23 March 2007

paging captain obvious to gate c4...

what a day. i don't even know where to begin. with the shocking news that wasn't really so shocking or the ordeal on my way home?

jesus. sometimes, you just have to wonder, who has fucking luck like this?

and the answer is the janel.

so. a friend has come forth with a something that i sort of knew but never really wanted to fully associate with him because of my own feelings toward the situation. and i've got a mixed reaction, in all honesty. on one hand, i feel wonderful that he trusts me with this information. and on the other hand, i just wonder where i stand, where i've been standing in this entire thing, beginning (for me) several years ago and ending... i guess today. my ambivalence is quite self-centered, but what else would you expect from me, really? i guess i should be happy that i am considered such a great friend and leave it at that. but i guess i'll always wonder. beyond that, i can't help but wonder if such information was revealed due to my proximity to someone else - in which case i'll be quite upset.

now, let me tell you what has my blood boiling this evening. on my way home, i managed to get pulled over not once, but twice. twice. who does that? who does that happen to? and again, the answer is the janel.

the first time, i come up over a random hill and just follow the line of cars that is being waved to the side of the road. after i receive the fucking spanish inquisition about living in one state and working in another (come on people - this is not that hard of a concept to grasp), i'm allowed to pass without receiving a ticket.

now the second time, i come around a curve and down a small hill, and once again, i'm waved to the side of the road, as are all small suvs and trucks. wtf? i'm smiley and polite, even though my bladder is about to burst and i'm a little crabby about this delay. i show my license and registration, once again explaining that i moved and that i work in one state and live in another. (is this really that confusing? for crying out loud...)

he asks if he can search my car. i hate this question. if you say yes, they tear apart your car. if you say no, they wonder why and then the next time, they're twice as rude and suddenly saying no isn't an option anymore.

i say yes, i have nothing to hide.

he proceeds to tear apart my car. things that i haven't seen in months are removed from my glove box and my console. he even found my white hot tizzies cd.

and then the fun begins.

under the passenger seat, wedged between i don't know what and something else, he finds an empty beer bottle. that belonged to my mom. it was from last november, when we went to vegas and i drove, and she had to be moderately sedated to get on the plane.

he pulls this out like he's got wonka's fucking golden ticket. "this yours?"

"um, no, it's my mom's..." i could launch into the whole story, but i can tell from the look on his face that he's not going to care and i'm fucked either way.

"you know that an open container is illegal in the state of iowa?"

"yes sir, i do." i maintain my composure even though i'd like to take that empty bottle out of his hand and hit him across the goddamn face with it.

"come with me, i've got something i'd like you to do."

side of the fucking road, my car is in complete disarray, and i've got to recite the alphabet backwards and blow in the fucking blower.


complete bullshit.

but i comply. and i recite the alphabet - backwards, which i'll never be able to do again, i'm sure - and i blow a 0.00, so fucking low it should have been a negative.

he's a little disturbed by this, and i want to tell him to sniff the fucking bottle, it's so old it doesn't even smell like beer anymore. but again, i bite my tongue.

so he decides to be nice. he's gonna let the open container go, but he is going to have to give me a speeding ticket for all his trouble. yup, that's how he said it.

i was going 60 in a 55. and he's doing me a favor? unfuckingbelievable.

i hate them. i hate all of them.

so i took my ticket. i got back in my car. i put my shit away. and i drove my ass home, mad as hell. and i'm still mad as hell. i obviously had not been drinking, although now i'd really like to. he was just looking for a reason to give me a ticket.


beyond that, the garage was robbed this week and i'm dealing with an incompetent insurance company.

but i did get a sweet lil' phone call in the middle of the day. that did make me smile.

ugh. i need blood pressure medicine. i need something. i need a drink. fucking lent. where's the ice cream?

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