30 July 2007

full moons and four letter words

yesterday was a full moon. which explains why things went to shiznit at the whippity dippity as they did. sick people, sick machines, sick ass ice cream at the end of the night - i was charging people for bowls of ice cream soup - it was so bad that i felt bad about it at one point. no worries, it quickly passed, but it was there, folks, the remorse was there, and that's what counts.

so a friend was in yesterday. she thinks she can gets me a job. by the way, this week we're pronouncing that "hob" just to mix that up. i'm not responding to the word "job" with a solid "j". you must say "hob." anyway, she thinks she can get me one. so i'll send her my resume-thingy and see what pans. if not, we'll trash-talk a mutual non-friend and go from there.

the weekend. i wasn't home a lot this weekend. if you ask my moms, she'll tell you i'm not home a lot at all anymore. it's kind of true. kind of. she'll also tell you i'm not a very good kitteh moms which i don't believe is true; and then she'll tell you i'm a shitty fish moms which i know isn't true cuz that damn fish is still alive. so there. but anyway, yeah, i guess i wasn't home a lot this weekend. friday. crashed a dinner party with the fams at the boat, took the king bee and introduced him to the janel, roberto and jorge show. we were on our best behavior, which is to say that we didn't make mom cry and no one got mad and left. :) it was fun. ate crab legs and lost money i didn't really have. drank more than i should have. good times.

saturdizzay. i shopped saturdizzay. went looking for kung fu, found some really cute jeans (they fit my butt - woot!) and a new friend at the philosophy counter at von maur instead. her name is megan and i could just pinch her cheeks, she's so sweet. got nigel kicked out of a one-year-old's birthday party, which i still feel sort of bad about, and then we went drinking. as always, it's never without drama. never. if it weren't so much fun to drink with nigel and snackmaster bob, i'd almost say fuck it, but dude, the drama has got to stop.


although there is an age difference, king bee and i can't help but know many of the same people. people who fucking suck. people who set out to do nothing more but run their traps and cause fucking trouble. which is exactly what this person has done for him. but what he doesn't realize is that since i'm not your average bear, i can form my own opinions. and since i know this small-town ho bag and her older, ho bag sister, i know what to expect. but holy shit. i didn't expect that kind of reaction from him.

dude, i got the L-bomb dropped on me about 117 times saturday night. and i know and use my fair share of four letter words, but that one kind of freaks me out. kid you not, 117 times, i counted. (like in supertroopers, with "meow", right?) he's known me for much longer for 43 days (which is what saturday would have been), he's never had the courage to approach me, he's L**** me since day one, the moment he saw me, he L**** everything about me, he L**** the time we spend together, he's never felt this way about anyone and he doesn't know what to do about it and he knows he's freaking me out but honestly, he doesn't really care at this point. he tells me about his last two (horrific) relationships and how this is so much different and wonderful and better, and part of me is thinking, "on day 43, isn't it always better? aren't things always good on day 43? who the fuck sticks around if things are shitty on day 43?"

but i stay calm even though part of me wants to run away screaming and i tell him that:
  1. i appreciate what he's saying, but i can't hear it right now. i just can't. i know it's selfish but it freaks me out and it makes me want to run away screaming. yes, i verbalized that. no, it didn't work. i still heard it about 111 more times after making this statement.
  2. i am not your average person and i am smarter than anyone he will ever know. i am able to form my own opinions and i know who this chica is, where she comes from and how she gets her rocks off. she's trash, she's been trash and she'll always be trash. move on.
  3. don't judge me by my location. i come from there; i am not a part of there. i'm not involved in the goings-on of my locale and it's not fair to say that i am like others from there.
  4. i like him. i like him a lot in spite of the fact that i'm trying quite hard not to like him. but the more we define this as something, the more i'm going to want to push him away. and again, i know that sounds incredibly selfish, but that's what i need at the moment.

those are the laws that the janel laid down saturday night. (technically early sunday morning.) few of them made any impact, i'll be honest, because he repeated himself over and over and i let myself like it. there's no harm in liking someone, right? right. it's not the rest of my life. it's right now. it's today. it's good for today. but i do like him. and i'm happy.

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