03 June 2007

the casualties of a break-up

it's been my experience that when two people break up it means that they don't want a whole lot to do with each other anymore. they're tired of the company, the drama, the bullshit - everything that goes along with being a couple. so they divide their belongings and start new lives in new places, surrounded by new people and things, in the hopes that their lives will mend themselves and they'll begin to feel normal again.

but it's just not those two people that are affected - even though it's only the couple that is breaking up. family, friends, pets, coworkers - those are the casualties of a break-up. even though the former couple moves and starts anew, those that used to be around the former couple are sort of left in limbo. friendships falter - were they more friends of one person than the other? families suffer - parents feel like they've lost a child and children feel like they've lost another set of parents. the number of people you thought cared about you is suddenly halved because their loyalties lie with someone else.

and i don't blame them. for me to walk up to my ex's parents and expect a welcome wagon is completely irrational. i don't think they'd be rude, but i wouldn't get the warm reception i got when we were still together. and i doubt his brother would acknowledge my existence. but he surely expects the same reaction from my family.

the grey area lies in former friendships. was i friends with someone because of my ex or was i really friends with them? what about couples? what about people who spent time with the both of us? what about people who only knew me because of him, but i grew close to some of those people? what's the rule on those kinds of casualties? can i remain friends with those people, or are they "off-limits"?

these aren't the kinds of things decided in a decree.

i'll admit, in the end i was a crappy friend. i broke promises and pretty much made myself look like a real jerk. and i'm sorry.

but i miss a lot of people that i used to know in my "former life." people i spent time with, people i talked to, people that i was related to. it's hard when someone leaves your life by choice and even harder when they take their friends and family with them. you don't get updates or new photos or emails. you're out of the loop and there's really not a lot you can do about it.

but i do miss a lot of people. especially the harpster.

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