so... what's next?

i got the answers i was looking for. not necessarily the answers i wanted to hear but least now i'm not left wondering. i spent many hours yesterday near hysteria; i felt like i couldn't pull it together - i felt like i wouldn't be able to pull it together. and i realize now that i don't have any choice. it's no longer sink or swim because i don't have the option of sinking. kind of scary, kind of fascinating. i've made bad decisions before but i've always had someone to bail me out. this time is different.