redneck women, my ass

i would just like to let you know that i am currently in the lead in my fantasy nascar league. however, this week i have gone out on a limb with my picks, and i'm almost embarrassed to tell my mom that i have actually picked who she and my (late) grandfather actually, and with much affection, refer to as dipshit.

wahh, wahh, wahh, i'm jeff gordon and i'm a big sucky, whiny baby. and i don't have an upper lip. side note: i actually went to hs with a girl who had no upper lip. her name was katy (which is a name i don't particularly like but not because of her) and i do a really good impression of it. so this means i may or may not do a really good impression of jeff gordon.

in fact, this term of endearment is so emblazoned in my brain that i feel bad for posting this here without a target smeared across his big dumb head. however, this is one of the drivers that i am dependent upon for points this week. and i am not a happy, happy hippo to have to make this choice. jeff gordon sucks ass. i'm not going to hold back. i think he's a closet homo. i'd roundhouse kick him in the vagine if i ever got the chance. in fact, it's a con for my whole moving decision that he lives in the damn state of north carolina.

oh yeah, i said it.

but i'm counting on this asshole to do well this week so i can retain my top dog, shit slinging status on my fantasy nascar board. because that's how i roll.

word.

i'm hungry. where's the cookies?