20 December 2007

you're not the boss of me!

oh dear. its thursday, four days before christmas, and i'm home from work because i'm sick (but feeling a little better). i'm a horrible sick person - i'm whiny and nasty and dramatic - so i pity the people that are stuck with me for the next nine months. but i've got to get my shit together at work. i don't think i'm in any danger of losing my job; my boss is a good person and i think she understands, but that goodwill is shortlived, i'm sure. so i'm just going to start tossing cookies into the garbage can under my desk and hoping for the best, coworkers be damned.

god, that sounds absolutely disgusting.

so the bee and i have been better. i think some parental intervention (from my parents and his) have brought his attitude around somewhat. i think he finds me frustrating, being sick and/or asleep all the time. i have an ever-growing list of smells that i absolutely cannot stand right now and most of his favorite foods are on it. i'm a hormonal head trip most of the time and when i'm not, i'm asleep. i can't seem to get enough sleep. which leaves little time for extracurricular activities, if you know what i mean, dude. but between the sore boobs and the sensitive olfactory glands, this just isn't the time for love.

apparently we got plenty of that a few weeks ago, anyway...

but in all seriousness, he is coming around. he made dinner last night and offered the night before that. he's been nothing but sweet, and when we argue, he apologizes, even when i think i'm probably the one to be apologizing. he says he's excited and seems interested in my ongoing quest for information about this whole "baby" process. i'm buying books and scouring the web for information and then i'm sharing the particularly interesting and/or scary things with him. and he's taking it like a champ. i showed him the pictures of how big baby is (or is not, really) at this stage and we both agreed it's pretty amazing the way the whole thing works.

i guess the biggest surprise i've experienced is just realizing how much i care about him, even if he's not perfect and not the one i would have expected to be with me when this happened. does that sound bad? i don't mean it that way. i think we both came into this relationship with pretty low expectations where the future was concerned. and while we each have to take a certain amount of responsibility for making a baby, i think there must be a reason for this to happen now and a reason for us to be together. and i'm happy about that. happy doesn't even really describe it. i'm ecstatic, i'm thrilled, i'm just in awe of the entire thing. and he seems to be happy about it too. which is a good thing, because we sure can't change it now.

so i have been reading all these baby books. i bought the "what to expect", which left me pretty freaking confused on a lot of things. and then i bought the "mayo clinic guide", which cleared up a lot of the confusion. did you know that fish was bad for you right now? and can i tell you that ever since i have read that sentence, i have never been hungrier for fish in my entire life. doesn't that just suck. and soda. i want nothing but soda. but i'm making do, i'm eating my 12 ounces of seafood per week and drinking water and milk and sugar free kool-aid instead. but come 26 aug or whenever the day after happens to be, i am going to gorge myself on grilled shrimp and scallops and salmon and guzzle soda.

anyway, the second book, the mayo clinic book, has these adorable little pictures in it of what it looks like at week 5 (my week) and week six and week seven... i've never had more respect for the human body after reading these books and looking at these images. it is nothing short of a miracle that all this works the way that it does. now, i do have a hard time keeping that in mind as i swallow my vitamins with the stool softener (as if i've ever had trouble in that department!) and drink enough milk to choke a horse. but it's just amazing. and i feel pretty good, pretty lucky, even though at the moment i'm physically feeling a little ucky.

so i'm going to drag myself out of bed this evening and go do a little christmas shopping. i don't have a lot of money (which seems to be going around this year) and i'm trying to convince the bee that i don't want him to get me anything because i'm not getting anything for him. i don't think he's listening to me. but in the next year, we're going to have plenty of opportunities to buy things that we're going to need. we might as well hang on to the money now.

anyway. i haven't puked in a few hours and my bathroom trips are getting to be fewer and further between. i'm going to bundle up, face the cold and the jerk-offs at the mall and pick up a few small things that i know i need to get. wish me luck.

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