have you ever been sniffed by a bomb dog?

i was, today. i don't think he was sniffing me for bombs. i think he was just sniffing my crotch. it was still a little unnerving, since he was wearing his official yellow jersey of the des moines police department. work was crawling with bomb dogs and cops and reporters... as if there's really a chance of terrorism in des moines (i mean, really, come on), but they're doing they're jobs and freaking out the passengers. it was great. it was phenomenal. then i nearly got in a fist fight with a huge pregnant woman. it's not often that i want to deck our passengers but she severely needed her ass kicked, just for a) being stupid and 2) not getting out of my way. but instead of bodily harm, i defeated her mentally and used big words and watched her waddle away with her big fat pregnant belly. bitch. ugh. see? it's reasons like that, like her, that i am never having children. it's not my fault that she's about 74 months into her pregnancy - she obviously has the gestation period of a tyrannosaurus rex - and has the hormones to accompany it. i will never put anyone i know through that sort of hell.

and because i'm still wired from work and 18 glasses of iced tea i had at dinner with donella this evening, i want to share a conversation that i had with a passenger today.
passenger: well, why can't chicago just send my bag with me on my flight?
superjanel: you're telling me that you want a ramper to go into the bag room in chicago, one of the biggest hub cities from which we operate, and find your black rollaboard suitcase?
passenger: is that so hard?
superjanel: i know you've never been to a bag room, and especially not in chicago, so let me put it to you this way. imagine the deepest darkest depths of hell...
passenger: ...and?
superjanel: and then add to that thousands and thousands of black rolling suitcases that all look just like yours.
(passenger is quiet and then eventually walks away from my fucking counter because he realizes he is a fucking idiot and i am intellectually superior and if he continues to talk i will defeat him in front of god and everyone.)
i love my job. :D

i was supposed to go to a dildo party this evening. yeah, i didn't make it. not that i didn't want to, i was sort of looking forward to meeting a new friend (hehehehe...). but one of my freaky leads from work was going to be there and i don't want to be picking out a new friend in front of her, and then i got buried in bags and didn't leave anywhere near on time. so i didn't go. instead i went grocery shopping for someone else (the nerve!) and ate dinner with a pal at spaghetti works. i love hot naked from spaghetti works. yum.