01 March 2009

and now you know the rest of the story...

i had the most amazing experience with my son this morning. we were playing together, as much as you can play with your child when he's in utero. he would kick and i would cover that spot on my belly and he would kick me again. this went on for about 15 minutes - kicking and covering and kicking and poking - it was incredible. it dawned on me that this isn't just a baby, this is a person. this is a person with his own little personality, likes and dislikes, he'll have his own agenda and his own goals. and to think about that is just awesome and terrifying all at once, especially when you consider his parents...

i couldn't sleep last night. i wasn't upset about anything, i just couldn't breathe and as such i couldn't sleep. when i'm sick i get all dramatic and melancholy, i act like my father. lucky for everyone i know there was no one here to witness this except for the dog and he's not really the most sympathetic creature i've ever encountered. but not sleeping provided for plenty of time for watching mindless television (infomercials and the weather channel) and reading idiotic books.

i assume you've heard about the snuggie, the blanket with sleeves? a friend of mine likened this to wearing your robe backwards which is pretty much the truth. i don't have enough fingers to count how many times i've seen this commercial in the last 72 hours but every time i see it, i have the same thought: the heaven's gate cult absolutely chartered the popularity of the snuggie and none of those poor bastards are around to reap the benefits. do you remember the heaven's gate cult? they wore red robes (snuggies! i swear they were snuggies!) and nike tennis shoes and they committed a mass suicide that aligned with the reappearance of the hale-bopp comet. (sad, just sad.) but if those people had had the foresight to market their fashions instead of downing vodka shots laced with phenobarbital they could have been the latest and greatest hollywood religion. move over kabbalah, move over scientology - tom cruise and his l. ron hubbard loving ass could have been on oprah singing the praises of marshall applewhite and the comfort of the snuggie!

but alas, that was not in the cards, which is odd for a group of people claiming to be so instrinsically in tune with the universe. (hmm...) and that is why i'll just wear my bathrobe backwards instead of buying a snuggie, even though if i call in the next 20 minutes i could get two (!) for the price of one. but it doesn't stop me from admiring the package at walgreen's while i'm in the "as seen on tv" aisle; i'd look pretty good in that shade of red.

moving on...

i'm boycotting the use of my dishwasher. because it's just me here now and i don't eat nearly as much when i'm alone (as opposed to being all relationship-ed up) i've resolved to handwash all my dishes to see if it makes much of a difference on my electric and water bill. oh, the things i do for fun when i'm bored. but of all the chores i have to do as an adult, dishes is far from the worst. my least favorite chore of all time is dusting. i will vacuum until the cows come home, i'll do laundry until i can't see, but i hate dusting. because no matter when i do it, it's the wrong time. if you dust after you vacuum then you're just wiping crap on the floor. and if you dust before you vacuum you'll just blow more dirt around with the vacuum and then everything looks like you need to dust again. so i just don't do it. it looks like the color is way off on my tv but it's really just a nice thick layer of dust and i'm okay with that.

did you hear about paul harvey? that made me sad, i loved paul harvey. even though towards the end he was looking less human and more like a wax museum version of himself, he was still fun to listen to. my grandma used to listen to him on the radio every day - i can remember being eight years old, in the blow up pool in her backyard, kitchen window open so she could keep an ear and an eye on me and hearing the noon news with paul harvey come drifting through on good ol' KMGO. that was one of the best summers of my life - i spent like six weeks at my grandma's house that summer, going to work, going to lunch, eating grilled cheese, shopping and just hanging out. she was a lot of fun. i miss her. i miss her a lot.

i'm going to my mom's today, i think we're going to look for a tv since hers is on its way out. i'm looking forward to getting out of the house and getting some sunshine, even if it is 10 below outside.

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