14 February 2008

not itchy or scratchy but no flowers either

why can't they fix the spell check? i'm 28 years old and i just learned yesterday that there is no "D" in refrigerator. obviously, i need a spell check.

it's vd. but not of the itchy-variety (thanks, vt friend), its vd of the mushy, fluffy, flowers and cards and chocolates and diamonds variety. little do all those poor bastards know that all that crap goes on clearance tomorrow - flowers die, cards are purchased by girlfriends for girlfriends and chocolates do go straight to your hips. nope, i'm not bitter.

well, maybe a little. but telling me you considered buying me flowers and actually buying me flowers are NOT the same thing and you know it.

actually, today being vd didn't bother me much. and that's because i've been working all day. apply that term loosely, because i haven't really done much. but i've been out of the house and among people and until it got dark, my spirits were high. until flowers were delivered for someone else, i didn't give it much thought. but i have to tell you, i have a serious urge to pick all the petals off and stomp them into the carpet. i'm just not in the mood for romance. all y'all lovebirds can just suck it.

i guess i'm better off than i was a year ago, if you stop and think about it. a year ago i was getting slapped around by a big gay drama queen (and i do mean queen) in a shit hole of a bar in east dubuque. i spent the next evening at the police station. i don't miss that drama. i considered telling the ex-roommate happy birthday (his birthday is tomorrow) but i saw him on myspace and he looks like holy crizzap and while i think that all people deserve to be told happy birthday (especially me), even those that look like holy crizzap, i just don't want to get embroiled in the drama that goes along with telling him happy birthday. i guess you'd have to know him to know what i mean. so i'm going to avoid that whole scene and just keep my mouth shut. i don't need the brouhaha that goes along with that scene.

is shit hole one word or two?

just a few more days until i leave for charlotte. i can't even tell you how much i'm looking forward to that. i was talking to libbeth today about what we're going to do while i'm there. beyond the basics (lots of eating), i want to look for work and for a graduate program. uncc has a sports marketing and management program that sounds amazing - but highly selective. i'd love to look into that but i hate the idea of out-of-state tuition. libbeth asked what my plan was - the one that didn't involve ice cubes, a nine iron, or a buffalo (live or stuffed, preferably stuffed for safety's sake...) - and i guess it's just to figure it out as i go. i don't really know what i'm doing right now, although i feel like i'd do just about anything to get away from here right now. i've been advised not to make any life changing decisions but that's kind of hard when you've got nothing planned. i mean, the decisions i'm making right now are changing my life everyday and they're pretty small and insignificant - get out of bed or stay in? blue hoodie or blue fleece? i'd mockingly tell you that it's hard to be me but lately it kind of is. :(

i'm supposed to go out with nigel tomorrow night. feeling like i'm feeling right now i'm not really up to it. maybe tomorrow night will be different. my attitude towards drinking in the city of chariton has changed; it doesn't sound as entertaining as it used to. it's not necessarily the company - i love nigel and i love allison, but i just don't know if i'm ready for the public, you know? maybe i should just take it easy this weekend. why doesn't she want to go rollerskating like every other friday night?

i should have about 8 hours of csi: miami to watch, which is good because i'm probably going to need it. i'm feeling a little anxious; i've decided that this is the night i'm going to stop taking ambien to help me sleep. i'll probably be up all night watching david caruso deliver really cheesy one-liners and listening to the who scream about how they're won't get fooled again. i apparently missed like a whole season somewhere - frank is bald, ryan works for the other side and callie is wearing her hair down. wtf is going on in miami? i tried tivo-ing csi: miami and csi: new york at the same time last night but mom the tivo police caught me and made me choose. which was funny because she was asleep at the time that they would have recorded. but whatever. i can't watch lieutenant dan clean up crime in new york. not without his new legs. its just too weird.

i have an appointment with the therapist tomorrow morning. she's nice. i'll probably go get my mail and feed my fish too. my poor fish. did i tell you he lost his moustache? i bought that fish because he looked like hitler. and the idea of a fish that looked like hitler but named fluffy was just hilarious to me - in fact, just the idea of a fish named fluffy is still pretty freaking funny. but if you're a goldfish aficionado, you know that as goldfish age they sometimes change color. especially black spots on goldfish. so my orange goldie that once had a black moustache now looks as though he's shaved. and that cracks me up. but facial hair or no, he's probably hungry. so i'll go feed him tomorrow.

small time goals. but good to have something to do. i'm outta here. thanks for looking in on me. i'm doing okay; i'm still here. :)

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