19 February 2009

the zoo in the bedroom.

i sleep with a dog, two rabbits - and lately, a goose.

you know about the dog. pootie likes to wiggle right in between us at night. the rabbits, well, you probably don't know about these unless you're privy to the embarrassing details that go along with being the janel, which means that if you don't know, i'm not going to tell you.

but the goose? this one's new.

the bee's snoring has gone from mildly annoying to absolutely sleep depriving. sleep depriving for me, that is. because somehow he's able to sleep through the snot-sniffling-bed-shaking-comforter-fluffing-GOOSE-HONKING racket that he makes in his slumber. i swear, it sounds like we're raising canadian geese in the bedroom. we've tried the throat spray, the nose strips - he even talked to the doctor today about the possibility of sleep apnea. (the doctor says it's not likely and i have to agree - in spite of all the noise, i never notice that he's not breathing. i guess it's possible i can't hear his gasping for air over the honking and snorting but probably not.)

does anyone have any suggestions for living with a chronic snorer? i've offered to hold a pillow over his face on a couple different occasions but so far the bee's not too keen on that idea.

i'm at my wit's end over my lack of sleep. and i can't even blame it all on him - there are nights when the dog keeps me awake, having to go outside or hogging the bed or whatever. more often than not, i'm awake because i can't get comfortable, stay comfortable or i have to pee. i'm peeing 4-6 times a night, which isn't doing anything for my sleep habits. combine that with the fact that it takes a good 5 minutes to comfortably (ha!) roll over and another 5 minutes to get comfortable (ha!) once i get back to bed and suddenly a trip to the bathroom and back takes at least 15 minutes, start to finish.

good times.

i've altered my work schedule (and gone part-time, did i ever mention that?) to allow me to be home in the afternoon so i can try to nap and catch up on sleep. sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

today was a day that it didn't work.

this morning the bee and i decided to leave the pootie out of his kennel in an attempt to let him be a big dog - a few hours home alone to see if he can handle a little freedom. the short answer? no. the dog cannot handle freedom. long answer? i will never, never, ever allow this dog to be unkenneled when there is no one home ever again.

i was sitting at my desk this morning and i just had this feeling that something was going wrong with the dog. so i left at 11 instead of noon and had visions of finding shoes and rugs shredded in the middle of the living room floor.

no such luck. i came home to find a happy pootie waiting at the door when i came in. he then led me upstairs to show me his morning's work. he'd pulled everything within his reach (and he must have inspector gadget stretchy arms) off the counters and onto the floor with the intent of destroying it.

and he succeeded. he succeeded in tearing apart my new purse and my make up bag, eating a bottle of lotion, three sticks of chapstick, about 12 ink pens, a handful of cough drops and a $24 tube of bright pink lip gloss, which is now ground so far into the carpet you can see it in the garage below. it took nearly an hour to clean it all up and i still can't get the pink spots out of the carpet. when i looked at him a little closer, i could see he had pink slime hanging off his lips, cough drop menthol breath and black and blue ink all over his white paws. and he still smells a little strange even now, about 12 hours later.

good times.

so instead of napping like i wanted to do, i had to be the disciplinarian. pootie had to sit in his kennel and watch me scrub and vacuum the floor. it wasn't a good afternoon. but it was the perfect topping to a awfully crappy morning. i don't feel like going into it but suffice to say i won't work for the gestapo much longer.

anyway. i have other things i could talk about but all i'm doing is complaining. wahh, wahh, wahh... that and i really have to pee so i'm logging off. hopefully tomorrow is better.

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