20 February 2007

hi, i live in the real world.

you know those people, the ones that look like they have it all together: life is going well, career is going well, personally they've got their shit together. maybe they're in a relationship and they're happy, and maybe they're single and seem to enjoy it. family and home life is good. no money issues. tons of friends and things to do. everybody knows these people. except the thing is - these people don't really exist.

these people are a farce. sure. some people may *seem* to have all that going on, but i've never really met anyone that had everything together, on the same page at the same time. it's like it's not possible. it's like no one can really have that life, or at least life that well.

people are really good at putting on that face. the one that allows people to see only what they want others to see. that's why we think that everyone else's life is so great and so wonderful. it's not necessarily a lie, but it's sort of a lie by omission, which is still a lie in definition.

for example. i give really good advice. people come to me and tell me things that a) i have no business knowing and b) i really don't care about but c) they seek my opinion on because d) i project the image that my life is somehow more goal-oriented and clear than it really is. people seem to think that i know what i'm doing and where i'm going when in reality i get up most mornings and it's a big guessing game. i just don't let on to the general public that this is what's going on in my head.

i'm not being egotistical. that's just how it happens. all the time.

so like today, when i'm confronted with a situation where the person that i think has it all together doesn't know what to do - i'm just shocked. it doesn't make the advice that person has given me shallow or any less meaningful; it doesn't make the person any less of a person. it just shocks me that a person that projects this image can feel this way.

even though i know that the image projected is just a hologram of a person she wants people to think she is.

so after that, i have to wonder, i wonder what the people who've seen me break down, who've seen me in the middle of all of this... melodramatic hullabaloo... what do they think?

and then i feel bad because not everthing is about me.

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