20 February 2008

i'm still wearing yesterday's pajamas

i heart lazy days. especially lazy days when you're not the only one being lazy. i love lounging in my comfy clothes and not doing much of anything - just hanging out. i slept so late today, i'm almost ashamed to tell you i slept until noon. but in my own defense, i should tell you i was awake for nearly 24 hours yesterday. and it has been awhile since i've pulled one of those.

my brother, in all his loyalty, came through for me. so i am rescinding my 5$ paypal offer because i got the phone number i needed. and in fact had an unfulfilling conversation with said "friend" this evening but its hard to have any sort of real conversation by text message. but at least i can have another unfulfilling conversation if i want to. and boys and girls, that's all i wanted was the option to do so. life is good when you have options.

we watched the lunar eclipse this evening from libbeth's front porch. did anyone else watch this? i've not seen one of these before, it was very cool. it didn't look like i thought it would - from pictures, i thought it would be more black and white, not as colorful. and it took 51 minutes from start to finish, which if you think about it, is a good thing, because i get dizzy if i turn around too fast or if i'm riding carnival rides. if the earth rotated fast enough that an eclipse only took a few minutes, i might have a real issue. :D

it's been a really good day but i still find that as it gets dark, my mind starts to work against itself. i find myself playing "what if" and i start to cry. i'm still sad. i wish i knew the reason everything has worked out as it has; it would make everything else much more clear. i'm still not sure what i'd like to do with my life - do i want to move or make a life back home, do i want to find a job or settle in a career, go back to school or maybe travel for a while - i just can't decide on anything. everything is so up in the air, and i realize that a decision doesn't have to be made at this very second, but it does have to be made soon. i can't continue to meander through life and let people make decisions for me.


i have to go to the bathroom. and i would like to brush my teeth again. i don't need no stinkin' dentist. my new toothbrush is the shiznit.

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