what do you mean bumpers aren't for bumping?

i hate wal-mart. have i mentioned that lately? yes. i dislike wal-mart and all that it stands for. however, as i'm currently not insured, i can appreciate their 4$ prescriptions. me and all the other low class, uninsured, bargain hunters of the world. yahoo for the 4$ list!

so yesterday i had to make a stop at the wallyworld. i'm instantly enraged with the entire shopping at wal-mart experience, because something that should take 15 minutes anywhere else turns into an hour long excursion at wal-mart, complete with maps and safari guides because nothing is kept where it should be. par for the course, my trip takes a fucking hour and 15 minutes. i'm frustrated, i'm irritated, i'm discombobuated - and i'm getting behind the wheel of my car.

head back to the whippy dip. turning right at the intersection of main and washington on the square in pella. chick in front of me makes like she's going to turn right. she pulls forward, i pull forward, she slams on her brakes, i ass end her.

AWESOME.

i can't help it that uugof just wants to attack 1992 jeep cherokees with rusty bumpers. he's aggressive. grrr...

my poor uugof. his front end is more messed up than her already-rusted out bumper, he's looking a little lopsided and like he's got goldfish popeye. we have to call the cops, she has to call her husband, and all the while, i just want to get back to work (i can't believe that i just said that).

i get cited not for failure to maintain control, thank god, but for expired registration, which i was fully aware was expired so i accept the citation.

but this got me to thinking about car accidents. i've been in a few of these in my day. in fact, i got to thinking about the kind and quantity of these accidents, and the list is a little longer than i first thought...

my first accident occurred at the age of 15. yes, i was unlicensed. however, i had parental consent because it was my mom that sent me to town to get a newspaper. we lived on a gravel road and i was driving at a high rate of speed, and i'm sure you can constuct the rest of the accidnent. driving too fast on gravel puts the janel in the ditch, out of the ditch and into a big metal gate in a field.

AWESOME.

i didn't even go to town to get the paper, i just started crying and turned around and went home.

that was the first of many. others included my friends' cars, my parents' cars, snowstorms, curbs, a nasty girl named shelby, a stoned idiot named gabe, a girl on a cell phone traveling at a high rate of speed, cell phones, deer, and fleur drive in des moines. including all the times that other people have just randomly hit my car, we're talking about 16 "accidents."

can you believe i still have a license?

me either.

and to top matters off, i hit a bunny rabbit on my way home last night.

AWESOME.

i'm considering just giving up the car for a while.

anyone want to give me a ride?