i think i'm depressed. no sarcasm here, i think hormones are messing with my mind. i've been shrugging off the idea of post-partum depression for nearly four weeks now. i'm well aware of the fact that i've always been a "glass half empty" kind of person but this is getting ridiculous. i'm pretty miserable with the way i look and the way i feel right now. i worry constantly about big things and little things, things that don't make any sense and things i have no control over. and these aren't just fleeting worries - these are the kinds of thoughts that make me drive home to check to see that things are done; irrational thoughts about the way we care for the baby - things that sometimes make absolutely no sense at all. i broke down this afternoon into a terrific little attack, a nice mix of panic and anxiety and a bout of hyperventilation. the bee and i are at each other's throats and have been for about three days now; this evening we called a truce because i'm nearing meltdown mode and he's in the middle of a migraine. things just sort of suck at the moment.
in spite of all this, baby brodie is wonderful. never mind that his parents are neurotic and spastic and all sorts of other adjectives that end in "-ic", i'm sure.
i go to the doctor on monday. the bee is self-medicating with muscle relaxers. we're going to be fine, it's just not going to happen tonight.