do you know what today is?

tuesday.

full moons and four letter words

yesterday was a full moon. which explains why things went to shiznit at the whippity dippity as they did. sick people, sick machines, sick ass ice cream at the end of the night - i was charging people for bowls of ice cream soup - it was so bad that i felt bad about it at one point. no worries, it quickly passed, but it was there, folks, the remorse was there, and that's what counts.

so a friend was in yesterday. she thinks she can gets me a job. by the way, this week we're pronouncing that "hob" just to mix that up. i'm not responding to the word "job" with a solid "j". you must say "hob." anyway, she thinks she can get me one. so i'll send her my resume-thingy and see what pans. if not, we'll trash-talk a mutual non-friend and go from there.

the weekend. i wasn't home a lot this weekend. if you ask my moms, she'll tell you i'm not home a lot at all anymore. it's kind of true. kind of. she'll also tell you i'm not a very good kitteh moms which i don't believe is true; and then she'll tell you i'm a shitty fish moms which i know isn't true cuz that damn fish is still alive. so there. but anyway, yeah, i guess i wasn't home a lot this weekend. friday. crashed a dinner party with the fams at the boat, took the king bee and introduced him to the janel, roberto and jorge show. we were on our best behavior, which is to say that we didn't make mom cry and no one got mad and left. :) it was fun. ate crab legs and lost money i didn't really have. drank more than i should have. good times.

saturdizzay. i shopped saturdizzay. went looking for kung fu, found some really cute jeans (they fit my butt - woot!) and a new friend at the philosophy counter at von maur instead. her name is megan and i could just pinch her cheeks, she's so sweet. got nigel kicked out of a one-year-old's birthday party, which i still feel sort of bad about, and then we went drinking. as always, it's never without drama. never. if it weren't so much fun to drink with nigel and snackmaster bob, i'd almost say fuck it, but dude, the drama has got to stop.

seriously.

although there is an age difference, king bee and i can't help but know many of the same people. people who fucking suck. people who set out to do nothing more but run their traps and cause fucking trouble. which is exactly what this person has done for him. but what he doesn't realize is that since i'm not your average bear, i can form my own opinions. and since i know this small-town ho bag and her older, ho bag sister, i know what to expect. but holy shit. i didn't expect that kind of reaction from him.

dude, i got the L-bomb dropped on me about 117 times saturday night. and i know and use my fair share of four letter words, but that one kind of freaks me out. kid you not, 117 times, i counted. (like in supertroopers, with "meow", right?) he's known me for much longer for 43 days (which is what saturday would have been), he's never had the courage to approach me, he's L**** me since day one, the moment he saw me, he L**** everything about me, he L**** the time we spend together, he's never felt this way about anyone and he doesn't know what to do about it and he knows he's freaking me out but honestly, he doesn't really care at this point. he tells me about his last two (horrific) relationships and how this is so much different and wonderful and better, and part of me is thinking, "on day 43, isn't it always better? aren't things always good on day 43? who the fuck sticks around if things are shitty on day 43?"

but i stay calm even though part of me wants to run away screaming and i tell him that:

1. i appreciate what he's saying, but i can't hear it right now. i just can't. i know it's selfish but it freaks me out and it makes me want to run away screaming. yes, i verbalized that. no, it didn't work. i still heard it about 111 more times after making this statement.
2. i am not your average person and i am smarter than anyone he will ever know. i am able to form my own opinions and i know who this chica is, where she comes from and how she gets her rocks off. she's trash, she's been trash and she'll always be trash. move on.
3. don't judge me by my location. i come from there; i am not a part of there. i'm not involved in the goings-on of my locale and it's not fair to say that i am like others from there.
4. i like him. i like him a lot in spite of the fact that i'm trying quite hard not to like him. but the more we define this as something, the more i'm going to want to push him away. and again, i know that sounds incredibly selfish, but that's what i need at the moment.

those are the laws that the janel laid down saturday night. (technically early sunday morning.) few of them made any impact, i'll be honest, because he repeated himself over and over and i let myself like it. there's no harm in liking someone, right? right. it's not the rest of my life. it's right now. it's today. it's good for today. but i do like him. and i'm happy.

on a scale of 1-10...

is it strange that i have desires to run away and leave everything behind? is that normal? does anyone else want to pack up the bare necessities in the car and just drive away to some unknown place, some unknown town and just start over, some unknown life, where no one knows you and no one cares? is that even possible anymore? could i do it? it'd be like self-mandated witness protection, except i'm the witness and i'm protecting me from... me. or i could look at it like i'm protecting everyone else from me. that sounds like i'm doing everyone else a favor and not just being a selfish brat running away from everyday life and the shit that goes with it. it'd be kind of suspicious though, some chica in a grey rendezvous with two cats and a 29-gallon fishtank and a shoebox full of swatch watches, wandering the country.

yeah. if you see that girl, it's, um... not me... i swear.

so what do you say when someone asks you, "on a scale of 1-10, how much do you like me?" i was like, "well, generally, about a 3, but if you're going to bite my earlobes like that again, i'll say a 8.9."

but anyway. i'm off to dinner that i wasn't really invited to. i'm bustin' in, yo, and you can't stop me.

superjanel OUT.

um, spoiler alert?

HARRY POTTER DOESN'T DIE!

i got home this morning with this single goal in mind and i am finally finished with this book. WOOT! in fact, j.k. rowling is so good to her readers we get a glimpse of harry potter in 19 years when he's all married with kids and sending them off to hogwarts. can you say cute?

yeah, so, that's what i've done today. how's your friday? i keep hearing about this double secret probation birthday dinner for t-bone but i don't think i've been officially invited, and especially now that el burno has lost-o their liquor-o license-o, i think-o the familio is going to somewhere else-o for grub-o.

what? you say you weren't aware that adding the letter "o" to the end of a word instantly makes it spanish? psh. welcome to janel-ese, my friends.

things to do. gots to go find nigel some beer for her beer tasting party. no, seriously, it's a beer tasting party - not just a party with beer, but i can see how you might be confused.

superjanel OUT.

feet on the ground, head in the clouds...

i've broken out the old school ipizzle and i'm listening to some old school tunes. spent the morning listening to alice in chains and soundgarden - pre-chris cornell pretty boy phase. although i do have to admit that mama likey the song that pretty boy cornell did for the latest bond flick. i just like me some pretty boy cornell, truth be told. not as much as dave navarro, but he's in the top five rock stars i'd run away with.

there is a separate list of athletes, of course, of which kyle farnsworth sits at the top. all that boy would have to do is look at me sideways and i'd do the hula across a bed of flaming coals for him all the while twirling a baton and singing the star spangled banner, cuz that's how i roll, yo. (and if you're not familiar with why kyle farnsworth is the coolest thing ever, read this for starters.)

i have no idea what i was going to write about; now i'm just sitting here thinking about kyle farnsworth. i may just continue to do this for awhile. yeah.

can i have four beers?

i have been nothing but a bitch ass bitch for the last couple days. some of it has been warranted, i guess. some of it's kind of hormonal - i try not to let that get to me on a regular basis - but i've been messed up the last couple of months. it's built up the last few days and i have unloaded on a few people lately. if you're one of them, i apologize. it's been a weird few days and it's nothing i'm really wanting to talk about but i just wanted to let you all know that i'm okay and i'm sorry for being a melodramatic little twat. you still love me, right?

good. :)

no, you're not going to the airport.

i'm never taking my big kitty to the airport. last night i had a dream that i took him to the airport and he ran away, up these stairs and into this crawlspace and was never seen again. every time he moves this morning i tell him he's never going to the airport.

night before last i had a dream that i was at a bank in dbq with my former roommate and big gay will and we were getting our account balances. my account balance was 812.41$, but they wouldn't give big gay will his account balance because he was black. he was pissed and decided we were leaving. in order to leave the bank we had to walk through this ginormous furniture store, one of those ones with neverending rooms upon rooms upon rooms, and being that i don't have a place of my own currently i was sort of meandering, looking at the furniture and big gay will was storming through the rooms. all the furniture was priced the same: 1,888$. the rooms started getting more crowded and bigger and i lost big gay will and i came into this room full of chiropractic students practicing neck-popping (different than collar-popping) moves on dummies on these beds that cost 1,888$. my ride was gone and i was stuck and the noise in this room was awful, with all these bones popping and crap. wtf?

anyway. what do those numbers mean? it's not enough for a phone number, but they both add up to 7. i was born on the 7th, does that mean anything? i don't know. i don't have time to know. i gots shit to do, peoples, whys are you keeping me here? more to come laters...

toodles and noodles, and no, you're not going to the airport.
love,
the janel

janel mc fibbypants, yes, it's me

okay, yeah, i know. i know, i said i was done. i know i said i was taking my blogging business elsewhere. i know, i said i was tired of the hostility and crap and blah, blah, blah... you know what?

i lied. yes, i fibbed. turns out its only been four days and i'm back. dude, i'm kind of bored. i know. but i gots nothing else to do with my time other than entertain you poor souls.

so here i am. besides, you know you missed me.

so, okay. i haven't been online for like the last three days. part of the reason being that i bought the new harry potter book - i'm a little ways into it and it's pretty good, btw - and i'm terrified that i'll stumble upon the ending accidentally. and i want it to be a surprise. i mean, i'm (sort of) an adult (i don't want to grow up, i'm a toys r us kid - i could sing you the whole song, me and geoffrey) and i have a pretty good sense as to what's going to happen, but I DON'T WANT TO KNOW BEFORE I TURN THE LAST PAGE. so if you know, do me a favor AND DON'T FUCKING TELL ME, OKAY? thanks.

ooh. looky what i got...

the kittehs believe this is kitteh salad.

aren't those just awesome? yup. i got flowers last week. last wednesday. from the king bee. total surprise, he had them waiting for me when i got to his house. i know, say it with me: aww... yeah, it was pretty sweet of him. so what is "this" turning into? um, i dunno. and i'm not being an asshole when i say that. okay, well sort of i am, because i am just an asshole. he keeps introducing me to people that seem to matter to him, like his parents and his brother and (soon to be) sister-in-law and nephew and grandparents and friends. and i'm all, 'yeah, you'll get to meet my moms sometime...' and i guess i'd introduce him to my friends if i had any. (yeah, that was a joke, yo.) so i keep getting weirded out by the fact that he's younger than i am. we're not talking like, pederass younger here - it's only five years. but it's still strange. we don't seem to have a lot in common but we have fun together and i like him, he makes me laugh. and that's good for now, right? right.

i just fed my fish because i realised i haven't fed him in about a week and a half and he's getting a little lazy, which in the fish keeper's world is code for starving to death. and i think i overfed him. by about six pounds of fish flakes which are still floating in the water. i can hardly see the damn fish anymore. his fish food smells like salmon, which i think is weird, because who knew that goldfish were cannibalistic?

there's this girl that works at the whippity dippity and her boyfriend, soon to be husband (i'm not sure who to feel sorry for there but i don't really care because i get to go to the bachelorette party and dance on tables, woot!) is a city cop, one of the dutch village's finest. yes, the same dutch village where everything is holy, overpriced, freshly mowed but not on sunday and stuck in the back of the closet. but anyway. it cracked me up to know that in order for a cop to carry pepper spray they have to be pepper sprayed themselves. (hells yes, where can i sign up to pepper spray some pigs? bacon, bacon, bacon...!) but this is what really cracks me up. apparently this particular copper copper crime stopper has a squirrel problem in his garden. so he spent his day off in a lawn chair, in said garden, waiting for said squirrel, holding said can of pepper spray, so he could attack the squirrel with the pepper spray to "teach it a lesson." those are some big dutch dollars hard at work there, my friends.

so i am in love with the movie kung fu hustle. and now i must see more kung fu. must. like, MUST. so on my days off this week i'm going to go get me some more kung fu. suggestions? anyone? anyone? bueller?

okay. i'm tired. and there's a myspace survey calling my name. peas out, biznatches...

toodles and noodles

so, i'm thinking i'm going to take my blogging business elsewhere. i'm getting some unwanted visitors and i think my blog is the source of some unwarranted hostility, which i think is totally not fair because i only believe in warranted hostility, bitches.

so to those of you that actually enjoy my warped sense of humor and my idiotic daily life, no worries. i'm still around. you'll still be able to find me - use your well-honed ninja skills, a bowstaff and an avacado.

and to the rest of you, take a short walk off a long pier, mc fly.

and who knows. maybe i'll get bored of that other site and be back. just remember: where ever you go, there you are. just wear clean underwear and strap in any heavy foreign objects in the back seat because they could become flying projectiles. oh! and don't double dip, you'll contract botchulism.

loves and kisses,
the janel.

and we're one of the smartest states in the nation...

the efficiency of the state of iowa floors me.

i'm fully aware i'm losing my license in 17 days. yup, it's going to happen whether i like it or not. they sent me the official letter. however, in today's mail i got another letter from the iowa department of transportation. this letter stipulates that if i don't pay the remainder of a fine from dbq county rendered earlier this year, i will in fact lose my license on 13aug.

that is, in fact, two whole weeks AFTER i'm already supposed to surrender my license the first time for being a habitual offender.

how can i give the damn thing up twice? wtf? even my moms, who is not pleased with the situation, said that they can only take it away once.

it makes me giggle.

choosy moms choose jif.

i don't know anyone named jif. i swear.

i can't even begin to tell you how relieved i am. it's ridiculous. it's ridonkulous. it's fucking awesome. woot! because i don't think i want to live anywhere cold all the time. king bee called about 1030 or so; i'm not going to hold that against him. we watched big trouble in little china last night, or at least we did until he fell asleep and i couldn't take the snoring anymore and then i left to go home.

i have the worst headache right now. which is funny, because i have headache medicine now. but it makes me sleepy. i could sleep right here if i could get away with it but the god damn phone keeps ringing. don't these people know that i'm sleep deprived and overly stressed? holy crap. assholes and their broken shit, anyway. take it somewhere else, we're only going to break it further.

tonight is the slumber party. i'm going to buy an expensive bottle of something yummy and take a big straw and be a bottle hog because if there were ever a day that i were entitled, it's today, you bastards. because i say so.

libbeth and the kids have me hooked on this electronic game called 20Q. it asks you 20 questions about something you think of and then guesses what you're thinking. the one that they had was awesome - it was dead on like 98 percent of the time, that thing was freaky smart. so i went to the target and bought me one, the super deluxe smarty pants version, right? and this thing is as dumb as a box of rocks. i have beat it with items as simple as a fucking football. wtf? i'm going to go get the regular one next and leave this one on a street corner somewhere.

this is like the slowest day ever. remember the sandlot? "fffoooorrreeevvvvvvveeeerrrrrrrr....." that's how long this day is lasting. kathy just got back from a six hour lunch and it's only 1345. i think i may die. i've read sports illustrated and people, i know all about paris' jail ordeal and her hair extension line, and there aren't even any good surveys on myspace. maybe i'll go take a nap.

shh... don't tell...

i'm a failure and that's okay.

i've never been so happy to fail something in my whole life. rock on. i took nigel with me this morning, she's so sweet to me. i have such good friends. :) however, for the king bee, i'm judging his interest in the situation (and me) by how long it takes him to contact me today to learn the outcome.

so in celebration i'm going to drink myself silly this evening at the slumber party, cuz i like pina coladas. and getting caught in the rain. and i'm not into yoga. and i have half a brain.

you know the rest.

you're sorry you asked for ice cream, aren't you?

i'm kind of tired and a little stressed, so i'm going to make this quick.

my license is being revoked beginning 01aug due to being a "habitual offender" or something like that. only for 60 days and i can apply for a work permit. eh. whatever.

i told my mom about it. yikes. once again, two of her children will be sans drivers licenses at the same time. she has so much to be proud of.

i also told her of my current "health" situation. i go to the doctor in the morning to get the definitive answer because it's driving me bloody bonkers not knowing for sure.

i inadvertantly told the king bee of said "situation" as it actually came up in conversation this evening. response was odd, but not in the way that i expected: "i hope you like the cold."

i'm going to try to sleep now. :S

i'm no dummy

i'm a sucker for a myspace survey. because if there's something that i like talking about, it's me. i'm good at talking about me, better than anyone i know. but anyway, i went to take this big brand spanking new myspace survey today, 70 questions that they're sure i've never answered before, and i got to question 23 and found that 24-62 were missing.

wtf?

that's how they know i've never answered them before: no one has ever fucking answered them before because THEY DON'T EXIST.

hal linden is just a prima donna

that's just for you, libbeth. i don't even remember who hal linden is.

i cried when i left charlotte today. i miss my friend. i miss the closeness we used to have and it makes me sad that our lives have gone in such different directions. i love north carolina; i love the area and the people and the accent makes me laugh. perhaps when i get my life on track i'll look into jobs in the area. but it doesn't make any sense to subject me or my kittehs to another major upheaval anytime soon. i need to get some things sorted out.

so i'm sitting in chicago. and on the way in we came in from the north, giving me a full view of downtown chicago and navy pier; the ferris wheel was all lit up and the downtown is gorgeous. the hancock center has its red, white and blue stripe along the observatory - it's just amazing to see. and the whole thing just makes my heart sort of ache for the times that eddy and i spent here. we both loved chicago: the baseball games and bubba gump, the pier and the shops, and all the hotels and taxis. one thing we both enjoyed was traveling. now we just enjoy traveling separately, going different directions. (that's sort of metaphorical as well as seriously literal.) and for the record, i don't miss *him* - i just miss some of the things we did as a couple even though it seemed like we stopped being a couple long before we actually split up. but whatever.

anyway. so i'm seated in 8a on my way to ord. the passengers in 8b abd 8c proceeded to make out the entire way here; it was gross because she was about 14 and seriously retarded (like seriously, she was retarded) and he was old and should have known better than to make out with a retarded 14-year-old. yuk.

jesus. wtf is that damn ding-dong noise? i'm going to start punching babies if someone doesn't turn that shit off.

so i've applied for a job with another airline. this position would take me all over the place; i wouldn't be stationed in dsm. i don't want to work for an airline if i have to work in dsm. i've also found a job in clt that i'm interested in and may apply for. something has to be done; i have to get back on track. as much as i enjoy living in my high school bedroom and staring up at the extremely creepy marines poster that jorge hung in my old room, i think it's time to figure out something to do with my life. living at home with the folks isn't going to cut it. although my dad has offered me a place to live if things with mom "don't work out." what the fuck? i'm not married to her; what is there to "work out?" i think i'm pretty sure he 's insane, but in a sometimes entertaining sort of way, like a kid that never grew up and now he's being forced to act like an adult. it's only working for him sometimes. what a bizarro thing to say to your kid.

so i woke up this morning COVERED in bruises. and the more i move, the more bruises appear. i believe the cause of this is white water rafting, although libbeth's son tried to stab me with various pieces of cutlery over the course of my trip. i could blame it on him, but he's so stinking cute i just can't bring myself to do it. i have bruises on my legs and butt, and on my thumb (that one hurts ba-ad).

guess what i found in nc? ziti. like real ziti, not penne, not large elbow macaroni - real ziti. so i bought four boxes. and then i remembered that i bought three pairs of shoes and that i don't have my own kitchen, so getting the ziti home became a non-issue. i left it in a bag and asked libbeth to mail it to me. no rush; i'll have to paypal the postage to her or something because i forgot to give it to her before i left. or maybe i'll just send her the recipe and they can make my wonderful baked ziti. because it's the best fucking ziti ever.

king bee is coming to get me tonight. he'll pick me up in dsm, drive me to chariton to get my car and then drive back to dsm for work. an hour to get to dsm, an hour to chariton, and another hour back. and he has to be in dsm for work at 0600 tomorrow morning. i told him he didn't have to do it - i could find somebody else to bring me home, someone who didn't have to work tomorrow but he was insistent. what do you tell someone who's more interested in you than you are in them? he's told me he's talked to his parents about me, he's talked to his friends about me, and he's invited me to go camping with his family next weekend. i've told my mom his first name and that he sometimes lives in indianola when he's not at home in chariton. do you see what i mean? i'm not sure what to do about that...

anyway. i'm going to go find a bathroom and make sure i'm sitting at the right gate.

loves and kisses, superimissmybestfriendjanel

your mass is prohibiting any acceleration

what movie was it where someone said, "its amazing! in france, even the little kids speak french." that's how it is down here. not that all the little kids are speaking french, but they all have southern accents. like the word blue. in iowa, the word "blue" is pronounced like "blew", "bloo", "blue." all the same, one syllable. but down here, the word "blue" is two syllables, and sometimes three depending on the person. like just four minutes ago, i heard a seven year old say "blyooo", like "blu-ooo" - it took like 14 seconds.

that and they don't turn on their headlights, they burn them. wtf?

what is it with my friends wanting to pop their family members and friends bumps and zits? that's freaking gross. blecch....

so anyway. white water rafting has never been really high on my list of things to do in life. but in our search to find something to do (note: i was perfectly happy just sitting on the sofa) we discovered the us national whitewater center. they teach you how to (safely) go white water rafting and not die. we went this morning; it was awesome. there were a couple times that i nearly had an out-of-boat experience, which was a little unnerving, but i survived. our rafting guide was named brian, but he sort of sounded like lt. dan from forest gump: "get down, get up, forward, paddle, paddle, paddle!" if he'd said "get down and shut up" i'd have crawled in the fox hole for him.

last night, we hung out with all the sweaty drunk nascar maniacs at the nascar speedpark in concord mills. i kicked ass at go karts, even though most of my competitors were under the age of 10. i also got new shoes: nike frees. then i trashed them this morning in the (fake river) so i bought some more this afternoon. those are the most comfortable shoes i've ever worn.

i'm currently out of things to say. libbeth and ryan have filled me full of cheese beer fondue and i think i'm drunk. or really full, i can't decide.

i'll be back.

no sleep til brooklyn

i'm on a beastie boys kick lately. that's one of my favorites; roberto can't stand it and i like to make sure he hears it at least four or five times a day when we work together at the whippy dip. but don't feel all sorry for him - he gets me back by singing tina turner or steve perry or some other awful shit like that. he cracks me up. and his singing is even funnier.

"and i shoulda been gone..."

i get home (cross your fingers) on sunday night, late. i work monday and tuesday at the garage so nigel can have some days off with the chil'lens (even though i'm sure she'll be in to see me on both days because she loves her job so much she can't let it alone). tuesday night we're having a slumber party. while i'm sure this one will also be full of pina coladas, we're also returning the giant mushroom. one of our slumber party cohorts is convinced that we're going to go to hell over the mushroom; i want to return it because it keeps falling out of my backseat and narrowly missing my toes. that thing would pulverize my toes.

speaking of toes, i cut my broken pinky toe on the drain in the shower last week, it's looking all gnarley and awesome again. i ought to just cut that sucker right off, it does me so much good. my parents have the slippiest (is that a word?) bathtub in the world. everytime i get in i just about fall and break my neck. they need to put some sticky goldfish or something in the bottom. i know my mom would just love that. :)

i talked to king bee again this morning as he was on his way to work. he swears he's not going to forget me on sunday. yay.

today i believe we're going to the zoo in columbia, sc. i love the zoo. i love the big kittehs. i miss my kittehs. momma says they're doing well, considering it's like 904 million degrees at home. before i left i was leaving the window open just to get some fresh air - it can get kind of stuffy in my room - but i bet it's too hot to have it open now. she lets them out when she can but it's so hot that the crazy ass dog can't be outside for too long otherwise she'll melt and die. poor kittehs. i wonder if norman is still alive... anyway, the zoo is about two hours away and we're taking the kiddos. it should be fun.

but right now, i'm going to go lie down and see if i can't snooze for just a while longer. i'm not hearing a lot of movement out in the living room yet and that means i can sleep just a little bit more...

sting doesn't know shit about me.

otherwise he wouldn't recommend such shitty movies. if it's called "peaceful warrior" shouldn't it be about indians or something and not gymnasts and nick nolte? wtf? i didn't even watch it and i still feel cheated.

it's interesting to see people you knew a long time ago in their present lives. it's like you forget how people change and how their lives change. without trying real hard, i can easily picture libbeth in the setting in which i last saw her and my mind keeps wanting to place those old labels on her new life. but miss madeline is no longer the baby and dick is no longer in the picture. but i can't seem to separate the old from the new.

i have to admit, she seems to have things together in this life that she and her husband have created and i'm just a little bit jealous. maybe jealous isn't the word, because i don't wish her any harm or anything like that, jealous makes me sound upset and i'm not. maybe envious? that doesn't sound quite as negative, at least in my mind. i'm envious of the happiness she has and the life she's created. i'm sure it didn't happen overnight and i know it wasn't without previous turmoil, but things have turned out well for her. and i'm happy for her, really i am; it just makes me a little sad for me that my plans didn't turn out as expected.

i talked to king bee about the conversation we had the other night; well, sort of i talked to him about it. he acknowledged that he remembers what he said but we didn't really discuss it after that. i'm still at a loss as to how to respond, i know i like him but i don't feel that strongly about him. why does this always have to happen? ugh... now he'll probably forget me on sunday night on purpose. :(

oh well. that's still several days away. maybe i'll just pack up and move in here. then i won't have to worry about any of it.

brass monkey

i'm here. i'm in charlotte, with one of my very best friends in the whole wide world and her wonderful family. she has beautiful children and a great husband and an adorable house. and a really thick southern accent which just cracks me up. so far i've had awesome pizza, a tour of million dollar homes in the charlotte area, chocolate chicken for dinner and i played wii. and i royally suck, unless my competition is a four year old. but that is some fun shit. i need a wii. but libbeth has an adorable life here in n.c. and i'm happy for her.

today was stressful. traveling is always stressful. especially travelling with checked bags. i'm not good at checking luggage but the tsa can suck my nut; i refuse to adhere to their 3-1-1 bullshit and therefore i'm forced to check luggage so i can have my 24 oz. bottle of lubriderm lotion with me while i vacay. which is sort of stupid, because i buy the cocoa/shea butter kind and i have never seen as many kinds of cocoa butter lotion as i did today while we were at walgreens. and it's probly better and cheaper than my super size lubriderm stuff.

speaking of walgreens... we were in the baby aisle because libbeth has a baby and i found these. i did not even know that these sort of tests were even available. but isn't it sort of funny that they're sitting next to one another on the shelf?


yeah. this cracked me up.

so king bee has called several times. i guess in chariton they have a beer tent for the 04july holiday, right uptown on the square and in plain sight of all the police officers that want to stand and watch you take your drunk ass right from the beer tent to your car and then home. pretty stupid if you ask me, but technically no one is asking me and probably won't ask me so i'm going to offer my opinion here anyway because i can and that's what i do and i'd like to see you try to stop me. what the fuck was i talking about?

right. beer tent. chariton. king bee. so king bee has called several times today; i wasn't sure but i thought maybe he missed me. yup. i was right. he called this evening to confirm that he misses me. and then some. and then it got sort of incoherent, still very sweet, but hard to understand so i told him to go to bed, sleep it off and call me in the morning. and then i think he said "it."

so much for that one.

i'm going to go to bed now. tomorrow we are lighting shit on fire in the yard and eating bbq and watching the movie "cars" and listening to hannah montana and playing with the baby. i have no idea what's going on the rest of the week, somebody said the zoo and the mountains and possibly the richard petty driving experience, but honestly they have really comfy sofas that probly need holding down, and you all know how i feel about that.

gnite. happy fourth. be safe. :)

ps. negative. woot!

this is not gate b4

fuck you, united airlines. this is why i hate traveling united. i hate united. they freaking suck. thank god i happened to check my flight status online while i wasted two hours in the damn airport: they changed my gate and made no announcement. and i listen for announcements. so now i'm down in the circular cell that is gate b21 and there is no air movement and the family seating across from me smells weird. :P

my bags had better make it. bastardos!

(i can see all these shiny american md80s and it's making me sad. i miss my job.)

i'm happy to see you, i'll be happier if it's a minus sign...

i'm at the airport. i love airports. i love watching people travel. sometimes the airport is better than the state fair - but not very often. the absolute best people watching is at the state fair, and generally close to the beer tent or the stock car races. and then you can watch all the east side dsm'ers (proudly wearing their "eastside" t-shirts) congregate, get drunk and hit on the carnival rats when the midway shuts down for the night. it's even more fun to ride the skytram and spit on them and watch them look up and swear.

not that i would ever do that...

so anyway. i'm at the airport. and i'm watching people. and don't get me wrong, i'm hardly a fashionista in my jeans and slippas, but i've seen many a fashion faux pas. some people leave me wondering who in the hell let them out of the house dressed that way and others leave me wondering who let them out of the house without their helmets. it's an entertaining way to pass the time.

king bee took me to the airport this morning. it was cute. he's sort of a negative person - do i attract those sorts of people? i know that i'm hardly rainbows and puppies all the time but i don't think i'm as much of a negative nellie as i used to be. in fact, i'm so un-negative that even the things that should bother me don't. my point of view in life is a complete 180 from where it was two years ago, and while some could say that it's a bad thing i don't necessarily agree... all the time anyway. i do need to get a few things on track, and i'm aware that i need to work on those. i just needed a little bit of time and some motivation.

anyway. i was saying that it was nice of him to take me to the airport. he's cute and gruff (especially in the morning) and he drives too fast (and that's saying a lot coming from me). but when other people aren't around he's kind of a nice guy. just don't tell anyone i said so, i was supposed to keep it a secret.

his ears must have been ringing - he just called to see how i'm doing. :)

okay. getting ready to board. talk laters.

buzzing around your hive...

i'm supposed to be sleeping. hahaha... the night before i go somewhere is kind of like school eve. have i ever told you about school eve? i was a neurotic little kid, and surprisingly, neurotic little kids will grow up to be neurotic little adults. but when i was a kid, i would get so worked up about the first day of school that the night before i would just lay there and watch the numbers flip over on my clock. and then it would get to be so late and i still couldn't sleep that i would just lie there and cry and stress because i wasn't sleeping. this happened all my life. well, until i got to know libbeth. and found out that she suffered from something quite similar, if you can believe it. so our plan was that on school eve eve we would stay up all night long and then we wouldn't have any trouble sleeping on school eve and we would wake well rested and refreshed on the morning of the first day of school. wtf was the point of this, anyway? oh, right. travel eve is much like school eve, except that i don't worry about the sleep, i can sleep just about anywhere. now i worry about oversleeping. because i'm really fucking good at that. so i have to set alarm after alarm just to make sure i'm awake. and even then, i'm generally running late.

but tomorrow, i can't be running late. that one guy, whom i've decided to call king bee for reasons that i'm choosing not to share with you, is taking me to the airport. cute, isn't it? yeah. king bee will take me to the aeropuerto on his way to work, which means that if i'm late then he's late and he's in trouble. so i can't be late. it was nice of him to offer, it certainly wasn't expected. i just hope he remembers to come get me on sunday night...

imagine this flying at the hood of your car. only bigger. and faster. this could have poked my eye out.

so today i'm driving home from the garage and i'm getting into the raging metropolis that is corydon and i'm following this red ford taurus, right? i can clearly see, because i'm sort of a tailgater, that there's a frizzy haired lady driving and there's at least 12 brats in the back seat that she keeps half-ass swatting with her right hand as she drives. (this cracks me up because my dad used to do that, too.) anyway. she's driving and they're bouncing around in the backseat. this one kid picks up a hairbrush and starts to brush this lady's hair as she's driving, which doesn't make her happy but certainly needs to be done. the lady grabs the brush and chucks it out the window. where does it land? on the hood of uugof. can you believe that? this giant pink goody hairbrush bounced off my hood and into the road. i laughed so hard i nearly peed my pants.

i should go to bed. does anyone want to call me in the morning and make sure i'm awake?

i sold buicks in the bathroom yesterday. yuk.

ahhh, the feel of new ink. i love it. i always forget how much it hurts in the beginning - the outline almost always makes me cry. but the gentle pressure of the coloring makes it all better. if they'd stop asking if i was alright i'd probly go to sleep.

aya: west african symbol of one who has endured adversity in life. fucking sweet.

that one guy - i'm going to have to come up with a name for him, calling him that one guy isn't going to work anymore. what can i call him? asshole seems a little harsh, and besides, that's my pet name for libbeth. dickhead also seems a little rough and that's what i call roberto anyway... i'm not sure what to call him. generally, i'll only give you a blog name if i think you're going to be someone of importance in my life. the last couple names i doled out turned out to belong to pieces of shit.

i may have to think about this... i've seen him three times in the last week, and a couple in the week prior. he's already asked to see me before i leave and when i get back. for someone who referred to "this" as "nothing" it sure seems to have the substance of "something", at the very least. i'm not really okay with that, but what do you say? i like him well enough, he's entertaining. did i tell you he's a little younger than i? not like high school young, but young. he's about five years younger than i. i know, right? wtf?

anyway, i'll get to a name for him sooner or later. i'm not coming up with anything terribly creative at the moment and you know i won't settle for second rate, especially second rate blog names.

anyway. i was telling you about my new tattoo. that one guy wanted to go with, which sort of surprised me, he's not really into body art as a form of self expression. he sat and talked to the artist, ryan anderson at sacred skin on sw 9th - i highly recommend him, and then we went to dinner. i love breakfast for dinner. i refused to go out last night on the grounds that i needed to live my giver (ha!) a rest because i think nate tried to kill me the night before with his custom-made concoction, the dirty grizz (ingredients unknown). so i went to nigel's and watched iron chef and showed her the new ink and then went home and went to bed. i was seriously lacking for sleep; like seven hours in two days. the janel does not function well on little sleep.

i leave for charlotte in a couple of days. i've talked to libbeth a few times the last couple of days. it's amazing that even though i haven't seen her in years we can still talk like we're 17 and only 6 miles apart. she still cracks me up. i met her on my first day of school in the raging metropolis that is corydon, she had pink hair and i wore green chuck taylors. she brought me airplane peanuts and a friendship was forged. she's the best: incredibly beautiful and intimidatingly smart - and she's always there for me when i need her. i can call her out of the blue after two years and we fall back into conversation like we'd just talked the day before. i'm so excited to see her, even if we do just sit on her sofa and i help her clean. :) the last time i saw her she was pregnant with her little boy; he's three now and she's had another one, chloe, that i'm super excited to meet. i love other people's kids.

i'm at the whippy dip. i should probly look as though i'm working. more laters...