08 September 2006

this is a good thing...right?


today, my house is no longer my house. today, my house belongs to someone else. tonight, i'm sleeping in someone else's bedroom. i'm showering in someone else's shower, eating in someone else's kitchen. using their dishwasher, their garage, putting my clothes in their closet. today, my house is no longer my home. it's a place i transit. it's a place i go to change my clothes and wash my face. i'm sad. i admit it. i love this house. i love the idea behind this house. i just hate the way it makes me feel, the guilt it induces. living here is like being in jail, emotionally binding and constricting. this is a good thing. this is a very good thing...right?


it's amazing how much one person can affect your mood. tonight, i got about four phone calls from blue eyes. and that made my night. he's cute. he tells me when he's going to call. the kid thing is interesting; he has two daughters, ages 7 and 9. i talked to the elder of the two - she's sweet. i heard him talking to his girls; he sounds like a good father. i like him. and i don't know why. maybe because there's no past, no hangups, just normalcy. what a change...

i did it. i got my nose pierced. it's adorable, i love it. anna banana and i went to see beautiful biff and he did it. he got me talking and before i knew it there was a needle hanging out of my nose. i was a little shocked at the way he went about it, i didn't even know it was coming, it was just there. and then it was done. anna b got her ear sticky-outy thing pierced, it's cute. i don't really know what the purpose of that is, the sticky-outy thing, other than to decorate it with metal hoops and rings... :D but it does look cute. but i could tell from her face that it hurt. a lot. so i'm going to leave that one alone for right now. my nose doesn't feel bad, it sort of tickles. i went to blow my nose this morning after a giant snot-producing cry, and it tickled so bad, i had to stop crying so i could laugh. i guess that's a good thing, i guess... i do really like it. and no one at work really noticed, so maybe i won't have to walk around with a bandaid on my face... yay me!

i went bowling with meekin and ernie and anna b and meekin's parents last night. i haven't been bowling in ages - at least 10 or 12 years, really. i'm perfectly awful. but it was fun. then i sat at ihop with the texas ranger and perty kersty for a couple hours.

see? this is why this house thing is a good thing: i hate coming home. i hate the "pending" conversations, the words that are never spoken, that uncomfortable feeling i get just being here. i don't want to be here. i want out. and i've gotten my wish, i have to be out by october 2. that's not that far away... what the fuck am i going to do???

i'm not in the mood to stress about this. i'm going to go watch mindless television and dream about hunky blue eyes... *sigh*

never mind the fact that i only have 24 days to find a place to live. and then move there. 24 days. that's 2,073,600 seconds. 34,560 minutes. 576 hours. and i'm going to spend at least the next 8 of them sleeping and dreaming of... well, that's for me to find out. gnite... *muah*

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