08 June 2007

what is essential is invisible to the eye.

isn't it funny how the things that are of major importance to one person can be of no importance to another?

today i received a letter from a former employee. can you believe that the janel was ever a boss? yup, i was the boss for a few months. until the company and the employees and my boss made me want to pull out my fucking hair and shoot someone several times in the face. luckily, for my hair and for those around me, i quit before that ever really became an issue.

anyway, the point of this story is a letter i received today. apparently, this former employee is in some sort of recovery treatment for some sort of issue. the letter is scattered and hard to follow, which is similar to the work he produced while he worked for me, but the gist of the letter is this: this employee was fearful of me, my opinion and the way the enterprise i was head of at the time operated.

side note: when i was the boss, i was 23. the employee was pushing 40.

which leads me to this question: am i that much of a bitch? am i really someone to be afraid of? i don't see myself that way at all. i mean, i know i can be a bitch but i don't think i'm that way all the time - am i? the way i remember that particular time period, i was surrounded by incompetents and maybe two people who actually knew what the fuck was (supposed to be) going on. the employee, the letter writer, was an incompetent. and i'm sure that i was pretty rude - i did have certain expectations for my employees. but i don't think that i was ever scary or gave anyone reason to fear me.

the letter goes on to explain his situation and his (demented) reasoning for his actions, which if i remember correctly, led to him ditching the job in the midst of a major project. he was obviously quite affected by his time with our company; i really had to think to remember who he was.

which just proves the point that the same event can be life changing for someone and a drop in the bucket for someone else.

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