogant. i'm stuck up, yes, and i tend to think that i'm better than most people at most things (even things that i have no experience in)... and i think that i have just defined arrogant. piss. when did this happen? can a person change? the sad thing is, i sort of like me, so i guess that means i sort of like me arrogant and a pain in the ass. fuck.

one thing that i find interesting is the receptionist part of my roomie duties. i didn't realize i signed up for this job but it's been bestowed upon me, like it or not. so when the occupant of the south side of the house decides to take a holiday and stops answering his phone, his significant other calls/texts/messages moi to see where he is. little does the significant other know is that i'm the last person that gran massa champ tells where he is because if it's something he wants to keep secret, i'm going to charge him for my silence. and yes, kids, i'm talking dollars. i figure if it's something icky/bad/whatever enough that someone shouldn't be told, i should be compensated for its' weight on my conscience as well. this has happened a couple times. don't get me wrong, i like significant other. i just think it creates an interesting situation for me. but no one really stops to consider that, do they...? but no worries. i just answer questions 'do you know where he is?' with responses like 'i have no idea... he left here yesterday dressed in feathers and pink high heels holding a sack of potatoes and a fistful of two dollar bills... i didn't think a thing of it until the cops called...' hehehe... :D

do you watch comedy central? yes? no? go to their website and search for demetri martin. that guy is a crack up. omg. 'if i ever saw an amputee being hanged... i'd just shout out letters..' oh my funny.

okay. more homework to do. blecch. what can i do instead of homework? i've already filed and paid bills and cleaned the litterbox and made a sandwich. i'm out of things to do. so i guess i'll do homework. ugh. again, why did i go back to school?

peas out.
love,
superfreakinawesomereceptionistjanel

i can't think of a thing to say

it's because i haven't done a single thing today. i didn't get out bed until noon. i read books. i watched movies - i'm still watching movies. i ordered a pizza. and i'm currently sitting on the sofa, where i've been for at least four hours now, and i am enjoying every second of it. tomorrow, though, i have things to do.

janel's list of things to do on sunday, sunday, sunday...

1. call my best gram
2. wash my car
3. go to lowes and buy a showerhead and light bulbs
4. go to best buy :)
5. scrub the kitchen floor

i put myself on the waiting list for cubs season tickets today. my current position is 32,251. i figure by the time i'm about 75, blind, deaf and fully unable to enjoy baseball in any shape or form, i'll make the top of the list and get my season tickets. yes. :)

smart move.

this is a good decision but he doesn't have the big bucks for being a moron. 2007 baby!

aloha mr. hand

last night was a bust, as far as designated drinking was concerned. nigel's freaky ass little brother wouldn't stop following us around, wouldn't take no for an an answer. i ended up leaving around midnight and ended up out at blue eyes' house. i thought that maybe if i saw him sober he wouldn't be as appealing as he is when i'm inebriated. unfortunately, that didn't change. he's still adorable. he wanted me to stay, but that's not kosher. i'm not okay with that at this point. in fact i haven't even called him today like i said i would, like he asked me to. i don't know why. maybe i will tomorrow. idk. it was 330 in the morning and he called to see if i was almost home and to tell me he enjoyed my company. i like the fact that he's considerate that way. it's a nice change. i was supposed to go out again with nigel and bob, but i'm tired and crabby and not in the mood for people. so me and the kittnen are watching fast times at ridgemont high and flipping back and forth between the mets/dodgers and the late model race on speed. boy looks cute. he did a good job. the mets are ahead, currently, which is good. i hate the a's, i hate the dodgers, and i hate, hate, HATE the tigers. i can't believe the yankees got ousted this year...again. i've been reading that steinbrenner may let joe torre go, which i think is asinine, but once again, i'm not often consulted when it comes to decisions like this. if that's the case, i know of a team that's looking for a high profile manager with experience. i'll have to make some calls. hehehehe... so today i slept late, for me, which was nice. i downloaded the office last night, so i watched that and laid in bed until i absolutely had to get up. had lunch with dad and carolyn, jordy and steph. love, love, love, being the fifth wheel. it was great. superb. grand. i followed them to costco and petco, where i ended up with free laundry detergent and cat food, so the whole trip wasn't a bust. then i get home and i've got an odd request from boy, who apparently thinks i'm enough of a loser to stay home on a saturday night, and oddly he's right, except that i'm vcr-retrarded and not able to fulfull his needs. ha. i did make a serious attempt, however, and this should be noted, even if it's not enough to be one-up on the fellow. i even called robert for setup assistance. he was doing homework (OMG) and was not of any help at that time. oh well. i hope boy got my msg and doesn't go rummaging through uugof in the middle of the night because there's nothing there to find. it does make one wonder what would make him call me. hmm... perhaps he's more than 90 percent over our little tiff? idk. but i was willing to record over one of my all-time favorite spongebob marathon video tapes for his race. i hope he understands what a sacrifice i was willing to make in order to help out. friday was an awful day at work and i'm in no mood to return, but i've signed up for 15-hour days tomorrow and monday. there's that "i'm not able to say no, i suck" thing rearing its ugly head again. i wish i could learn to stop that. i'm not even on a relief shift, i'm only supposed to be getting 20 hours a week, i can't survive on that but working 30 hours out of 48 is a little absurd. speaking of work, i don't really know what's up with my best good friend except that he's still not allowed back to work. i don't know if he even knows what's going on, really, except that now he doesn't have to pay for his attorney and anytime you can get out of that expense, that's a good thing. i desparately want to hang up pictures in this place, it's depressing the hell out of me that it looks like a freaking sanitarium - white on white on white on white. boo. i need some color. i need some life in this place. i need to shut the window because my feet are cold. i also need to take out the trash and fold my laundry, because it's surely not going to happen until tuesday. tuesday is food show day at the ice cream store, they're trying out all the new ideas for their pella corp. thing. i heart free food, 'specially when my momma makes it. yum. and i did get the last of the chocolate ice cream - excuse me, double dutch chocolate ice cream - of the season. it's sitting in my freezer. perhaps i need some ice cream. there's no funk ice cream can't solve. :D mets are still winning. woot! so i got a phone call from eddy a few days ago. i hear things are going swell for eddy so far in kc - swell to the tune of a 10k plus sale on day one. and that's great. but don't call and tell me to put things in motion when you're the one to move away and make paperwork difficult. so there. that's all i have to say about that. bottom of the ninth, mets are going to take this one. sweet balls. i just can't believe the yankees are out again. this is depressing. notice i don't even mention my cubbies, they just suck beyond belief. grrr. blue eyes is a hawkeye fan, i mean huge hawkeye fan. his living room was fever pitch-esque, only black and gold as opposed to red and white. i don't think he's much of a baseball fan though. sad. i watched the iowa game today while dad and carolyn and jorge discussed what he needs for his birthday. i told dad that he really wants his sister to have a sofa but it didn't work. i really don't want to go to work tomorrow. but i guess i need to pay rent. i'd like to have two whole days off this week. i'm going to try to actually take my days off, i'll have 40 hours plus by tuesday. then i can have birthday dinner on wednesday and some good sleep. mets won. yay. i finished lolita tonight. what a book. what a fabulous description of a warped relationship. the story itself was a little predictable until the halfway point, but the verbal imagery was incredible. what a book. okay. sleep. have to back to work sometime and that requires sleep. all my chores are done. hopefully i can sleep. i've not been sleeping well. the cat is all over me at night, he's sad, i can tell. speaking of critters, mom says that my dog is doing well at gram's house. that's good. he needs constant attention and i'm just not able to give it. i miss him. okay. done. gnite.... i hope.

lucky lucky...you're so lucky

oh, things are looking up. i ended up with my saturday off. nigel is already making plans for my entire day and as long as my buzz keeps up, i may just let her. i'm not sure yet. i'm not entirely sure how that happened, a saturday off, but i'm not complaining. :D the texas ranger is siiiick. she sounds like ass. i got a strange little message from ict mark, he's in vegas for training. sure. why can't i go to vegas for training? i want to go; i've never been. boo.

i'm tired but i can't sleep. my mind is still at work, a million miles a minute: things i didn't get done today that i wanted to do, things i have to do tomorrow that i'm not going to get done, and a slew of random people - some i want to think about and others i don't. but it's all just there and i can't put it to bed, even though i'm in bed and i want to let it all go. i'm considering going full-time at work. i don't make any more money, but it's a guarantee of 40 hours per week. then i could pick up on top of that when i can. i don't really want to, but i think i need to.

the gossip hounds at work are sleeping on the job. there's been no new news on the workfront regarding my best good friend and his predicament. the silence is deafening. and maddening for those that want to be in the know. it's as if there is nothing to know, as if nothing happened - but someone is missing and no one seems to know why. tomorrow may be the day that provides answers, closure, something. finally.

i'm seriously peeved about this vegas thing and his nerve to send me photos and information about his training. how come i'm not in vegas for training? ugh. no fair.

dusty baker getting fired from the cubbies was a page six story in today's usa today sports section. what is the world coming to? i mean yes, we all knew it was coming, but still - page six? rude. it sort of makes me sad, i don't think he got a fair shake this last year, injuries and wimpy pitchers would have made it a rough year for anyone in his position. but i'm not consulted before such decisions are made. i heart baseball. i heart baseball players. and bendy straws... hehehehe....

one great thing i've found about living alone is that i can come home and watch sportscenter in bed until 3a.m. if i so desire, with no one to complain that i'm watching the same show over and over and over. there are many great things: i can leave clothes in the dryer. i can eat cheese and bread and fruit for every meal. i can work all the damn time. i can answer my phone late at night. i can do all of these things without getting dirty looks. it's wonderful.

one thing that sucks about not having tivo: i have to wait for my episodes of the office to come out on itunes, which generally happens the day after, but i don't like the idea of waiting. especially with this jim and pam saga... however, this thursday i think meekin and i have a date, which is a good reason not to watch or be concerned about it. yay for me and meekin! i should take our bottle of bailey's... :D where is ict mark when you need him?

okay. need to watch the yankees highlights.