16 January 2008

i like to move it, move it...

the fine print: this is NOT the baby. this is the cute mouse lemur from the movie madagascar. keep reading. it all makes sense in just few paragraphs.

i cried during the ultrasound. it was amazing, to see that tiny little living being moving on that screen. it just seemed unreal. it's so hard to believe that something so amazing happens inside your body and then to see it on the monitor, it's just overwhelming. or at least it was for me. the bee didn't say a word, he just held my hand the entire time and when the baby would move, he would squeeze my fingers. i don't know if he felt the same way that i did but i could tell that the entire process impressed him.

i cried after the appointment too. any worries that i had, any fears that i carried - they felt compounded tenfold. the reality that came with seeing that tiny little baby for the first time just sort of hit me in the parking garage outside the hospital. it was crazy: they were tears of happiness and joy and fear and absolute terror and i was just shaking. i sat in the car and just cried. and then i got a little nauseous because the floor of the parking garage moved when a car would drive by so we had to leave. and then i was okay.

remember that adorable little mouse lemur in the movie madagascar? "i like them, i like them! i liked them first! before i even met them i liked them! as soon as i met them i liked them right away! you hate them compared to how much i like them!" (he was the most adorable part of that whole movie; if you can't remember that part then go watch it again.) anyway. that's sort of how i feel about this little baby. i'm crazy about it and i've never even met it.

the good doc gave me medicine. i'm working my way up to a full dosage so it will be awhile until i know how well it works but i feel better knowing that good days are ahead. and so does the bee. i still don't know if we'll be okay, but we're trying. and that has to be worth something.

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