...and then one day, israeli intelligence comes to the door.

i am jacked up on cold medicine and mt. dew. i will not sleep for days. i am a rockstar. i am invincible. i will come at you like a spider monkey. i am going to see how many episodes of the office i can watch in a row. and then i will watch the entire godfather series. and then i don't know what will do. maybe by then the post office will be open.

i'm sick. i don't have ich, but i'm feeling icky. i have a cold. i can't find my driver's license, i'm sure it's around here somewhere, but until it surfaces i can't buy any advil cold and sinus. why? because the state of iowa won't let me buy it without presenting my driver's license because it has pseudoephedrine in it. and pseudoephedrine is one of the many ingredients that goes into making methamphetamine.

now, if the state of iowa had their wits about them, they would know that i can't even bake fucking brownies and i sure as hell can't make meth and would realize that i, of all people, am harmless to the drug czar as any sort of drug producing threat. i'm not even a breakfast producing threat. but they don't know that. perhaps if i sent drug czar van haaften a batch of brownies or an omelet he would allow me to buy cold medicine without having id? hmmm... do we have any eggs?

anyway. what was i talking about? ah yes. cold medicine. so i had to buy second rate cold medicine. this stuff sucks. its got me on pins and fucking needles, my friends. i can't compelte a thought even if i wanted to, i am random and all over the place. i have watched like seven hours of television and i don't know what i've been watching.

however, i have seen a couple of really disturbing commercials.

• there's a new quizno's commercial for some sort of sandwich, some prime rib something or other. that's not the point. the point is, the last part of the commericial features two girls talking about how girls love meat. this one chick, she says, 'it has a lot of meat. that's what a girl needs, a lot of meat.' omg. and then she laughs like she's choking or she's like part donkey, i'm not sure. girls, we may need meat, but we don't need to advertise it. dumb bitches.
  
• clearblue preggers tests advertises on mtv (yeah, i know. i'm regressing. HUSH.) but the tagline for their newest test cracks me up: 'the most advanced piece of technology you will ever pee on.' my first issue with this commercial? they say the word pee. i don't think i've ever heard that on tv, at least on a commercial. that's just weird. and second, how do they know i'm not wizzing on flat screen tvs? ipods? handheld gps units? cell phones? that's just it. they don't. they're assuming a lot. and you know what happens when you go assuming things? it makes an ass out of u and ming, who ever the hell ming is, i don't know.

i'm so sad that my fish are sick. i'm such a bad fish parent. :( roger's affect is improving, and adolf is moving around a bit more, but petey and bruiser are covered in 'salt' and i'm sure that otto is as well, but he's mostly white and therefore it's harder to see on him. i feel so bad. tomorrow i'm going to change out some of their water, and then on wednesday and again on friday they get more blue treatment. poor, poor fishies.

i think i'm tired. i'm going to bed. maybe not. i don't know. i'm bored. and my medicine is wearing off. where's the nyquil?

gnite. love, superhasasorethroatandrunnynosejanel... boohoo :(