the holidays have come and gone. and i for one, am cheerfully escorting them out the door and opening the car door for them, even if it is 15 below zero this evening. because the end of the holidays means that we can get on with everyday life. and that will be a nice change. although, the end of the holidays and the beginning of everyday life means that shortened days at work and holiday schedules are coming to an end. and there's very little i like better than being paid for not working. because i am pretty darn good at it.
so i was doing some thinking earlier. i was thinking about how i spent last new year's and how miserable i was. i was making decisions i knew were wrong, just to be making some sort of decisions, to feel like i had some sort of control. the sad thing was, i knew at the time i was making mistakes. but i guess i had to hit absolute rock bottom before i could come to terms with that. it was an interesting year, at the very least. and i'm happy to see it go.
i spent my new year's day cleaning. this is a small apartment and cleaning doesn't usually take too long, but today i mopped and swept and did all the laundry. i even got the bee to help with the vacuuming; i wasn't aware he knew where the vacuum was, let alone how to turn it on. it took a few hours, but it smells so good in here; it was absolutely worth it.
the bee rubbed my stomach today; i sort of felt like a buddha. according to the books, this week it actually starts taking the shape of a baby and not so much a tadpole. i guess there are some perks to the whole pregnant belly thing, and they don't include being pinched and fondled by nigel. it'll be nice to have pretty much a built-in tv tray for a few months. and i'll always have a place to put my hands when i'm feeling fidgety. so far i've been lucky enough to avoid most of the morning sickness. there was just one day last week when i really felt like i was going to vomit before i even got out of bed. and i seriously thought i might have been dying; that was the worst. but most of my issues just come after eating or if i get too hungry or if there are smells i can't stand. but i'm doing okay.
okay, so my new year's resolutions are in order. i've come up with a few things i'd like to change or do. this year i'm going to work on being honest with the bee. i know i expect a lot from him, i expect him to just know what i'm thinking and that's not right. so i'm going to try to be honest about what i'm feeling when i'm feeling it and not playing the mind games with him anymore.
another resolution i'm going to try to keep is for baby. as of today, all the change that goes in the fish jar will remain there for baby. it's baby's college fund. because baby needs to go to college and not have the debt load that i have. even though when baby is ready for college (in 2026, omg! i'm going to be going on 50 years old, omg, omg, omg...) the price of a secondary education will be in the bazillions and my fish jar savings account will barely cover the cost of the meal plan at state u.
holy crap, that's kind of depressing.
anyway. i'm going to go to bed. it's absolutely freezing in here (i wasn't joking about that 15 below thing). i hope your new year's was good and safe.
love,
superjanel
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