ups and downs, pros and cons

i'm working on my list of pros and cons in my decision of moving to another state 1,000 miles away from home. it's a hard decision. i've never lived that far away from my family before. my mind knows its time for a change but my heart wonders if this is a good time. i know something has to be done but i wonder if i'm making the right decisions, if i'm along the right path, if i'm even close, you know? i have to admit, i feel a tremendous amount of guilt for using this time as a time of positive change. i almost don't feel right to vacation, to have fun, to laugh, to spend time with another baby - my heart is just sick, nearly breaking, at some moments. and i should have expected that, i mean, that's why i'm here, right? i'm here to deal with those feelings and to experience those moments and to heal. and so that's what i'll do.

anyway. pros and cons. i'm getting to that. i just don't know what to do. i think getting out and seeing things will help. maybe getting out and getting lost will be helpful. i have been looking at jobs and places to live, asking questions about neighborhoods and the area. i've never moved cross country, i'm not sure how to do that. do you take all your things or do you sell them? do you hire movers or do you bribe family members? how does this work? i'm not even good at moving 75 miles from corydon to des moines; how can i be good at moving 996 miles? ugh. i have no idea.

so here is what i have so far.

pros

• i have a friend (and her family) in nc
• there seem to be many job opportunities in nc and i don't have a job
• moving would be a clean slate
• traveling home is just a day's drive or a couple quick flights
• the cost of living doesn't seem to be that much different than iowa
• there are more things to do in nc
• lots of opportunities to go back to school
• closer to the beach and i love the beach
• not nearly as much snow! the climate is much more temperate
• more sports opportunities. nascar, baseball, basketball, football - and these are professional teams, not farm teams. and that is a nice change.

cons

• my family is in iowa
• i would miss my mom terribly
• most of my friends are in iowa and they're good to me
• i can find my way around in iowa; i have no sense of direction in nc
• leaving would mean leaving my doctors and my therapist
• i would have to sell most of my belongings in order to move
• i really can't afford to move and moving is expensive
• i can't understand a lot of the natives when they talk

anyone have any other ideas? any pros? any cons? anything i'm forgetting? any suggestions, any life altering advice? i'm open to just about anything at this point. i kind of just want someone to point in a direction and say, "go there, do that" and i'd probably do it. if anyone wants to step up, the position is open.

i'm going to go watch the oscars and wait for advice to come pouring in.