have you heard about this? this is making the rounds on some of the news sites today. i wasn't aware until the gran massa champ pointed out that i wasn't going to live past the ripe old age of 56. but i'm down with that. really, that's okay. as sporadically as i seem to be working anyway, i won't have a whole lot of retirement to collect.
so omg. there's a giant asteroid coming towards the earth. mankind as we know it is going to end. if we're going to sin, better get it out of our systems in the next 29 years cuz after that we're all going to be charbroiled chunks of charcoal, sister, floating around in the atmosphere radiating neon and carbon and glycol and magnesium and shit, glowing in the dark.
but wait... haven't we heard this story before? in fact, wasn't it a movie? wasn't it a huge hollywood blockbuster? oh yeah... that's right. remember this?
so now, apparently, the un is all up in arms about what to do about this giant ass rock the size of texas flying (really slowly, if it's going to land in 2036) at earth.
they should consult me. i know what to do. i say give bruce willis a call. dude's got experience. he knows what to do. finally. he can put some of that bad acting background to work and put us out of our misery. because armageddon fucking sucked. and what kind of man makes ben affleck cry? really. (harry! no harry, don't do it! *sob* *tear*)
strap ol' bruce to a rocket and send him up there to do the work he was born to do. because the man hasn't done shit well since moonlighting. that'll give that little punk ashton something to aspire to, now won't it?
(if you would like less-slanted information on this asteroid, click here. or here. or here. don't be one of those spoon-fed assholes that gets all your news from aol for god's sake.)
and the superjanel's OUT.