okay. so maybe i'm overly dramatic.

i'm not dead. not anywhere close. but for the record, i still don't feel ... right. i don't know. i'm a little off kilter this morning, maybe from the shot i got or becausei didn't sleep at all last night. i saw every hour from the minute i crawled into bed to the moment i had to get up to go to the bathroom, prolly because i slept so much yesterday. so today, no matter how tired i am, i'm staying awake. yup, i'm staying home again. i'm prolly going to get fired now. or at least put on a step. what do you do? go to work sick or stay home and get in trouble? i generally don't have any trouble calling in sick except i really love my job so i always feel really guilty when i call in.

there are things i need to do today, which i doubt i get done. i have a lady waiting on a longaberger basket that i need to ship. and i have some paperwork i need to mail. and some bills to pay, laundry, i have laundry to do and floors to vacuum and blah blah blah... crap, it's all crap, and i don't want to do it, any of it. so there.

the president is on tv. he's stuttering and blabbing his way through the open question session. i think a president should have to win an academic decathlon before being sworn in. he should be able to debate his way out of a wet paper bag, he should be able to associate composers and musical pieces, he should be able to bake a fine souffle, he should be able to win a spelling bee. if we'd subjected our current president to an academic decathlon, we wouldn't be listening to him stutter and him and haw right now when i should be watching ellen.

there's got to be something else i can be doing with my time. i'll be back...

time to say your goodbyes

because i think i'm dying. i'm going on 72 hours with out any really good sleep and my head is pounding. i've never had my head in a vise but i think the feeling is similar. am i having an aneurysm? could it be a tumor? i don't know, i don't care, just make it stop. i went to the doctor, the urgent care clinic here in town. they gave me a shot that's supposed to cure just about everything, some sort of animal tranquilizer or something, but so far, i'm not feeling it. i'm lying in bed, it's as dark as i can make it in here. and i just want to cry.

and how is your day?

i am the walrus, goo goo g'joob

it's nice when other people cook for you. even if it's just macaroni and cheese. brent, for christmas i'm getting you regular pepper and pork n' beans. i still want you to act surprised.

i usually hate my mondays. my monday is everyone else's sunday, which means that they're all home doing neat things like eating chili and watching football and i'm working. that's one reason i hate my mondays. but they always come around too fast - some weeks i feel like i just had a monday and then it's monday again. it just sort of sucks. but today was a good day. i cleaned up a buttload of claims and did not incur a single code 39 in the process. yay me! i had raspberry poptarts for breakfast, which makes me happy, those are almost my favorite poptarts ever. the bull dyke wore antlers to work, which made me laugh all day. i got to talk to my best good work friend for a long time - that was nice. we don't talk as much as we used to. i made a new friend who swears he's not gay but i know he is.

how much asparagus is too much asparagus? does there ever come a point where one can hold too much of one vegetable? i'm just wondering, because beyond a grocery store, i've never seen so much aspragus in one place. all neatly wrapped in ziploc bags. i just can't fathom that much of one vegetable. i cuss, you cuss, we all cuss for asparagus!

i guess jorge got sick from dinner last night. food poisoning is rampant right now. you can't eat at taco bell because the lettuce will kill you. you can't eat at red robin because the [insert the food you ate here] will kill you. you can't eat at perkins because the chicken tender sandwich sans tomatoes will kill you. poor jorge. it's no fun to be sick. thank god it's hard to screw up pancakes.

i'm wondering if i should go anywhere on my upcoming vacation. i don't have any money, so that sort of limits my options to like, a 7 mile radius. so we can go to leighton! yessss.... i'm sort of being serious here. not about leighton but about the not really having the money to travel in january. but everyone has such fun travel plans um, planned. (i'm really showing my mastery of the english language, aren't i?) the texas ranger wants to go to palm springs and go spa-ing. hard roc sue wants to go to cancun and celebrate a number of different things. and sir brently wants to tie himself to a fence and watch airplanes land and take off in st. maarten. or at least tie me to a fence and watch 747s throw rocks at my head. it's prolly hard to duck when you're tied to a fence. the question that entire scenario leaves me with is, how does one tie himself to a fence? what if you go to this beach alone? if you manage to get yourself tied, how do you untie? do you have a random stranger tie you to the fence? what if this random stranger uses a supafly knot that you don't know how to untie? what if he speaks another language and when you say tie me to the fence he thinks you're asking if you can eat shrimp during lent? what keeps this random stranger from picking your pocket as you stand there? these are the things i wonder about.

well, this and asparagus.

okay, chil'ens. i'm tired. goo goo g'joob.

jingle bells, batman smells...

i got locked in a gunsafe at menard's tonight. and i finished all my christmas shopping. one night, one shot, done. i freakin' rock. and then, the family all ate at perkins after a long afternoon of shopping and cursing and knocking over old ladies in the mall. good times. :)

i feel like things are looking up

really, i do. i made a decision this evening. nothing is definite, nothing is even close to being completed. but things are going to change. for once, i'm going to consider someone other than me. i'm not ready to divulge to anyone what i'm thinking, but it's good. and it's a change i need. i'm ready for it. more on this to come...

what a wonderful day

it's sunny, it's going to be warm, and i'm home today - it's my saturday! what shall i do today?

connect the christmas dots... la la la...

wish? did somebody say wish? i love peewee's playhouse. floory and chairy and reba the mail lady and the christmas special has grace jones and magic johnson and whoopi goldberg. holy cow. this is crazy. grace jones is singing little drummer boy to pee wee herman. wow. there has to be an entire generation of people that are complete ganked up from watching this crap. terrifying. grace jones is already scary but put her in the playhouse... it's like cartoons on acid. wow... omg. cher. and she wants to know what the secret word is. today's secret word is "year." you all know what to do whenever someone says the secret word, right? omg. when will the fun end?

i was bound for mexico

i saw the stupidist sign today. it said "free complimentary bottled water." ummm.... yeah.

i love csi: miami. i've mentioned this before. it's on right now. there's this giant murdering south american snake that they're chasing. it's grossing me out but i can't stop watching. it's so awful and so icky and i'm drawn to it. ugh.

tomorrow is my friday. thank god. it's been a dreary week, filled with the drama that surrounds our little american clique. divorce (not mine, either) and fights and breakups and anniversaries and subpeonas and christmas decorations. the place is teeming with hullabaloo. sometimes it's just nice to get away, even if it's just for a day or two.

i had the most retarded dream ever last night - so dumb i'm even embarressed to recant it here. it involved a lot of hair. that's all i can say. it was soooo dumb, and i was so glad to wake up to find out that i wasn't covered in hair. whew. :)

walnuts is trying to communicate with me further. i haven't talked to him since saturday, or was it sunday? i don't remember. but he's messaged me every day since then and so far, i haven't responded. i'm not sure why, but i don't trust him this time around. i don't want to get close. but maybe it's not just him, maybe i just don't want to get close to anyone. regardless, i still don't trust him right now.

i'm tired. and i can't bear to watch csi right now, david caruso or not. i think i'm going to go to bed.

g'nite.

ugh, it's wednesday...again

well, it's my wednesday, anyway. ugh. it's foggy here and raining in ord, which could make for a long day. i have an awful sinus headache but i can't get to the doctor until friday. this would just be a good day to stay in bed all day and do nothing. but i won't.

the cat wouldn't let me sleep this morning; it was just imperative that i get up and feed him, although his new food bowl is supposed to be of the self-serve variety. if they would just eat all the food in the bowl instead of the food in the front of the bowl, more food would emerge from the reservoir tank and voila! no need for me to get up at the crack of dawn to shake the food bowl. but i guess that's no fun for them, so they continue to paw at my face to make sure i get up to nudge the food bowl with my big toe. really, that's all i have to do. it's all they'd have to do . i make sure he watches me do this every morning but so far it's not working. in this relationship, i'm not sure who belongs to whom here.

ok. going to work. yeehaw.

hello, goodbye...you again?

it's weird the way people come in and out of my life. at a time when someone bows out, someone else reappears. it sort of reminds me of recycling - out with the trash and in with the new. except that i hate taking out the trash and i sort of fear change. but life goes on.

anyway. the comeback of a friend, a long lost friend, walnuts. i sure didn't expect to hear from him, but some how, some way, he always finds me. his timing is impeccable - when i last heard from him, i was actually in a similar situation, emotionally. hmmm. interesting. so instead of embracing this reaffirmed friendship, i'm holding him at arm's length. more on this as it develops...

christmas is just two weeks from today. christmas eve, regardless of when i get off work, i'm going to stay at mom's house. it just feels normal to be there on christmas, even if i do have to get up early and leave for work. plus, my vacation is coming up. three weeks from yesterday and i get a week of vacation. i'm still not sure what i'm going to do. my presence has been requested at job#2 on the saturday of that week and i need to make a trip to see my pookie and my best gram. but i'd also like to get to clt to see libbeth and the new baby. and sue wants to go to cun for a group celebration. and the texas ranger wants to go spa-ing in psp. so we'll see.

i've decided i don't like iceberg lettuce and i'm not going to eat it anymore.

so lately i've been sleeping with my cell phone on silent because my best good work friend finds it funny to call me at the wee hours of the morning and say stupid things, like "good morning sunshine" and "gobble gobble." so now, with my phone on silent, i sleep soundly and peacefully until my real alarm goes off at 0711 (i have a thing against waking up at even, normal times, like 0700 or 0715, etc). so anyway, a few days ago, i'm sleeping away, and little do i know my phone's blowing up at 0400. and it's my best good work friend, again, except this time, he truly needs something - he's sick and wants someone to go with him to the er. i didn't find his messages because i didn't check my phone until later that day, almost 12 hours later. i felt soooo bad, i can't even begin to explain. he's okay, he's got a severe case of food poisoning, which he received from eating at a restaurant in dsm, never mind the fact that he just got back from dkr, which is thousands of miles away where food is generally much more questionable. it's kind of ironic. hehehe... but he learned not to call me at 0400 unless he truly is dying.

this wednesday we (not the royal we, but the we that consists of me and the texas ranger and a few other work compadres) are taking a girl from work out to celebrate the birthday of her sister who passed away about a year ago. she's not dealing well with the death of her sister, which is understandable - the woman was barely 27 and had two children under the age of 6. she had cancer. how awful is that? i agree that all things happen according to a plan that's out of our grasp - all things for a reason - but what on earth could the reason for such a horrible thing be? anyway, my coworker isn't sleeping, she doesn't eat, she cries all the time - i feel for her. so if taking her out and helping her celebrate the life of her sister is a small thing we can do to help, i'm all for it.

i'm going to bed. i'm tired.

does thy blog offend thy reader?

let me offer a resolution to the aforementioned problem:

stop reading it.

easy isn't it?

come on boy, she's ready for you.

i read about the most interesting jobs today. they're with raytheon, which as i understand it and i could be wrong is a giant conglomerate company that contracts for the government. but they're in antarctica. wouldn't that be the coolest? no pun intended, sorry. i could be a line cook at the south pole. seriously, that's a job they offer. or i could do corporate communications at the south pole. i'd just have to find some gloves i can type in, because i can't type in my mittens. or my candy cane gloves, i tried that at work and it didn't go so well. i can't even text in my gloves. gah.

roberto and i just made the stupidist trip ever to dsm, it was retarded. it took longer to get there and get back than we actually spent within city limits. dumb. he was going to try to bribe some poor schmuck to sell him some jordans before they actually come out next week and that bright idea failed so fast, neither of us really knew what to do. so we got some starbucks and left. we had mexican in the dutch village tonight. that was good. last night i tried to call pizza hut but they wouldn't answer, which i don't understand because it was within the constraints of their clearly defined "business" hours, but i took it as a sign and instead went to buy groceries, which consisted of about 12 frozen dinners and milk and cat litter. and cheese. i love cheese.

no chocolate milk today. i'm convinced there's something in there that's not good for me, but i don't know what it is.

okay you bastards. how come my crap on ebay isn't selling? go bid. you're helping a good cause (me) do good things (pay my rent). go bid! do it. DO IT.

i got new books today. i've been scraping the bottom of the barrel as far as reading material is concerned (does barrell have two L's, because one doesn't look right but two really don't look right either, god, where is mrs. thompson when i need her? gahhh.), the last book i read was some stupid waste of money about the real lives of sorority girls and it didn't do anything to dispute the already bad opinion that i and most other human beings have about them. omg, that's all one sentence. mrs. thompson would fail me for that.

the misty party wagon may morph into a misty party golf cart, which is hilarious when i think about it. the godfather has a golf cart he may let us use for an evening or two, which would be great except i want to paint it pink and glittery and i don't think he'd like that too much. but really it's completely appropriate when you stop to think that boy and the waiter will prolly be riding around on it all next summer. ohh, that's mean. i shouldn't play that way. but i will. i want to have the "hub" (omg that's funny) put headlights on it and roberto says as long as we have a flag we ought to be fine. but the godfather wants to check out the laws pertaining to driving a golf cart on the streets locally. i told him not to bother, we'll just drive through people's yards.

i cashed in my change jar today, actually it's a fish. i have a giant red glass fish in which i keep all my spare change. well, i did, but today i cashed in the change and now the fish is empty. there was like 160$ in there, which is rock star cool, because NO ONE IS BIDDING ON MY EBAY CRAP.

okay. so a pirate walks in to a bar and he's got the steering wheel for a boat attached to the crotch of his pants. and the bartender says, 'hey man, you've got a boat steering wheel attached to your dick.' and the pirate says, 'aarrrrrrr, it's driving me nuts.'

i'm going to go watch movies and earn badges on pogo. another exciting friday night. gotta love it. peas out, bitches. muah!

champ i ate your chocolate squirrel. sorry.

okay. i'm no longer busy, so i'm back.

so. today, the nice but undate-able guy at work once again sought me out in my baggage haven to prove what, i don't know, perhaps that he has an infallible sense of direction that brings him in from the cold and into the building. i really don't know why else he keeps showing up, unless my saying 'hello' gives him the right to stalk me. okay. not fair. stalker is a little harsh. he's not stalking me, but he does cause me to think a little bit more carefully about the time of day that i leave. because if i time it just right, i don't have to see him. because i don't want to see him. ugh.

what else? my best good work friend took off the other day on a little mini vacation. to florida? nope. to chicago? nope. to lax? nope. the weirdo took off to senegal. i don't even know where that is. okay, now i do. thanks google. he's been there for about a day and a half or something like that and now he's on his way home. what's the point? why africa? i guess why not but still.

okay. so i had this dream the other night that i was playing basketball with roberto, and for those of you that know me, playing basketball is actually not the weird part of this dream, and i ended up breaking my ankle. cast and crutches and all. so the thing that upset me in this particular dream was the fact that i couldn't get up or down my stairs. i live on the third floor. it was impossible. i was disabled, temporarily, and i was pissed about it. in fact, i was still pissed when i woke up. and then i realized, it wasn't the broken foot that i was upset about or even the cast or the crutches. it was the fact that i live alone and i'm afraid of something like that happening. what would i do? i don't know. but since my foot's not broken i'm not really going to worry about it. but i'm also not going to be playing basketball anytime soon. you're surprised, aren't you?

sixty percent of the time, it works every time.

so obviously, as it's the seventh of december, i've paid my rent. which puts me 16.333 percent through my lease and 16.333 percent closer to getting out of iowa. yay me. i don't know where i'm going, yet, but it's going to be warm and within a 30 minute drive to a large body of water. and i don't mean lake red rock. although it's a nice lake, and goddamnit, it's the biggest manmade lake in iowa, you bastard, it's no pacific ocean.

get out here, panda-jerk.

oh? remember my mentioning a pathetic 90s white rapper? yeah, i couldn't come up with a better nickname for him, i wasn't feeling very creative at the time and right now i don't really care. regardless, he's all they say he is. i kind of like him; i may keep him around for a while.

okay. jazz flute. i have to go. peas out, fellers.

hot glacier on glacier action.

today was so incredibly boring. i only took like two bag claims all day long and i was soooo tired and for no good reason, really. i slept in this morning, which was kind of nice but doesn't even compare to the sleeping in i plan on doing tomorrow. :) tonight i'm staying up late and watching movies and eating popcorn. and tomorrow i'm sleeping in. late. nowhere to be, nothing to do, i'm sleeping in. actually, i do have to be at the post office. i'm selling stuff on ebay again, nothing major just trying to make my car payment.

**sigh**

so again with the chocolate milk? yup. today is 07dec. the milk i drank this morning will expire on 27jan. that's like six weeks from today. so. tonight i went to the supermarket. i bought a gallon of milk. again, still, it's 07dec. the gallon of milk i bought tonight expires 21dec. that's 14 days. wtf? really, someone tell me how the hell that works. because i don't get it. i didn't see formaldehyde listed anywhere in the ingredients. i'm perplexed.

i'm too busy to write right now. bbl.

today i can't be quiet. maybe tomorrow.

you'd expect me to say something today, wouldn't you? today of all days, today i get nostalgic and thankful, this day, every year. today is my "i'm happy i'm alive" day, no matter how bad things are going. today is an anniversary i wish i didn't have but one that i can't ignore. i'm 12 years happy to be alive, happy to be here, happy to be me.

so. today i'm going to discuss all the reasons i have to be happy, all the things i have to be thankful for. or at least the top 10 things that i'm most thankful for. tomorrow i can discuss things that aren't so great. i may blog again at midnight... hehehehe...

so. here the are the top 10 things i'm thankful for today, in no particular order.

1. i have a place to live and food to eat. i have the basic comforts in life and then some.
2. i am so thankful for my family; they love and care for me, support me no matter what.
3. i have fabulous friends that i would do anything for and they feel the same way about me.
4. i'm healthy.
5. i'm intelligent.
6. i'm thankful for blue skies, green grass, heavy snow, warm blankets and hot summer nights.
7. i'm thankful for my work, i enjoy it and it allows me to see the world.
8. i'm thankful for the experiences i've had and the people i've known and loved. those experiences have left me with memories i'll cherish and have molded the person i am today.
9. i'm thankful for hot showers and bubble baths.
10. i'm thankful for the future. i have so many options, so many choices, so many things i could do. if my life isn't good, i can change it.

i'm happy. and now i'm getting ready to go to bed. g'nite.

what's that noise?

back to life, back to reality. back to work and everything that goes along with it. i had a chance to discuss life with the texas ranger, whom i've missed dearly. we're on different shifts now, so we rarely get a chance to chat. it was nice to be back at work and back to a regular schedule. i have a week of vacation in january, right after new years. the texas ranger and i are talking about going to palm springs for a day or two and heading to a spa. i could use a massage.

i'm sitting in my living room, across from vanilla ice. i have to admit... i'm a little intimidated. he's awfully pretty. i just wonder if he's as good as everyone says. i'll have to let you know. he brought strawberries and cream, he can't be that bad. at least he's thoughtful. more on this to come...

um, yeah.

there should be laws that prohibit people like me from running off at the mouth at midnight after christmas parties. that's all i'm going to say about that.

i'll kiss you., mr know it all

boys and girls it's 2308, and i've had about 12 grey goose and cranberry. which is funny, be cuyase cranberry is the ninja fruit. HAHAHAHAH. A. i just wanted to send some trl shoutouts to my hube, because i LOVE the hube, and amber, because i LOVE amber. and nigel and snakmaster bob, because i LOVE them too and the waiter, who should totally meet tony, and tony, because he shouyld totally meet the waiter. "hi i'm tony and you're..." yeah, whatever. i love randi, because she won't let me call her by her real name, and i love amber becuase she said she has like 13 alarm clocks and would stil get me home on time, adn i love my 10th grtaden cyhemistry teachyer and her husbanbd, harvey. and i love the godfather, without him i would have no bad ideass about how to pay off my vehiccle.that's itailian. yeah! and i lve the bartender, seven, not the only that's directly related to amber but the cute one in the hat, yeah, you know who you are. and i love missy, because n ot matter how much i've drank, she'll still take me to a safe place. and i have to thank god. and my mom, becuase she she had me convinced it was midbight and its not and i;ll get an extra hour oif sleepm yessssssss. and andyc, he sucks. but i still love him. and roberto. and markus, and this is starting to sound like jayz's speech. so i thkn i should go to bed. but i love you all. no worries. 0720 will roll around and i'll be oh so ready to go to work and flip people off secretly behind the desk because they're all mutherfuckers and i'm smarter than all of them, they just don't know it yet. if i didn't mention you, chances are i don't love you but i;ll introduce you to... well, nevermind. yes. ok. it's bed time. i loveyou hube!!! you're the best! next weekend: you, mee, nigel and tattoos. don't argue. yoy know you're there.

good night all. peas out. superfuckinawesomejanel. :)

some would say i'm morally bankrupt

little do they know, they're half right.

again, i find myself perplexed by the chocolate milk i had for breakfast. today, 02dec, i had a bottle of chocolate milk with a sell by date of 14feb07. wtf? how is that possible? even though it's fat free and supposedly reduced calorie, it must be pumped full of formaldehyde or some similar preservative that keeps it from rotting right through the bottle. i highly doubt that something like this is good for me, yet i know this and i continue to drink the stuff. i'll be 27 when that shit goes bad. holy cannoli.

well, last night i did it again. and this morning, i undid the damage and i've vowed to not do it again. once again, the misty party wagon headed to dsm to get various body parts permanently altered. misty got her ear sticky outy thingy stabbed and decorated and i, once again, had brian at ink addiction put a needle through my nose. this time it freaking hurt. and this morning my nose was all swollen and red and not nice to look at. so i pulled it out and now i'm done. the placement was a little further forward than i would have preferred and i wonder if the fact that this nostril has already been pierced had anything to do with the swelling. so, whatever. i'm done. no more. although brian at ink addiction did do a good job. if i'd have left it alone, it would have looked nice. eventually. with the assistance of a little sea salt and warm water. and a lot of time. and maybe some painkillers.

i'm at job #2. we're making wreaths today. we're taking down the tacky red velvety stuff and replacing it with blue and silver. i feel i should participate in this because i'm not decorating my own home for the holidays this year. there are several reasons for this phenomenon, and it is truly a phenomenon, because i'm generally a christmas freak. one, i love christmas. i love the trees and the stockings and the wrapping paper and the whole nine yards. but, it's all very tempting for a new kitty. and i do think mischa would dismantle any decorations i did put up at home. two, i'm never home. it's silly to decorate and go all out when i'm the only one i'm decorating for and i'm not even there to see it, which is really reason number three as well. so there you go. no christmas tree for me this year. maybe next year.

okay. i'm going to go pretend to work now. ta ta!

boys are no fun. that means you too.

nigel wanted to know how this works. now she has seen the process and she's all learned in blogs. in fact, she may start one of her own. then we can have dueling blogs. sort of like dueling banjos, but not really. tonight we're going to get drunk and steal christmas lights off the square.

yesssss.....