captain insano shows no mercy.

madison is the dumbest city in the world.

oh. em. gee.

i hate msn. i hate it. i hate it more than i can describe. i hate it, i hate it, i hate it! (when i make this statement, i want to talk to my grandma on the phone and wear high heels and stomp my feet like henry winkler in the waterboy... hehehe...)

anyway. here is the short version of why i hate madison, wisconsin:

• they don't believe in street signs or road markings of any variety. or lights. and all the goddamn streets look the same.
  
• apparently there is only one way to get to the airport. we did not take it. we didn't take anything close to it.
• even if there isn't a sign that says, don't make a u-turn here, i'm still supposed to fucking know that i can't make a u-turn there.
  
• the cops are assholes. (raise my right hand my ass. "do you know why i'm pulling you over?" "because you got all C's in high school?" motherfuckers. i have strong feelings about law enforcement officials. and they're not positive ones either.)
• apparently something about the polar alignment and the magnetism of the moon in msn throws off the gran massa champ's internal compass. because we were lost as shit both going into town and heading out. we suck.
• i love my gal pal. she's a 'doll', but she's sort of a flake. but i guess if i was inside the bar and watched my friend get pulled over right outside i prolly wouldn't answer my phone either, i'd be laughing so hard. thanks, doll.
  
• it's a long ass drive. period. and cow-shaped cheese does not make everything better. just some things.

are you wondering why i was in madison for the better part of the night last night? yeah, i'm still trying to figure that one out too. no, seriously, the champ had a friend come into the area. he was supposed to fly into cid, but because delta is the stellar airline that they are, he ended up in msn instead. about three hours late. YES. i thought, the champ picked me as a friend, this guy must be somewhat intelligent and/or good looking, gay or not, at least i'll have something entertaining for the next few hours.

um, no.

what the gran massa failed to mention is that the friend was abused as a child by the hairlip fairy. and that instead of a full-facial beating with the proverbial ugly stick, he opted for a half beating and a full lobotomy. this is a grown man, making the statement, "i didn't know the mississippi river was all the way up here."

all the way up here? this is iowa. not the fucking north pole. what the fuck kind of geography are they teaching you in ohio? don't they have any sort of educational standards? will they just graduate anyone who can write their name in cursive and distinguish oranges from apples?

wow. so i distanced myself as soon as i could, even though it was *only* 0430 this morning when we finally got home. short of locking myself in my bedroom, i couldn't get away fast enough. i could feel the mean iq in the house dropping dramatically even though we'd added a third person. it scared the janel.

but thankfully, they're gone now. yay. and the house is quiet, except for the occasional ring of the phone, buzz of the im, or the splash of the kitty falling in the fish tank. i don't know who was more surpised, the kitty or the fish. i guess i'm going to have to start paying attention to that kind of stuff when i'm home.

damn you kitties, don't you know i'm busy?

i got the nicest text message today: 'i just wanted you to know i'm thinking about you.' i wore the biggest, goofiest grin for like two hours. it was great.

and now, now i think i'm going to go to bed. i'm tired. boo.

gnite, lovelies.
love, superfreakindon'tbringyourdumbassfriendsaroundmejanel