don't give me your phone number when i've been drinking. unless you have pen and paper, hammer and a stone tablet, blood and papyrus - don't recite seven digits at me in rapid sucession and expect me to remember them. because it's not going to happen. since the wee hours of saturday morning, i've been trying to remember the combination of 4s, 7s, 9s that i'm pretty sure were given to me. but it's just not happening. so a few poor saps in both the 515 as well as the 641 area codes have gotten a few random text messages, none apparently received by my new "friend."
hmm... but no fear. my "friend's" cousin is a good friend of my little brother. the beauty of small towns, right?
i slept last night for about six hours. off and on. no advil pm (and never again), no ambien, just tired. watched a little tv, finished a really good book that turned really strange at the end and then just lied there until i fell asleep. i think i've figured out that zoloft won't let me sleep so i took it today at noon. and i was weird and jumpy and not hungry for a while. and now i feel okay. i don't know if that stuff is working. and the side effects aren't good if you read about them (but the side effects for anything aren't good if you read about them.) but again, anxiousness is decreasing and calmness is generally on the rise, so i'll take it for now.
crying comes in small fits. and then it goes away. sometimes i can tell that its coming and sometimes it comes out of the blue. i worked yesterday and actually ended up working late because of a deal that happened at closing time. it was a younger couple with a baby boy. a beautiful, happy, smiling, amazing baby boy. and while i printed (and then reprinted) their paperwork, it took every ounce of everything i had not to scream at them that they had so much nerve, that they had no idea what i'd just been through and i would very much appreciate it if they would take their baby and their after-hours business elsewhere. but i didn't. instead, after they left, i just cried. because i didn't know what else to do. and that baby broke my heart because i won't have one like him.
just a couple days til i leave. i'm so excited. i can't wait to get away from here. i need some new scenery, some new people, some new stories. libbeth wants to know what i eat so she can buy snacks. i can't think of anything i eat on a regular basis. cheese? water? i don't eat anything out of the ordinary, probly a lot of junk food. i should stop that. libbeth, put me on a diet. rations. spaceman dehydrated meals. and tang.
assuming the roads are passable and she can get away from work, mom and are going to the big city tomorrow. i need to find a suitcase at my apartment and get some clothes from my closet. i also have to show her how to feed my fish as she and mark will be fluffy's caretakers while i am away. its not hard but i like to make it complicated. i've been checking my flights and my seats and wondering what i should pack for 60-degree weather. and should i pack what nice clothes i do have that fit me in case of interviews? ugh. decisions. i may just take flip flops and tshirts and call it good, see what happens. if i can find my flip flops.
today is the daytona 500. all the televisions in the house have been commandeered to watch the race. and that's okay. because i need to be reminded of how little i know of this sport this year and how much it will sting when i'm at the bottom of the fantasy racing team i was asked to join. that's okay. in a few weeks, i'll start picking the absolute worst drivers as an attempt to start conversation and irritate fellow game players. and there, i just gave away my whole strategy. its the same way i play monopoly. i buy random properties and don't ever sell anything to anyone else playing, so no one else can get a monopoly and can't really win the game. i end up winning because people end up yelling and quitting until i'm the only one left at the table.
i'm awesome that way.