05 August 2006

the cat's out of the bag

it's a good thing i love my sofa. i'm going to be spending a lot of time there. unless i can get to the bedroom first, but i hate coming home and i don't think that will be happening. i told him i wanted to leave. he said he didn't love me. it didn't feel like i thought it would but then i didn't really know what to expect. now what, superiorjanel? i really don't know. i just had to verbalize it, it was taking up too much energy holding it all in. and now it's out and i just feel indifferent at this point. isn't that awful? i must be an awful terrible person, not to feel anything. aren't i supposed to be crushed? i'm a failure at relationships. i suck at commitment. yet i can continue about my merry way. there's something wrong with me. honestly, you know what? i feel okay. i feel almost better than okay. having this off my chest and in the air, it's like we're finally acknowledging the giant elephant in the corner that's been there forever. i still don't know what i'm going to do with myself (is anyone looking for a roommate?) but i feel okay.

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