19 August 2008

nothing good happens after midnight.

it's past my bedtime but i can't sleep. my day at work sucked - my attention span is nil. not to mention i have the headache from hell (and have had all day) and i have 47 people wanting me to do 47 different things when all i want to do is sit down and cry. scream, even. and when i'm done with all that, i'd just like to try to find my focus.

i'm stressed about the bee and things completely out of my control. i don't even really want to talk about it except to say that the closer i get the more he pushes me away. and then i feel like the idiot for putting myself out there in the first place.

two little steps forward, fourteen giant steps back. all in the name of love, right?


everybody gets a free pass. some people even get two. but when is the time to draw the line? when is the time to step back and reevaluate, to figure out what's healthy for me and what's not?

i keep finding myself coming back to this internal argument i've been having for years - distinguishing love from comfort and want from need.

the words are the same; only the faces are changing.

i don't know. the more i think i know, the more i get my ass kicked for being presumptuous. i do believe it's time to fold and admit that in the grand scheme of life, i know nothing. and everything i thought i knew probably isn't right.

i'm taking my negative attitude and going to bed. or at least trying to sleep. i'll try to make better choices tomorrow.

No comments: