31 July 2006

#6, #7 and i swear my dog gained ten pounds

ahhh, home sweet home. the trip back wasn't bad, considering two flights and two mechanicals. there's something to be said for consistency, unfortunately it's just not of the right variety. so i'm home, and my poor, poor uugof is still not driveable. i'm confined to my house until at least tomorrow morning and even though i don't really want to go anywhere, it bothers me that i don't even have the option if i so desired. *sigh*

the dog grew exponentially in my absence. he's almost like an entirely different puppy. and eddy was not joking about the hole in the carpet, that's going to be an interesting problem to resolve. it's not just like you can cover it up or patch it, i think we're in for all new carpet and that's really exciting. i swear to god hercules gained ten pounds and seven inches since i left - he's ginormous. and he's terrorizing the kitty, but the neat-o part of this is that kitty is now fighting back... oh, the entertainment. if i ever had children and let them entertain me in this fashion, people would call human services. that's why i don't have children. i have pets. :D

so, i've never been one for an even number - i prefer odd numbers everywhere in life: asparagus spears, scoops of ice cream, ice cubes - and tattoos are no different. and i just got number five, and it's beautiful. i adore it. the guy that did it, craig helmich at maui tattoo co., was a rockstar - absolutely fabulous. i just hope he got his plumbing problem taken care of, that was a time consuming story. however, i've fallen in love with number six, which means i have to have a number seven. and i've got this shit all figured out. number six is a large, tribal design to be placed at the base of my spine just below number five. and number seven will be a small, ghanian fern leaf to be placed at the base of my neck. then, and only then, i think i may be satisfied. but i could also be happy with one on my big toe and one on the top of my foot. so i guess that's eight and nine, eh? hell. i'm currently out of designs. but that works, becuase i'm also currently out of money and this is not a cheap hobby.

but beyond all that, i have learned something this weekend. i am much, much more intuitive than i give myself credit for. some things, feelings, i tend to overlook, pass off as indigestion or gastrointestinal problems. but i knew - i knew in my gut - something wasn't right with that whole thing. things just weren't adding up and it sounded too far-fetched. and i was fucking right. fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice - i won't give you won't get the opportunity. i love this person to death, and i've been good to him. i've defended him time and time again and i adore his friendship but i won't be lied to and i hope he knows that now. as a friend, as a human being, i deserve better than that. now, having said this, i'm not going to run out and reveal secrets. we all have our reasons, some are better than others, but if i look deep enough i can understand why. i've been there and it's a horrible place to be. fuck, i was there just four hours ago. i just like to solve my issues with tears and a good nap, followed up by a healthy dose of prozac. but let this serve as warning, this will be the last time i will be treated this way.

so as long as we're on topics that are moderately depressing and that we're not truly identifying, today is my seven year anniversary of d-day. well, it's more like m-day, and then a few months later it was d-day. seven years. that's unfuckingbelieveable. i really have to think, i really have to try to remember the events leading up to that day because i've tried really hard to block the whole thing out. (apparently, i've done a good job. if it weren't for the occasional photo, i don't think i'd remember too much.) but what a long journey it's been since then. and how strange. i certainly didn't see myself here as all that was happening, but i guess that's sort of the point. one never knows where his path will lead. only recently, like within the past few months, have we been able to speak, and when we do it's very strange. it's like neither of us know how to acknowledge that bizaare series of events so we don't really talk about it but we don't really have anything else to talk about so we talk about nothing and then we don't talk at all. it's sad to think that two people who at one time cared so much have so little to say - that there's nothing relevant anymore, but i guess that's why we're no longer together.

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