21 November 2007

oh for the love.

it's only snow. we're getting three or four inches of snow and you'd think the whole fucking state was on lock-down. we're in the middle of a snow advisory, there's red alerts all over the radar, and everyone at work is in a freaking tizzy. for crying out loud - it's only snow.

and actually, it's kind of nice to look at. i know i'm the minority here, but i kind of like the snow. i like the way it looks and the way it feels, i like the way the sky smells while its snowing - it just smells clean and new. and while this isn't enough snow to 1) stick around for very long or 2) even completely cover the grass, it's pretty. well, it's pretty until it's been plowed and driven over and gets all grey and slimy and sticks to your pant legs and shoes and everything you own is covered in snow slop and salt and crap. yeah, then it's not so pretty.

it just dawned on me that i don't have a snow scraper in the car. because it's in *my* car and not the car i'm driving. motherfuckers. now i have to go buy a snow scraper.

boo hiss boo.

so the other night the bee and i got into it pretty bad. he thinks i don't want him around, i think he doesn't really want to be there and we're both pissy and being nasty and he starts packing his things to leave. and now i've remembered why i hate this living together arrangement - because it's perfectly acceptable for one (or both of us, i guess, although that would be a little extreme) to pack it up and call it quits. it's just that easy. easier for him than for me, since i'm the one with all the shit, but if our argument had continued, he could have been out the door in less than 15 minutes.

guess i'm going to have to pick and choose my arguments from here on out if i don't want that to happen. and i have been grumpy for the last few days and i don't know why. i should be thrilled - tomorrow is turkey day, and let's face it, even mediocre turkey is still pretty fucking good. i'm leery of the noodles, but i'll survive. it's just one day. i'd rather be with my family than his family, but i'm also not in the mood to drive three hours. eww... whomever decided it was a good idea to have turkey day in illinois this year obviously didn't consult these kids - because none of them are going. so tomorrow i'll be hanging with the bee's family, eating around the noodles and pretty much feeling kind of uncomfortable, because that's what the families of significant others do to me.

anyway, back to the being grumpy thing - i'm not really sure why. i don't think i'm grumpy, but i also think i'm perfect, so my line of thought perhaps is a little skewed. i think i used to use my drive home time as detox time - which was easy, when you had 85 miles to drive. now that i'm home in just about as much time as it used to take me to get to the bypass, i don't have any detox time and apparently i'm just a raging psycho bitch.

but our talk ended... okay. i got some stuff off my chest, he got some things out in the open and in general we just cleared the air. i think we're both surprised with where our path has led us thus far and that takes some adjustment. because if you remember right, just six months ago, i wanted to be preparing for work with the peace corps - i was considering volunteering nearly three years of my life in a foreign country. and instead i find myself on a familiar path with unfamiliar company.

which isn't necessarily where i saw myself six months ago, but again, how much of our lives is really ours to control? i'm asking impossible questions, i know, but i guess you have to take what life hands you and roll with it. because karma seems to kick your ass for fighting back.

i'm at work until 7 p.m. again tonight, this is the last night for a while, thank holy heavens. i'm ready to pull my hair out. it's dead fucking silent in this room, all i can hear is the sound of my typing and the dull roar of the furnace blowing through the ducts and it's still colder than crap in this room. i'm wearing two shirts, a sweater and a jacket and i'm still contemplating putting on my mittens, it's that fucking cold.

this weekend is dane cook weekend, oh how i'm looking forward to that. its been a while since i've been out with nigel and snackmaster bob - i just hope they get along well enough for everyone to enjoy the trip. four hours in the car with a spatting nigel and bob could be enough for me to just open the door and jump... after we see dane cook, of course.

i should go out and start my car, let the defrost run and melt off all the snow. that's a good idea, thanks for having it. i think i may go do that now. :)

peas out, and happy turkey day.

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